“Remember how I said it wasn’t that cold out here?” Rafe asked through chattering teeth. “I was wrong, bro. Totally fucking wrong.” Now that they had walked a few thousand feet away from the lake, they were feeling some of the effects of the cold. The surrounding area was now a wide-open field of snowy, hilly terrain, and the frigid air wasn't being filtered through the trees.Logan reminded the goblin, "You're the one who didn't want to wear a coat," as they pushed through the howling winds. "Just be glad we all have demonic powers, or else we would have frozen to death a looong time ago."Rafe shivered and rubbed his tiny hands on his shoulders. "How does that work, anyway?" he asked. "Like, do I need to set myself on fire or some shit like that?""Of course not," Abina explained. "The Magicfire inside his body, the one that powered his abilities, should keep him warm enough to survive. Of course, it never hurt to have backup."The curvy elves motioned to her own body, which w
Logan completely ignored the goblin's words. He asked his friends, "What if we pretended to be lost hikers?""That might work if there were one or two of us," Kelda sighed, "but five? And we're all wearing brand new clothes. I don't think he'd buy it.""We could just go in guns blazing," Ira suggested. "Just kick in his door, string him up by his balls, and then beat him like a naughty kitten until he's raw and tells us where the treasure is.""What if Jakey nukes him from orbit with his God Cannon?" Rafe threw his opinion into the mix. "That was pretty badass, and it'd save us a ton of work.""That'd destroy the treasure along with the demon," Logan shook his head. "As much as he wants to bust out the God Cannon again, it should be reserved for special situations. Great power and great responsibility, you know?""Oh no," Rafe gasped. "Why'd you have to go and say that, Jakey? Now you're gonna get shot by some burglar and die in my arms while you lecture me about being a hero.
He threw up a wall of purple, and the icy projectiles smashed into pieces against his flame. Out of the corner of his eye, Rafe zipped out of the way of the attack, and Ira dissolved the assault on her position with a gout of turquoise acid.“Icicles?” Rafe heckled. “What, are we back on the elementary playground, bro?”“Shut up, you bothersome goblin!” Shax growled. “Let’s see how humorous you find this.”The silver flames in his hands burst with redoubled intensity, and then he began to charge once again. As he ran, he shoved his hand down into the snow and produced a massive axe that looked like it was made completely out of ice.Logan and the elves tried to flank the massive target with another round of spells, but the demon just knocked them away with a swing of his newfound weapon.Rafe waved his hand back and forth in front of his face and then turned invisible. “You can’t see me, bitch!” he cackled.“Yes, he can, Rafe!” Kelda called out from across the way. “Shax is the fin
“You have no idea how good it feels to be home.” Logan sighed as he pulled their black Jeep, Shadow, into the driveway. “Even though we were just in Canada, it feels like we’ve been gone forever.”“The long-ass drive didn’t help, bro,” Rafe added from the passenger seat. “I literally got bored of sleeping. Sleeping, Jakey!”“Well, I had a lot of fun,” Kelda piped up. “I’m always happy to go on road trips with the love of my life and my best friends! I could never be bored when I’m with you guys.”“Aww,” Ira cooed as she slipped out of the vehicle. “I enjoyed your company too, Kelda.”“Maybe it was just the shit I was smoking.” Rafe shrugged. “It’s a new strain Slothy and I developed. We call it ‘The Clockstopper,’ because time nearly slows down when you smoke it.”“Is that FDA approved?” Logan asked as he opened the door and stepped out into the driveway. “Or are you just putting whatever chemicals you can find into your body?”“Bro,” Rafe shook his head disapprovingly, “you of all
“I’m not as rough with the others as I am with you,” Logan explained. “For obvious reasons.”Ira looked completely confused. “What reasons?” she said as she racked her brain.“Sister of Wrath?” Logan hinted.“Oooohhhh,” Ira squeaked. “Well then, that makes me all the more special. Anyway, sister, Rafe and Tris are calling it that because the weed is so good, it makes you unable to walk. Just like a good fuck.”“Nope,” Rafe gagged. “Tris, we’re throwing out this strain and starting from scratch! I’m never gonna be able to get that association out of my head now.”“But, Rafe--” the brunette elves started.“No ‘buts!’” the goblin cut her off. “I’m tryin’ to run a business here, and the Rafester demands that his product isn’t soiled by the thoughts of my bestie’s manhood.”“Well, shit…” Tris mused. “There goes the idea for my next strain.”“You were gonna name a strain of our precious weed after Jakey’s cock?” Rafe said, mouth agape.“Not exactly.” The goblin shrugged. “It was inspire
"He didn't notice," Logan stifled a laugh and winked at Gula.The curvy redhead giggled and then raised up the lids of the platters. When he saw what was underneath, it felt like his mouth was hit with a tidal wave.The first platter contained several pieces of smoked salmon, with perfectly red flesh and several singe marks from the cooking process. Underneath platter number two was a massive bowl of rice pilaf, topped with a few pieces of fresh bay leaves and half a lemon.Gula picked up a lemon, squeezed it delicately over the bed of rice, and then placed it off to the side. The elves sat down in one of the empty seats, picked up her utensils, and licked her lips happily.“Dig in, guys!” she ordered. “I know it’s not much, but I did my best.”“Gula,” Logan drooled, “this looks like the best meal we’ve had in months.”They passed the platters around the table, and each took a piece of salmon as well as a couple large scoops of rice. The salmon that he'd grabbed was one of
Shadow sped through the streets of Phoenix, under cover of the dark desert night. The second that Rafe and Tris had returned from their munchie run, Logan snagged the keys to the vehicle and decided to head toward his cult’s hideout. If they really were going to be tracking down a missing Archangel, rallying his cultists was probably the best place to start. “I still don’t get why you didn’t just call Oliver,” Rafe muttered from the middle seat. “It would have saved me from being uncomfortably smashed between two guys for an entire car ride. I think I’ve had to say ‘no homo’ more times today than I have in my entire life.” “Doubtful,” Raphael uttered under his breath. “What’d you say, angel boy?” Rafe demanded. “We may be best buds, but don’t think I won’t give you the ol’ one-two, one-two if you get outta line.” “Of course,” the Archangel said with a coy smile. “I’d never think of insulting you, Rafe.” “Damn straight,” the goblin nodded, “but, as the leader of this group, I’ll le
“What’s the matter?” Logan asked with a grin. “Are you shy?”The redhead snorted. “Anything but,” she argued. “It’s just… I don’t know… I feel like Sister Abina and Sister Kelda are putting a lot of pressure on me to hook up with you.”“Really?” Logan noted sarcastically. “I didn’t notice.”They passed by a few of the offices of the lower-level cult members, and then they were at the computer room. Logan stepped aside and let the elves enter the room first.“Well… I want to,” Gula continued. “I really, really want to. But--”“You want to ease into things,” Logan finished her sentence. “I get it, Gula. We don’t have to rush into that if you’re not ready.”“What?” the Sister of Gluttony asked with a confused quirk of her lips. “That’s not what I meant at all.”“What did you mean, then?” Logan questioned.Gula looked down at the ground bashfully and then turned her head up to stare him in the eyes. The elves bit her lip, and Logan could see that her nipples were growing erec