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SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD A Stranger to love
He looked her in the eye and his lips curled into a cynical grin. “Perhaps I have not learned how to see you any differently from what I used to see you.” And then after all that… after Seth… maybe it altered the way that I look at you.” Phoebe could feel the knot in her chest, growing tighter and tighter as a result of frustration and pain. She had wanted to be honest, to reveal all, but his scepticism remained and their passion turned into a venomous toxin. She didn’t know how much longer she could continue to resist the barrier he had put up in himself. It was so low that it was barely audible, “If you can’t see me as I am, then maybe you’re just not seeing me at all.” They looked at each other over the table and the air was charged with electricity that seemed to crackle and split them apart. Phoebe experienced the strong impulse to touch him, to hold his hand, to say that she still loved him even if all the bad things that happened. But there was an unconcern in his eyes which
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Power of manipulation
Christian’s eyes were cold as he leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, a wall between them she couldn’t breach. Phoebe was opposite him, and she felt uncomfortable under the man’s intense look. “Well, Phoebe,” he started, his words icy, “how in the hell am I supposed to trust a single word that comes out of your mouth?” You always give me the impression that there is more about you that I do not know when in fact there is more about you that is still a mystery to me. She shook her head and her voice was barely audible. I’ve told you everything, Christian.” I don’t know what more you want.” He laughed, and then walked away, a sneer of disgust on his lips. You always say that don’t you? ‘I’ve told you everything.’ But there is always something more; there is something I did not see, and Seth knew it from the beginning. “Seth has told lies,” she said calmly, but there was a desperation in her tone. ‘He wanted to drive us apart, Christian.’ That’s all he wanted.” “Did he lie to me,
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Behind the scene
A small voice within her wanted to shout, to shake him to make him understand what he was putting them through. However, she choked on her words and did not let anger show on her face. “So what now? Are you going to continue to punish me for a mistake that I can’t control? For a mistake I made years ago?” Christian’s jaw tightened. “Maybe I’m just beginning to know you.” A person who has something to say, but does not state it and is a person who cannot be trusted.” “You are not being fair,” she said, her voice trembling. I didn’t do anything wrong to you that I am trying to keep from you.” You just don’t want to see it.” “Don’t I?” he said, and his voice was cold. “Or maybe you’ve just become so good at masking that you are now in denial that there is nothing left to mask.” She inhaled deeply, trying hard not to scream with frustration. “Christian, I can’t keep going like this, I can’t go on living like this anymore.” It’s like every day you are waiting for me to fail, to show yo
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Harder than he thought
Christian stepped closer then pulled back just enough so that Phoebe couldn’t quite touch him with her shaking hand. He could see the distance that was between them as a very large one and she was trying to contain herself from crying. A part of her wanted to call out, wanted to shake him and make him look at what they were losing, but the hatred in his stare froze her. Christian’s voice came into the silence, harsh, resentful. “It doesn’t matter how much you say you love me, Phoebe.” Because I’ve come to learn… words are useless if they are not backed up by truth.” She took a deep breath and choked down the bitter taste of his words before finding her voice. “Then give me a chance. Give us a chance, Christian. Whatever I kept from you… I was scared. I didn’t want you to look at me like this as if I was a stranger. That was the last thing I expected.” He looked at her, clearly appalled and offended. “Protecting us? By hiding who you really are? That is not protection, Phoebe that i
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD The Call
She gazed at him with the expression of disbelief and resentment. “Now? Now you’re concerned? How dare you after all that you have done, all the harm you have brought into my life now you want to call and make sure I am okay? Seth smiled, and approached me slightly. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. But I didn’t do this to hurt you, Phoebe. I thought he must be told the truth.” “The truth?” She laughed bitterly, raising her voice. Seth, you used the truth to turn him against me.” You did not respect what we had. You just wanted to tear us apart.” He turned his face to the side, and shame was written all over him. I did not expect things to get this far. I thought… maybe if he can hear all of it, he would comprehend. That it would make you both closer in some way.” The tears welled up in Phoebe’s eyes once more but she shook her head to hold them back. “You don’t get it. This wasn’t your decision to make. You stole the opportunity I could have explained it to him wh
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Payback Time
Phoebe’s heart sank. She knew that Christian’s father was a problematic man in his life, a man who Christian despised. The man was rough and unkind, and his disposition seemed to worsen after Christian’s mother abandoned the family when he was still a child. He had never hidden his disdain for Christian and Phoebe’s love, seeing her as a nuisance, a threat to Christian’s dreams and goals. And, from the facial expression of Christian, she got the impression that something was amiss. “He’s in town unexpectedly,” Christian went on to say, “and he wants to meet… tonight.” Phoebe relaxed her hold on his hand and her thoughts were still spinning. She could feel a ball of fear rising in her throat, given that Christian’s father had never been a fan of her and his interference was sure to worsen things. She knew that he wanted to come clean with her and sort things out but he felt bounded by his father’s orders. “Christian,” she started hesitantly, attempting to hide her terror. “If he’s o
