Fates

Home sweet home?

Mio just woke me up from my deep sleep, as if that was my only sensible sleep after the accident. Many strange things happened after that. That caused me to rarely sleep, especially when that dream happened. Many have been running through my mind since the accident and I no longer know where to start and how to know these sudden events.

I got up from lying down and stretched out my arm while yawning.

"So this is the day that we can go home huh?" I whispered in my mind.

I looked at Mio and smiled at her as I messed up her hair.

"Mio, let's pack our things first." I said while smiling at her.

Mio just nodded in response. Koizumi-san said that Nao brought all our belongings to the hospital. He brought everything we needed. He didn't even say anything when he visited us yesterday. I kinda want to apologize to him that we made him worried but I know Nao he would not say such things because he knew what I would do when I found out.

According to Koizumi-san, Koizumi-san called Nao to the hospital when Koizumi-san saw us taken to the hospital because our phone was damaged in the accident since our body was brought with nothing on it except of course the clothes that we're wearing. Nao quickly went to the hospital and took care of everything, Koizumi-san even said that you will see Nao with nervousness, fear and worry because of what happened. It is said that Nao once went to the hospital without rest and sleep just to take care of us even though he was busy at school.

"He should have told me." I mumbled to myself.

I wonder how Nao was confused and trembling when he saw us in the hospital unconscious. We don't know what he did to us because we were unconscious.

He even took care of the body of our late parents. He didn't hold any funeral because Mio and I are not yet waking up. The accident got us pretty badly. He requested the cremation of our parents since he can't consent to us. When I all found out about it from Koizumi-san at first I was angry because we didn't get the chance to see our parents' remains for the last time but nevertheless it was probably good because maybe if we could see their lifeless body it would be even heavier for us to accept that they are gone. Until the end I was not able to get angry with them even though they did a lot of wrong things to me but nevertheless it was because of them that Mio was here so maybe that was enough. The only thing I couldn't accept was when they left Mio at this age.

But now I am also happy, especially since Nao was also ok when we saw him visit here yesterday.

*GROOOOOOWL*

I heard the sound of hunger. I looked at Mio who looked embarrassed. I see she's hungry. I approached her and then spoke.

"You should have told me that you're hungry." I said and smiled as I messed her hair.

I took her hand and helped her to her feet. We left our room and went to the hospital cafeteria. She still looks embarrassed because of the sound of her stomach growling earlier hahaha.

We bought food and sat in the empty seat. While eating I saw tears dripping down Mio's eyes and sobbing silently.

"Mio, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"Nii-chan, I don't want to go home." She said as she continued crying.

I stood up in my seat and leaned over her. I hugged her tightly while gently caressing her back.

"I know, but we can't stay here." I said while comforting her.

"But ..." She said while looking for a reason to stay.

"Mio, look at me. We need to go home, we can't run away forever." I said as she lifted up her face and stared at me, she's still crying.

"But .. but .." She kept on saying.

"Don't worry, I'll be here. I won't leave you alone." I said as I held her face and wiped her tears.

"Both nii-chan, Nao nii-chan and Hans nii-chan are still here. Everything will be alright. No matter what happens we'll always be here for you, so don't cry. " I calmly said.

Then she nodded in response.

"Let's finish this so we can go back and finish what we're doing, ok?" I said to her while smiling.

"Hmm." She answered while rubbing her eyes.

-------

It was afternoon when we finished packing. I called Nao to pick us up at the hospital, maybe that was ok with him because it is also the weekend now and there is no class. We went through Koizumi-san's office and said goodbye and thanked as well as the nurses and staff at the hospital who helped and took care of us.

While we were waiting for Nao, I put away all our belongings for easy retrieval. After a few minutes, Nao arrived with his car. One by one we picked it up and put it in the car. The other staff also helped lift some of our belongings because our room was on the third floor. Mio just follows me wherever I go while she holds the hem of my shirt.

When we finished putting all our belongings in the car we closed it and then got on. We were all sitting in the front because Mio didn't want to be alone in the passenger's seat so he just sat on my lap. Then Nao started the car and we're off. Mio just fell asleep while leaning on me as the car started. It was late at night when we left the hospital.

*SIGH*

"Are you ok?" Nao asked as he heard me release a huge sigh.

"Yeah just got too many things running through my head." I said straightforwardly.

"This will be a new start for both of you." Nao answered without looking at me.

"Yeah I know, it just feels pretty new and I don't know where to start." I worriedly answered.

"Maybe start with doing the things that you haven't done to Mio as an older brother." Nao said as he gazed upon me with a smile on his face.

