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Asher the Insane 55 - The House of Lords Part 03
The Lord Speaker called once the noise had subsided: "Mister Diringer, that is enough. I appreciate your assistance. Thank you for your cooperation. Could the guards please remove him and bring in Mine Glory, Thakin Forgebreath, Yam Thousand-Hoods, Vethra Nox, and- The Lord Speaker cleared his throat to not have to repeat himself and said in one breath, "Asharisralorentanithilgenkian, to the stand, please?" The five of them were each escorted by multiple guards to the stand. All were wearing traditional formal clothes of their respective race, for them, it was not a common occurrence to meet the king himself, surrounded by the lords of the country. Mine Glory was dressed immaculately. Very likely, that was his former General uniform. A red wrap-around garment with whitened sleeves that shortened and narrowed as they came down towards the wrists, embroidered with feline animals, and most prominently and unlike its compatriots, not a feline, the national animal of the Kingdom of Deira
Asher the Insane 56 - The House of Lords Part 04
"The head priest Zedro Diringer gave me the assignment of rescuing an amulet, a relic of the church, from the grasp of the cult leader, Aebshem. I was given a team to work on achieving that objective with. I believed it would be challenging to work with the chosen individuals because I hardly knew them and there were some obvious disparities between us, but I accepted the task for it seemed such a crucial aim for my nation and I presumed to give it my all. We traveled to the cult's lair over the course of four days- Wait, actually, five. We waited for it to get dark for the latter part of one day and then, over the hours, it must have passed over to the next day. We approached the entrance carefully, but there were no guards until we had penetrated deep into enemy territory. We reached what had been the main hall of the underground network of the enemy base. At this time, we had dispatched twenty-six enemy combatants, and in hindsight, they were probably just used as bait; as sacrifi
Asher the Insane 57 - The House of Lords Part 05
The dwarf Thakin was first, "That much ah can assure ye: when ye look back on it, it was truly a magical occasion. I ain't gonna repeat what the goddess had said to be, but I'll say this much: No living person on the planet knew about what she had told me, that's it." "Are you really not going to tell them?" Miss Asharisralorentanithilgenkian had asked Mister Forgebreath, and he threatened her with these words. "Aye, and if you or anyone else here tells them what she said, then I'll cut out yer tongue and make you swallow it while I use yer eyeballs to cool my mead with. Is that clear?" "Mister Forgebreath, must I remind you that you are in the House of Lords?" He was reminded to behave properly by the Lord Speaker. "Bugger off, ye dress-wearing, wig-powdering ninny. She talked to me about mah family and that's that. I'd rather die and take everyone in this room with me than say what it was." Mister Forgebreath crossed his arms and armed himself with a sour face and cold eyes. "Oo
Asher the Insane 58 - Asher the ...Elf?
Pointy ears. Since yesterday I was a proud owner of a pair of them. They were long, not the stubby pointed kind but the long kind which pointed upright into the sky. Elves in anime often had these kinds of ears, which just extended straight out of their head or slumped down because of their weight. The second one wasn't an aesthetic I enjoyed. I like the ones I had. You are now aware that I enjoy pointy ears and elves in general. Not that I'm an elf supremacist. I like all other races too, nothing wrong with them. No matter what they are — drow, high, timber, snow—they are all as lovely as each other. Though I'm sure some hated each other more than others, maybe for good reason. I'm no historian and still not that familiar with the history of this world. I wonder if I ever was going to be. My interest in the topic came and went, but was not so great that I actually went and researched the topic. Stereotypically elves are snobbish, great with magic or bows, and detest or otherwis
Asher the Insane 59 - Asher the Plot-tical Thinker
Taking a big swing from the mug in my hand I leaned back into the rocking chair. When I still was an old lady, I had built myself a nice little cabin on the outskirts of some town far away enough for most not to disturb me. I don't really remember the town's name anymore. Before I left it completely, I put the cabin and everything that was in it, in my pocket dimension skill, and this morning I put it wherever the hell I was now. It would have been a waste to just throw away all the love, care, and work I had put into it, and everything it was made of I made by hand, with the assistance of a few skills, but nothing that automated the process. It felt like forever since I was just a dude. Inside I still am, in a way, but I'm not here to argue semantics. Elf dudes are not just 'dudes', in my eyes. But even with no worries in the world, or rather, in this world, I feel like there's something missing. What would it be? I was young; I was old, different races, a boy, a girl, a rock
Asher the Insane 60 - Asher the Welcomed
