“Did it work?” Logan chuckled. “You’ve already wooed us, Logan,” Beth giggled, “but it’s always nice to hear flattery. You may have just earned something special next time we make love.”“Uh oh,” Abina cooed. “That ‘thing’ is supposedly so legendary. I’d love to see it.”“Why’d you put the child-proof locks on these doors?” Rafe demanded in a panic as he tugged at the handle.Logan shook his head, laughed, and then pointed at the sign on the highway ahead. “We’re almost to my parent’s place. When we get there, can we not talk about orgies and special sexual favors? Please?”“We’ll do our best, but no promises.” Abina chuckled.“You’ll get no such promise from the Rafester,” the goblin in the passenger seat said with a shake of the head. “The pores on my mental filter are wider than a porn star’s assho--”“Rafe!” Logan cut him off. “You’re not really going to be saying anything. At least, not unless you’ve figured out how to control your transformation powers yet.”T
Logan asked the group, "Are we ready for this?""Kelda nodded, "As ready as we ever can be."He reached up, balled his hand into a fist, and then rapped three times on the door.There was silence from the other side, and his whole body felt like it was being overtaken with anxiety as they waited for somebody to answer."Beth asked, "Maybe nobody’s home?""No," Logan pointed to the silver minivan with the tiny dent in the hood, "that’s their car in the driveway. They’re definitely here. They’re probably just not expecting company."Rafe’s disembodied voice suggested, "Maybe we’re interrupting sexy time?" "Do you want to go on the roof this time?" Logan asked playfully. "I’ll--"Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by the sound of the locking mechanism of the door.There was a loud creak as the green door swung open to reveal his dad, in all his glory.Dad was wearing a red and white flannel shirt with baggy bootcut jeans. Upon his button nose sat a pair o
"Thanks, Mom," Logan grinned warmly as she left."Holyshitholyshitholyshit!" Rafe's voice couldn't contain its excitement. "We're gonna eat Mrs. Ralston's cooking! Lord, take me now.""I was wondering how long before you'd crack," Logan laughed, "but you're right, Mom's food is the fucking best.""Your parents are very kind," Beth noted as she looked at the posters that were still hanging on Logan's wall."We shouldn't be surprised, Sister," Abina said softly. "Logan is the kindest soul we've ever met. His parents surely played a big part in that.""Who is this 'Juicy' woman?" Kelda mused and pointed to a poster of a scantily clad supermodel sitting on top of a Mustang. "One of your old girlfriends?" Rafe burst out into uncontrollable laughter."He wishes!" the goblin cackled. "The best thing Logan here could snag in High School was the spawn of Satan herself.""Tamira?" Abina asked."Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Rafe stopped laughing. "Don't say her name aloud. Some say that if you l
"It's a more accurate term," Logan shrugged. "We learned it in one of my religion electives.""Alright then," Logan's dad said, still a little confused. "Let's dig in!"First up was the age-old classic, spaghetti. The noodles themselves were store-bought, but they were the premium kind that had Italian seasoning and parsley baked right into the gourmet dough. As for the sauce, it was Logan's mom's special recipe, cooked and canned right there in her kitchen. The concoction was dark red, and the aromatic smell of tomatoes, garlic, and parmesan wafted off as Logan poured it onto his noodles."Is that sausage?" Abina's perky voice asked. "I love sausage!"Oh no. Logan slowly turned to look at the elves who was now holding a half-sausage with her hand firmly gripped around the base. As much as he wanted to see what happened next, he really didn't want it to happen in front of his parents."Why, yes, dear," Mom explained, "but you're going to want to mix that in with the r
Logan shook his head and grinned. "We're just friends," he lied. "Besides, I don't need relationship advice, Dad. I think I'm good on my own." "You sure about that?" his dad asked with a raised eyebrow. "How's Tamira working out for you?" Abina was taking a drink, and she nearly did a spit-take when she heard what Logan's dad had said. "Low blow," Logan joked through gritted teeth. "Low. Blow." "I'm just sayin'." Dad shrugged. "A great partner is hard to come by. Take your mother over there, for example. We were 'just friends' at one point too. If we hadn't gone to David's party--" "Is this really appropriate talk when company is around?" Logan asked coyly. "Just making small talk." Dad shrugged and passed Logan the bowl of ravioli. He glanced down at the small pockets of dough packed to the brim with unseen goodies and smothered with a saucy pesto rub. "Is this the ravioli?" Logan asked eagerly. Mom grinned and nodded. "This is Logan's favorite," she explained to the girls. "
“It’s gonna be just like the good ol’ days, bro,” Rafe mused as they pulled up to the dark gates of the nature park. “We can sneak in after hours, smoke a few joints, shoot the shit, and then crash under the stars.” “Don’t forget about getting shitfaced,” Logan said with a chuckle.“And fornicating,” Beth added.“I might just sit that part out,” Rafe gagged.Their old stomping grounds were only about twenty minutes north of Logan's parent’s house, on the outskirts of the K.C. metropolitan area. Logan and Rafe had made the drive so many times that it was still practically ingrained in Logan's muscle memory, and he basically auto-piloted through the entire journey. The only time he actually had to focus was when they stopped by a local liquor store and bought up what felt like their entire stock of beer.You couldn’t go out into the woods with your friends in the middle of the night and not bring beer.“It looks like they’re closed,” Abina observed sadly as their headlights il
“Alright.” Logan double-checked their supplies. “We’ve got a blanket, we’ve got beer, and we’ve got some candles--”“And I’ve got some California Emerald Oxygen.” Rafe patted the tiny weed-filled baggie in his hand. “This is grade-A shit.” “What’s that thing in your hand?” Kelda asked the goblin. “Is it some sort of ceremonial horn?” Rafe looked down at the glass bong he was holding in his hand. The entire thing was made of glass, and it was molded to look like a miniature devil. It looked like the weed would sit in a small cup the creature held in its hand, and you could smoke it using the demon’s “tail.”“A ceremonial horn,” Rafe chuckled, “I like that. I’ll totally call it that if we get pulled over and the officer checks our trunk.”“I think it’s for Rafe’s little green treat, sister,” Abina explained. “I think it’s a pipe of some sort.”“Dingdingding, Lib is a winner!” The goblin jumped up and down and then extended the pipe to the curvy woman. “You win th
“That’s just the alcohol talking.” Logan laughed and ran his hand through the elves’ hair.“I agree with Kelda,” Beth added. “This is a great moment, and I don’t want it to ever end. I wish we could do this kind of thing every single day.”“You don’t get it, sisters,” Abina said firmly. “That is why we are fighting. Now, more than ever, the forces of darkness are gathering and preparing to launch an assault on the Divine. If they win, everybody loses. They’ll kill Logan and Rafe, take us back to Hell, and enslave every mortal on Earth until the end of time. As much as I’d love to simply lay here with my best friends and keep having a good time, we cannot ignore our destiny.” “Destiny?” Kelda let out a mixture between a laugh and a slur and then rolled over so that she could face her sister. “Listen to this, Abina gets a few drinks in her, and suddenly, she gets all self-righteous and starts talking about things like ‘destiny’ and the difference between ‘good and e