12#1

"Yes, yes. I'll transfer it tomorrow during my holiday." I chuckled and checked my watch for who knows how many times. How long does it take for people to want to call?

"But ..., really, are you okay?"

It's okay? Seriously.

I'm also struggling here, you know.

Every month I get a mediocre salary, sleep irregularly, work overtime, my apartment rent is exorbitant, and that ugly boss is always looking at me with a look that makes me uncomfortable.

However, I just sighed uneasily. "Yeah, it's okay."

A moment later, the call was paused by a long silence. Was it already closed? However, just as I was about to check, Mum spoke up again.

"Nad, I'm sorry. Mum and Dad were supposed to be happy for you, to help you, but instead we're the ones who are bothered. Mum and Dad never gave you what you wanted, but now you're struggling because of us." Mum's voice hung for a moment, when it finally came out, her voice trembling. "But I don't know who else to ask for help. I promise, I promise this is the most-"

"What are you doing apologising for?" It puts me in a bad mood. Do you think I travelled all the way here voluntarily? Do you think I'm slaving away and putting in more than forty hours a week because it's fun?

"That's it. I'm tired. I want to rest. It's late too." I can't hold this tight feeling any longer, you see.

"Don't stay up too late. Remember, take care of your health! Don't go out again either. It's already late!"

"Mum, I'm not a kid anymore, you know."

"Alright, I'm closed," I murmured in the softest and gentlest tone I could remember. The next thing I heard was the dotted static ringing that signalled the end of the call.

I put the phone away and massaged my head, which was getting dizzier by the evening.

What two useless people! If you know you're just giving me a hard time, at least do something about it.

Ever since I was little, Mum and Dad could only complain, lamenting why they ended up being economically deprived. Thinking themselves too old to create anything, but too early to do anything.

Until now. Transformed into weak parasites who can only beg. A despised class that is always dependent on others.

I hate them.

I don't want them to be like that.

"Woi! Are you done yet? It's taking so long." The door to my sanctuary was banged loudly, a feminine voice with a pretentiously raised tone in the air.

I got up and opened the door slowly-deliberately. Staring one by one at the young girls in front of me. There were three of them, still wearing their high school uniforms, and in their seventies.

"Move aside, Tante. I also want to use the toilet." One of the girls with her hair in a ponytail suddenly pushed me so hard to the side that I almost fell over.

Damn it! What the hell was she doing just now? And what did she call me? Aunty? Not upside down? Don't you see how flawlessly smooth my face is from this weekly grooming routine?

Instead of reprimanding me for behaving inappropriately, the other two girls giggled.

This atmosphere somehow makes me nostalgic. Cornered in the toilet, stared at with a half-disgusted, half-scornful gaze.

Ah, damn it! Why do I even remember the past at times like this?

My mood became even worse. If I stay here for too long, I'm afraid I'll 'explode' and do something I might regret. So, I left with a feeling that was-try as I might-to make it bearable.

The main floor was still as frenetic as when I left it. Music thumping, dozens of people jostling in a false euphoria, the sweet-pungent scent of alcohol filling the air.

I walked up to the tender table and smiled once my favourite person here had arrived. "Rendi...," I greeted enthusiastically.

The young man stopped cleaning his glass and looked up awkwardly. "E-eh, Mbak Nadia. How are you?"

I always liked how he always tried to look away whenever we were about to lock eyes. As if I was something intrusive and worth avoiding. Something creepy enough to be feared and respected.

It reminded me of my boss at work. Does he feel the same pleasant feeling when he sees me intimidated like this? "Ren. I want to talk to you. ...."

Rendi looked at me doubtfully, then looked at his co-worker who only showed a thumbs up while smiling ignorantly. "Em. What do you want to talk about, Ma'am?" He brought a bottle of gin and poured it into my empty glass.

I took one sip, slowly. Letting the liquid wash down my throat in a harmonica of sour, sweet, and burning flavours. When it reached my oesophagus, my head immediately became light.