I noticed a bar nearby, and despite the strange glances I'd gotten from the villagers, I thought this was the perfect time to wet my lips. Even though I thought strangers weren't particularly welcome here, I figured that money would be a good incentive to ease most prejudices. I went in expecting trouble, but my expectations were quickly dispelled: this wasn't any typical drinking establishment with drunken brawls and foul walls. It was a gentleman's residence, with cigar smoke billowing and conversations that never rose above the realm of polite banter. "If you please, bartender," I said as I took a seat at the bar, "give me a drink. Anything's fine." "Of course, sir," he replied, handing me a glossy glass filled with a black liquid. Taking a sip, the taste pleasantly surprised me. I had imagined something bitter, but it had the taste of a sweetness I had never experienced before. "What is that?" I asked in shock. "It's my own special brew. Black Beer, named after the bark of th
Asher the Insane 61 - Asher the High-Elf
It's pretty huge, the building I mean. Rike's spire, just as the barman had told me, was the tallest thing I had ever seen in this world, even in my own world. Looking up, it must have pierced into the clouds themselves. Who knew how far it went beyond them? The golden tiles, which lead up to the spire in some sort of road, were in immaculate condition, none of them were damaged or broken even the slightest. Grass, which usually crept its way through the ground, wasn't even touching them. I only assumed it was gold because, in my subjective reality, they were green at the time. I only recently discovered that, in this body, I was unable to distinguish between the colors green and gold. It wasn't particularly bad, just strange. Color blindness usually came in red-green, blue-yellow or complete blindness to color, not green-gold. I wonder where that came from. Do all elves have this? Or maybe it's just in the high-elven subgroup. There could be a weird genetic code in these fantasy
Asher the Insane 62 - Two of A Kind
While there was still a considerable distance separating them, the voices of the two elves were carried perfectly through the marble hall. "Come now, a conversation shouldn't be held in the entrance of a home," the older elf gestured for the younger one to follow. Up the countless marble steps, there wasn't another door waiting, but a platform to carry them through the mighty structure. It rose into the air and flew like the wind, but the two elves felt nothing since it was in perfect equilibrium. Just as the moment had passed, they already reached the spire, the very top of the citadel. Stepping off the platform into the only room available, they finally settled down in a workshop. Unusual objects were strewn throughout it, chaotic yet possessing a feeling of order. While they were distinct, familiar but foreign, the younger high-elf felt as though he remembered some of these items. He wanted to touch them and so he did, while the older elf sat by one of the chairs next to the
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My last thoughts on Asher the Insane
A special thanks to me, the writer, for writing this novel! Just joking. Thanks for coming this far. I guess I covered every trope and cliché I wanted to cover to create one of the worst “actual” web novel that is out there. Yeah, it was a train wreck through and through, but I had a lot of fun writing it. Hope you, whoever is reading this, also had at least some amount of fun reading it.It came from a somewhat shitty premise idea with isekai elements and spun into whatever it is now. Have a nice day. And as a last hurrah: Fuck you for reading this fucking garbage!
- Asher the Insane
Ending B
“Does it this time? Or are you, as always, unwilling to share what is to happen? You are a powerful god. Fate, future, past, present, all that will be. The gods have grown complacent, and it is time for a change."While Urien still making a somewhat tired speech about gods and whatever, destiny, maybe, I walked up to the hooded god, whoever he was he must have been pretty powerful, as Urien said.Without hesitation, I spoke up. "This would really be the perfect moment to blast him," I said, gesturing towards Urien.To my surprise, the hooded figure nodded in agreement. "In this you are right, mortal Asher," he said, his voice deep and resonant. And with a calm flick of his wrist, a bolt of lightning shot towards Urien.The power of the blast was unimaginable. It was as if the very fabric of reality was tearing apart at the seams. I could see the sky lighting up with bursts of energy, and I felt the ground shaking beneath my feet. The forces of the world were colliding, all in an effor
- Asher the Insane
Ending A
“Cyrus,” I heard Alexandra call, “get behind me.”“Do not protect him. If you would have cared from the beginning, then an in-numerous amount of them could have been saved. Why, little goddess, even your precious Paragon? Faye, I recall her name. Even if you can create her again, does it not bother you that she was destroyed in the first place?”“She is as we are,” Alexandra said. “She will not be bothered by your little games as she knows her purpose, which you do not seem to.”“Then it doesn’t matter if I kill your little mortal friend, does it?” He said.And as he did, a sickly black smoke approached from behind the death god towards the gods and me.With the fog/mist gone, I saw that the new smoke cloud was as tall and wide as I could see, and I was pretty confident in my sight.“Cyrus, take my hand. I must lend you our power, or you will not be if you are hit by Urien’s madness.” Alexandra said as she held out her hand.I took it but had to ask, “whaddya mean ‘lend you our power’
- Asher the Insane
100 - THE FINALE / Asher the Extravaganza
