An angel’s road to hell

100. Of immortals, chances and a little bit of love

Cassandra Pendragon

“You’re a bloody idiot, that’s what you are. But you got balls, at least metaphorically, I’ll give you that.”

“Thanks, by now you’ve repeated yourself enough times as well that my tiny brain can retain the information.” I was long past the initial rush of gratitude I had felt when I had first regained a resemblance of consciousness in a grey world of nothingness. By now I was mainly annoyed and a little worried.

Unbelievably my stunt hadn’t been the end. I should’ve been dead, my very personality obliterated in the truest sense of the word, my core clean for another spin of the wheel but… I wasn’t. No thanks to my efforts as Mephisto kept on reminding me. He had saved me, in a way. The unbound energy that had been released in the chamber prior to my temporal displacement had been more than enough to reconstruct his reservoirs and the interwoven sparks of transcendent energy had allowed him to perform a miracle, his words, not mine. He had come to when I had collapsed. My fading presence by his side, he had found himself in a still frozen stream of time. With my wings flickering out of existence, time had started to flow again and he had panicked. I’d have died the very moment my body would have been allowed to break down completely so he had done the only thing he had been able to think of. With the amount of my blood that had been freely dripping over the emblem he had easily formed a spell construct and channeled every bit of energy, he had been able to gather, through, repressing my core and effectively allowing the time dilatation to take effect.

I had become frozen, just like a mortal, and thus I was still alive, at least for a few more seconds. A clever manipulation of the spell and the combined power of the remaining sparks of transcendent energy in the air had allowed him to form a bubble around our minds, tethering us to the rippling motes of temporal energy. We were basically stuck in a frozen instant that had been anchored to us and not the stream itself. As long as he didn’t cancel his spell, we’d be here for all eternity, cut off from everything and everyone else. Bolstering my mind with a little energy, he had woken me. Which of course meant that I had had to listen to his tiring explanations, scathing remarks and exuberant boasts for… well, no time at all actually, but it had sure felt like years.

“Did you just bring me back to tell me that? Hey Cassy, you’re an idiot, you killed yourself and I froze you on the brink to gloat a bit, every one deserves a decent sent off, after all?” And that was, why I was worried. I honestly couldn’t imagine that there’d be a way out for me. As soon as I left, I’d be gone. The damage I had inflicted on my body couldn’t be healed fast enough. On the other hand, if there hadn’t been a way Mephisto wouldn’t have been acting like an ass. At least I hoped so.

“Of course not, like I said, I also wanted to compliment you on your courage, which unfortunately outweighs your intelligence like a mountain outweighs a rock. But fear not, my mentally challenged friend, I’ll do what I can to set you straight.” His perfect mental replication of his body poked my amorphous blob, incidentally I hadn’t been able to form anything more complex, in the side. The contact felt strange, almost like the memory of a real touch, somewhere in my thoughts.

“First of, even if I might sound like a cliche, where there’s life, there’s hope. You’re not dead yet, are you? Your life force is on the verge of blowing out, but the smallest ember is still there, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation. When it goes out, your core will wander on, no matter what anyone does. But as long as that hasn’t happened, you can supplement it directly. I’m not talking about healing your body, I’m talking about flooding your life force with transcendent energy and forcefully rebuilding it until it can sustain itself.”

“And you know this because you’ve tried?”

“Do you think I’m suicidal? No way in heaven. Over time your life force would become infused with transcendent energy anyways, it already has to a certain degree. What you’re going to do would normally burn it to nothingness, it can’t withstand the direct influx of your power, yet. It might work right now, because there’s practically nothing left and because your body is stuck in time as well. Nothing can happen to it until you flush it with your energy again and by then you’ll either have succeeded or…” his words trailed off and I felt a shiver of fear run down my wobbly side, a literal wave spreading across my surface.

“Why are you so damned chipper, then? Do you actually want me to die?”

