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SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Conflict at the party
Oliver was close to her at work, and she looked at him when he smiled, putting a small bouquet in her hands. “For the artist and the hostess,” he said, and there was tenderness in his tone. “Phoebe, you are doing a splendid work.” I know she is going to be so touched.” Phoebe clutched the bouquet tightly to her chest, her heart filled with emotion. She had not been plotting something like this since the time she was forced into planning formal family functions and the liberty she felt in this instance was something she had not felt for ages. In the evening, they finished everything and placed tiny candles that would burn when it was getting dark. When they were done, everything seemed neat, comfortable and welcoming – a fitting background for Grandma Peterson’s birthday. Phoebe took a moment and looked at the result of their efforts. She glanced at Oliver and with the tone of thankfulness in her voice said. That is all okay I appreciate your help in helping me to put all these toge
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD My Woman
Phoebe was still standing on the porch, breathing heavily, after the moment of silence. Christian’s car was gone down the driveway but the energy of his anger and pain did not dissipate and filled the air around the cottage. She was conscious of the fact that Oliver was standing beside her, his hand was near her, in a position that he could catch her if she were to faint. The night was quiet and the silence was filled with things that were never said. And at last he looked her full in the face, with an expression of quiet inquiry. “Are you okay?” She gasped, feeling how her chest was constricted. “I… I don’t know.” She laughed a little but it was forced and even to her it sounded so. That is why I was shocked when he showed up here.” Not like this.” Oliver simply nodded as his face grew stern. “It’s understandable. He has been in your live for years.” Phoebe stood hugging her arms across her chest, as if she was trying to protect herself from the nakedness of the occurrence. “Well
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Angel Come By
She nodded, and inhaled deeply. “I am… I think I finally am.” She looked away, her eyes focusing on the black sea beyond the glass that came to the shore. “It’s strange. It was so great to spend so much time thinking about what my life would be like if I disappeared, if I could just let myself dream again, and… now I’m beginning to see it. Oliver gave a gentle smile before he could help it and relaxed in the chair, watching her with approval. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? To lastly allow yourself to let go and just exist. He stopped speaking, and turning his head slightly to one side. And the thing about it, Phoebe, is, that nobody else can do it for you.” It has to come from within.” She gazed at him, abruptly perceiving affection and appreciation in her breast. “You are right,” she whispered. “And I’m glad to let you know that you have been reminded of that by my presence.” They sat down cuddling each other enjoying the reflection in the light of the fire that burned on the background
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD My Happiness
Oliver listened, holding his stare as they strolled, the sand in the beach a little cold and firm to the touch. The sea was calm; the waves gently hit the beach, their sound resonated through the silence of her speaking. He gently grasped her hand and it was as if he wanted her to continue talking, to let go of the burden she had been bearing for so long. “It is quite mind blowing Phoebe,” He said softly to her. “That you are not waiting for someone to bring you happiness, that you are happy with yourself. And I think, once you really believe it, everything else will follow, somehow. That’s when you will start to look at the world from a different perspective. She stared at him, a frown of deep, serious consideration on her face. “It’s a relief, in a way. But it’s also scary. I’ve spent so much time being… what others expected. I think I’m even losing touch with who I am without all of that.” Oliver stopped, looking at her, their fingers still interlocked. ‘You are a strong person,
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD One Of Those People
She did not even pause, and when he offered her his hand, their fingers touched, and they immediately locked their fingers. It was the most charged and yet the most serene time that I felt could be lived and nothing more. They felt as if they were surrounded by a veil, which separated them from the rest of the world, and left them alone with each other.They went on hand in hand, and two of them perfectly coupled as their feet marched them further into the dark. The sea murmured, the day brightened up and only then Phoebe had the feeling that she is really somewhere without any pretense.And the more they strolled along the shore the less words were necessary, the more the silence between them was sacred. They didn’t need words. It was a relief to move their hands and lips, to speak the halting words of a start, the weight of everything they had shared their pasts, their doubts, their hopes lightened in their long, comfortable strides.Finally, they came across a little cove, a lagoon
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Hand In Hand
With the stars coming out one by one, Oliver and Phoebe did not speak, but sat in quiet contemplation as the last of the light disappeared over the horizon. The wind had dropped and there was only the sound of the water as it gently rolled on to the shore. The world seemed vast and she was not overwhelmed by what lay ahead of her for the first time in what seemed like ages.Phoebe slowly inhaled as if drawing in the air around her, the coldness of the air passing through her lungs. “I once believed that happiness was something you had to run after. Like if you didn’t have a goal in mind and were striving for it, it would get lost. Now I’m beginning to think…maybe it is more about searching for the proper place where it is possible simply to let it go.Oliver smiled, he looked into her eyes and they were calm and full of confidence. “Exactly. I’ll be happy when I get this promotion, I’ll be happy when I get that new car, I’ll be happy when I have that new house, we forget that we alrea