"Thanks Nao, from now on please take care of us." I happily said with a smile on my face.

Nao just responds with a smile as he looks at me.

-------

We are already in front of our house. While watching it feels like I haven't seen it for a long time but at the same time it feels like everything just happened yesterday. Nao got out of the car while I followed him while I was carrying Mio. Nao opened the trunk of his car and then one by one lowered the belongings to the door of our house. After being lowered, he opened the door of our house and entered the equipment. I couldn't help Nao because I was carrying Mio.

When I got inside I felt nostalgic, because everything that happened in my life all happened here even though almost all of those bad memories are ok because at least somehow I had a family. I slowly stepped in and every corner of the house had a stamped memory with them. I see memories of the things they always do at home. Even though I have not had good memories about them for most of my life, somehow I also missed them all, all the memories I have with them but I miss them almost because of Mio, they took good care of her and also because of Mio that they've changed even though it's quite already too late.

"Kio, lay Mio to her bed now so that you can get some rest too. I'll handle this." He said while carrying our bags.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I feel like I don't want to be alone right now, I want to occupy my mind with some things.

"Yeah." He sparingly said.

"Sorry for the trouble Nao, I'll rest now and thanks." I said and gave him a bitter smile as I went to Mio's room to lay her down.

I laid Mio down and then kissed her. I stroked her hair as I watched her sincerely sleeping face.

"I wish I could also sleep like this even with many burdens on my shoulder." I whispered to myself as I kissed her forehead.

I try to smile but I can't, I don't know how I should feel if it's happy or sad. Happy because they are gone? Or sadness because I will never see them again? I felt heavy and empty inside after entering the house.

I turned my back on Mio's bed, stood up for a moment and turned to Mio. I tried to smile to show myself that I was ok, and then walked out of her room.

I saw Nao that all our belongings had been entered. He approached me and then slapped my shoulder.

"I'll go now, get some rest." He said as he left.

I was left watching the door where Nao came out. Suddenly I felt strange around me as if the whole house was getting heavier and quieter. I looked around to see their memories, whether they are bad or happy memories, I can see everything.

"No, stop." I said as I grabbed my head while shaking it.

I bow my head so that I can no longer see those memories but my own self tries to see them. I know it hurts but I want to see them again because it's different when they are not here anymore than when they're not in the house. I slowly raised my head and one by one I saw the memory everywhere inside the house, all the memories I see Mio happy to be with them. I just have good memories with them recently and that's just for a short while. All the memories I see and I remember were the moments I saw Mio happy with mom and dad, even though they were the only ones there, I still miss that because of Mio somehow our house became livelier.

Even though I have different memories compared to Mio, these are still the memories that formed in me that became the result of what I am now but Mio is just in the beginning and all of that just disappeared suddenly. One by one tears began to fall in my eyes.

"WHY? !!" I screamed full of frustrations as I knelt on the ground.

"Why .. why ..?" I shouted full of regret as I tried to understand what was happening.

"Did I do something wrong?" I said while blaming myself as I recall the things I've done.

"Is this what you call punishment?" I said as I thought that everything was my fault.

"You should have just hurt me and not Mio. You shouldn't have included her in my punishment." I said in rage while hurting myself.

"Mio is not part of what I've done, but why? Why did you punish her too? It should just have been me !!" I said as I took all the blame.

"Why is everything so messed up… ..?" I said while thinking of everything that had happened while I shook my head over and over again.

"I'm messed up." I said accepting it all. Accepting that everything is my fault.

"Everything was my fault." I said in regret as I lost hope.

"Everything is so messed up." I said to blame myself for everything.

My tears just kept flowing. I could no longer bear it, the pain was so heavy, the sadness I felt. I feel it all at once. It's too much to feel, but I need to be strong for Mio. Mio needs someone to lean on, to support her. I don't want Mio to see me like this, I have to cope and bury myself inside without anyone else knowing.

There are many questions that come to my mind but no matter how hard I try to find the answers I don't see anything because from the beginning I do not really know the answers, answers that are trying to hide and don't want to be found.

I raised my head and saw the urn of our late parents next to their picture. Nao really prepared everything and I can't believe they are really gone.

"I wish they could have lived longer, even just for the sake of Mio, is fine." I whispered to myself as I released a smile, a smile full of frustrations.

I repeatedly punched the floor to release all the frustrations and problems I was feeling to somehow lighten my mood. I should have released everything because I need to be strong from now on.

"Mom, dad." I said, full of frustrations and regret.