I AM BEYOND HUMAN

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

*GASP*

The sight of the gun caused my heart to skip a beat and accompanying that experience was a mini heart attack as my sight became hazy and I gasped for air and started to pant.

The cold and the hard texture of the gun in my hand against the skin of my palm caused my veins to firm up trying to force more blood to flow to my palm in order to warm it up.

"He actually wanted and tried to go this far" I dropped the gun on the floor beside me gently and laid down on my back and faced the ceiling with my hands netted and placed my my stamach.

Too many emotions and questions ran through my head and they wouldn't let me think of the plan I needed the Black box codes or how to execute it.

.

Thirty minutes passed and I was still lying down in deep thought. The time now was almost getting to 2am in the morning and I was so mentally and physically drained that I didn't realize when I slept off..

I began to have a dream about a picnic in the park but for the first time ever I wasn't in my own dream and normally even in dreams where you physically cannot see your body except you look down and look at your limbs or you look at a mirror and see you reflection but you can still tell that the character in the dream is you but it wasn't like that for me this time, I couldn't get the sensation of being in my own dream body.

In the dream I was under the shade of a tree sitting on a blue and white checkers pattern picnic blanket while wearing a similar pattern and coloured dress barefooted with my shoes resting by the side of the blanket close to the tree.

The wind caused my unpacked hair and the leaves of the tree to fly in all directions but none of the leaves managed to fall on the blanket or the food on it.

At first I was the only one in the scene and I felt a little sad about it until unexpectedly I started hearing multiple footsteps approaching me but after looking around I couldn't see anyone who the footsteps belonged to.

My vision of the entire area was a bit blurry like I was in a fog but the lighting was on the other hand extremely bright and assisted in me not being able to see things clearly in the lonely state I was.

"There you are, did you wait long?"

And like that in an instant everything became more clear and my sight normalized when Brian popped in on the picnic scene out of nowhere with a woman and child who looked like the ones I saw in the picture with huge smiles on their faces and they all dressed in outfits that were fit for the occasion which also complemented my own.

Their presence there immediately made me happy and in the dream we started having loads of fun and enjoying each other's company and that's when I realized that I was actually Amanda in it and it wasn't just a dream but a memory. I was reliving a vital moment in Amanda's memory but altered because of the emotional significance of it

After this realisation I felt a little tug on my dress and looked at what was causing it then I saw a little hand with folding skin which was attached to the body little boy who was sitting right next to me smiling and I started to have flashes of seeing him in the hospital after he was just born, next to him grabbing my index finger and refusing to let go, to him being brought home by Brian and the woman with smiles on their faces, to him walking for the first time and falling but still getting back up and trying again and next to me carrying him in my arms and every experience I have ever had with him until the point of the picnic and tears started to fall down my eyes with a sad smile on my face as I looked up to the tree and the ray of light sipped through all the branches and found hospitality on my face

.

.

*BLINK*

The dream ended and I woke up feeling an intense calm and euphoria and all the noises and distractions I had earlier been experiencing had now been flushed away.

"What was that?" I placed one hand on my forehead then sat up "This is the first time this has ever happened. I've never been able to access the memories of my hosts before and what is this emotion and calm I'm feeling right now?...sigh!" I closed my eyes and sighed deeply with calm and focused breathing afterwards

I had this highthened sense of clarity that I had never experienced with any of my previous hosts before and I could feel mine and Amanda's brainwave becoming in sync and with that all the migraines and minute headaches I was having vanished.

Unbeknownst to me I had slept for five and a half hours straight and during that time the picnic scene dream had been on what seemed like an infinite loop in my head. Loop which must have given Amanda the closure she needed even if it was only just a dream.

Maybe because my mind had suppressed her's and she had no sense of self because of that her consciousness perceived it as reality and I was the one taking a backseat and watching things happen around me during the dream

Ever since the accident happened and her mom and litle brother died Amanda had stopped herself from thinking and feeling anything about it and in essence not dealing with the pain in the hopes of creating this perfect student, perfect friend and perfect daughter image for both Brian, her friends and also her teachers but now all those pent up emotions had been dealt with all hat is left is clearity.

*Ahhh* I sighed slowly "I know what to do" then said under a breath

I picked up the gun as I stood then exited the room with it without locking the doot behind me and in my mind I had the plan perfectly thought out and if everything went according to script and those involved did what they were supposed to then in a couple of hours I would be in possession of the Black box codes.

*STEP*

 I went into Amanda's room and got the towel I had used to dry myself and had hung by the door earlier then went to the bed and picked up the backpack then I walked to the top of the staircase, breathing deeply in order to calm my nerves with each step I took forward.

I got to the top of the stairs, threw the backpack with my target being the couch in the living room and it landed like it was supposed to. *THUD*

"Now let's get on with this!" I said under a breath

I closed my eyes then counted to three and gave a very long sigh and then with both hands firmly holding the gun by the handle and a finger in the trigger I raised it up above my head and shot into the ceiling three times... *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

The first shot into the ceiling woke and jolted Brian from his slumber, the second filled him with fear and panic as he rushed out of the room and into the living room screaming Amanda's name then the third and last one made him to know that I was indeed the one doing the shooting.

*STOP*

"..." He stood speechless for a second looking at me before he snapped out of it.

"What are you doing Amanda!?" he shouted flailing his hands about

*Ahh* I exhaled sharply rubbing my fingertips on the side of my head, just by my hairline before I gave my reply

"I'm sick and tired of you calling me Amanda, Amanda, Amanda all f*cking day long so let me be crystal clear with you about this, I...am...not...Amanda!" I stretched my words to emphasize more

"!!" Brian stood for a while and didn't say anything while he tried to process what I had just said

Seeing how he wasn't saying or doing anything I tried to speak but before I could get the word out he beat me to the punch

"Not Amanda?! No no no. 'this can't be happening' I get it now... It must be the migraines, the doctor told me that you might start acting differently and strange as time progressed but not this soon" He attempted to move in closer 

"What!?" I exclaimed at the words I just heard Brian say before I noticed him taking the initiative to reduce the distance between us "don't come any closer. It seems like you don't understand what's going on here" I pointed the gun at his feet

If it was the day before, Amanda's body and consciousness would have been fighting me and therefore make my hands to tremble but after the therapy session we just had in her memory our minds had gotten to a level of synchronicity

"They never said anything about this and playing with guns... Guns? wait a minute, is that?" He finally noticed what gun it was 'I can't believe this is all my fault' He was filled with guilt and anger at himself 

"Common Amanda, just drop that and come downstairs, I promise that you won't get in trouble" he stretched his hand and gestured as a sign of good faith

"I told you not to call me Amanda anymore... sigh! I guess I have no other choice but to open your eyes" I retracted my hands and with the gun in my right hand I pressed the nozzle against my left palm then took in a deep breath

"Don't do that Amanda, you'll hurt yourself" Brian tried getting closer to the bottom of the stairs while maintaining eye contact with me

"I told you not to move any closer... I guess that there's no avoiding this is there" I closed my eyes and...

*BANG*