“No, believe it or not, I quite like you as you are, but that’s not the point. Now I’ll finally find out if I made the right decision, all those years ago. Even if you succeed, it’s going to hurt more than you can imagine and we’ll see if you’ve got the mettle to pull through. And I’m not chipper, I’m confident. Intelligence won’t get you through this, but courage and stubbornness might. I trust in you, Cassandra, you’ll survive, I just hope you won’t change too much.” Now I wasn’t sure anymore if I should be touched, intimidated or plain scared. Relieved might also be an option, I still had a chance after all. At least there wasn’t much to think about, I could either roll over and die right now or I could try, suffer and probably roll over and die anyways, in the end, but I had nothing to lose.

“What do I have to do? And why should I change?”

“Pain changes people, but you’ve already proven that you’re resilient as all hells in that regard. It’s about what you might unleash involuntarily. When you leave this place, your mind will go back to slumber until your life force is restored. It’ll be your soul and core alone that are going to restore you body with an infinite amount of transcendent energy at their disposal. Chances are, after everything you’ve been through in the last week, you’ll become a monster that doesn’t fear or love or bleed, protected from the agony you had to endure. Provided you don’t snuff it halfway through, you might become the greatest calamity this world has ever had to face. I can’t wait to find out.” I, on the other hand, could have easily lived on without the knowledge.

“As for what you have to do: that’s pretty simple, don’t give up, don’t go towards the light. If you truly want to live on, if your soul can withstand the pain of recreating a shell around itself, you’ll survive. One moment of doubt, one single wish for the sweet release of death and you’ll be gone, irreversibly. As for rekindling your life force, the process has already started. Your core always tries to keep you alive, unfortunately it can kill you in the process. If your soul clings on long enough, it’ll repair you.”

“Are you saying immortals can be too stubborn to die? That as long as we don’t give up, we always heal?” He poked me again.

“The hint is in the name. Immortal. There are a few exceptions, like the interference of another being with access to transcendent energies or a force that overpowers your core, but that’s not the problem right now. You’re still not fully developed, yet. Your life force, your body, even your soul won’t be able to handle the amount of energy you’re going to use. Luckily there isn’t enough of your life left to burn and souls are nearly as hard to destroy as your core. Your soul will warp and it’ll crack but it won’t shatter. The question is, is it strong enough not to flee?”

“Only one way to find out.” Truth be told, I was frightened. But sitting here wouldn’t help, on the contrary the longer I waited the more likely I was to not leave at all. Just imagine yourself in a blank room where nothing hurts but nothing changes as well. The world awaits on the outside but only behind a roaring river of flame. You know you’ll burn and almost definitely die if you try, but there’s no alternative except for sitting there in peace, for the rest of eternity. Would you find the courage to move? If it hadn’t been for Ahri, I freely admit that my journey would have ended then and there.

“Indeed. There is much I want to tell you but it doesn’t matter right now, except for: the best of luck, Cassy. As soon as we leave, you’ll be on your own. I used every drop of transcendent energy in the cavern to make this possible and I won’t be able to withstand the temporal distortions. I hope we meet again.”

“So do I. Thank you, Mephisto. For everything.” For the first time since I had met him, his expression showed true warmth.

“You’re Welcome. Ready?” I nodded. He raised his hand and I felt the grey nothingness around me move and disperse, a glowing light pushing in from far away. My blobby, mental construct started to quiver and fade while I felt like a warm breeze was carrying me away. I felt… content until Mephisto’s last words reached me while my mind was already drifting off:

“Oh, by the way, did I mention that Ahri will almost certainly off herself, if you don’t make it? Just for the minuscule chance to be reborn close to you again? She already did it once, or how do you think she got here in the first place?” What the…no!

It could have been worse, was the first thought that fluttered through my mind when I opened my eyes. Maybe not, followed about a moment later. Every sensation, from the nearly absent, silvery light that filtered through the very cave where I had collapsed, over the hurried scuttling of small animals somewhere in the earth to the cold, hard rock below me, was stunningly clear and unbelievably painful. It felt like someone had scraped off the upper layers of my skin and now even the faintest touch of stirring air caused rivers of fire to spark along my nerves. The flow of my blood hurt in my very veins and the drumbeat of my heart was loud enough to drive icepicks through my skull. I tried to move but I could just as well have tried to push a mountain off my chest, my limbs heavy as lead. Every breath threatened to send spasms through my torso and the muted sound of my stifled groans was thrown back from the walls, burying me under an avalanche of sound.

