I'd Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please

Ch1 - Congratulations

A gentle late-spring breeze blows past, stirring up a few dead leaves, and bringing along a tattered plastic shopping bag to dance in the wind. Its graceful performance is interrupted when it slams into the face of a casually dressed young man, who was observing an old woman in the nearby crosswalk.

Slender lightly tanned hands reach up to remove the offending trash, exposing his clean-shaven face. His disgusted expression is punctuated by his brown eyes being narrowed into near slits.

Tossing the trash back over his shoulder, the breeze changes direction and brings the filthy bag back to molest the back of his head in an aggressive assault upon his short brown hair. He stiffens briefly before defending himself, eventually managing to successfully swat his assailant away.

After another moment of hesitation, he takes the last few steps in the direction of the elderly woman who is engaged in combat with some bulky luggage behind her. As he approaches her, his expression softens into a gentle, genuine smile.

"Granny, do you need to carry that very far? I can help you if you'd like?" As he asks this, he starts to reach for the handle. He is rewarded with a glower from her, and his outstretched hand gets slapped away.

"Back off brat, don't think that I can't guess that you want to steal it." She spits this out as she fiercely tugs her luggage off in a huff. He merely sighs and scratches the back of his head, turning to walk in another direction.

'I don't think I'll ever get used to this place, everyone's so hostile.'

He shoves his hands into his unzipped hoodie's pockets and walks a few uneventful blocks away. As he wanders through his journey, he weaves his way between intermittent groups of indifferent people. Graffiti-covered tall buildings frame the streets which are crowded with a mess of taxis and private cars, occasionally honking the songs of their people to one another in an aggressive dance from one pothole to another.

He climbs a few sets of stairs to enter an apartment complex, eventually working his way to his own door. Fumbling with his keys until he's eventually made it inside, he then re-locks the sets of four locks plus two barrel bolts behind him. Kicking off his shoes, he then goes over to collapse onto a heavily patched-up sofa. Sinking into it, he holds his head in his hands with his elbows supported by his knees.

Before long, a low grumble reminds him of why he originally went out, his stomach now protesting the abrupt change of plans.

'It would have been way too awkward to continue walking along the same path as that cranky granny though. Whatever, there should at least be some ramen.'

He gets up from the sofa and grabs the TV's remote control, clicking it to turn on the local news for some background noise besides the boisterous traffic and insistent barking of nearby dogs. With a beep from the now-awoken TV in his wake, he heads into his small kitchenette to scavenge up a meal.

Displayed on the TV is a female news anchor that has shoulder-length bleached blonde hair, clear blue eyes, and is dressed in a low-cut blouse, professionally narrating recent events.

"Regarding Mind Flare's recent provocations, Black Ash Snow has declared he will run a popularity poll to truly determine which of the local villains have the cutest pet. After having one of Mind Flare’s high-ranking henchmen collate several images of each animal from their respective social pages for him, Black Ash Snow requests that everyone visits his website for a link to the ongoing poll while encouraging everyone to vote honestly."

The graphic on the TV shifts to a collage of photos that includes; three cats, one dog, and one ferret. While the animal, background, person whose lap they're sitting on, and the chair they're seated in are all different, the pictures shown are all taken in an almost alarmingly similar position.

Glancing at the screen before his final steps into the kitchenette, the young man can't help letting out a snort and laughing a bit before beginning to heat up a pot of water for his dried noodles.

'How do they even take themselves seriously with those ridiculous names? It's great that they're all keeping each other in check, but this world is really something else.'

That's right, this world. Our good friend here, Lucas Lynn, has fairly recently died and transmigrated over to a new world. He didn't even get to have a face-to-face meeting with truck-kun, instead, he had simply tripped and fell, hit his head on a stone, and then died from the subsequent brain hemorrhage. Humans are truly fragile creatures.

He came from a mostly law-abiding world, which is a rather stark contrast to this current superpower-fueled unregulated mess. Thanks to the lingering memories of his new body's previous owner, Lucas was able to learn all about his new homeworld.

Armed with this knowledge, he fell into a lazy lifestyle, hardly taking any advantage of his new lease on life.

With his meal preparations completed, Lucas wields a bowl of ramen with an egg on top and plops back down onto the sofa, settling in. Immediately losing interest in the local weather forecast that's being displayed, he pulls the remote over with his foot to channel surf for something actually worth watching while he eats.

Eventually, he settles on a movie with several characters on screen. One is a tall this-world’s-Asian-equivalent woman in a little frilly blue dress next to an even taller drag queen dressed up in a red, black and white dress. He has on heavy makeup, including thick red eyeliner shaped to form two hearts.

Facing off against them are three men seated at a large table spread out with multiple tea sets as well as several varied desserts. The center of the trio is a young man in an impeccable suit with a large top hat, an ace of spades stuck in the band of his hat like a feather.