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD More than you know
Phoebe’s eyes further softened and she looked right into him. ‘It’s so easy for you to be here with me, isn’t it?’ But I know I’m… complicated.”“We’re all complex, Phoebe,” he said softly, in response. “But that doesn’t make you hard to be with. Not for me.”For the first time in a very long time, she felt a swell of happiness at the words he spoke as if he was slowly stripping her of the walls she had constructed. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me.”He raised his eyebrows, looking carefully at her face. Perhaps it is because they never bothered to look and hear it. That is why you have so many layers… and that is a good thing. Means you’ve got stories, experiences things that make you… you.”Something in Phoebe’s throat tightened up a little as she listened. “It’s funny,” she whispered. I have always considered those layers as something that is put on me and that I had to remove in order to become…popular. But you make it sound like they are worth keeping.”“Because they
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Not Anymore
After Oliver had said his piece Phoebe stood there letting his words hang in the cool night air. The waves were saying something as they rolled over the sand, a soothing sound to the soothing sound his voice was to her. For a second or two she glanced at her crossed hands in her lap before returning her eyes to Oliver.Does it apply to everybody? That, once you’ve discovered who you are, it is easier to return, even if you lost your way?”Oliver gave her time to think about it and the tension between them grew. “I think it depends. Some people never really give up who they are even when they have the feeling of being lost. Some people… They may require a gentle prod. Or someone to walk with them for a bit until they see the signs again.”Phoebe pulled her head to one side and her face brightened with a smile. “And you are okay with strolling with me, not even regarding the distance?”Oliver looked her straight into the eyes and she could see that he was not lying. “Always.”She felt a
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- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
"What Regret"
“Regret,” she said with a sneer. Regret is just a euphemism for guilt. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t wipe the slate clean, and it definitely does not heal the mess that you made.‘Christian,’ she said softly, ‘don’t come any closer.’ He stopped, as she decided to step back from him.Phoebe flared up again and asked him: “You said you came for the truth?” “Fine. Here’s the truth, Christian. I loved you. With everything I had. And you destroyed me. You were able to make me question myself in ways that I never knew existed. And now you stand here, asking me for what? Closure? Redemption? Forgiveness?”“No,” he said firmly. All I am demanding is an opportunity to prove that I can improve.” That I am better.”She scoffed. “And you believe that one conversation is going to make a difference?” You think I can just what? Stare at you and forget the years I struggled to climb up the ladder and get a life again?“No,” he repeated again, and there was no quiver in his voice. “But I can’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Need You
Christian did not answer this for a while. He looked down, his hands were tightly bunched into fists at his sides. “I know it caused pain,” he said, his voice rising in a hoarse whisper. “I know I can’t undo that. But I can’t just let things be this way. Not anymore. If that means living with your hatred then let it be so.Phoebe only chuckled bitterly and began to pace in front of the fire. ‘Christian, you keep saying all the right things.’ Saying sorry, admitting my mistake, promising to take my anger on myself. But you don’t seem to understand. It’s not about you. Not anymore.”He stared at her with a frown on his face. “Then what is it about?”“It’s about me,” she said angrily, turning to him. ‘That’s about the years I’ve spent struggling to climb out of the pit you dug for me to fall into.’ It is about finding out how to be independent, how to live without the feeling that my chest is going to collapse. It’s about healing, or at least, about trying to put myself back together aft
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Believe inYou
Phoebe shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. “You don’t get it, Christian. Other people also had the same feeling as you; they were scared. I was terrified too. Of losing you, of not being good enough. But I stayed. I fought. And you didn’t.”“I know,” he said and his eyes welled up with tears. “And I hate myself for that. I wish I could have been stronger and did not leave when I did. But I’m here now, Phoebe. And I’m not running this time.”She glared at him and her eyes were red with rage, hurt and something else which she could not describe. “You say that now,” she whispered. But what happens when things get hard again? This begs the question, what happens when the cracks start to show?“They won’t,” he said firmly. “Because I’ve come to realize that running in particular does not solve anything. It just leaves a trail of broken pieces behind.”Phoebe only shook her head and a tear rolled down her face. She gently removed it as if she was embarrassed to show her weaknes
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
“I’m confused”
