2022-04-17 13:25:47I opened my eyes after closing them for what seemed like an eternity. It appeared that I’m laying on my back on top of a wooden cart. My head throbbed in pain. My eyes slowly adjusted to the radiant sunlight under the blue cloudless sky. For somebody who only goes outdoors to reenact WWII battles because the sky in the 21st century was often covered in smog, this was truly a rare and beautiful sight.
I died. I know I died. I was shot twice in the chest and thrown out of the window in my office. So where am I?
Was this the Afterlife? If so, it smelled like… spiced rum?
I got up and looked around. I was laying on top of a pile of busted rum barrels, soaked in said rum. Oh, that might explain the mother of all headaches that I was experiencing. Did I land on this cart? If so, where did I come from? I looked 15 meters ahead of me and saw a crowd of people standing next to a stage in a bustling city square pointing and laughing at me.
Hmm, that was odd. I looked down at myself, and then I realized that I was no longer a slightly chubby 44 year old. I’d become a scrawny teenager. Holy Gandalf, I’d isekai’ed to a new world!
Hmm, I guess truck-kun was busy last night…
Wow, this is exciting! I’d always dreamt about this thanks to all of those isekai novels I’d read over the years! But I should be smart about this and avoid any rookie mistakes right off the bat. First, I needed to get my bearings.
I focused my attention on the nearby conversation the cart driver is having with a haughty-looking blondie teenager in a gleaming Knight armor. He had well-groomed wavy hair. He was in full knight armor from toe to neck (because he apparently wanted to whoop my ass while sporting a smile to the crowd). The armor was decorated with crystals of some kind.
“My lord, you have smashed my merchandise! How will you compensate?” The portly well-dressed man asks in a language I did not recognize, but somehow understood.
Oh yay! Automatic language translation- a standard feature in a typical isekai. It would suck if I had to burn a few years mastering the local language.
“Well, since I’m in a good mood after knocking this worthless peasant around, I’ll give you some compensation.” He tossed a few silver and bronze coins at the cart driver and then pivoted his attention to me.
“And you, foolish peasant. Have you learned your lesson? Have you learned how futile it is to challenge the might of House Galahad?”
Wow, what a flaming douche-nozzle. Fuck that guy. Anyways, let’s test this auto-translation feature to see if I could speak the local language as well.
After a long pause, I replied in a foreign language. “Sure.”
Awesome! No language barrier was a good sign.
“My Lord, this kid landed on his head pretty hard. It’s possible that he doesn’t even remember what happened, or even his name…”
“Hahahaha! Sometimes my power amazes even me! You, peasant. I shall bestow upon you the name, ‘Rummy’ in honor of the rum I knocked you into! Remember this day as the day Antonius of House Galahad baptized you in rum!” He then roared in laughter.
The crowd laughed jovially with this arrogant gasbag as he walked away from me and back towards the stage in the city square. His jewel-adorned plate armor gleamed under the sun as he strutted back like a peacock.
The guy was a pathetic cliche, but his gear was no fucking joke. In a crowd of teenagers dressed with old decrepit leather armors and braces, the few kids with custom-fit Knight armors loaded with bling easily stood out. Geez, that must’ve cost a fortune, especially in this medieval-looking world with its pre-industrialized economy.
Oh, I see. He was the legacy colleague of this new world. He was the guy born on third base thinking he’d hit a triple. He was the guy who thought coming out of a rich vagina was a real skill one should be proud of in life. He was the privileged asshole of this world…
Fuck, some things never change huh…
The cart driver walked over to me with a concerned face.
“Hey kid, you alright?”
“I’m OK.” I tersely replied. I was still not sure how capable this auto-translation thing is. So let’s minimize the word count to avoid any suspicious hiccups.
He looked at me skeptically. “Do you remember what happened?”
“I lost.”
He chuckled a bit. “Yeah, no shit. No commoner stands a chance against noble kids decked out in full Knight armor. I don’t even know why they bother with the Squire Selection Tournament in the draftee enlistment process anymore.”
I looked at him quizzically.
“Wait, you don’t even know why you’re fighting?”
“Does it matter?”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t. Listen kid, don’t bother with this Squire non-sense. When you get drafted by the Imperial Legion, try to get into the Auxiliary Cohort. Pick up a trade or two while you’re there. And if you survive the 3 winters, you could get a real gods-honest job after. Let the nobles dream about being Knights and Paladins, that shit ain’t for us common folk.”
“I see. Thanks for the advice.” OK, looked like the auto-translator had no problem with more complicated sentences.
“Don’t sweat it. Hey, I’m Mike. I run the tavern on Percival Street in the Market District.”
Oh right, I needed a new name. Wouldn’t want to carelessly expose my isekai status with a foreign-sounding name. “My name is Rummy.” I replied to him with an amused expression.