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Sting of past Actions
But they kept coming, and coming, and coming, and each time it only filled her with this profound, impenetrable sorrow.She could recall the nights Seth had warded off sleep just to make sure he was with her when she studied, the mornings they made their plans. She had never thought about the fact that he had believed in them, that he had included her in his life as something natural and irreversible. To him it was love that was worth more than everything else, but to her it was… a phase. Dispensable. She was aware that if Seth could only see her now, he would understand that there was a lot of humor in the situation. He would see how the roles were reversed and she, the one feeling useless and left out by a loyalty that was never extended to her. She was gradually coming to appreciate that love, actual love, was not merely an act of companionship but it was about being ready to stand up for the person you loved and make them feel secure. She had not done that for Seth and now Chri
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Just A Drink
Looking into Christian’s eyes, Phoebe stopped, and in that brief moment, it seemed to the two that everyone else ceased to exist. Christian’s relaxed face was now a picture of guilt as he felt her presence in his house. “Phoebe,” he said her name again, his tone was low, but she could feel the shakiness in his voice. The blonde next to him fidgeted, stepping slightly away from him, her gaze jumping between them. This combination of sadness and anger made Phoebe’s breath come out in short sharp gasps and her heart raced. She wanted to scream, to yell, to tell him to stop and explain how he could have destroyed her only to be here now laughing with another woman. But instead she was just standing there with her arms folded waiting for him to explain what she had just seen. He tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out right. He turned his head to the side, then back at her, as if he wished she would comprehend something, anything, but he had no idea where to begin. “Hi Phoebe, I
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- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
"What Regret"
“Regret,” she said with a sneer. Regret is just a euphemism for guilt. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t wipe the slate clean, and it definitely does not heal the mess that you made.‘Christian,’ she said softly, ‘don’t come any closer.’ He stopped, as she decided to step back from him.Phoebe flared up again and asked him: “You said you came for the truth?” “Fine. Here’s the truth, Christian. I loved you. With everything I had. And you destroyed me. You were able to make me question myself in ways that I never knew existed. And now you stand here, asking me for what? Closure? Redemption? Forgiveness?”“No,” he said firmly. All I am demanding is an opportunity to prove that I can improve.” That I am better.”She scoffed. “And you believe that one conversation is going to make a difference?” You think I can just what? Stare at you and forget the years I struggled to climb up the ladder and get a life again?“No,” he repeated again, and there was no quiver in his voice. “But I can’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Need You
Christian did not answer this for a while. He looked down, his hands were tightly bunched into fists at his sides. “I know it caused pain,” he said, his voice rising in a hoarse whisper. “I know I can’t undo that. But I can’t just let things be this way. Not anymore. If that means living with your hatred then let it be so.Phoebe only chuckled bitterly and began to pace in front of the fire. ‘Christian, you keep saying all the right things.’ Saying sorry, admitting my mistake, promising to take my anger on myself. But you don’t seem to understand. It’s not about you. Not anymore.”He stared at her with a frown on his face. “Then what is it about?”“It’s about me,” she said angrily, turning to him. ‘That’s about the years I’ve spent struggling to climb out of the pit you dug for me to fall into.’ It is about finding out how to be independent, how to live without the feeling that my chest is going to collapse. It’s about healing, or at least, about trying to put myself back together aft
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Believe inYou
Phoebe shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. “You don’t get it, Christian. Other people also had the same feeling as you; they were scared. I was terrified too. Of losing you, of not being good enough. But I stayed. I fought. And you didn’t.”“I know,” he said and his eyes welled up with tears. “And I hate myself for that. I wish I could have been stronger and did not leave when I did. But I’m here now, Phoebe. And I’m not running this time.”She glared at him and her eyes were red with rage, hurt and something else which she could not describe. “You say that now,” she whispered. But what happens when things get hard again? This begs the question, what happens when the cracks start to show?“They won’t,” he said firmly. “Because I’ve come to realize that running in particular does not solve anything. It just leaves a trail of broken pieces behind.”Phoebe only shook her head and a tear rolled down her face. She gently removed it as if she was embarrassed to show her weaknes
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
“I’m confused”