It’s convenient. You were waiting until you felt I was ready and powerful enough to take the news. Until you thought I didn’t need you anymore.”“That is not true,” Christian said quickly, getting up, his voice a high pitched note. “I have been taking this guilt with me every day since I left.” I did not return because of convenience. I returned because I could not continue living such a life knowing that I destroyed something that was wonderful.Phoebe whirled on her toes, glaring. “And what about me? Have you ever thought what it feels like to wake up every day with the marks you have made on others? To have to break yourself down and begin to build yourself up again from scratch just to have the one who was responsible for tearing you down appear with an apology?”“I do now,” he said quietly. “Because I do, I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. And I hate myself for being the reason it’s there.”She was breathing raggedly, her hands were balled up at her sides. “You don’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Either you believe or not
Christian sighed deeply and rested his hands on the table. “I am a man who wants to know how to accept what I have done. To challenge it, rather than avoiding it. To be able to admit that I can change the future but I can’t change the present and I can’t change the past.”Phoebe scoffed. ‘You really believe that taking responsibility is sufficient?’ You really believe that saying you were wrong in any of this makes it alright?”“No,” Christian said quickly. “It doesn’t make it okay. Nothing can make it okay. But it’s a start, isn’t it? A step toward being better. Towards becoming a person who does not destroy things.”Phoebe looked at her sister with her face impassive and then shook her head. “You want to be better? Good for you. But you don’t get to use me as your redemption arc. I am not some check-point on your way to self-improvement.”“I’m not asking you to be,” Christian said, his voice quiet, but commanding. I don’t need your forgiveness or your approval for anything I am doin
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Lingering pain
“Phoebe,” he started cautiously, “I’m not here to put more load on you regarding this.” I know you didn’t want any of this and I’m not going to say that I’m so great for coming here now. But I’ve been attempting to take responsibility for my actions. And part of that means realizing how much I caused you pain.”Phoebe’s lips formed, her arms drawn tightly around her in the manner of a shield. “It does not heal the wound, Christian.” Oh do you think that knowing you regret it will give me back the time I lost? The trust I lost? The parts of me that had to be reconstructed?”“No,” replied Christian, who now looked ashamed. “I don’t. And I’m not asking you to forget what I did or even forgive me. I just had to tell you that… I can see it now. I can now understand how self-centered I was and how unable to notice your suffering.She tilted her head to the side, her mouth tightening as she looked out the window and saw the rain running down the glass. “Blind, huh?” she said with much bitter
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
All about Phoebe
Phoebe went back to the fire, her hands folding over her chest. For what seemed like a long time she did not respond. The fire crackled in the background, and its heat was the only thing that made the atmosphere between them warm.“What do you want from me, Christian?” she asked after a long time her voice was so low that it was barely audible.“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just… I had to share it with you because it is the truth. To say sorry and let you understand that I noticed your suffering. That I see you.”Phoebe only managed to stifle a sarcastic laugh. “You see me now? That’s rich. Where was this clarity two years ago?”Christian moved a little closer and spoke slowly and calmly as if he was pleading with her. I was blind back then Phoebe.” As if the rest of the world does not exist, or, at least, I don’t exist to the rest of the world. But now… now I see everything I should have seen before. I understand how powerful you are, how much you inv
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Get rewarded
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Phoebe, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They think they can just come out and apologize and that’s the end of it.”“I’m not expecting that,” Christian said quickly. I know that I can never reverse the wrong I have done. But I had to tell you. I had to stop bringing this with me without doing something about it.”Phoebe exhaled hard and then rested her weight against the windowsill. “Well, did you even know what you left behind?” “How much I had to tidy up after you?”“I’ve thought about it,” Christian said, softly. “But I know that thinking about it isn’t the same as living it. I still can’t fathom how difficult it must have been for you.”Phoebe looked at her and shook her head, fuming again. “And you didn’t just hurt me, Christian.” You made me doubt, everything, including us, including myself. I used so much time thinking why am I not enough. Why I couldn’t repair whatever was ailing you.”Christian cringed as if the words that came out of her mouth had h
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Another Game
One part of him wanted to kick Christian out, shut the door and never see him again. But there was another part, a lesser, more contemplative part of him that was interesting. What if Christian really had transformed? What if this wasn’t just another one of his games?“Alright,” Phoebe said in the end, the word coming out sounding more like a bitter grumble. “You want to talk? Talk. ‘I’m not making any guarantees here,’ I tell him.Christian nodded and his shoulders dropped down as well. He looked around the room, and then looked at the couch. “Do you mind if we sit?”Phoebe frowned, then reluctantly gestured at the couch with a nod. He stayed on his feet, leaning with his arms folded against the wall, a defensive air about him.Christian leaned back on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and his hands on top of each other. He looked at the floor for a moment with a blank face, then he said something.“I know I hurt you. And not just once—repeatedly. You wanted to help me and I