“Look kid, I don’t think he’s serious with that. You can go by your real name.”
“Nah, I thought it was a funny name to carry moving forward. And besides, I could really use a laugh right about now.”
Mike looked at me weirdly and chuckled. “Tell you what, kid. If you survive this thing, swing by my tavern and the first drink’s on the house.”
“Thanks Mike. I just might take you up on that.”
“Gods be with you, kid. Now get off my bloody cart.” He winked as he offered his hand.
I smiled back, took his hand, and climbed off the cart. Fucking hell, every joint in my body was crying in pain. As it turned out, this douchey noble brat hit just as hard as truck-kun. I gingerly walked back into the crowd (who, by now, completely forgot about my existence and were focused on the next “battle”) to learn more about this new harsh world I was in.
And what a harsh world it was. These Knight armors were no fucking joke! The next “battle” was between another noble brat in an armor set and some unlucky boy with second-hand leather armor and a rusty chipped sword.
The boy, perhaps in defiance of his ill fate, foolishly charged forward and swung the sword at the brat in Knight armor. The noble countered with a massive right hook, which violently smashed through the sword, shattering it into 3 rusty pieces, and right into the chest of the commoner. The poor boy was blasted backwards as a result, and before he was able to land, the brat in armor somehow caught up to him and punched him straight down to the ground.
*CRACK*
Well shit, that kid would be lucky if he could ever walk again. He landed right on his backbone with a force equivalent to a modern car crash. That was a truly brutal hit. Most of the crowd winced in pain while the noble brats brashly cheered at this display of cruelty. The “victorious” noble stepped on the heaving chest of the commoner and smiled triumphantly at his peers. Tsk, as if there was any “honor” in beating a “swordsman” with the magical fantasy equivalent of the Iron Man armor.
I supposed I got lucky - the body of the kid I took over appeared to be healthy despite taking a hit from one of those asshats and getting launched 15 meters right into a rum cart. But I should watch myself around these people. My next encounter with them might not end so luckily for me.
Those spoiled brats literally had magical armors capable of enhancing their strength and speed to superhuman levels. Based on some of the crowd chatter I’d overheard, their magic armor was powered by this thing called mana crystal.
Based on the fact that even commoners know about this, I assumed I’ve been sent to a magical fantasy world where magic was as normal as the air I breathed. Luckily for me, I was a poor uneducated orphan who just got drafted into the military- I could ask questions about anything without arousing suspicion. Unless their military was completely stupid, they would at least have to train us and feed us. This was how I’d learn enough about my new world to formulate a master plan to thrive in it.
I knew it felt like I just got off work, but let’s get to work!
***
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“Back off, kid. This is none of your fucking business.” A man in black t-shirt and jeans with slicked-back hair warned me menacingly. “Never said it was. I was just wondering if I can help you guys resolve this understanding like a good samaritan.” I replied in a faux-cheerful tone. “I don’t need none of that either. This is a private conversation between me and this girl. Now scram!” He pulled out a switchblade from his back pocket to emphasize his point. This greaser-wannabe was clearly a pervert trying to kidnap this petite blonde girl about my age. Now, I wished I could judo flip this scumbag into the trash can, but fun fact: not every Asian-American knows how to fight. Fortunately, I didn’t need to play the martial arts hero. Behind him, I saw a group of 5 teenagers rushing here, probably for her. So all I’ve gotta do is stall.“Great! In that case, maybe you can help me since you seem to know your way around here. Do you know where Fajardo Middle School is? It’s my first day
A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 3: Yer a Wizard, Rummy
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A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 4: So Much for an Uneventful Field Trip
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A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 5: A Brain Freeze to Die for
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A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 6: Wicked Witches of the Western Wilderness
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A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 7: Welcome to the Big Leagues
After a brief nap, I woke up mildly refreshed and resumed my pursuit. The goal today was to stay around 250 meters away this time. There would be no crystal harvesting this time- after all, I was sure whatever crazy shit I’d see today would be more valuable than mere crystals.How did I know? Because they’d arrived at the east bank of the Acheron River. Vinnick once told me that even if you were strong enough to swim across this torrential river roughly 1-2 klicks wide, the mana-beasts in the river would never turn down a free meal. Fighting aquatic mana-beasts in the water was a fool’s errand. These Witches had to have come here specifically due to some intel, and I doubt that their source was capable of surviving past the Acheron. So most likely, whatever they’re after is somewhere nearby, at the east bank of the river. I put on a sound bootie made of bear furs on my boots to further reduce the noise level. Slowly, but surely, I followed the tracks of the Witches. I was about 400 m