It’s convenient. You were waiting until you felt I was ready and powerful enough to take the news. Until you thought I didn’t need you anymore.”“That is not true,” Christian said quickly, getting up, his voice a high pitched note. “I have been taking this guilt with me every day since I left.” I did not return because of convenience. I returned because I could not continue living such a life knowing that I destroyed something that was wonderful.Phoebe whirled on her toes, glaring. “And what about me? Have you ever thought what it feels like to wake up every day with the marks you have made on others? To have to break yourself down and begin to build yourself up again from scratch just to have the one who was responsible for tearing you down appear with an apology?”“I do now,” he said quietly. “Because I do, I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. And I hate myself for being the reason it’s there.”She was breathing raggedly, her hands were balled up at her sides. “You don’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Either you believe or not
Christian sighed deeply and rested his hands on the table. “I am a man who wants to know how to accept what I have done. To challenge it, rather than avoiding it. To be able to admit that I can change the future but I can’t change the present and I can’t change the past.”Phoebe scoffed. ‘You really believe that taking responsibility is sufficient?’ You really believe that saying you were wrong in any of this makes it alright?”“No,” Christian said quickly. “It doesn’t make it okay. Nothing can make it okay. But it’s a start, isn’t it? A step toward being better. Towards becoming a person who does not destroy things.”Phoebe looked at her sister with her face impassive and then shook her head. “You want to be better? Good for you. But you don’t get to use me as your redemption arc. I am not some check-point on your way to self-improvement.”“I’m not asking you to be,” Christian said, his voice quiet, but commanding. I don’t need your forgiveness or your approval for anything I am doin
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Lingering pain
“Phoebe,” he started cautiously, “I’m not here to put more load on you regarding this.” I know you didn’t want any of this and I’m not going to say that I’m so great for coming here now. But I’ve been attempting to take responsibility for my actions. And part of that means realizing how much I caused you pain.”Phoebe’s lips formed, her arms drawn tightly around her in the manner of a shield. “It does not heal the wound, Christian.” Oh do you think that knowing you regret it will give me back the time I lost? The trust I lost? The parts of me that had to be reconstructed?”“No,” replied Christian, who now looked ashamed. “I don’t. And I’m not asking you to forget what I did or even forgive me. I just had to tell you that… I can see it now. I can now understand how self-centered I was and how unable to notice your suffering.She tilted her head to the side, her mouth tightening as she looked out the window and saw the rain running down the glass. “Blind, huh?” she said with much bitter
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
All about Phoebe
Phoebe went back to the fire, her hands folding over her chest. For what seemed like a long time she did not respond. The fire crackled in the background, and its heat was the only thing that made the atmosphere between them warm.“What do you want from me, Christian?” she asked after a long time her voice was so low that it was barely audible.“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just… I had to share it with you because it is the truth. To say sorry and let you understand that I noticed your suffering. That I see you.”Phoebe only managed to stifle a sarcastic laugh. “You see me now? That’s rich. Where was this clarity two years ago?”Christian moved a little closer and spoke slowly and calmly as if he was pleading with her. I was blind back then Phoebe.” As if the rest of the world does not exist, or, at least, I don’t exist to the rest of the world. But now… now I see everything I should have seen before. I understand how powerful you are, how much you inv
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Get rewarded
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Phoebe, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They think they can just come out and apologize and that’s the end of it.”“I’m not expecting that,” Christian said quickly. I know that I can never reverse the wrong I have done. But I had to tell you. I had to stop bringing this with me without doing something about it.”Phoebe exhaled hard and then rested her weight against the windowsill. “Well, did you even know what you left behind?” “How much I had to tidy up after you?”“I’ve thought about it,” Christian said, softly. “But I know that thinking about it isn’t the same as living it. I still can’t fathom how difficult it must have been for you.”Phoebe looked at her and shook her head, fuming again. “And you didn’t just hurt me, Christian.” You made me doubt, everything, including us, including myself. I used so much time thinking why am I not enough. Why I couldn’t repair whatever was ailing you.”Christian cringed as if the words that came out of her mouth had h
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Another Game
One part of him wanted to kick Christian out, shut the door and never see him again. But there was another part, a lesser, more contemplative part of him that was interesting. What if Christian really had transformed? What if this wasn’t just another one of his games?“Alright,” Phoebe said in the end, the word coming out sounding more like a bitter grumble. “You want to talk? Talk. ‘I’m not making any guarantees here,’ I tell him.Christian nodded and his shoulders dropped down as well. He looked around the room, and then looked at the couch. “Do you mind if we sit?”Phoebe frowned, then reluctantly gestured at the couch with a nod. He stayed on his feet, leaning with his arms folded against the wall, a defensive air about him.Christian leaned back on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and his hands on top of each other. He looked at the floor for a moment with a blank face, then he said something.“I know I hurt you. And not just once—repeatedly. You wanted to help me and I