"Don't you know the Tua Bangka Resek that I told you about yesterday?"

Rendi nodded doubtfully.

I also got lazy thinking about it for a moment. My pent-up stress and anger returned, but I was here to spill it all out. "He keeps staring at me again and again. He stares at me sitting, he stares at me walking, he stares at me serving. During the break, when I thought I could finally get away from him, you know what? He actually invited me to eat together."

I grimaced when I thought about what happened a few hours ago.

"Well, why don't you just say yes?" Yuda suddenly interrupted. He was my college mate and the owner of this place. With his characteristic yellowish sharp eyes like a cruel hungry hyena, I wondered how the calm and cute Rendi could feel at home working in a place like this tiger's den.

"Tsk! Ngotak dong. He's such an old fart. His breath stinks. Basket-eye. Talks recklessly-"

"But he has money, right?"

I looked at Yuda's eyes closely. Hih! This guy, yes, has always been annoying. "Heh! What kind of woman do you think I am, hm?"

Yuda made a lazy face, looked down for a moment, and stood back up afterwards while showing me a small book full of numbers that made me dizzy.

"What's this?"

"Your cash balance, Ma'am," Yuda replied sarcastically. "The first time you came here, crying that your salary hadn't arrived yet; then you forgot to bring your wallet; then it was my birthday and you begged for a treat."

I stopped reading and frowned. "Geez, Yuda. Did you include that in your treat?"

Yuda just shrugged indifferently and picked up another glass to clean.

"You're so out of line!" I clucked and hit the table.

The whole room instantly became silent, everyone immediately noticed me. I knew the outburst was ridiculous-Yuda was an arsehole, but sometimes he was just joking (although his jokes often went too far).

However, at that moment it felt like my mind was foggy; heavy; and hard to control. Even the next move I made really surprised me.

I reached into my purse and pulled out one hundred thousand note after another.

How much did she say I owed her, huh? Matre guy, basic. Only counting with friends.

"Here!" I threw the money right in Yuda's face, turned around, and walked away.

After hearing his outrageous words earlier, I was sick of lingering here.

"E-eh, where are you going?"

I turned my head for a moment, looking at Rendi who was flustered. I knew it. He looks even cuter when he's in trouble. "Bye, Ren. Hopefully we can meet again next time." At the same time, I slammed the door of the bar and walked away.

Outside, it was also crowded. Horns honked. Traffic lights twinkled in contrast to the moon. The wind caressed my skin like a frozen cut.

Hih! It's so cold!

I should have worn thicker clothes earlier. Ah, but thicker clothes are more expensive, and I'm also short on money.

Ah! Money! That's right. I'm in a crisis, and I have to transfer the rest of my salary to Mum tomorrow.

Why did I give the money to Yuda for free instead?

Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

"Alright, Neng. Just wait here first. His friends must still be long. Here, we'll accompany you. Don't worry, we won't bite."

I paused as soon as I heard that voice. When I turned around, right at the corner of the narrow alley where the light was super-light, I could see three large silhouettes cornering one small silhouette.

As I got closer, I could see them more clearly. There were three men with dishevelled looks-universally ugly, dressed in rags, hunched over, and staggering-flanking a girl in a high school uniform who had a terrified look on her face.

The girl appeared to be resisting, to put it mildly. However, the three men acted aggressively.

It was beyond help. The girl was finished.

Poor girl.

Oh yeah, what was I thinking earlier?

Ah, that's right. About my salary.

Argghh!

The more I thought about it, the heavier my head became. It feels like I've only had a few drinks-usually I can even hold two bottles.

"Woi!"

Tsk! If you're going to do that, do it quietly, you bastard thug. Do you think this is his grandmother's street?

"Don't come back here!" There was that man's voice again. Stronger, angrier, and... closer?

Wait. I also heard hurried footsteps. Not just one, but two; three; four.

Perhaps...