A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 8: The Shame of the Weak
For a person who prided himself as an engineer who could solve any problem, facing a problem with no good solution was literally the worst feeling in the world. Every tactic from the annals of Wikipedia was considered. But not a single one that could decisively tip the scale in my favor due to the massive disparity in power. Every battle plan I could think of relied on the Witches heavily dropping their guard in the middle of this forest, which I just couldn’t see happening based on the skill and professionalism they’d shown thus far. In the end, I decided that since I had no viable way to rescue the prisoner, and I refused to simply walk away from it all like a little bitch, I would attempt a third option, one that would require the prisoner’s consent. Around noon, I managed to catch up to the Witches as they began their lunch break. After making some preparations, I climbed up on a tree about 10 meters tall and 200 meters from the prisoner Elf. With my >, I was able to
A Dream Harem Life Built With Superior Firepower Chapter 9: Attack on Carnwennan
“Honestly, how do they expect me to swing a hammer all day after eating this slop?” I finished my tasteless wheat porridge in frustration. I couldn’t believe I’m saying this, but I missed risking my life in that death jungle- at least I got to eat meat when I killed things. Looking back, the poor kid’s body was pretty malnourished when I landed in it. Thanks to 3 years of constant hunting in the Wild as a Ranger, I was able to fill up my boney frame with some honest-to-goodness muscles. Heck, there were days when I felt like my mana reserve grew to unimaginable heights. I know that’s not physically possible, but it sure felt like it. “It’s not so bad, friend Rummy. I kinda like the simplicity of porridge. Besides, it’s better than nothing!” Roshan, the ever-friendly doormat, cheerfully replied as he got up. We’re just about to be done with lunch in the mess hall. Time to head back to the forge on that 72 hour work-week grind (Can somebody invent Saturday yet?).It had been a quiet 3
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Chapter 48: Danger Close, Part 3
The burly Paladin suddenly stopped struggling to get at me and guffawed. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You hear that? The stupid boy wants to duel me” He pushed the restraining hands aside and pointed right at me. “Fine! I accept! I’ll gut you just like I did to your street rats! Maybe that will teach you to respect your superiors.” The Archmage frowned deeply. I guessed he wasn’t a fan of Palusi’s plan to kill me in order to get me to be more pliant. Well, nobody ever confused Paladins with PhD’s… The Prince, after a moment of deliberation, finally spoke. “Paladin Palusi. Bring Ser Rummy to me alive, or you shall never be a Paladin again for the rest of your life.” That took some of the excitement out of the Paladin’s eyes. “Your Grace. I… I hear and obey.” “Should I win, I want the remains of my scouts, along with the wolf.” I calmly declared the stakes. Archmage Schuma weakly smiled in response. “Ser Rummy, is that truly all you want in exchange for risking your life and limb against one of
Chapter 47: Danger Close, Part 2
“You ready buddy?” I gave Loki an affectionate nose pat (Loki is far too tall for me to do head pats by now).“AWOOOO~” An armored Loki replied as he sniffed my neck. He was wearing a leather cap on his head (with 2 holes cut out for his ears), a leather chest piece that covered the front of his neck and down his chest, and a leather armor around the stirrup protecting his spine. “Yeah, you are! You’re my good boy!” I gave his ears a good petting and hopped on. Tali was pulled up shortly after. We sallied out of the gate in a blur. Loki gracefully jumped across the various trenchlines that lined the field and arrived at a stone obelisk with a “700m” carving near the top.Tali and I got off Loki and waited for the other side to arrive. Within a few minutes, a diplomatic party of 4 rode their war horses towards our position. Based on the fancy gear, fancy flag, and fancy horse (those things are twice as large as the horses in Carnwennan), this is the guy I needed to meet. The diploma
Chapter 46: Danger Close, Part 1
Sigh… I supposed it was very on-brand that shit hit the fan on the one day that I was off. After all these months of pulling 12 hour workdays, I figured I deserved a little morning break with the kiddos and their wolf puppies. Loki just had another batch of puppies with members of his impressive harem, so I was letting them mingle and play together outside on a beautiful sunny day. I was able to enjoy the blissful tranquility of puppies and babies for precisely 13 minutes before the castle bells were rung.To our credit, we responded quickly to the impending crisis. Within half an hour after the signal flare was sighted, everyone outside the walls were drawn inside and all militia members were at the battlements manning their posts. The non-combatants were heading to the arms factory for shelter (and to be gang-pressed into emergency ammo workers). The annual drills I made all of us do really paid off in that regard. I arrived at the battlements roughly 10 minutes after I’d heard the
Ch 45: A Walk Around the Neighborhood
