An angel’s road to hell

93. Of histories, paranoia and a little bit of justification

Cassandra Pendragon

Well payed, Reia, there was no way I’d decline. I was curious as to why I had suddenly changed my mind in regards to the Trial and the consequences if she would manage to pull through. Maybe some part of me had rebelled at the idea of taking the decision away from her, maybe it had had something to do with the island itself, but either way I wanted to know for sure and going with her would make it a hell of a lot easier. But the little vixen couldn’t know that now, could she? Well, as her de facto subordinate for the next couple of hours I was going to have ample time to question her.

“It’d be my pleasure,” I said out loud with a small bow while my mum nodded and addressed Reia and Mordred:

“I’ll be the sole judge, then. You have two hours to prepare. Both of your parties will work together as far as necessary and I’ll decide if you passed the trial based on the accounts of everyone who’ll come along. Strictly speaking this is against tradition as we don’t have a direct confrontation but since the circumstances we find ourselves in are rather irregular and we don’t have a full court to prepare three balanced challenges, it’ll have to do for now. Reia Lightsong, Mordred Pendragon, assemble your parties and come back here two hours after sundown.”

As soon as my mother had finished Reia had been swarmed by some of the older children, harassing her to take them along. If she had a pound of brains she’d shoo them away. The kids weren’t going to be of much help, Archy’s healing might come in handy if things went south but other than that she’d be much better served with some of the dwarfs, or, if they were willing, Erya or Viyara. Ahri would tag along anyways, if only to keep an eye on me, but I wasn’t going to tell Reia any of that. She’d have to figure out what she wanted to do on her own.

I quietly wandered off towards the cliffs where the last rays of the setting sun turned the ocean below me into a sea of gold and painted the horizon with streaks of red and purple. On my way past I gestured for my friends to follow me, my impulsive behaviour from before still bugging me. The whole thing had been a dumb idea. An ancient rite of passage in the middle of nowhere to decide whether a child was fit to take responsibility for her life. To top it all of, if she truly managed to win, as unlikely as that seemed, considering my mum was going to play jury based on hearsay accounts, she’d be officially a fully fledged noble. The Lightsong family had been a rather important one back on Boseiju and, if she played her cards right, she could do pretty much whatever the fuck she wanted. What had I been thinking? Never mind taking her with me, she could simply tag along and bring even more of her miniature friends. Well, I could always say no, I supposed, but that would bring along a whole other string of problems, especially after the integral part I was playing in the Trials. Damn it, I should have prevented this farce from the start.

“What’s wrong?” Ahri’s voice brought me back to reality. I heard her heartbeat behind me, her scent mingled pleasantly with the sweeter notes I had come to associate with Erya and Viyara’s presence of molten gold.

“Nothing, well, maybe something. But that’s not… it can wait. We have two hours during which we aren’t needed and I’d just like to talk. I’ll explain what’s on my mind but for now…” I turned around and hugged each of them. “So much has happened and I sometimes feel like I just can’t keep up anymore.” I settled down, my legs dangling over the cliff. “I’ve been running from one mess to the next. I need a few moments and I’d very much appreciate your company.”

I felt them exchange glances behind my back and a moment later Ahri sat down on my right, her tails encircling my middle. Viyara and Erya made themselves comfortable behind us, unwilling to scoot closer to the edge. We admired the colourful display while darkness slowly crept over our world and the first stars appeared in a blackening sky. The sounds of the animals across the island changed, the buzzing of insects slowly drowning out the last birds settling down for the night. Distant hammering still echoed through the air, the ships being constantly repaired, even after sundown. The only thing that didn’t quite fit was the lingering, acrid stench of burned wood, fabric and tobacco. Confused I turned around.

Erya was sucking on a massive dwarven pipe. She blew bluish clouds of smoke into the air, punctuated by a small ring from time to time. “What?” She asked when she caught me staring. “Want to try?”

“Nah, I’m fine, thanks. I just never pictured you for someone who’d enjoy inhaling burned plants.”

“I also like alcohol and that’s basically juice gone bad. Maybe when you’re older.” She winked. We fell silent again, each of us preoccupied with their own thoughts. It wasn’t until the last rays of sunlight were gone and the sky was ablaze with a myriad of stars that Viyara spoke up:

“I always loved nights like this but now… it somehow feels wrong. Gazing at the starts without the rumbling explanations of my father. He always told the most fascinating stories about the stars, he claimed some of them were even alive while others supported civilisations far greater and older than everything we have on this world. I thought his stories to be fairytales, you know, invented for my pleasure, but now… was he right?” I didn’t have to answer, Ahri beat me to it.