When I turned around to confirm the situation, my already staggering body was knocked down.

The green light was still on. The traffic was busy with heavy, high-speed cars.

I collapsed in the middle of the road.

I had no energy to get up.

Penny lights flashed sharply from my right and left. Four-wheeled vehicles travelled from both directions, squeezing and ready to crush my entire body.

The last thing I remember was the sound of a loud siren. Then the gaze of the girl in the high school uniform. A look of disbelief, disappointment, anger, and at the same time an odd sense of satisfaction.

Then everything went dark.

I woke up to the sunlight shining nosily through the window.

My head was dizzy and my vision was still blurry.

When I came fully awake, I found myself in the middle of a completely unfamiliar room.

It was filled with a dressing table full of strange make-up tools I'd never seen before, a lacy wool blanket, and a bone-white door that seemed to be made of gleaming marble.

Wait!

Where is this?

I don't have these expensive interiors.

Why am I here anyway?

When I think back, the memory is hazy. As usual, last night I stopped by Yuda's bar, ordered a drink, had an intimate chat with Rendi, and then everything went surreal.

Wait. Was I brought here by Rendi and spent an intimate night in an unconscious state?

Oh, Rendi, you naughty little bastard. Wanting to enjoy yourself alone. In the front, you always put on a shy face, but in the back, you're just this ferocious.

Huh! I can't forgive you. Just watch out later if you meet and do it again, let me make you unable to stand.

But that means our feelings are mutual, right? My feelings are reciprocated, right?

Hoho! What a man. Prestige takes precedence, even though in their hearts they both want to.

Yes, it's okay. I understand this time.

After all, she's gone to the trouble of giving me and putting me in this nice dress.

Hm. What is the material? It feels smooth, cosy, cool, fragrant. Like the embrace itself.

Eh. It's not the time for me to think about this. It's already noon-just look at the sunshine already.

I have a presentation planned for nine o'clock with the boss and the company's board. His personality was disgusting, but if I messed up the meeting and embarrassed him, my life would be ruined.

I got up and looked around for my bag, hurrying to get out of here.

But, how come, there's nothing there?

What kind of hotel is this anyway? The room was huge-maybe almost three-quarters of a living room in a normal house. The bed alone is supported by four pillars and has some sort of mosquito net shade that can be opened and closed.

The objects here are all made of real mahogany and carved in classic designs that are old-fashioned but aesthetically pleasing.

Ah. I've been distracted again, haven't I.

Come on, My bag, where the hell are you? In recent memory, I remember still being in a neat suit and carrying that proud sling bag everywhere.  There's no way Rendi took it, right?

Yes, he did. He's still young-still in the puberty years anyway, has great curiosity-perhaps, and has the opportunity to do so. But, he's not that kind of person.

Or maybe it wasn't Rendi who brought me here?

What if it was Yuda?

I knew that bastard had secretly harboured feelings for me since semester five. I, who was unconscious and defenceless, would easily be subjected to his depraved desires.

Or is it not even one of them? Perhaps it was someone else who did this? Someone I never knew? Like a masher or a street thug.

Thugs? I seem to be familiar with them. As if I've dealt with or at least seen their actions up close and personal, recently.

Near the office? In the neighbourhood? Near a bar?

Ah yes. Near the bar. On my way home. I, who got into a stupid fight with Yuda, accidentally caught the gang of horrible people harassing a girl.

The girl seemed to escape, ran, and bumped into me. I fell in the middle of the road. Two cars came from the front and back. Then everything went dark.

The final conclusion: I seemed to be dead.

Wait, what?

The answer to that horrible prejudice came in an unexpected way.

There was a gentle knock on my bedroom door, then a woman's voice in a language I never knew-but strangely understood. She said something like this: "Miss, are you awake?"

Wow!

I-that's who?

The hotel staff? Or the guardian angel of Hell?

I'm... really not dead, am I?

Because you see, since the age of fifteen, I've been-proudly-proclaiming myself to be a pure atheist.

