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Asher the Insane 42 - The Medallion Party
“Company- Halt! And keep in formation!” Mine ordered, "Thakin, Yam, Asharis, Vethra, attention!" “You don’t have to remind us every minute that we have to ‘keep in formation’, Mine. That’s the problem with you humans. You believe you can simply order around every other race all the time,” Asharis hissed back at him. “And that coming from an elf?" Thakin, who could be best described as a beard walking on two feet, mocked her, "ye tree-thumping, waste-of-immortality, knife-ears always think that you're so superior te everyone else's." "Oh, and you think that your cave-dwelling, rock-humping, gold-mongering culture is so refined, dwarf?" "Ah give ya two out of three on. The goblins are the gold-mongers, not us," Thakin clarified. "That's unfair, Thakin. That's just how we are," Vethra remarked. "Do you honestly believe that we can just cease our desire for gold and other dazzling objects? It would be the same as telling a dwarf to stop growing a beard. It would be completely absurd."
Asher the Insane 43 - The Party, Introduced
It has been five days since Zedro Diringer, the high priest of the Church of Alexandra of the capital of Elesby, Aloshir, had sent out five high-level adventurers to retrieve a holy medallion, believed to have been directly given to humanity by the Goddess of Redemption Alexandra herself, from the hands of a death cult, worshiping, of course, the god of death, Urien. Supposedly, the medallion can call upon the goddess, yet none involved with the retrieval of it knows what plans the leader of the cult, a nasty man named Aebshem, has in store. We have already met the people who were tasked with retrieving the relic and saw that they had a few problems with each other. A brief introduction to these brave heroes: Mine Glory, an elderly former soldier in the human army of Elesby, served in the military for more than thirty years, twenty of them as a general. He was hand-picked by the King for his exceptional performance on the battlefield.Throughout the years he rose through the ranks
Asher the Insane 44 - The Party's Preparation
"Company HALT!" Mine yelled out, raising his fist. The elf and the dwarf continued on while the orc and the goblin stopped abruptly. Asharis crossed her arms impatiently and turned around as she passed in front of Mine, asking, "What?" She caught a hold and pulled on the collar of the dwarf, who wanted to walk on still. "Let go, yer little..." he swore under his breath. "Listen up," Mine exclaimed, while spreading out a map, "we're almost to the cult's temple, and before we do anything, we need a strategy" "I’Z GOTTA PLAN," Yam yelled out, almost deafening Mine who was standing right beside him. "Ah want to know the orc's scheme," roared Thakin with laughter. Asharis also had a quiet giggle. "It's fantastic that you have a plan, Yam, but is it anything other than killing everything in sight?" Mine asked Yam as he turned to face the orc. "UH....” He thought for a second, “NAH." “That might be Plan C,” the human moaned. Pulling out a map from his backpack and spreading it out
Asher the Insane 45 - The Party In the Deep
"Spiderwebs and dust. Reminds me of when me Pa used to trap me in our family mine," Thakin reminisced to the good times of his childhood. "Should have kept you there, rock-eater. It would have done the world a favor," Asharis commented. The dwarf turned red and exploded with rage, "Shut yer damned beardless mouth! Not one damned elf would even survive a single minute in any mine. I'm surprised that you haven't decided to run away already. If anyone needs a consultant on sniffing daises or mushroom-dancin’, then we'll call on you, but when work needs to be done, let the useful races work," he trailed off," damn it all..." Asharis was surprised when he reacted that way. She would, of course, expect him to return an insult but not genuinely return with such anger. She was unaware that Thakin took the slur 'rock-eater' as a particularly personal and painful one.Little Thakin occasionally went without food for weeks at a period when his family was extremely impoverished a century ago,
Asher the Insane 46 - Aebshem the Exhilarated
They are here. Hmpf, later than I expected. Opening the door and kneeling with his head down, an acolyte informed me, "They are here." "Why have you barged into my private quarters without knocking first?" I asked. "I apologize. I felt it was urgent to deliver the news," without even the slightest hint of anxiety, he spoke. He truly believed to have a just reason. I drew forward, crouched down opposite him, and spoke into his ears, "but that does not allow you to break basic etiquette, does it?" "Of course not, never. I will do better next time," he promised. I was not mad. Why would I be? I was slighted; I gave an admonishment, and then in return was given an apology and a promise. The world should have operated in this manner, but it didn't. The world was ugly, harsh, and perpetually unfaithful. Things never worked out in the way 'mortal' people wanted them to. Reality bends on the whims of the corrupt and evil. Some would even call me that. They try to label me as evil, t
Asher the Insane 47 - Aebshem the One of Passion
