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2024-07-01 13:53:17Sasha continued to run Seth'shand, until he gently pulled it out from under her touch.
"Anyway, so, I suppose we have to get right to the buffet then. You can pick up a plate and choose what you want to eat, okay?" She smiled chirpily to cover the awkwardness of the situation.Seth smiled back at her, equally playing along.They ate and drank, talking about work, and each other's lives before and how they each happened upon the wealth that they currently had."I am so happy you came! I mean honestly." Sasha said, getting up. She tripped on her feet and fell back into the sofa, beside Seth, who reached out and caught her.He was equally tipsy, but not far gone that he did not know what he was doing. Sasha got up again, and this time, he helped her up."Easy okay? You don't want to fall and hurt your pretty wrist," he said, letting his hand drop weakly.She sat back down beside him, and placed her head on his chest. He lo
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"What Regret"
“Regret,” she said with a sneer. Regret is just a euphemism for guilt. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t wipe the slate clean, and it definitely does not heal the mess that you made.‘Christian,’ she said softly, ‘don’t come any closer.’ He stopped, as she decided to step back from him.Phoebe flared up again and asked him: “You said you came for the truth?” “Fine. Here’s the truth, Christian. I loved you. With everything I had. And you destroyed me. You were able to make me question myself in ways that I never knew existed. And now you stand here, asking me for what? Closure? Redemption? Forgiveness?”“No,” he said firmly. All I am demanding is an opportunity to prove that I can improve.” That I am better.”She scoffed. “And you believe that one conversation is going to make a difference?” You think I can just what? Stare at you and forget the years I struggled to climb up the ladder and get a life again?“No,” he repeated again, and there was no quiver in his voice. “But I can’t
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Need You
Christian did not answer this for a while. He looked down, his hands were tightly bunched into fists at his sides. “I know it caused pain,” he said, his voice rising in a hoarse whisper. “I know I can’t undo that. But I can’t just let things be this way. Not anymore. If that means living with your hatred then let it be so.Phoebe only chuckled bitterly and began to pace in front of the fire. ‘Christian, you keep saying all the right things.’ Saying sorry, admitting my mistake, promising to take my anger on myself. But you don’t seem to understand. It’s not about you. Not anymore.”He stared at her with a frown on his face. “Then what is it about?”“It’s about me,” she said angrily, turning to him. ‘That’s about the years I’ve spent struggling to climb out of the pit you dug for me to fall into.’ It is about finding out how to be independent, how to live without the feeling that my chest is going to collapse. It’s about healing, or at least, about trying to put myself back together aft
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Phoebe shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. “You don’t get it, Christian. Other people also had the same feeling as you; they were scared. I was terrified too. Of losing you, of not being good enough. But I stayed. I fought. And you didn’t.”“I know,” he said and his eyes welled up with tears. “And I hate myself for that. I wish I could have been stronger and did not leave when I did. But I’m here now, Phoebe. And I’m not running this time.”She glared at him and her eyes were red with rage, hurt and something else which she could not describe. “You say that now,” she whispered. But what happens when things get hard again? This begs the question, what happens when the cracks start to show?“They won’t,” he said firmly. “Because I’ve come to realize that running in particular does not solve anything. It just leaves a trail of broken pieces behind.”Phoebe only shook her head and a tear rolled down her face. She gently removed it as if she was embarrassed to show her weaknes
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“I’m confused”
It’s convenient. You were waiting until you felt I was ready and powerful enough to take the news. Until you thought I didn’t need you anymore.”“That is not true,” Christian said quickly, getting up, his voice a high pitched note. “I have been taking this guilt with me every day since I left.” I did not return because of convenience. I returned because I could not continue living such a life knowing that I destroyed something that was wonderful.Phoebe whirled on her toes, glaring. “And what about me? Have you ever thought what it feels like to wake up every day with the marks you have made on others? To have to break yourself down and begin to build yourself up again from scratch just to have the one who was responsible for tearing you down appear with an apology?”“I do now,” he said quietly. “Because I do, I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. And I hate myself for being the reason it’s there.”She was breathing raggedly, her hands were balled up at her sides. “You don’t
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Either you believe or not
