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SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Divided Hearts
Seth lowered his head and his shoulders contracted for a second as if he was expecting a blow. He, however, looked up with a hint of something that resembled fear in his eyes. “I do not know if I can let you go Phoebe” He made her heart heavy with his words and yet Phoebe could not allow herself to be pulled back into his world again. “You have to, Seth. You have to let me go, for both of us. ”Phoebe stood with her arms folded across her breasts to try and contain herself. “Seth, there is something that you have to know, I don’t want you anymore, whatever we had is over, finished. ” Seth’s jaw clenched but he did not say anything to her. “I can’t keep doing this,” Phoebe went on. “You continue to come around, trying to make me remember the life we had, Seth, but it is unfair to me, it is unfair to Christian and it is even unfair to you too You had your time with me, Seth, and we ended up badly We are over, I have moved on and I am trying to start anew with Christian You have to let
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD My Choice
Phoebe laid her head on the chest of Christian, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the silence. The rhythmical sound of his heartbeat was soothing and she was reminded of the calmness that he introduced in her life. But even as she stood there with her arms around Christian’s neck, a small part of her was still conscious of what had taken place. It was really hard to bid farewell to Seth. He had been a major aspect of her life, the happy and the sad, and this was like setting a book aside when one is not sure whether or not they are ready to part with it.Christian stepped back a little, looking into her face and into the defiance in her eyes. “Are you sure You’re okay?”Phoebe breathed in deeply and then gave her consent. “I am. It was tough but it was inevitable.”“You have been through a lot Phoebe,” Christian whispered gently, touching her cheek with his hand, “And you don’t have to bear all the pain alone anymore.” He was a man with a gentle hand, very comforting.“I know,” she sai
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Goodbye
She embraced the feeling of his hand on her, the warmth that he brought her. For the first time in a long time she felt that a light had been switched on in the dark corner of her heart; she felt that she could leave the past behind her and look forward to the future. But as she slid out of Christian’s arms and looked across the room, she saw Seth again. He was standing alone by the bar, his eyes glued to the glass which was in his hand. The boy made her feel something she could not quite place – a twinge of regret, of longing, and some other emotion that was hard to put her finger on. Christian looked at her and followed her line of sight with a small frown on his face. “Would you like to speak to him?” he inquired, and although he was calm, there was worry in his tone. Phoebe paused for a second, feeling the thump of her heart in her chest. “I. .. I think I have to. Only once again. ” Christian only nodded slowly and the stiffness of his body was quite evident. “I will stay her
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Is it Christian
“I believe you,” Phoebe whispered, she was so emotional that she could barely speak. “But love alone isn’t enough, Seth. We’ve hurt each other in ways that can’t be undone. You didn’t just break my heart; you broke my spirit. And I don’t think I can ever come back from that. ” Seth’s face twisted in agony and his dark eyes were full of suffering. “I know,” he said softly, his voice rough. “I let you down. But I can change. I can be the man you want. ” Phoebe stepped back and shook her head at the same time. “It’s not about being better. It’s about moving on. We’ve tried, Seth. We’ve tried to make this work and we’ve failed. Sometimes, love is not enough to mend what is broken. Sometimes, it is about letting go. ” Steady silence followed them like fog. Seth’s jaw clamped”, his hands were fisted at his sides as if he was on the verge of losing his temper. “Is it Christian?” he asked, almost in a whisper. Phoebe blinked, and felt the pressure of the question that was asked. She had n
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Would You Ever Turn Back?
