Age nineteen

Chapter six

He stood at the entrance of my bedroom, he was frozen on the spot. I knew he didn't expect this from his favorite child who hadn't seen him in months, but neither did I expect him to be so cool with the fact that I had a few weeks to live. He left without uttering a word, and I didn't care. I watched tears drop from his eyes, and then he walked out of my bedroom, with his shoulders sagging. I sighed after he left, and lay on my back. My face towards the ceiling, I was pondering on Anabel's last words. "Let go?"I repeated the word over and over again, to serve as a diversion towards what had just happened, and with the hope that I was eventually going to read some meaning into it.

I took a stroll that evening, I walked around the backyard aimlessly, before I decided to go outside to the street for a long walk. I didn't want to meet anyone, but I was desperately in need of clearing my head.

So, I headed out, wearing red bummy pants, and a white singlet. It was hot, maybe not as hot as I felt, but I felt gagged by everything around me, and my mood made it worse. Slowly, and aimlessly, I strolled down the street, my headphones were plugged over my head, and I was deaf to the world. After I had spent the next few minutes walking, I realized that I had gone farther than I had proposed to go, so I turned around and steered home. 

I wondered about Anabel's words for the umpteenth time, and after so much time thinking about it, the meaning hit me. I had acted in rage toward my father, and according to her, I needed to let go of my grudges toward him for not telling me what was going on.  I might also have to forgive my mother for killing my sisters and forgive her for plotting to kill me. I was greatly relieved that I was getting somewhere from nowhere.

 

I didn't know how to forgive or let go, but I  had to practice doing it. I got home a few minutes before dinner time, but everyone was already seated for dinner. My father, my brother, and my mother unanimously gazed at me as I walked through the kitchen door, while they were about to begin having their dinner. Bitterness rose within me, and I was tempted to spill my hurt at my father, but I reminded myself that after today, I'd have just two weeks and five days to figure It out.

"Kerah, where have you been?" My father sounded different to me. He was still upset about what had happened earlier.

My mother watched on without saying a thing.

"I went strolling daddy." My father looked at me as if seeing me for the first time, then, he continued. "It's fine baby, join us for dinner. We will talk after we have had a good time as a family." I had no appetite, but I settled with them on the table anyways, to a tasteless meal of fried eggs and pasta.

"Thank you mom for that meal, I loved it." Kain belched, ignoring his table manners. He wiped his thin lips with the table cloth, then standing from the table, he gathered the dirty dishes and headed to the sink. It was his week for dishwashing duties. "That is disgusting..." My mother yelled at him, he laughed nastily.

"Can we see in my bedroom?" My father asked, finally breaking the silence, I nodded. "Wait for me upstairs, I will be there in fifteen minutes." 

"Okay." I dragged myself up to his bedroom and continued to remind myself that all I needed to do to get closer to solving the mystery was to work on my unforgiveness. 

Twenty minutes passed, and I stood by the door, waiting for my father to come up the stairs. I no longer felt like it was right for me to go into his bedroom. I used to go in there whenever I felt like it, but I didn't feel that entitled to him anymore, so I stood at the door instead, and waited for him.

After a prolonged wait, my feet grew weary, and I had no choice but to go inside his bedroom and sit down. I sat on his study chair. A lot of documents and books were open. It looked like he had been working, what did I expect? He was working even when he had less than three weeks left to spend with me.

I went through the open books, and my mindset changed. I was moved to tears, tears of joy, and maybe sorrow. I was happy to find out that my father loved me, and cared, but that made me even more scared of death. He wrote my name on several pages of his diary. I read the last two pages of his diary, where he spoke so passionately about me, and over-emphasized his grief that he was about to lose me, and his fear of losing me. His most recent research was on how to break curses that you know nothing about… I felt my heart break into a billion places when he had written on one of the pages of his journal, "I wish I can keep you forever, but I do not possess the ability to change a fate of whose history I know nothing about. It grieves my heart to watch you age, especially because in a month, you would be history, just like your sisters are. It hurts more to think that you know nothing about it. I have tried breaking the news to you, my queen, but I haven't been able to." My eyes were watery. I clenched my fists, I wished that I could scream into my father's face, "your wife is responsible. Stop looking for who is." But I couldn't, I sighed, and continued reading. "I am back now, and I hope to make the most out of the limited time we have together." I flipped to the next page and was about to start ingesting the information on it when I heard someone's feet approaching, and I immediately went from the study desk to his bed, after I hurriedly closed the books I had opened.

"Kerah, I'm sorry I kept you waiting." He paddled straight to his mattress where I sat and sat next to me.

"It's fine dad, I understand." I was deeply lost in thoughts, I wondered if it would be wise to confront him, concerning the content of the diary. If I did, he would probably open up to me, and I would act naive about the curse, which might cause him to tell me everything he knew. But then, what he had written was proof that he didn't know much about what was going on.

"Why did you sound so rude to me this afternoon? Baby, you haven't seen me in four months." He moved closer to me, by shifting his butt to the right continuously until we were seated side by side.

"I am sorry daddy, it was some sort of girl drama... I didn't mean to piss you off, but I just wanted to be alone back then." He rubbed my long brown hair and nodded. ,

"I understand. There's something I would like to tell you about, but I'm not yet ready for it." His voice shook, and I could have sworn that I saw his body tremble too. "Where would you like to go with me tomorrow? We need to catch up on lost memories." he created a quick diversion, and I saw him fight a tear back. "We have stayed apart for so long, I can't even recall any of your favorite places, where do you want to go dear? Maybe I will tell you all about it when we are there." His left hand was around my shoulder. "Anywhere quiet. I feel like you have so much to say to me, and I want it to be just me and my favorite parent. "I was looking into his big black eyes. "I will let you know when I'm ready, and where we will meet. I'm thinking we should have our last picnic." He gasped after he had said that, and cupped his mouth with his hands."Last picnic?" I raised an eyebrow.