How could I be prepared if there really was life after death like this.

When I was contemplating my moribund religious identity, suddenly the woman-who I don't know-who was behind the door again acted unexpectedly. "Miss, let me in."

The knob moved down and the door began to open.

Whoops! "Wait! Don't come in yet!"

The door closed again. "Miss, are you awake?" the woman said worriedly.

"Yes. I am. Already," I replied still stuttering. I gulped and tried to think rationally.

First of all, I had to ascertain where exactly I was.

So I moved slowly-almost like tiptoeing-approaching the door, gathered my courage, and then changed the question. "Um... can I tell you who you are?"

Okay. Yes, I know. It was a stupid question. But, at that time I was too confused to string words together. My head was also still spinning from last night's alcohol.

The woman's reaction surprised me again. "Did you relapsed again, Miss?"

Huh? "Relapse?"

"Miss. I will go inside."

"Huh? EH! Wait! Don't!" I tried to hold on with all my might, but somehow my strength became half weaker than usual. So I fell down, defeated, and then realised something else strange-my body was even thinner than I remembered.

"I'm sorry, Miss. Are you alright?" When heard in person, somehow the woman's voice became more familiar.

I, who was still grimacing, tried to get up, then looked up curiously.

This... this can't be.

Up ahead, dressed in a Victorian maid's uniform, I came face-to-face with someone I never expected. "Mum?"

Okay. Long-story short, this is Andromeda. A fictional country that has technology on par with the real world in the 18th century.

When nobility and social caste were still at issue. When firearms began to undergo a massive significant transformation.

In this classic world, there is a commoner named Jeanette Folkstein who-for some reason-gets a scholarship to study at a school for nobles.

There she meets some handsome men who will become her potential mates. A crown prince-ah, of course this one must, must, must exist. A future duke. An exchange student and diplomat from an allied kingdom. And a magical expert.

But, oh, but.

The kind-hearted, pure-hearted, diligent-saving Jeanette must face a grave threat in the form of an evil woman.

That would be Irene Livingsworth. The daughter of Duke Livingsworth and fiancée of the crown prince.

And after looking in the mirror-with great fanfare-and confirming many times, I am now Rachel Dawver. Irene's subordinate.

Huh? How do I know all these details, you say?

Well, because I made all this up.

Okay. Um... this is actually embarrassing, but I used to be a writer.

Yeah, yeah. I see. I know that supporting a poor family by being a full-time writer is unrealistic and stupid, but I was still pubescent at the time. Before I became the good citizen I am now and resigned myself to reality.

So to summarise: I died when I was hit by a car, and then I came back as a completely unimportant character in a story I wrote years ago.

I'm really stupid if anyone believes that. But, damn it, I don't have any other guesses either.

After all, all the information the waiter in front of me told me was the same as the information I had compiled in the novel. Even down to the details.

The Victorian-inspired setting-because I wanted to be different and was sick of medieval tropes. Irene's character that matched my own description-which was also inspired by other characters. Even the servant character who resembles Mum.

Well, most of the women I met back then were not sane. So the only reference for a diligent, caring, and understanding woman is my mum. So I made all the servants like her.

Hopefully that detail isn't inaccurate.

It would be scary if all the servants had the same face.

"Miss, how is it?"

"Hm? Huh? Yes. It's fine, take it easy, take it easy." I had almost forgotten that I was still in the middle of a conversation.

I looked at the waiter straight on and gave him a reassuring look. But he was still suspicious.

"I think I should report to Mr Lucian."

"Lucian?" I shut my mouth. If I reacted even more suspiciously, the waiter would be even more acting up.

But, who is Lucian by the way?

That sounds familiar. Is he one of the important side characters? I don't think I gave any special background to this unimportant character like Rachel.

"He's... the commander of our palace guards?" I looked up in doubt.

The servant sighed and walked away resignedly.