Seconds, minutes, hours, I couldn’t say, passed until slowly, gradually the pain diminished. With every heartbeat I got a little more used to the flood of impressions and managed to push the resounding complaints from my body a little further away. I was still a long way from lifting my head, never mind getting up, but at least I could think again.

My memories of the ordeal were blank, I didn’t know what had happened, every time I tried to remember, a hazy image of Ahri was all I could manage. Hardly surprising since my mind hadn’t been involved, and, honestly, I was pretty glad that I didn’t have to deal with it. If what I was experiencing now was only an echo of what I had gone through, I’d make do without the memories, thank you very much. I started to reorganise the jumbled up mess in my mind and as soon as I clearly recalled where I was and why, I immediately focused on my body. Fear raced through me, had I changed? At first nothing felt different, everything hurt, admittedly, but I felt my tails, still five of them, my arms, the hidden thrum of my wings underneath my skin and my pulsing core. Fabric grated against my neck and legs and a few sharp stoned poked me in the back. The small bout of panic gave me the strength to raise my head and peer down my body and around the cavern.

I had been moved to the side, a coagulating puddle of blood close to the centre still marked where I had collapsed. Someone had spread my cloak over me but with a mighty effort I gradually pushed my hands and forearms out from underneath. They were still the same, small hands with slender fingers and lithe muscles, but my skin tone had changed. I was glowing dimly in the dark, my exposed skin the reason for the faint light in the cavern, with its silvery sheen. The marks along my meridians had vanished, my whole body matched their colouration. With a yelp I threw the cloak off and even scrambled to my knees. Hunched over, I removed the sad rest of my clothes and studied the my body.

Relieve flooded through me and maybe a bit of disappointment. I didn’t think I had changed, except for the permanent silvery glow my bare skin emitted. Unfortunately that also meant that I still had no bust to speak of. I couldn’t see my face but when I clenched my teeth, raised my hands and gingerly traced my overly sensitive fingertips along my jaw, across my lips and towards my eyes I got the impression that everything was still in the same place. My ears were still large and fluffy but when I reached for them I brushed several strands of hair into my field of vision. Most of them were still raven black but here and there a streak of silver, like molten light, blinked through the dark flood.

Tears of joy finally started to swim in my eyes and drip down my cheeks. I was alive and still myself! I had done it! Well, at the moment I couldn’t stand, admittedly, but that seemed like a minor problem considering I should have been dead. Alright, two more things to check and then I would have to find out why I was alone in the damned cavern with nothing but an abandoned rope to keep me company, where my friends and the girl, whose imagine had allowed me to survive had gone and why time was flowing normally again. But first I needed a mirror and to manifest my wings. It might have been vain but I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t sprouted vampire fangs or dragon eyes or some such nonsense, I really liked who I was.

Still on my knees I carefully pushed mote after mote of energy into my wings, prepared to stop the very moment the pain that still coursed through me became less bearable. Luckily the flow of energy felt soothing rather than taxing, the familiar torrents of silvery blue energy smoothly uncoiling around me. They were the same, an irresistible lightning storm that danced around me like northern lights in the sky. The faint buzzing and sizzling that I had only heard when I had strained my limits and shoved more energy into my wings than I had been able to handle was now a constant background noise as soon as they appeared. Ripples pulsed through the air around them and I knew without a doubt that I wouldn’t hurt myself ever again, no matter how much energy I channeled through them.

With a thought I heaved myself up like a spider on her legs and glided over to the puddle of my blood. It wasn’t a very good replacement for a mirror, not even a passable one, but with the additional light form my wings it somewhat worked. Anxiously I followed the outline of my eyes, studied their colour and scrutinised the shape of my nose. I truly hadn’t changed. With a relieved sigh I leaned back, kept upright solely by my wings. I shifted my weight to ease some of my aches and my fiddling brought the rest of my wings into my field of vision.

The bottom one, at the very point of the V on my back, wasn’t silvery blue anymore, or at least not exclusively. It had a distinct core of fiery red energy that immediately reminded me of Ahri. Now that I was focused on it, I also realised that it felt slightly different from the rest, less like an extension of my body and more like a gateway, something I could use to channel my powers through. But it was locked, the pathway closed, as if there was something missing on the other side, something that’d invite me in.