Last Updated:
2021-07-02 02:48:3053
Was it so easy to read me? This nasty piece of work saw me for who I was from being five years old. Is that why I have had such problems with people all my life. All my efforts to be normal have failed. That hurts more than anything in my life. I failed as a person. Manipulation and hiding have not worked out for me so maybe I should change things. It might shorten my life span of cost my freedom but I might be happy. I’m telling Lou. How can I say I love her when she doesn’t know who I am? If she doesn’t know me she can’t love me back. Do I love her? That’s a big statement and I don’t know or understand feelings. This was a distraction I didn’t need now. I went back to my task.
“So now you know your right about me what are you going to do about it.”
Mrs Clark looked up at me. Her face turned into a smile and then a laugh came from her.
“Well, it looks like I’m going to die for my silenc
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Nothing Wrong 54
54 Night was drawing in and the orange glow from the street lights was dull and muted. Sporadically cars would pass the house of Mrs Clark. After a full day with the bitch I found she didn’t have as many friends or family who cared about her as I thought she might. Not once did her phone ring. That gave me hope that she wouldn’t be found for a few days. Killing Mrs Clark was not as joyous as I had hoped. The bitch had managed to get under my skin and I had killed her sooner than I wanted to. I had planned to take her limbs slowly one by one from toe to neck. Cauterising each wound as I went stopping the bleeding. But no I just slit her throat making her death quick. Before leaving the house I changed my clothes and wiped down anything I had touched. When leaving the house I did a quick fix on the door lock so from the outside it looked closed. In reality, the door would come open easily but that didn’t matter. As far as I could see things were ok. No people about and
Nothing Wrong 55
55“I wish you hadn’t seen that. I like you.”“What?”Carla was looking at me with fear in her eyes. She was edging back away from me. There was nothing for it I had to let the blackness take over. So much for a couple of pints then home. I was starting to think of myself as being different people that was a bit concerning. There is the person people see and think they know. There is the me that kills. Then there is the me who has some feelings for Lou and Adam. Now back to the girl. She was speaking at me but I hhadn’t heard what she was saying.“HELP!”That was all I heard. I dived for the door and slammed the bolt in to the hole locking us in. The girl ran for a door behind the bar. In three steps I was at the bar and vaulting over. My feet hooked on the handrail that ran around the bar and I went head over heels sprawling on the floor. All my weight landed on my thumb and I heard a snap. Pain shot
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56My thumb was in agony and I was in a fucking mess. Light was Less than when I first walked in but not low enough for me to go unnoticed if I was seen. I forced myself to look at my thumb even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was shorter than the last time I looked at it and bent at a strange angle. Suddenly vomit rose up and flooded my mouth and sprayed out of my lips. Sick splashed on the ground by my blood-covered shoes spattering them completing my ensemble. My hands were shaking with the pain I can now feel from my thou. I took another look at my thumb. It was now clear after a second look that I had pushed my thumb out of its socket and up into the back of my hand slightly. With my right hand, I wrapped my fingers around my thumb and pulled. The pain was unbelievable. Somehow I managed to pull it forward and it clicked back. It still hurt but nowhere near as much as before.“OH MY GOD! CARLA.”Who ever was in the bar had obviou
Nothing Wrong 57
57There is only one thing for it. I am taking the man’s clothes. Granted they are old men’s but beggars can’t be choosers. His beige cardigan wasn’t going to do me any favor's with the fashion police but they weren’t my problem. The real police are. Getting down to my underwear in a room with one dead girl and an old man who probably won’t pull through is not my idea of a good time. To be honest it was creeping me out a bit. The thought of putting on his clothes seemed like bad luck or omen. Needs must though and if I have any chance of freedom this was it.As I finished getting dressed knocking came from the pub door. It froze me to the spot. I was terrified to move in case I made a noise my breathing stopped and I didn’t miss the air normally needed to live. Again louder and more persistent banging came then shouts.“Come on open up. I’ve got a mouth like the Sahara out here.”A pause then ano
Nothing Wrong 58
58 Adam was now in bed and I was pacing up and down. My mind was working overtime playing out different scenarios. When she said don’t wait up was she meaning she wasn’t coming back? Could she have been insinuating that she was going to sleep with another man? The bag of blood covered clothes caught my eye. This would be a welcome distraction. I would go and burn them ready to throw away somewhere. Oh, and while I was at it I could change my number plates. By the time the tasks are done, she might be back and we can make up. Hours were ticking by at a pace that was not good for my mental health. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours. Why did time have to pass like this? Why couldn’t all-time move at the same pace? Well there is nothing for it at eleven twenty-six and forty-three seconds I’m going to bed and when I wake up in the morning she will be here with a the mother of all hangovers and a baby to look after as I go to work. Then who will be laughing?