"Heh! Wait, wait!" I got up and intercepted his hand before leaving. It could be bad if I wasn't who they thought I was.

"Sorry, Miss. This is the third time you've 'relapsed', and this is the worst."

"So it's not the first, huh?" I stroked my chin. Apparently Rachel had some kind of 'strange' complication.

Lately she's been afflicted with a mild, momentary dementia-like illness.  Rachel had been taken here and there to be cured. From conventional healers to magical healers.

But nothing worked.

All we got were strange verdicts. One doctor said Rachel was infected with a mysterious virus that attacked the brain. Another said that Rachel was cursed.

What the hell is that?

Is this a joke? Or is it a trap?

Wait. Isn't it true that this is the afterlife?

"Um... you don't have to worry so much, deh. Look here, I'm fresh and fine." I put on a forced comforting smile.

"Not only have you forgotten everything, your character is also starting to change. I'm afraid you'll lose yourself in the long run."

"Eh? Changing?" What was Rachel Dawver's nature like before?

When writing this, I rarely give specific details to the side characters.

The waitress nodded. I panicked even more. "Changed how do you mean?" Hahaha! Just kidding. It's impossible. I'm a superman."

I glanced at the waiter hesitantly, his suspicions not yet subsiding.

"The way you talk, the way you stare, the way you sit. Sigh! Aren't you the one who often teaches me to behave more gracefully?"

Damn!

What are those eyes, anyway? "I-it's because I just woke up, okay? Besides, there's no one here but you to see, right?"

"But wasn't it Miss who said to act graceful all the time so it becomes a habit?"

Damn you, real Rachel. "You're doubting me?"

The waitress gasped. Then said in a slightly stammering tone. "Sorry, Miss. That's not what I meant-"

"Look at me!" I gave her an intense look. This time without any doubtful panic. "You're doubting me? I told you that I'm fine. I'm fine. How can you react like that? Isn't it a bit insolent for a servant to act like that to his own master?"

The servant ducked his head. Completely defeated.

Huh! Feel it! Do you think just because you have the same face as Mum that you can act like that?

But, honestly, that was a bit draining.

I took a slow breath. Come on, Nadia. That's so silly. After all, you hate your parents too.

After waiting for a while, the waitress finally spoke up. She looked down, regretful this time. "Forgive me if my words and actions were presumptuous, Miss. I never meant to doubt you at all."

I smiled, uncomfortably. Hurriedly told her to look up again. "It's good if you understand. Let's go-"

"But I'm doing this all for your own good. So sorry if this is presumptuous, I'll still go."

Huh?

You bastard! What an ungrateful person! Give me back my unimportant sympathy!

"Eh, wait!"

In the next instant, the waitress had already scurried out.

I immediately got up. Still in a thin suit that was quite long, I caught up with her, faced with a long, silent, grand hallway.

Wow!

This is the first time I've seen the inside of a real castle.

The floor was covered in a red silk carpet that was smoother than life.

The walls were lined with cavities filled with arm-sized candles, sparkling ornaments, and various paintings.

Oh, yes. I almost forgot that I'm in a chase right now.

Where was that impudent fellow anyway?

After a quick look around, the servant turned out to be a few dozen metres ahead, turned a corner, and entered a room.

What a mess!

For a middle-aged woman, her stamina was crazy.

I went back to running, catching up as fast as I could.

But, what the hell is this body? It felt like I'd only been moving for a short while, but why was I already gasping for air? "Wait," I huffed, softly, half-dead.

After a draining life-and-death struggle, I finally arrived.

My head was dizzy. But my vision was still brilliant.

Too late!

The damn woman is already chatting with a strange man named Lucian, whatever that is. The man glanced at me, nodded.

The waitress retreats, taking the time to say goodbye to me as we pass.

I responded so politely-eyes glazed over and fangs bared.

The next second, we were alone together.

Actually, I was quite happy. After the intimate glances just now, I realised that his looks weren't bad.

But, my ignorance makes me uneasy.