“Yes, he was. And there are so much more of them than you can imagine. Worlds full of light or darkness, made of ice or fire. Cities with unimaginably high towers that pierce the sky in sleek spirals, others built under the ocean or deep in a mountain, their roots reaching ever deeper into the earth. It can be beautiful and deadly but it’s always astonishing.”

“How do you know?” Viyara almost whispered.

“I’ve seen it. Hasn’t Cassy told you who she is?”

“Not really, a few hints here and there but she wanted to talk to you beforehand. I assume you’re of the same species?” We nodded simultaneously, but again it was Ahri who replied.

“In more ways than one. We’re both Kitsune, you know, tails, ears, heart, soul, the whole deal, but we have another, how to put it, part to us. Something ancient, it’s not the soul or any part of the body but something else, like a… like the basic idea of who we are. Those things are old, really old. We don’t know exactly for how long we have existed, but you’d be hard pressed to find a star that could tell tales of our birth. So, in a way, we have been around for quite some time, but on the other hand, we haven’t. Our life began anew, not too long ago. We have some memories of what has been before, but mostly we have to make do without, a fresh start.” Silence reigned while Viyara digested what she had heard. Erya seemed satisfied, as if she had guessed correctly all along and just now received confirmation. I was surprised at how openly Ahri describe what we were, but I wouldn’t complain, I was the one who had woven close, magical ties between us, after all. Maybe that was the reason why Ahri was so forthcoming.

“Why are you here, then? I mean, why are both of you here at the same time? What you described sounds an awful lot like reincarnation. I’d understand meeting one of you, but two?” I sighed.

“Make that three, if you stick around long enough. One of our… cousins is probably close to the emperor and we will run into him sooner or later. But to answer your question, this was supposed to be my story, until that little vixen,” I playfully swatted Ahri’s head with one of my tails, “decided to barge in. I… I’m not completely sure but I think I was killed by my brethren, or rather one of them. We had, or since I survived, still have some minor political issues but I haven’t yet figured out the whole story. As for Ahri… well, why don’t you tell them yourself, darling?”

“Im here to keep her alive. “Minor political issues” is a pretty euphemism for “most of our siblings want her dead, permanently”. Not that I can blame them, she can be a royal pain in the ass, but in this case… well, that’s another story. Suffice to say I won’t stand for it, not again. My reincarnation was voluntary and partly controlled which means, the things I know about my past are much more structured but still rather confusing than actually helpful. I… during the battle for our home I briefly  had access to most of my memories but they are gone, or sealed again.”

“And what about the ghost like man you conjured from that silver coin?” Erya chimed in. “You said he was your teacher, how does he fit in?”

“You see,” I answered slowly, “I wasn’t lying when I said my death had been about politics, power played a huge part in it, but there’s… I think there’s more to it. Mephisto is one of our cousins, a sister race if you so want, pretty similar to ours. He… I think he sacrificed a part of himself to allow me to survive, but again, I’m not sure. He doesn’t tell and if she knows,” I gently placed an arm around Ahri’s shoulders, “she won’t, either.”

“I don’t, I really don’t,” Ahri quickly assured me. “I’ve already told you everything I do remember. The rest is guesswork.” Her soft laugh suddenly filled the air and she leaned into me while she turned around: “now, do you think we are raving lunatics, or do you simply regret having met us?”

The girls behind us blinked confusedly before they joined in, their melodic voices a beautiful mixture of mirth and music that brought a bright smile to my face, albeit a self conscious one. I had always thought that I was bound to them by my promises, but it went both ways. They didn’t have much of a choice anymore, either.

When the laughter had died, we continued our conversation but kept to less personal topics. Not until we talked about the Trials and what was likely going to be at the centre of the island did I mention what had bugged me before:

“If I’m honest, the whole thing is a stupid idea, including your arguments, Ahri. They’re children, admittedly, they’re traumatised, but that’s all the more reason to bundle them about and get them somewhere safe. If they challenge us, we’ll spank them. They don’t have to love us or follow the rules of a society nearly extinct, they simply have to function for a few days. A scavenger hunt on an island that makes Xorlosh’s “beard curl up”, as if it were some kind of game, is the exact opposite. Not to mention the whole “heiress to a noble household” affair and that I don’t think I can just send her away anymore, in case she wins. But yet… when I was in the tent I somehow felt certain that I had to go through with it and now I can’t even imagine what made me act that way. If I hadn’t been immune to magic, I’d have sworn I was being manipulated. Any ideas what might be going on? Or did I just experience a simple lapse of judgement or… maybe some form of premonition?” I looked around and made a vague gesture.