I awoke in pitch black, lying on something which I couldn’t really describe, but it was neither soft nor very hard. This wasn't my childhood bed. That much was apparent; in which I had slept in the night before, instead I found myself in what I thought was sand. It's wet too, ugh. From the feeling I got, I think I was also wearing my usual equipment, a sort of armor made of leather. It was a pretty low tier, but I thought it looked pretty cool. Why was I wearing it? I went to bed in my pajamas and now that I am here. I’m suddenly wearing it. Of course, this place could have been anywhere I could have thought of. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but no matter how long I seemed to wait, they never did. But even though it was too dark to see anything, it wasn't too dark to hear anything. There were many people present wherever this was. Talking, shouting, screaming their heads off, moving about, and running. From the muffled sound of bare feet to the iron clang of a
- Asher the Insane
99 - The Truth
“Who are you?” Jacob asked as he pushed his wife behind him for protection. He felt a sense of confusion and fear, not knowing who this elf-man was or what he wanted from them.The elf man's response only added to Jacob's confusion. "I know this is hard to accept, but I'm your son, Asher."Jacob almost burst out laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. "And how do you plan on proving that?" he asked.“I can prove it, don’t you worry about that,” The Elf said.“How?” Curious, Zilpah raised a question. She pushed past Jacob despite his attempts to keep her behind him.Asher responded, "Well, do you remember Faye, my oh-so imaginary childhood friend? She's not quite as fantastical as you might have thought. Faye if you will," he said as he poured steaming tea into a new cup.Suddenly, an ethereal young woman manifested opposite him."I'd like you to meet her," Asher said.She didn't say a word.“We aren't really close, but she has been sharing my adventures and has occasionally been
- Asher the Insane
98 - Jacob and Zilpah, The Parents
Deep within the southern farmlands of the grand kingdom of Kathe, close to the bustling city of Wellden, there existed a quaint little farm owned by a couple named Jacob and Zilpah. These two individuals were not your typical townsfolk.They were childhood friends who grew up in the same small village on the outskirts of the town of Charlo. They spent their youth playing together in the fields and learning the ways of the land from their families, who also were farmers. As they grew older, Jacob and Zilpah started to see each other in a different light, and eventually, they fell in love.Years went by, and they stayed together through thick and thin, facing the hardships of farming and battling against droughts and pests, but they always managed to pull through with their unwavering dedication and love for one another. They watched as their crops grew tall and their livestock flourished, and they knew that they had built a life together that was worth more than any riches or fame.A f
- Asher the Insane
97 - Asher's last Hurrah for Papia
At breakfast the next day, after the weirdness Asher had with the dragon last night, he announced that he had big news.As I nonchalantly smeared jelly on a piece of bread, Asher rose from his seat and directed his attention towards the king. “"I have some big news," he announced, causing a sense of anticipation to fill the room. All eyes were now on him as he continued, "I would like for Papia to stay here in my stead, permanently. As a guide for you, but also as an important task which I believe will help her grow into her future responsibilities. She'll be dealing with all matters related to elves.I’d also like Ravana to look over her. A dragon, especially her, is someone I’d trust.What do you say, King Padillia?"There was a silence. I was in shock.As I thought about Asher's proposal, the king spoke up, stammering slightly. "I-I don't know- well, if you, rather, her... think it's best."Turning towards me, Asher asked, "And you, Papia. Are you fine with this development? A life
- Asher the Insane
96 - The Dragon's Lair
Papia's eyes widened in fear as she watched Asher approach the dragon. "What on earth would he want to confront a dragon for?!" she thought to herself. "Get the hell out of here before that monster eats you!" But Asher seemed undaunted by the creature's size and ferocity.Papia continued to cower, keeping a safe distance from the dragon."Come on, girl," Asher thought, already noticing the hiding girl, "you live in a fantasy world like this and you still think dragons, of all creatures, are mindless monstrous beasts who’ll just eat you? Jeez, you still got a lot to learn about how these things work."Asher seemed to be quite knowledgeable about dragons, though. He wanted to remind Papia that in many works of fantasy, fiction in general where they appear, dragons are often depicted as the most intelligent creatures around."Proud, sometimes arrogant, and the primary source of scalie smut out there," he remarked to himself in his mind.Despite this knowledge, Asher wasn't taking any cha
- Asher the Insane
95 - Papia's... Chase?
The moment I stepped into my room, I felt a wave of overwhelming sensation wash over me.The furniture was adorned with gold, and even the chandelier was covered to the brim with gemstones. It was gaudy, to say the least, and I couldn't help but feel like it was all too much to handle.As I kicked off my shoes and let my dress loose, I made my way over to the bed. It was like a fortress, decked out with pillows and other fancy accessories. However, it was surprisingly hard. Most likely because it had probably not been slept in very much. Still, it was better than sleeping outside on the hard ground.As I lay there with my eyes closed, I started thinking about my life. Sure, the decor was a bit outdated, but I couldn't deny the fact that having servants and gold at my disposal would be kind of nice. I could get used to this lifestyle if I had to.I dozed off. I don't know for how long, but my dreams were interrupted by the sound of something smashing on the ground in the room next door