Nothing Wrong 59
59After pulling myself together I realised that Lou had done two things. One hurt me more than any kick or punch ever had and that was she left me alone. She brought up all the feelings that others had made me feel. At the time I couldn’t understand but now I see. Both my parents were gone. Friends or so-called friends had been and gone. All leaving me on my own. Lou threatened me with that again. The other thing was she said“You’re not as nice as you make out.”Now that was telling me she was having doubts about me. Someone or something has got in her head telling her something is off about me. What it was I don’t know but I will find out before saying anything to her at all. We let the conversation die at the point of her revolution and went to bed. I had to be at work in about four hours and I hand a bag of ash to dispose of as well. If I don’t sleep I’m leaving myself open to mistakes.After what felt like t
Nothing Wrong 60
60Lou seemed to still have something on her mind after our little spat. I had been avoiding the inevitable conversation for days now. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife when either one of us walked into a room with the other tension was evident. It was bugging me that more and more people seemed to be getting suspicious of me. Maybe if I look back at my life people have always had an aversion to me. Not many stayed around me for long. Lou was probably the longest relationship out of family I have had and we had only known each other for about six months now. Today I was planning to go car shopping but this with Lou was getting to me. I was going to have it out with her today before I told her about going car shopping. Straight after the washing up was done. Yes I’m fully aware that in procrastinating but. But nothing do it and get it over with I told myself. Right here it goes.“Lou can you come here a minute please.”I called to her as
Nothing Wrong 61
61Well, that was wired. I have never seen my face do that before nor have I had a voice in my head before. Is this what takes over when I kill? What was going on? Water was still dripping from my face and my mouth was open.“Harry, you ok?”Lou called up the stairs. Quickly I snapped back fully in control.“Yeah, I will be down in a minute.”I was back to myself calm and clear my mind must just be playing tricks on me with too much stress. There is nothing wrong. I am fine. With a hand towel and went downstairs.“Ok. I’m back. So as I was trying to say in a knob head way we are going car shopping. If you want to come that is?”Lou jumped up and down while clapping her hands. The smile on her face nearly touched her ears. Her performance got under my skin slightly. She looked like she was a little girl getting to ride a horse for the first time. What was I dealing with for fucks sake?A
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105It had been two years since I had read about some mad fucker called Harry. He was all over the newspapers and tv. He had scared the shit out of a town in Yorkshire. Like everything else it died down. He was wanted in connection with at least four murders. I admired how he had just disappeared into thin air. He had made a lot of mistakes though and I didn’t plan on making the same ones.I like people watching. Sitting some here public and watching people go by. Picking out my next victim. I wasn’t going to act on my urges today. It want easy to sit back and watch but it was out of sequence. If I act too fast then people will start to get jumpy. One week just one more short week and then it will be time to act.My last victim had been a child molester. I watched him for a month. He hung around schools and parks. He confirmed my suspicions one day making a move on a kid when her mum wasn’t watching talking to another mum in a park. He di
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104I wasn’t driving but being driven. Adam sat in the back strapped into a car seat. My driver was meathead, Mike. I had been told he was called Mike now. There was no pretense that this was his real name. He didn’t always respond to it when I called him it. We were on the motorway doing a perfect seventy miles per hour. There was also a car following us. That car also contained one of Nancy’s other sons. It wasn’t explained to me why we were being followed and I was nervous about it.Mike leaned over and turned on the radio.“I like some music while I drive.”A tape started playing heavy metal. Not something I would have chosen but I wasn’t going to complain. Adam started jumping about in his seat.“You like this little man?” said Mike in his usual gravely deep voice.“Yes. Louder.”Mike laughed and turned it up. He looked over to me with a grin. I don’t know if
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103Nancy was kind to me and Adam. She kept us fed we’ll and clothed us. Adam had the grandma he had never had. His every need taken care of. To say she was in the business she was shocked me. I spoke to her in great length about what had been going on for the past eighteen months or so. At no point did she flinch or show any sings of this being abnormal.We had been staying here now for a week. It was starting to feel like home even though I knew it was just short term. She had explained to me that my house was now hers. The story was that she had caught it as an investment property. One of her three sons was living there for now. When I sold the house I had agreed to leave it furnished. Every part of this looked legal on paper. Her son told the police that he had just moved in on the day Wayne was alleging I stabbed him. He was now in a heap of trouble. The police were still looking for me though. I had shaved my head and was working on a beard. The stubble was