“But that doesn’t make any sense either, because I’m either rambling right now or most of you experienced pretty much the same thing. I mean, none of you questioned the Trials and you even defended my mother’s position. Think about it. Was it really the right call?” They took a moment to think about what I had said.

“It was, or it wasn’t, depending on your perspective,” Viyara replied. “You just want to get the kids out of here and that’s pretty much it. You’ve just said as much, to you, your society is nearly extinct. Your mother doesn’t see it that way. Everything she can preserve is worth the effort. As for your change of heart: Cassandra, your impulsive, exhausted and stressed. Don’t overthink it. Maybe you made a mistake, maybe you didn’t, either way, it won’t change much. Let everything play out and do what you can to make the best of it.”

“She’s right,” Ahri added. “First of all, I still think it’s the right call, not the precise challenge, mind you, but the Trial itself. Allowing Reia to take control of her life back, showing the others that one amongst them is ready to move on, that’s invaluable and very well worth the risk. Secondly, you’re probably more conflicted than you admit, even to yourself. You do see the point but you don’t want to condone anything that could harm the children. If I had to guess I’d say you changed your mind when you were away from them and swapped back once you saw them again.”

“That’s not it,” I intervened. “Even back in the tent I thought it was a bad idea, rationally, but I… I just felt like it was right. Everything you say sounds logical to me. I didn’t make a reflected decision, I went with my gut. Maybe that’s just it. It bothers me that I was willing to bet Reia’s life on an intuition. Admittedly though, what you said makes sense, maybe it could have been worse.”

“I don’t know much about prophecies,” Erya said after a short silence, “or premonitions but I do know a thing or two about the subconsciousness or “gut feelings” as you said. Normally that happens when you’ve already realised something without understanding it. You meet someone in a tavern, for example and share a drink. Suddenly you just want to get as far away as possible without knowing why. Later you pass by the gates and see his face on the wanted posters. You have already passed them when you entered but didn’t really look at them. Back at the tavern, your new acquaintance held his head the same way he did on the poster and you subconsciously recognised him which made you want to flee. A poor example, but I think you get the gist. A little paranoia isn’t the worst, but I think there’s no reason to believe you’ve been the victim of a conspiracy, Cassandra. At least not in this case. You simply changed your mind.”

The more they talked, the sillier I felt. They were right, I had overreacted. There was no need to invent trouble where there was none, we had enough of that in the real world. “Thanks, you’re probably right,” I said out loud and tried to shrug off the gnawing feeling of unease, snuggling deeper into Ahri’s warmth. It had either been a good idea or it hadn’t, for now I’d have to live with it. “Would you come with us anyways? I don’t care if you go with Mordred or Reia but I’d feel much better knowing you were close by. You know, just in case.”

“You don’t have to ask,” Ahri whispered in my ear.

“Sure, but I think you’ll know what’s going on beforehand,” Erya replied. “I had a quick look at the scrying spell the elf used and it’s good, really good. I’m pretty sure your mother gave the contenders two hours so she’d know what they were going to find before they even left. That way she’d be able to go through with the Trial in a controlled fashion. She’s a clever woman, I don’t think you give her enough credit Cassandra.” Huh, maybe… probably. But why hadn’t she said so back in the tent? To ensure a fair fight as either me or my brother were going to compete with Reia? That’d mean she had always intended this outcome. Why pretend, then? Had she expected me to go against her out of principle? That couldn’t be it…

“Isn’t that your brother, running towards us?” Viyara asked. Her senses must be absurdly well developed, I could just about hear his muffled footfalls but I’d never have been able to tell who it was from the distance. 20 seconds later she was proven right when Mordred came to a halt some 10 meters away. He was already talking when he stopped moving, his voice raspy from his sprint.

“You should better come along. Astra did something with her scrying spell and she’s been freaking out ever since. The whole rolling eyes and talking in tongues schtick. Archy and mom are keeping her breathing for the moment and I went to fetch you as fast as I could. Could you come with me and take a look at her? Maybe you can help her.” We were already scrambling back to our feet. Paranoia, huh? It sure as all hells didn’t seem like it.