LXXI

      "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

      He knew that he was supposed to be raged. He was of course supposed to be enraged. He didn't know why he was feeling quite indifferently. He didn't know how to fill up that vacuum. He was hoping that things would come out clearly. He was hoping that he would be able to have his way like he used to. He was hoping that he would be able to stand a chance. He didn't know what did go wrong. He was more than swelling. He was raging. He knew that sooner or later he would burst and there would be no one to contain. He wouldn't even allow himself to be contained. He knew what he would do and had been preparing himself for it. That was the best thing he could ever had thought of. He couldn't had thought of anything better. He did wish that he had thought of that. He didn't know what feeling was real anymore. Everything was assorted and he couldn't simply differentiat