Five of them, and all restrained, though some needed more restraints than others. In the main hall's shadowy interior, which had enough space for at least a few thousand people, they were surrounded by innumerable of my children wearing black-clad robes and hoods. Two of them were swearing heavily, the elf and the dwarf. The goblin was talking nonstop. And the orc was too stupid to make sense out of his situation, asking the others what was happening. But one of them was silent. Not a word came from his mouth. "Where were they?" I asked a child of mine. The response was, "They've reached the balcony of the main hall. We let them slay twenty-six of our rank." "Let us? I'll show ya what you can lemme reach!" The dwarf said in anger. The only thing he received was my indifference. "You heard that?" I asked the prisoners, "twenty-six..." I let that number hang in the room, "you fancy yourself heroes, do you not? Would heroes really kill twenty-six people with no regard for their li
Asher the Insane 48 - Aebshem the Humouring
“Oh, boohoo Orochimaru. Wait, that was supposed to be sad, right? You’re sad? You're the boy and the man in the story, right? Like the new person, slash, creature, which came from the union of two beings, blah, blah, blah. Or have I got this wrong?” an old voice rang. “Who is that?” I looked around. There was a small, gray-haired woman, standing in the middle of the dimly lit room. “Hello,” she waved with her old hand, “name's Asher, but you can call me Miss Burell. Sadly, I was never married, so no Misses Burell, which I think sounds better.” "And how did you get here, Miss Burell?" I humored her. This may be the last day of her old life. "A priest send me, or rather, I sent myself to save these assholes." "...The priest sent you?" After hearing that, I laughed heartily while shedding happy tears. She started over, "I then reflected, ‘Well, they don't necessarily have to fail simply because they don't have the five-man party exactly right or the anime trio.’ Maybe it's a
Asher the Insane 49 - Mine the Outraged
"WHAT?" I yelled at the elderly woman, attempting to break free of my bonds, but even if I succeeded, innumerous cult members would be there to put me right back in my restraints or in the worst case scenario, slit my throat or shot me to death the instant I got free. "Then why are you here?" I continued to yell at her. She answered with a kind grin, "I simply want to see what happens.” It infuriated me, making me reevaluate whether I should even try to flee. "Then let us begin," Aebshem announced, getting up and walking closer to us, "after all the hardship you faced today, faced all your life, a goddess would be a sight for sore eyes, would you not agree, Mine?" He knelt beside me. Thoughts of hitting him or spitting on his shoes briefly crossed my mind, but even quicker abandoned them, just as I had done with the idea of running away. Also, what was the old woman even doing here? She claimed to have been sent by a priest. Was Diringer who she meant? It couldn't have been anyo
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My last thoughts on Asher the Insane
A special thanks to me, the writer, for writing this novel! Just joking. Thanks for coming this far. I guess I covered every trope and cliché I wanted to cover to create one of the worst “actual” web novel that is out there. Yeah, it was a train wreck through and through, but I had a lot of fun writing it. Hope you, whoever is reading this, also had at least some amount of fun reading it.It came from a somewhat shitty premise idea with isekai elements and spun into whatever it is now. Have a nice day. And as a last hurrah: Fuck you for reading this fucking garbage!
- Asher the Insane
Ending B
“Does it this time? Or are you, as always, unwilling to share what is to happen? You are a powerful god. Fate, future, past, present, all that will be. The gods have grown complacent, and it is time for a change."While Urien still making a somewhat tired speech about gods and whatever, destiny, maybe, I walked up to the hooded god, whoever he was he must have been pretty powerful, as Urien said.Without hesitation, I spoke up. "This would really be the perfect moment to blast him," I said, gesturing towards Urien.To my surprise, the hooded figure nodded in agreement. "In this you are right, mortal Asher," he said, his voice deep and resonant. And with a calm flick of his wrist, a bolt of lightning shot towards Urien.The power of the blast was unimaginable. It was as if the very fabric of reality was tearing apart at the seams. I could see the sky lighting up with bursts of energy, and I felt the ground shaking beneath my feet. The forces of the world were colliding, all in an effor
- Asher the Insane
Ending A
“Cyrus,” I heard Alexandra call, “get behind me.”“Do not protect him. If you would have cared from the beginning, then an in-numerous amount of them could have been saved. Why, little goddess, even your precious Paragon? Faye, I recall her name. Even if you can create her again, does it not bother you that she was destroyed in the first place?”“She is as we are,” Alexandra said. “She will not be bothered by your little games as she knows her purpose, which you do not seem to.”“Then it doesn’t matter if I kill your little mortal friend, does it?” He said.And as he did, a sickly black smoke approached from behind the death god towards the gods and me.With the fog/mist gone, I saw that the new smoke cloud was as tall and wide as I could see, and I was pretty confident in my sight.“Cyrus, take my hand. I must lend you our power, or you will not be if you are hit by Urien’s madness.” Alexandra said as she held out her hand.I took it but had to ask, “whaddya mean ‘lend you our power’
- Asher the Insane
100 - THE FINALE / Asher the Extravaganza