Who am I to him here?

What will be my fate?

So, rather than wait around in uncertainty, I took an early step. "Um..., my lord. You don't need to listen to what the servant said. Let's see, I'm in good health."

"I know, sis," said Lucian. He turned around completely, but his eyes were still looking at a leather parchment.

"Sis?"

Akh!

The blond mane that was too long for a man, the face with skin as pale as porcelain that was identical to mine now, the calm smile as if everything was in his control that often made me uncomfortable.

There's no mistaking it.

This is Lucian Dawver.

The magical genius and heir to the County of Dawver.

One of Jeanette's harem.

Rachel's twin sister. 'Now' my twin sister.

No wonder when I hear his name, my throat feels bitter.

The thing is, among all Jeanette's potential mates, her personality is the most troublesome. With a super calm and mysterious personality. A typical man who always has secrets.

Well... he's basically one of the seniors I had a crush on, anyway. He's handsome, mature, and always reliable. Former student council president. Has a lot of achievements. Friendly to everyone. Not a plauboy.

The ideal type of boy for a delusional girl.

That was my first true love, and my last.

I thought at that time a perfect good man really existed, before I finally caught him working as a pimp from a brothel in a remote area of the capital.

Dragging classmates, juniors, and even female teachers into buying and selling prostitution with the lure of big money without effort. Capitalising on everyone's trust and his great reputation.

Huh! It's true. All blokes are the same! Bastard!

It's a good thing the shut-up money was worth it.

"But, are you really okay?" asked Lucian, I almost thought it was a worried tone.

I nodded confidently. "Yes. I told you not to worry about what the waiter said. See for yourself, right?" I showed my super-small muscles that were wilting from weakness.

"Okay."

"If you still don't believe-" Wait. "Okay?" I repeated my question more loudly.

Lucian looked at me intently, still wearing that annoying smile. "Okay. Any other problems?"

That was... much easier than I expected. I thought he was going to trap me in an elaborate mind game until I confessed and was done.

I tiptoed out scratching my head.

Is she hiding something, huh?

I glanced behind me. I found Lucian already with his back to me, reading a stack of leather papers and complicated books, losing interest in me.

Was it not me who was thinking too much?

After all, he was the perfect prototype of the big brother. Written by me, whose brain was still filled with fields of beautiful flowers instead of an unhealthy lust for money.

I think so.

But I'm still not convinced.

(SELESAI)

After much contemplation and thought, I finally came to the most reasonable conclusion.

This was all a dream.

Am I dead?

Reincarnation?

My novel materialising into the real world?

Either my sanity was gone or I was now just trapped in a long daydream, in danger of being sacked as soon as I woke up.

That's bad!

Then... I must wake up quickly.

"Miss."

I stopped trying to pinch my cheeks and scratch my wrists, turned my head, and found the insolent waitress giving me a worried look. I immediately put on an angry face.  But, again, I couldn't stand it.

You're so weak, Nadia! "What the hell? Do you want to complain again? Want to tell me I'm out of my mind now?"

The waitress sighed. She looked really sorry. Shit! Don't make that face that makes me feel guilty! "I'm really sorry, Miss. Again, I just don't want your condition to worsen. Diseases like this are very rare, even in developed regions like our kingdom."

"Tsk! Yes, yes. Alright, why?" I grabbed a piece of roast beef with a hearty chew. The intention was to go on a hunger strike, but my stomach was always churning at the right time.

Hm. For a pseudo-reality, it tastes quite real.

The sour-sweet sensation of honey combined with the spicy flavour of sprinkled spices.  Have I ever had this before?

As I recall, the last time I ate meat was five years ago. Since migrating to the city, I've never had a sacrificial donation again, you see.

"Are you not prepared?"

"For?" Isn't the daily work of noblemen-especially women-just to laze around, drink tea, have picnics, and wait for proposals?

The servant looked at me like I was the biggest idiot. "Of course, school."

Huh?