I'd Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please

Ch8 - Pizza Reconstruction Surgery

With the flush starting to slowly fade from his face, Lucas slams the door of his apartment shut by leaning back against it heavily. Taking a few deep breaths, he then kicks off his shoes and goes to set the pizza plus partners down on his coffee table. Once his hands are free, he heads back over, re-locking the door. Feeling some semblance of security, he heads into the kitchenette to wash his hands, grabbing the confiscated jagged knife on the way and tossing it into the sink before promptly ceasing to care about it.

Returning to the patched-up sofa, now wielding a butter knife, Lucas closes his eyes for a moment in silent directionless prayer before opening the box to see the damage.

"Nooo, my baby! Look how they massacred my boy." He mourns aloud, witnessing the majority of cheese and sausage being stuck to the lid of the box rather than the pizza itself.

[Technically, you're the one who did it.]

'Shush, you're not helping.'

Diligently freeing the toppings from the tyranny of cardboard with his trusty butter knife, at least a third of it directly goes into his mouth rather than back onto the mostly naked pizza. Partway through his efforts, he stops to crack open a beer.

[...Just have one.]

'What!? No! Four! I might be feeling better but I still deserve it!'

[No.]

'...Three.'

[Two, take it or leave it. I refuse to watch you get drunk again so soon after your last disaster.]

'Tch, you win, mom.'

After a few sips of beer, then abusing a garlic knot as if it owed him money, Lucas resumes his pizza reconstruction surgery. Very sloppily. Now the cursed patch of carpeting is much more flavorful with pizza sauce and cheese, it's officially a meal.

'So like, can you tell me about your last host, or is that confidential or somethin'? I feel like hearing about an actual working superhero from an insider perspective has gotta be better than anything on TV.'

[Hmm... I don't see why not. It was Maynard Wray, ah you probably know him better as Steelex. I'm not certain the extent of details that the public knows, but he was one of the last superheroes to be eliminated by the villains, ending the war. He also had one of the all-time highest recorded GDVs, at 257.63.]

With impeccable timing, Lucas was mid-drink when that number was announced, directly resulting in the increased alcohol content of the surrounding area.

'SO MUCH!? Wait, it's another power-up every 5 points? That's...'

[51 additional enhancements beyond the first initial one. There are greatly diminishing returns on repeat enhancements of the same type, but obviously, it still makes a significant improvement compared to having not stacked an individual enhancement multiple times.]

'Goddamn... Do I want to know how long that took?'

[He had been in service as my host for 16 years. He had begun once his initial strength power had fully developed naturally while he was 16, and the supervillains Sphinx Oath and Thunderia had worked together to... conclusively eliminate him not very long before his 33rd birthday. Ah, but since that was a decade ago, if he had survived then he'd currently be 18 years older than you. I'm a little surprised you haven't really reacted to his identity? It isn't my intention to brag, but he was kind of a big deal.]

'Eh? I have no idea who anyone you named is. But sounds like he must have been impressive?'

[You... Wait what? No, how? You weren't a small child at the time, there is no way you hadn't heard of him, Sphinx Oath too for that matter. Ah, both Sphinx Oath and Thunderia are still around, you definitely know of them!]

'Huh? I'm not from here. It's only been like, a month. You didn't know? I figured your whatever system is what brought me here in the first place once I met you.'

[YOU WHAT!?]

Lucas just slowly raises an eyebrow, crushing up the now-empty first can of beer and tossing it at a nearby small garbage can, missing entirely. Resuming his attack on lunch, the poor pizza's days are numbered.

'Oops. Wait, you seriously had no idea? Is there a file or something you can read about me?'

[I've already loaded it and am reading it again now... There is nothing about... Not being from this world? The only strange thing is that your GDV made it as high as it did before being detected, particularly since no large-scale good deeds are found.]

'...Going from talking about someone with 257.whatever and saying my 2.5 is high feels like you're just trolling me.'

Finally sated, Lucas puts the sole remaining garlic knot in with the surviving half of the extra-large pizza and shuts the box, going to bring it and the remaining four cans of beer to the fridge.

[Considering how desperately we've been searching for someone with over 1.0 GDV since before the war even concluded, suddenly finding you at your initial 2.3 GDV is a surprisingly large amount. So in a sense, that does give some credibility to your... Claim. Please elaborate?]

'Oh, uhhh... Well, for starters, where I came from is probably better compared to before the war even started here? Also, no one at all had superpowers. Things stayin' under control was all on law enforcement and people actually having morals. Though without any super-geniuses, our technology wasn't quite as good..? Not too far behind pre-war status though from my understanding. I had an uhhh, incident, and then when I died next thing I knew I woke up here, same name but kind of a different body.'

[Really? That does seem to be due to a force outside of the Superhero Enhancement System... What was your incident? Perhaps the details will help clarify why this occurred.]

Walking past the crumpled can on the ground, Lucas awkwardly lifts it with his toes and deposits it into the initially designated garbage can. With a nervous chuckle, he scratches the back of his head while glancing at the wall to his left.

'So uhhh, there was this girl I sorta got along with and we had a uh, mutual understanding... Ahem, anyway, I turned her down when she wanted to go steady. So, this other guy that had one hell of a thing for her wanted to defend her honor or some nonsense and picked a fight with me. While he was being a tough guy and gave me a shove I lost my balance and fell, hitting my head on a sharp rock and that was the last thing I know.'

[…]

Lucas heaves a deep sigh, going over and plopping down onto the sofa sideways, his legs propped up on one arm of it and his head against the other. He left some cleaning supplies abandoned on the coffee table as the soiled carpet earns some more time to enjoy being flavorful.

'It was a lame death, I know.'

[...Seems that information is of no help in speculating the cause.]

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Lucas kills this chapter: 0

Lucas total kills: 2

Lucas deaths this chapter: 0 (Brain hemorrhage doesn't count since he's talking about a death already included in the count for chapter 1)

Lucas total deaths: 3

Lucas current GDV: 2.5

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Little character theater:

Lucas, after making an exaggerated sigh: You're judging me so hard right now aren't you?

427, trying to be polite: [...It's not like you got to choose your method of death.]

Author, rolling their eyes: Would you be happier if I let you get an aggressive kiss from truck-kun? Deal with it.