Gloom

Chapter 5

I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Maybe I was a bit of an introvert and didn't like to stand out, and neither did mass groups of people, but many other people were like that for different reasons. I was not exceptional for being what I was. I mean, he didn't even have fancy tastes. You could easily tell that she was someone… pretty boring. Why then would a creature from hell be interested in me?

More importantly, why was I racking my brain thinking about it? Wasn't it supposed that, after so much, I was finally supposed to feel good? Happy and "safe"?

I covered my eyes and exhaled again in frustration. None of this made sense. Unintentionally, she had already begun to ponder it: if he was a demon, that meant she could summon him, right? But how the hell was that done? And the biggest question, why  would  he do it?

I shook my head and growled.

My thoughts were a tangle of confused ideas that were not headed in the right direction. I needed  to understand all of this. I wanted to know why he, when he could have hurt me a lot, didn't. I wanted to understand what he had said about me. To know why he had called me so offensively and the reason for his invasion of my house. She was… more intrigued than scared? No, of course not. She was scared to death for not knowing or understanding anything about what happened.

And above all, she is worried about not being sure if she was going to return or not.

Although, really, it was an absurd possibility. Besides terribly dangerous. It was ridiculous! Two days ago she had been trembling from her mere presence, and now what? Did  she want to summon him ? She wasn't even willing to do it for real. She didn't even know what she considered him for.

I pursed my lips. I got up, went to my laptop and sat back down on the bed. Turning on the device, and after holding my hands with open palms on the keyboard for several seconds, I started to feel stupid for what I was about to do. I typed my search quickly so as not to regret it, and after visiting a few pages, I felt like laughing… And trembling with fear.

If he respected what the internet said, he had to know the name of the demon in order to summon it. And I was more than sure that he had mentioned it, but at the time I was so terrified that right now I couldn't remember. Investigating and investigating even more, I found something that caught my attention. According to an alleged expert in  demonology , a branch of theology that studied everything that had to do with it, knowing the name of the demon gave me power over it. Could it be true?

I remembered that that being had said that he did not want to hurt me. So, if he revealed his name, then there was a slim chance that it was true, wasn't it?

"What if that's not his real name?" the nosy voice in my head asked.

I rubbed my temples, feeling even more frustrated with each passing second. I didn't understand this. He didn't understand me. Why was I thinking of doing that?! Hadn't he had enough? Was she no longer afraid of him? I evoked her pale face again in my mind, his furious gray eyes, her face full of anger...

Of course she was still afraid of him.

He was a  demon .

I closed the laptop before continuing to search for crap. And yet my mind still considered the plan.

I closed my eyelids and tried to clear my mind, but not to stop thinking about summoning him, but to try to wake up every terrifying second of that first meeting. Then, without forcing my memories too much, he flowed into me as if he had been whispered in my ear:  Azazziel .

I repeated that word to myself. I wasn't one hundred percent sure, but something unknown whispered in my mind that I was right, that this was the exact word that had come out of his mouth. That  was her name.

A shiver ran down my spine.

I didn't want this night to be long, both because of the damned nightmares and because of the absurd intention that was tormenting me. So I went looking for the pills I had been taking the most lately, wondering if I wasn't getting addicted to the calm they gave me.

The day at work had been better than the last. I didn't do anything stupid, I didn't trip and I didn't spill hot coffee on anyone. There was something strange, however. Although not in the environment, but in me. A sensation in my chest that felt new, but not uncomfortable. I couldn't describe exactly what it was about, but whatever it was, it kept me restless for the rest of the day.

"You look better," Diana commented with a beaming smile, taking off her dark cloth apron and putting it in her bag. I returned the gesture, albeit insincerely. Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off today?

I rolled my eyes.

—When was the appointment with that boy?

He glared at me for not remembering. She hated it when she didn't pay full attention to the things she told me.

-Tomorrow…

"Okay," I agreed, letting out a breath. Just for today.