To his left is a sound-asleep child with absurdly large mouse ears sticking out of his brown hair.

To his right is a man with rabbit ears poking out of his shoulder-length dirty blond hair. He is actively ignoring everyone else with his attention solely focused on the cup of tea before him.

'Isn't that the strength and speed supe actress Alice Song? I thought she did only martial arts action movies... Oh right this is the dumb new movie they were just doing a press release for, I'm surprised it's on TV already. Heh, that's Mind Flare, right? Werk it queen, yaaas.'

Shoveling noodles into his mouth, Lucas has focused far more attention on the TV set than he'd ever willingly admit to.

In the movie, the man with the top hat stands up in a rush.

"Just because you've allied with the queen of hearts doesn't mean you have the advantage, Alice!" While shouting this, he reaches under the table and pulls out a comically large Gatling gun, promptly opening fire upon his opponents. The dress-clad duo launch into a series of exaggerated jumps and flips while dodging the barrage, eventually hopping up onto the table towards the hatter. Before they reach him, however, they both freeze in place with a red dot centered on each of their foreheads.

'WTF!?'

Leaning forward with rapt attention, Lucas ends up inadvertently losing his grip on his bowl mid-bite, the immediate results of which being a large portion of noodles spilling out onto the floor. His attention is forcibly pulled back to reality, leading to him quickly springing up and starting to clean it up before it soaks too much into the wall-to-wall carpeting.

'Damnit, that's all I had left, now I really need to go back out...'

In the movie, the hatter continues shouting enthusiastically.

"You aren't the only one who has made an alliance! Allow me to introduce you to the twins!" After ceasing fire, the mad hatter on-screen laughs loudly, making a gesture behind him with his elbow. The camera pans over to a pair of identical-looking teenage boys who are sprawled out on their stomachs on a nearby roof, looking through sniper rifle scopes at the tea party.

Lucas is kneeling on the ground with a fistful of paper towels. He begrudgingly reaches over to grab the TV remote and turn the movie off while sighing.

'I'll just d******d it to watch later, should start that nonsense from the beginning anyway. Uhhh, the baking soda from the fridge should still be able to absorb the extra soup, yeah?'

Managing what cleanup he can and sprinkling way too much baking soda on the area of the spill, he smacks the mouse for his laptop to wake it up.

Double-checking his bank account, he figures out just how much he can afford to spend at the grocery store. Once all of this is done, he grabs his keys and heads out.

Throughout his journey, Lucas leisurely plots out a budget shopping list. After walking for roughly a block and a half, he notices a man running towards him with a purse clutched in his hands.

The people nearby all simply step to the side to stay out of his way in an attempt to not get involved. Behind the runner is a mid-to-late teens woman with long red hair that hasn't even bothered yelling at him. She’s simply sighing while looking dejected and annoyed. Without putting any conscious thought into the matter, Lucas goes to block the purse snatcher's path.

"Dude, come on. Don't be like tha-" Lucas starts to speak up while reaching out in an effort to grab the purse, belatedly noticing a flash of silver in the man's right hand.

'Shit.'

"Piss off!" Snarling this out, the thief uses his forward momentum from his sprint to thrust a serrated knife directly into Lucas's abdomen. After dragging it to the side for a short distance, he yanks it back out, then continues running.

These actions cause a spray of Lucas's blood to flick out onto the pavement of the sidewalk, although no one really acknowledges its presence.

Lucas has already fallen down to his knees, doubled over in pain, holding his hands firmly pressed against the heavily bleeding wound. The other pedestrians just walk around him like he's not even there. The young woman whose purse was just stolen doesn't so much as glance at him when walking past him at a leisurely pace.

'Seriously!? I've only been here for a month! Dammit, I don't want to die again...'

[Bzzt... Scan complete. Analyzing...]

'Eh?'

[Analysis complete. Positive value found, now loading... Loading complete.]

'Okay, WTF is...'

[Binding successful. Congratulations upstanding citizen. You have been selected by the Superhero Enhancement System. Please select your desired enhancement. The following options are avail-]

'I'M DYING! IS NOT DYING AN OPTION!?'

[Error, invalid selection. An enhancement will be randomly selected. Randomizing... Strength has been selected. Enhanced strength will be calibrated for your rebirth. Please look forward to it.]

'WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F-'

With this final thought, Lucas has finished dying in a pool of his own blood on the sidewalk.

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Lucas deaths this chapter: 2 (Including his isekai transmigration to this world.)

Lucas total deaths: 2

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Little character theater:

Lucas, with a highly judgemental tone: You're just gonna start with so much exposition like that? Lame. Uhhh, why is there a death counter..?

Author, with a forced neutral expression: Don't worry Lucas, everything will be fine.