I awoke in pitch black, lying on something which I couldn’t really describe, but it was neither soft nor very hard. This wasn't my childhood bed. That much was apparent; in which I had slept in the night before, instead I found myself in what I thought was sand. It's wet too, ugh. From the feeling I got, I think I was also wearing my usual equipment, a sort of armor made of leather. It was a pretty low tier, but I thought it looked pretty cool. Why was I wearing it? I went to bed in my pajamas and now that I am here. I’m suddenly wearing it. Of course, this place could have been anywhere I could have thought of. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but no matter how long I seemed to wait, they never did. But even though it was too dark to see anything, it wasn't too dark to hear anything. There were many people present wherever this was. Talking, shouting, screaming their heads off, moving about, and running. From the muffled sound of bare feet to the iron clang of a
- Asher the Insane
99 - The Truth
“Who are you?” Jacob asked as he pushed his wife behind him for protection. He felt a sense of confusion and fear, not knowing who this elf-man was or what he wanted from them.The elf man's response only added to Jacob's confusion. "I know this is hard to accept, but I'm your son, Asher."Jacob almost burst out laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. "And how do you plan on proving that?" he asked.“I can prove it, don’t you worry about that,” The Elf said.“How?” Curious, Zilpah raised a question. She pushed past Jacob despite his attempts to keep her behind him.Asher responded, "Well, do you remember Faye, my oh-so imaginary childhood friend? She's not quite as fantastical as you might have thought. Faye if you will," he said as he poured steaming tea into a new cup.Suddenly, an ethereal young woman manifested opposite him."I'd like you to meet her," Asher said.She didn't say a word.“We aren't really close, but she has been sharing my adventures and has occasionally been
- Asher the Insane
98 - Jacob and Zilpah, The Parents
Deep within the southern farmlands of the grand kingdom of Kathe, close to the bustling city of Wellden, there existed a quaint little farm owned by a couple named Jacob and Zilpah. These two individuals were not your typical townsfolk.They were childhood friends who grew up in the same small village on the outskirts of the town of Charlo. They spent their youth playing together in the fields and learning the ways of the land from their families, who also were farmers. As they grew older, Jacob and Zilpah started to see each other in a different light, and eventually, they fell in love.Years went by, and they stayed together through thick and thin, facing the hardships of farming and battling against droughts and pests, but they always managed to pull through with their unwavering dedication and love for one another. They watched as their crops grew tall and their livestock flourished, and they knew that they had built a life together that was worth more than any riches or fame.A f
- Asher the Insane
97 - Asher's last Hurrah for Papia
At breakfast the next day, after the weirdness Asher had with the dragon last night, he announced that he had big news.As I nonchalantly smeared jelly on a piece of bread, Asher rose from his seat and directed his attention towards the king. “"I have some big news," he announced, causing a sense of anticipation to fill the room. All eyes were now on him as he continued, "I would like for Papia to stay here in my stead, permanently. As a guide for you, but also as an important task which I believe will help her grow into her future responsibilities. She'll be dealing with all matters related to elves.I’d also like Ravana to look over her. A dragon, especially her, is someone I’d trust.What do you say, King Padillia?"There was a silence. I was in shock.As I thought about Asher's proposal, the king spoke up, stammering slightly. "I-I don't know- well, if you, rather, her... think it's best."Turning towards me, Asher asked, "And you, Papia. Are you fine with this development? A life
- Asher the Insane
96 - The Dragon's Lair
Papia's eyes widened in fear as she watched Asher approach the dragon. "What on earth would he want to confront a dragon for?!" she thought to herself. "Get the hell out of here before that monster eats you!" But Asher seemed undaunted by the creature's size and ferocity.Papia continued to cower, keeping a safe distance from the dragon."Come on, girl," Asher thought, already noticing the hiding girl, "you live in a fantasy world like this and you still think dragons, of all creatures, are mindless monstrous beasts who’ll just eat you? Jeez, you still got a lot to learn about how these things work."Asher seemed to be quite knowledgeable about dragons, though. He wanted to remind Papia that in many works of fantasy, fiction in general where they appear, dragons are often depicted as the most intelligent creatures around."Proud, sometimes arrogant, and the primary source of scalie smut out there," he remarked to himself in his mind.Despite this knowledge, Asher wasn't taking any cha
- Asher the Insane
95 - Papia's... Chase?
The moment I stepped into my room, I felt a wave of overwhelming sensation wash over me.The furniture was adorned with gold, and even the chandelier was covered to the brim with gemstones. It was gaudy, to say the least, and I couldn't help but feel like it was all too much to handle.As I kicked off my shoes and let my dress loose, I made my way over to the bed. It was like a fortress, decked out with pillows and other fancy accessories. However, it was surprisingly hard. Most likely because it had probably not been slept in very much. Still, it was better than sleeping outside on the hard ground.As I lay there with my eyes closed, I started thinking about my life. Sure, the decor was a bit outdated, but I couldn't deny the fact that having servants and gold at my disposal would be kind of nice. I could get used to this lifestyle if I had to.I dozed off. I don't know for how long, but my dreams were interrupted by the sound of something smashing on the ground in the room next door