Christian sighed deeply and rested his hands on the table. “I am a man who wants to know how to accept what I have done. To challenge it, rather than avoiding it. To be able to admit that I can change the future but I can’t change the present and I can’t change the past.”Phoebe scoffed. ‘You really believe that taking responsibility is sufficient?’ You really believe that saying you were wrong in any of this makes it alright?”“No,” Christian said quickly. “It doesn’t make it okay. Nothing can make it okay. But it’s a start, isn’t it? A step toward being better. Towards becoming a person who does not destroy things.”Phoebe looked at her sister with her face impassive and then shook her head. “You want to be better? Good for you. But you don’t get to use me as your redemption arc. I am not some check-point on your way to self-improvement.”“I’m not asking you to be,” Christian said, his voice quiet, but commanding. I don’t need your forgiveness or your approval for anything I am doin
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Lingering pain
“Phoebe,” he started cautiously, “I’m not here to put more load on you regarding this.” I know you didn’t want any of this and I’m not going to say that I’m so great for coming here now. But I’ve been attempting to take responsibility for my actions. And part of that means realizing how much I caused you pain.”Phoebe’s lips formed, her arms drawn tightly around her in the manner of a shield. “It does not heal the wound, Christian.” Oh do you think that knowing you regret it will give me back the time I lost? The trust I lost? The parts of me that had to be reconstructed?”“No,” replied Christian, who now looked ashamed. “I don’t. And I’m not asking you to forget what I did or even forgive me. I just had to tell you that… I can see it now. I can now understand how self-centered I was and how unable to notice your suffering.She tilted her head to the side, her mouth tightening as she looked out the window and saw the rain running down the glass. “Blind, huh?” she said with much bitter
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All about Phoebe
Phoebe went back to the fire, her hands folding over her chest. For what seemed like a long time she did not respond. The fire crackled in the background, and its heat was the only thing that made the atmosphere between them warm.“What do you want from me, Christian?” she asked after a long time her voice was so low that it was barely audible.“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just… I had to share it with you because it is the truth. To say sorry and let you understand that I noticed your suffering. That I see you.”Phoebe only managed to stifle a sarcastic laugh. “You see me now? That’s rich. Where was this clarity two years ago?”Christian moved a little closer and spoke slowly and calmly as if he was pleading with her. I was blind back then Phoebe.” As if the rest of the world does not exist, or, at least, I don’t exist to the rest of the world. But now… now I see everything I should have seen before. I understand how powerful you are, how much you inv
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Get rewarded
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Phoebe, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They think they can just come out and apologize and that’s the end of it.”“I’m not expecting that,” Christian said quickly. I know that I can never reverse the wrong I have done. But I had to tell you. I had to stop bringing this with me without doing something about it.”Phoebe exhaled hard and then rested her weight against the windowsill. “Well, did you even know what you left behind?” “How much I had to tidy up after you?”“I’ve thought about it,” Christian said, softly. “But I know that thinking about it isn’t the same as living it. I still can’t fathom how difficult it must have been for you.”Phoebe looked at her and shook her head, fuming again. “And you didn’t just hurt me, Christian.” You made me doubt, everything, including us, including myself. I used so much time thinking why am I not enough. Why I couldn’t repair whatever was ailing you.”Christian cringed as if the words that came out of her mouth had h
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Another Game
One part of him wanted to kick Christian out, shut the door and never see him again. But there was another part, a lesser, more contemplative part of him that was interesting. What if Christian really had transformed? What if this wasn’t just another one of his games?“Alright,” Phoebe said in the end, the word coming out sounding more like a bitter grumble. “You want to talk? Talk. ‘I’m not making any guarantees here,’ I tell him.Christian nodded and his shoulders dropped down as well. He looked around the room, and then looked at the couch. “Do you mind if we sit?”Phoebe frowned, then reluctantly gestured at the couch with a nod. He stayed on his feet, leaning with his arms folded against the wall, a defensive air about him.Christian leaned back on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and his hands on top of each other. He looked at the floor for a moment with a blank face, then he said something.“I know I hurt you. And not just once—repeatedly. You wanted to help me and I