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102My excitement so disappeared and changed to trepidation. When we were out of the park I was shown the back of a white windowless van and told to get in. I was paying for this treatment but did as I was asked. It occurred to me that I didn’t know what was going to happen. We’re they just going to kill us. That would be safer and more cost-effective for them.The back of the van was almost pitch black when the doors closed. The only light was what came in through the cracks in the seals. Adam started to fuss in my arms and the van started to move. Adam spoke to me in his limited way.“Daddy. Dark.”“Yes mate. It won’t be for long.”I kept my voice calm and soft. Hoping he would calm down himself. His creepy little baby hands pulled at my nose. Making sure I was there I hoped. He surprised me by saying.“Got nose.”I let out an involuntary laugh.“Haha give it back. H
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101Cleaning up blood is a pain in the arse. If I could get away with not cleaning it up I would. Adam was his usual happy self but he broke my heart. He didn’t know better but he kept asking me the same question over and over.“Daddy. Where Mummy?”He smiled and had a cheeky grin on his face. I tried to explain that she wasn’t coming back but how many two-year-olds can understand that. It’s going to take time but he will learn.I understand how little I know about kids. He is now on solid food, not the mush that comes in jars. I’m happy about that it never looked appealing to me when Lou used to taste a bit then feed him.I have changed three nappies today so far and I’m now thinking about what age do kids get potty trained. There could be months left on this. Oh God I have already survived the first bits of teeth g but will there be more. Maybe I haven’t thought this through at all.All this
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100It dawned on me that I hadn’t worked out how I was going to handle life with Adam on my own. The thought had never come to me that I would have to do e everything with him and for him.I hadn’t told the guys who were setting up our new lives Lou wasn’t going to be coming now. I wonder if I’m too late. It probably won’t matter that much. They will find out when they come for me tomorrow. Being alone means I don’t have a lot of loose ends to tie up. I should let work know I won’t be back in.Adam was still sleeping after our late night. Poor little fella. He won’t understand why mummy isn’t around anymore. He will be ok though he will adapt. His life with me will be good. I don’t think I will kill anyone for a while now. It is too much of a risk and I have too much at stake.There was a loud banging at my back door. Not a knock but an insistent banging. No one used my back door. So who could th
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99When Lou was dead. It didn’t take long and I hope it was an easy passing I wrapped her in plastic. Then rolled her into her grave. Unlike most of my other victims, I didn’t take off hands or remove her teeth. At some point in the future, the police will get an anonymous tip on where to find her. She deserved a proper send-off.Being in the woods at night is an unpleasant experience. Every sound made by send-off or the wind blowing through the trees made me tense. Most people would think that a monster lay in wait or a serial killer was after them. Not me I envision blue lights and sirens.The first few shovels full of dirt landed on the plastic making a disturbing noise. Grit and pebbles rolling on the sheet. Another few and the sound was muffled. Then after it was dirt on dirt.Back in my car Adam was snoozing away. So blissfully unaware of the tragedy that had happened. That is not a conversation I’m in a rush to have. At least he i
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98Reaching across a car with a rag to cover someone’s mouth and nose is hard. It’s made even harder when you feel like shit. My guts were still churning but Lou had cottoned on to my plan. It was inevitable. I just wish I could have trusted her. She could have had a good life and maybe I would have stopped killing.Lou tried to put up a fight but I was too quick and strong for her. Somehow Adam stayed asleep through the brief shuffle. Small victories have to be taken when you can.Now the effects of chloroform don’t last long just a few minutes. So instead of just driving off hopping to get to her grave before she came too again I cable tied her hands and legs together. There was no need for a gag. When she comes round I will have questions for her to answer.We drove in silence on the road for about half a mile then turned right onto a dirt track. The track was muddy and only just wide enough for my car. Branches and bushes scrapped at
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97We had ordered our takeaway and was just finishing eating. I hadn’t told Lou that we were going to move the body tonight yet. If I’m being honest which is unusually for me these days. I not looking forward to telling her. It will come as a shock I think. At the end of the day who wants to dig up a body that has been rotting in the ground for over a year.The more I think about the body the more I think moving it is a bad idea. In fact it is a bad idea. Yes I could have left clues there but I’m going to disappear like smoke in the wind after tomorrow. I’m not going to move him. He can rest in peace for a little while longer.Then another thought hits me. What if Lou has told Wayne about it. If she has then he could have told the police and I could be walking into, a trap. Shit. Have the police been watching my movements? Have they seen me go back to the scene of a crime and I’m oblivious to it? My palms start to swea