“Fine,” he said in a resentful whisper, but I saw him smile victoriously as he opened his car door.

On the ride home we were silent. I put my hand out the passenger window, feeling the wind, and she kept her eyes straight ahead. That used to only happen to us if Diana ran out of conversation, which actually didn't happen very often. However, in my years of knowing her we had learned that not all silences were uncomfortable, and that some were even necessary.

Turning off the engine of the car in front of my house, Diana took a long breath, and I knew immediately that she would break the taciturn calm.

"You know that whatever happens to you, you can tell me, right?"

I took a breath and left it there, in my lungs, for a long time. When I relaxed I still didn't know exactly what to say.

"Sure," I mumbled.

He looked over at me. In the green tone of her pupils there was a strange feeling that I couldn't distinguish.

An uncomfortable weight pressed against the pit of my stomach. I wasn't sure what my expression was like, but she narrowed her eyes suspiciously when I shook my head in curt assent. Her brows drew together slightly in a dejected expression, and I felt my chest tighten.

It was weird how he felt lying to Diana. To my family, I was more than used to keeping them happy, but it was hard for me. What if she told him? Diana was my best friend, and it was clear that the reluctant and distracted attitude she had these days made her suspect that she was hiding something from her. She knew me well. What could happen if she told him about what happened to  him ?

That he'll laugh at you and call you crazy , the sensible side of my mind replied, and I couldn't help agreeing.

Telling him the truth was not possible, not without thinking that I had gone completely crazy, or that I had started taking drugs. It wasn't going to do her any good to know what happened to me, so she didn't have to let him know.

I reached up and put my hand on top of his, which was resting on the gear stick. Her face changed quickly to her surprise, because she knew that I was a person who used to have few affectionate gestures.

"Everything's fine, Dee," I lied, as best I could. I promise I'll tell you if something bad happens to me.

Her lips, painted a light pink, curved into a smile.

-Thanks, see you tomorrow.

I got out of his car and stood in the garden, waving goodbye, feeling the unbearable grip of guilt inside me.

I was shocked when I walked through the front door and saw my mother in a tight black dress, heels, and matching makeup.

-Hello darling! She greeted me as she struggled into huge earrings.

-A heavy day? My father's voice made me jump and I turned to look at him. He was also dressed up, in a light blue shirt and dark cloth pants, but somehow he managed to look different from the suits he used to wear daily to work. Are you sleeping later than usual? You look tired.

He raised a hand, as if to caress my cheek, but dropped it almost immediately. That reaction was normal for him, from my father I had inherited my little fondness for affectionate gestures with people.

"No, I'm fine," I replied, forcing a smile. are they going out?

"It's… date night." His eyebrows knitted together again, but this time briskly. We'll be a little late.

"If we get there," Mom added, looking at him with a flirtatious smile that made me feel uncomfortable, and his serious face reddened slightly.

She, who had finally finished with the earrings, hung onto Dad's arm, still smiling. I couldn't do anything else but rejoice at the scene. I always loved that, despite the years, they knew how to keep  the spark .

"Well, have a good time.

-Thanks daughter. My father patted my shoulder. There's food ready in the fridge for you to have dinner with your brother. He's upstairs doing homework.

I raised my eyebrows. The words  Anthony  and  homework  were not usually in the same sentence.

I said goodbye to both of them with a kiss on the cheek, and then closed the door behind them.

She wasn't sure Anthony wanted me to bother him. My parents believed that he was finishing homework, but I knew that he would lock himself in his room only if he wanted to be alone, or if there was a girl inside of him. The best thing was that he reheated food just for me.

I was sitting on the sofa, with the television on and finishing the last bite of lasagna, when I heard my brother coming down the stairs. She had her favorite jean jacket on.

"Are you leaving the same?" -I asked for. He nodded without looking at me. My stomach turned in that instant. A noxious and dangerous shred of hope rose within me. You'll come back soon?