Phoebe nodded her head and felt a certain kind of relief that she had said everything that she wanted to say. It wasn’t easy and it never would be. But it was done. She had said her goodbye to Seth and she had also buried that part of her life as well.When Phoebe and Christian came out into the fresh air of the evening she sighed, the burden of the last farewell was off her. The street was quiet, only the wind blowing through the trees in the vicinity could be heard. It was quiet, calm, as if the opposite to the storm that had been brewing in her soul for ages. Christian looked at her and even though his eyes were tender, they were asking questions. “Are you okay?” he whispered. Phoebe stood in silence for a few moments processing his words, before replying to his question. The oppression was still felt but it was not as strong as before and there was calmness that came with it. She had made the right choice, though it took her a long time to know that she was making the right deci
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Letting Go
“I was about to say, I have not said much,” Phoebe finally whispered. “To you, to myself, even to Seth,” there are so many things that I’ve kept hidden, things I did not want to confront. But now after all this I can’t turn a blind eye.” Christian’s face did not change and his eyes were fixed on her face as he nodded for her to go on. He did not hurry her, did not force. He just stood there as he always did, watching her intently waiting for her to be ready. Phoebe gaze to return to the sky, and the stars that sparkled like the dream of a better tomorrow. “I’ve been trying to cling to the past for so long,” she whispered, “I was trying to mend a broken relationship, I thought that if I give enough love to Seth, if I am patient enough things will change for the better but they didn’t. ” Christian moved a little and her eyes followed him again. “Well, now?” he said quietly, his tone filled with concern. “Now that you’ve let go, what do you want, Phoebe?” The question seemed to weigh
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD My Regrets
The words that he said made Phoebe feel the warmth in her chest. This was different – so different from what she had been through with Seth. It was not pressurized, it was not hurried. Just understanding. Just kindness. “I am not asking you to wait for a lifetime,” she said with a small smile on her lips. “I just require time to recover, time to come to terms with everything. ” Christian nodded. “I’ll be here,” he said just like that. “Whenever you’re ready. ” They just stared at each other for a while and the night breeze was chilly as it embraced them. For the first time in years, Phoebe felt lighter, freer than she had in years. For the first time in a long time she felt empowered and that she was the master of her own destiny. That was quite scary but at the same time it was quite fun. And so, they kept on walking and as Phoebe did, she understood that she was not only leaving Seth behind but she was walking into the unknown. And for the first time in a long time, that didn’t
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Because You're a Human
You do not need to solve all the problems at the moment,” Sarah said softly. “You are not running from one man to another. You are healing. And healing takes time. Seth was a big part of your life, and it is normal to feel some sort of feelings and regrets. But that does not make you a failure and does not mean that you cannot move forward.” Phoebe lowered her gaze towards her hands and she was overwhelmed with guilt and confusion. “But Christian deserves more than someone who has not moved on, right? He deserves a woman who can offer him herself, not a woman who is still nursing a broken heart.” Sarah let out a breath and put her hand on Phoebe’s shoulder. “Christian understands what you have been through Phoebe, he doesn’t want you to erase all that and dive into a new relationship immediately, he just wants to support you in any way that you need him right now.” Slower and slower Phoebe nodded, her heart aching but her head a little less fuzzy. “I suppose I have always feared th
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- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
"What Regret"
“Regret,” she said with a sneer. Regret is just a euphemism for guilt. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t wipe the slate clean, and it definitely does not heal the mess that you made.‘Christian,’ she said softly, ‘don’t come any closer.’ He stopped, as she decided to step back from him.Phoebe flared up again and asked him: “You said you came for the truth?” “Fine. Here’s the truth, Christian. I loved you. With everything I had. And you destroyed me. You were able to make me question myself in ways that I never knew existed. And now you stand here, asking me for what? Closure? Redemption? Forgiveness?”“No,” he said firmly. All I am demanding is an opportunity to prove that I can improve.” That I am better.”She scoffed. “And you believe that one conversation is going to make a difference?” You think I can just what? Stare at you and forget the years I struggled to climb up the ladder and get a life again?“No,” he repeated again, and there was no quiver in his voice. “But I can’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Need You
Christian did not answer this for a while. He looked down, his hands were tightly bunched into fists at his sides. “I know it caused pain,” he said, his voice rising in a hoarse whisper. “I know I can’t undo that. But I can’t just let things be this way. Not anymore. If that means living with your hatred then let it be so.Phoebe only chuckled bitterly and began to pace in front of the fire. ‘Christian, you keep saying all the right things.’ Saying sorry, admitting my mistake, promising to take my anger on myself. But you don’t seem to understand. It’s not about you. Not anymore.”He stared at her with a frown on his face. “Then what is it about?”“It’s about me,” she said angrily, turning to him. ‘That’s about the years I’ve spent struggling to climb out of the pit you dug for me to fall into.’ It is about finding out how to be independent, how to live without the feeling that my chest is going to collapse. It’s about healing, or at least, about trying to put myself back together aft
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Believe inYou