The day started out like any other in these past few months- me waking up buck naked with two beautiful women by my side (equally naked, I may add!). Sure, I was usually exhausted from a jam-packed 10+ hour workday by the time I got back home, but the sight of 2 alluringly half-naked women bent over on my bed invigorated me in ways that even a potent cocaine and methamphetamine cocktail could not. The women of my harem had decided that 2 of them would “service” me at any given night while the other one would rest up and watch the kids. Of course, some part of me wanted to take all 3 of them at once every night. But I think I would drive myself into an early grave if I overworked my poor heart like that, especially if I had to work 10+ hours the day after…Tali had fortunately integrated into the harem with no drama. Of course, since my 1st wife Emma was the one that encouraged her to jump into the degeneracy, she had no problem with handing over the nominal role of the “head wife” to
Ch 44: Procrastination Nation
“Here is a new draft of the report on the iron shortage, Forge-master Rummy.” Nairi helpfully handed me the finalized draft of the report cobbled together from a series of disorganized notes and illegible calculations from yours truly. “Shall we go over the report together now so I could finalize it?” She asked in her typical angel-sweet voice. “Correction: I will go over and finalize the draft. You still need your rest.” I pointedly replied. Apparently, my overworked apprentice had a fainting episode while I was out in the Elven territory. She was teaching some of the newbies how to press the ammo cartridges at the forge-smithy around noon-time when she fainted for a moment. It was probably heat exhaustion or heat stroke from the ever-burning forge fires, but this is unacceptable. Considering his stance on work-life balance, Ronnie Lee would be rolling in his grave if he saw this. Nairi’s sunny enthusiasm for forge-smithy sometimes distracted from the fact that she was still a matur
Ch 43: Divine Inspiration
*BOOM* The last Ranger fell upon his knees and slumped down, clutching his chest under the mid-day sun. Soon he would join his comrades (and my former comrades) and depart the mortal plane. After I slinged the Garand over my shoulder, I cautiously approached the 4 fallen Rangers. As messed up as it is to loot them, my growing militia has equipment needs and military-grade body armor doesn’t grow on trees.As I turned one of the bodies over to strip it of the leather armor, the not-dead-yet Ranger grabbed my hand with what little strength he had left. Unlike the movies and books, people usually don’t immediately die after getting shot. The blood loss takes time. “It’ll be your day soon, traitor!” He croaked with all the malice and bitterness he could still muster. “Until then, mind if I borrow your stuff?.” I nonchalantly brushed aside his arm and continued looting. My former comrade gradually lost his consciousness as he bled out. By the time I was done looting him, he had expired.
Ch 42: A Princely Arrival, Part 3
In an austere meeting room of the City Hall with ornate furnishing, I begin my speech in front of all the relevant factions- my Legion’s general staff, the nobles of Carnwennan, and the general staff of the 626th Legion. Every one of them are in full military or noble dress, sparing no expenses. “Gentlemen, it has been a challenging moon and a half, but we have finally saved Carnwennan from the brink.” After waiting for the polite applause to die down, I continue. “Now, I will announce the reason why I came to Carnwennan. I was called here to accomplish the Quest that the Pantheon had bestowed upon me- the capture of Adept Rummy and his associates.” A wave of confused murmurs and “who?” erupts at my announcement. Fully understandable, I admit. But it is not the duty of mortals to publicly question the will of the Gods. Nor is it the duty of subjects to publicly question the will of their prince. That is the natural order of the world we live in. In response to this chatter, my Palad
Ch 41: A Princely Arrival, Part 2
“Kneel, peasant! For you stand in the presence of Prince Avalon of House Artorius!” My shifty Scoutmaster announced.The prisoner, who is in chains and manacles, slowly and hesitantly kneels in front of me. He seems to be a portly fellow of 40 or so winters.His hair is disheveled, and the state of his dress suggests that he was in the middle of an afternoon nap when the intrepid Turt apprehended him. “You may stand.” I cordially invited my new prisoner. The man looks wary of my invitation until Turt nudges him from behind. He tentatively rises up and stands before me. His face is understandably tense, as if he’s deciding between betraying his longtime friend and saving his family from certain imprisonment. A difficult choice, I must admit and sympathize. But unfortunately for him, I intend on making this a really easy decision.“I am going to be honest with you, peasant. I will sentence you to hang as a spy no matter what you say to me today. The only difference you can make today is
Ch 40: A Princely Arrival, Part 1
Authors’ note: This chapter is taken from the journal of Prince Avalon of House Artorius. Well, this Rummy character sure had made a proper mess in his wake. The city of Carnwennan was in shambles, dozens of noble Houses extinguished or ruined, and Gods know how many lives- highborn or otherwise- were reaped as a result of this madness. I would wager that it would take a generation or two for Carnwennan to recover, if it ever recovers.I am still piecing together what had happened based on what the scouts and knights had found, but this much is clear- he is no common commoner. It takes a certain arrogance and competence to plan and execute destruction of this scale.The decisive (and irreversible) nature of his action implies that he was never content living his lot and will never be content living his lot as the Gods intended. This man was prepared from the very beginning to defy the Pantheon and the natural order of this world, collateral damage be damned.In a way, both factions w
