"Logan corrected the goblin.“That’s what I said, Tagliatelle,” the goblin nodded.“No, Machiavelli.”“Manicotti, got it,” Rafe shot Logan a finger gun.“Machiavel--”“Bro, are you stroking out on me?” the goblin asked Logan with concern in his voice.“I’m fine, Rafe,” Logan sighed and then tried to get them back on track. “Well, let’s sgoblinly be glad all the demons have never stood on a united front.”“I’ll say so,” Kelda agreed. “Personally, I think if they all banded together and tried to use brute force, they’d win over the souls of mortal men easily.” “Kelda…” The madame clicked her tongue. “You of all people should know that’s not true. Fear can only get you so far. Are these people really ‘following you,’ or are they just pretending so that they can avoid punishment?”“They’re listening either way,” the blonde argued.“Ab is right, Kelda,” Abina added. “Think about Earl and Azar. We were a part of their ‘followers’ at one point. Would you say we truly believ
"Eh, I still think the hotel would be better," Logan shrugged."You’re not embarrassed by us, are you?" Beth asked sheepishly."Of course not!" Logan reassured the redhead. "It’s just that it’s gonna be hard to explain to my parents why I’m traveling with three super-hot demon women and an goblin to the nation’s capital to murder another demon who’s posing as a congressman.""Nonsense, my man," Rafe slapped Logan playfully on the shoulder with his still-human arms. "You’re the greatest bullshitter I’ve ever met. You’ll figure something out.""Guys, I seriously don’t think--""Ja-cob’s house! Ja-cob’s house!" Rafe started a slow chant.The elves joined in on the chant, and soon, the entire cabin of Shadow was ringing out with calls to stay at Logan's parents' house. "Alright!" Logan finally conceded. "We can stay at my old place, but we have to be really careful not to tip my parents off about what we’re really doing. They’re pretty old-fashioned, and I think they’d fre
“Did it work?” Logan chuckled. “You’ve already wooed us, Logan,” Beth giggled, “but it’s always nice to hear flattery. You may have just earned something special next time we make love.”“Uh oh,” Abina cooed. “That ‘thing’ is supposedly so legendary. I’d love to see it.”“Why’d you put the child-proof locks on these doors?” Rafe demanded in a panic as he tugged at the handle.Logan shook his head, laughed, and then pointed at the sign on the highway ahead. “We’re almost to my parent’s place. When we get there, can we not talk about orgies and special sexual favors? Please?”“We’ll do our best, but no promises.” Abina chuckled.“You’ll get no such promise from the Rafester,” the goblin in the passenger seat said with a shake of the head. “The pores on my mental filter are wider than a porn star’s assho--”“Rafe!” Logan cut him off. “You’re not really going to be saying anything. At least, not unless you’ve figured out how to control your transformation powers yet.”T
Logan asked the group, "Are we ready for this?""Kelda nodded, "As ready as we ever can be."He reached up, balled his hand into a fist, and then rapped three times on the door.There was silence from the other side, and his whole body felt like it was being overtaken with anxiety as they waited for somebody to answer."Beth asked, "Maybe nobody’s home?""No," Logan pointed to the silver minivan with the tiny dent in the hood, "that’s their car in the driveway. They’re definitely here. They’re probably just not expecting company."Rafe’s disembodied voice suggested, "Maybe we’re interrupting sexy time?" "Do you want to go on the roof this time?" Logan asked playfully. "I’ll--"Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by the sound of the locking mechanism of the door.There was a loud creak as the green door swung open to reveal his dad, in all his glory.Dad was wearing a red and white flannel shirt with baggy bootcut jeans. Upon his button nose sat a pair o
"Thanks, Mom," Logan grinned warmly as she left."Holyshitholyshitholyshit!" Rafe's voice couldn't contain its excitement. "We're gonna eat Mrs. Ralston's cooking! Lord, take me now.""I was wondering how long before you'd crack," Logan laughed, "but you're right, Mom's food is the fucking best.""Your parents are very kind," Beth noted as she looked at the posters that were still hanging on Logan's wall."We shouldn't be surprised, Sister," Abina said softly. "Logan is the kindest soul we've ever met. His parents surely played a big part in that.""Who is this 'Juicy' woman?" Kelda mused and pointed to a poster of a scantily clad supermodel sitting on top of a Mustang. "One of your old girlfriends?" Rafe burst out into uncontrollable laughter."He wishes!" the goblin cackled. "The best thing Logan here could snag in High School was the spawn of Satan herself.""Tamira?" Abina asked."Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Rafe stopped laughing. "Don't say her name aloud. Some say that if you l
"It's a more accurate term," Logan shrugged. "We learned it in one of my religion electives.""Alright then," Logan's dad said, still a little confused. "Let's dig in!"First up was the age-old classic, spaghetti. The noodles themselves were store-bought, but they were the premium kind that had Italian seasoning and parsley baked right into the gourmet dough. As for the sauce, it was Logan's mom's special recipe, cooked and canned right there in her kitchen. The concoction was dark red, and the aromatic smell of tomatoes, garlic, and parmesan wafted off as Logan poured it onto his noodles."Is that sausage?" Abina's perky voice asked. "I love sausage!"Oh no. Logan slowly turned to look at the elves who was now holding a half-sausage with her hand firmly gripped around the base. As much as he wanted to see what happened next, he really didn't want it to happen in front of his parents."Why, yes, dear," Mom explained, "but you're going to want to mix that in with the r
Logan shook his head and grinned. "We're just friends," he lied. "Besides, I don't need relationship advice, Dad. I think I'm good on my own." "You sure about that?" his dad asked with a raised eyebrow. "How's Tamira working out for you?" Abina was taking a drink, and she nearly did a spit-take when she heard what Logan's dad had said. "Low blow," Logan joked through gritted teeth. "Low. Blow." "I'm just sayin'." Dad shrugged. "A great partner is hard to come by. Take your mother over there, for example. We were 'just friends' at one point too. If we hadn't gone to David's party--" "Is this really appropriate talk when company is around?" Logan asked coyly. "Just making small talk." Dad shrugged and passed Logan the bowl of ravioli. He glanced down at the small pockets of dough packed to the brim with unseen goodies and smothered with a saucy pesto rub. "Is this the ravioli?" Logan asked eagerly. Mom grinned and nodded. "This is Logan's favorite," she explained to the girls. "
“It’s gonna be just like the good ol’ days, bro,” Rafe mused as they pulled up to the dark gates of the nature park. “We can sneak in after hours, smoke a few joints, shoot the shit, and then crash under the stars.” “Don’t forget about getting shitfaced,” Logan said with a chuckle.“And fornicating,” Beth added.“I might just sit that part out,” Rafe gagged.Their old stomping grounds were only about twenty minutes north of Logan's parent’s house, on the outskirts of the K.C. metropolitan area. Logan and Rafe had made the drive so many times that it was still practically ingrained in Logan's muscle memory, and he basically auto-piloted through the entire journey. The only time he actually had to focus was when they stopped by a local liquor store and bought up what felt like their entire stock of beer.You couldn’t go out into the woods with your friends in the middle of the night and not bring beer.“It looks like they’re closed,” Abina observed sadly as their headlights il