Phoebe shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. “You don’t get it, Christian. Other people also had the same feeling as you; they were scared. I was terrified too. Of losing you, of not being good enough. But I stayed. I fought. And you didn’t.”“I know,” he said and his eyes welled up with tears. “And I hate myself for that. I wish I could have been stronger and did not leave when I did. But I’m here now, Phoebe. And I’m not running this time.”She glared at him and her eyes were red with rage, hurt and something else which she could not describe. “You say that now,” she whispered. But what happens when things get hard again? This begs the question, what happens when the cracks start to show?“They won’t,” he said firmly. “Because I’ve come to realize that running in particular does not solve anything. It just leaves a trail of broken pieces behind.”Phoebe only shook her head and a tear rolled down her face. She gently removed it as if she was embarrassed to show her weaknes
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
“I’m confused”
It’s convenient. You were waiting until you felt I was ready and powerful enough to take the news. Until you thought I didn’t need you anymore.”“That is not true,” Christian said quickly, getting up, his voice a high pitched note. “I have been taking this guilt with me every day since I left.” I did not return because of convenience. I returned because I could not continue living such a life knowing that I destroyed something that was wonderful.Phoebe whirled on her toes, glaring. “And what about me? Have you ever thought what it feels like to wake up every day with the marks you have made on others? To have to break yourself down and begin to build yourself up again from scratch just to have the one who was responsible for tearing you down appear with an apology?”“I do now,” he said quietly. “Because I do, I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. And I hate myself for being the reason it’s there.”She was breathing raggedly, her hands were balled up at her sides. “You don’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Either you believe or not
Christian sighed deeply and rested his hands on the table. “I am a man who wants to know how to accept what I have done. To challenge it, rather than avoiding it. To be able to admit that I can change the future but I can’t change the present and I can’t change the past.”Phoebe scoffed. ‘You really believe that taking responsibility is sufficient?’ You really believe that saying you were wrong in any of this makes it alright?”“No,” Christian said quickly. “It doesn’t make it okay. Nothing can make it okay. But it’s a start, isn’t it? A step toward being better. Towards becoming a person who does not destroy things.”Phoebe looked at her sister with her face impassive and then shook her head. “You want to be better? Good for you. But you don’t get to use me as your redemption arc. I am not some check-point on your way to self-improvement.”“I’m not asking you to be,” Christian said, his voice quiet, but commanding. I don’t need your forgiveness or your approval for anything I am doin
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Lingering pain
“Phoebe,” he started cautiously, “I’m not here to put more load on you regarding this.” I know you didn’t want any of this and I’m not going to say that I’m so great for coming here now. But I’ve been attempting to take responsibility for my actions. And part of that means realizing how much I caused you pain.”Phoebe’s lips formed, her arms drawn tightly around her in the manner of a shield. “It does not heal the wound, Christian.” Oh do you think that knowing you regret it will give me back the time I lost? The trust I lost? The parts of me that had to be reconstructed?”“No,” replied Christian, who now looked ashamed. “I don’t. And I’m not asking you to forget what I did or even forgive me. I just had to tell you that… I can see it now. I can now understand how self-centered I was and how unable to notice your suffering.She tilted her head to the side, her mouth tightening as she looked out the window and saw the rain running down the glass. “Blind, huh?” she said with much bitter
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
All about Phoebe
Phoebe went back to the fire, her hands folding over her chest. For what seemed like a long time she did not respond. The fire crackled in the background, and its heat was the only thing that made the atmosphere between them warm.“What do you want from me, Christian?” she asked after a long time her voice was so low that it was barely audible.“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just… I had to share it with you because it is the truth. To say sorry and let you understand that I noticed your suffering. That I see you.”Phoebe only managed to stifle a sarcastic laugh. “You see me now? That’s rich. Where was this clarity two years ago?”Christian moved a little closer and spoke slowly and calmly as if he was pleading with her. I was blind back then Phoebe.” As if the rest of the world does not exist, or, at least, I don’t exist to the rest of the world. But now… now I see everything I should have seen before. I understand how powerful you are, how much you inv
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Get rewarded
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Phoebe, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They think they can just come out and apologize and that’s the end of it.”“I’m not expecting that,” Christian said quickly. I know that I can never reverse the wrong I have done. But I had to tell you. I had to stop bringing this with me without doing something about it.”Phoebe exhaled hard and then rested her weight against the windowsill. “Well, did you even know what you left behind?” “How much I had to tidy up after you?”“I’ve thought about it,” Christian said, softly. “But I know that thinking about it isn’t the same as living it. I still can’t fathom how difficult it must have been for you.”Phoebe looked at her and shook her head, fuming again. “And you didn’t just hurt me, Christian.” You made me doubt, everything, including us, including myself. I used so much time thinking why am I not enough. Why I couldn’t repair whatever was ailing you.”Christian cringed as if the words that came out of her mouth had h
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Another Game
One part of him wanted to kick Christian out, shut the door and never see him again. But there was another part, a lesser, more contemplative part of him that was interesting. What if Christian really had transformed? What if this wasn’t just another one of his games?“Alright,” Phoebe said in the end, the word coming out sounding more like a bitter grumble. “You want to talk? Talk. ‘I’m not making any guarantees here,’ I tell him.Christian nodded and his shoulders dropped down as well. He looked around the room, and then looked at the couch. “Do you mind if we sit?”Phoebe frowned, then reluctantly gestured at the couch with a nod. He stayed on his feet, leaning with his arms folded against the wall, a defensive air about him.Christian leaned back on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and his hands on top of each other. He looked at the floor for a moment with a blank face, then he said something.“I know I hurt you. And not just once—repeatedly. You wanted to help me and I
