Sheer Improbability

INTRO

Being impulsive and doing risky things is definitely NOT my thing.

I'm shaking from head to toe, trying to ignore my inner voice begging me not to do this, reminding me of everything I'm going to lose… but at the same time, showing me everything I'm going to gain.

The noise and mess in my head is so loud and irritating that it almost doesn't let me hear the words of the man in front of me. I have to pinch myself, take a deep breath and make use of all my mental capacity to focus on reality, ignoring the flashes of what awaits me.

"... And Charlie Lambert wants to meet you in person to discuss your ideas one on one. He's very impressed with you," my boss continues. Ex-boss, I guess.

"So, would I have to travel to Chicago to talk to him?" I ask, even though I already know the answer. Sometimes I need verbal confirmation to make sure I'm not completely crazy.

"That's the detail I wanted to talk to you about," he begins, fiddling with my old contract in his hands as I sit in mine to stop them from shaking. I can't believe this is really happening, "As you know, the company's headquarters are in Chicago... and Charlie Lambert wants to work closely with you as your idea grows and unravels, so it would be easier to arrange your permanent relocation. Of course... you can say no, I understand it's a complicated move. I'm only considering it because I know you're a young, single man, unattached to the city. And this would be amazing for your career."

His words solidify my new future, I can see things even more clearly now than I did seconds ago. Still, I don't allow myself to focus on them just yet, I need to finish this meeting and find a lonely place where I can scream or something, to let everything I feel out.

"I'm up for the move," I reply, my voice sounding shaky. And just like that, my old life disappears completely.

This is the riskiest thing I've done in years. Or maybe in my entire life.

I walk out of the office after signing a new contract. My legs feel like jelly but I walk to the bathroom with conviction, not making eye contact with anyone even though I know everyone has their eyes on me.

Once I'm inside a cubicle, I sit on the closed toilet and cover my face to scream into my hands. I’m still shaking all over.

Now, let me explain: I can see the future.

Not the future of all mankind or anything that complicated, I can only see my own future. And, consequently, the future of the people closest to me.

Maybe it sounds interesting and you're sitting there thinking that I'm a cool fantastic man who can do anything with his incredible gift… but no. Not at all.

I'm not exciting or even happy. I’m miserable, boring and mediocre.

My future has been visible to me for as long as I can remember and that 'gift' has only served to complicate my existence.

I can see flashes of what is going to happen and the people I'm going to meet, but it only becomes clear when I surrender to a specific path and follow it without changing anything, submitting to whatever the universe wants to give me, whether is good or bad.

That is why sometimes the universe and I have issues. I like to think of the universe as a human who is personally fucking with me.

I do my best not to move the waters in any way and that is exactly what made me such a boring, mediocre and sad man who can't do anything he really wants to do because he is afraid that things might change.

And the worst part is that I only just realized two days ago how miserable and pathetic I am, after my gorgeous, intelligent and perfect lover Willow declared her love for me but I had to force myself to reject her.

I obviously didn't want to do that, but I know that's the natural way of things. From the day I met her, I knew that declaration on her part would mark the day of our separation.

She screamed at me that I'm a gutless pig before she left my studio and I couldn't do anything to stop her because I am exactly that: A gutless pig.

Even with my stomach in knots and my heart broken, I had to surrender to fate because I know that fight was necessary so she could find her perfect man and I could eventually find my wife, Julie.

My future wife whom I hate, by the way.

All this time I have been content with the path I chose years ago. The path where Willow finds someone else and I end up married to Julie, but after being called a gutless pig, I just can't take it anymore.

I want a change, I want to be the opposite of a gutless pig and I want to find a love that doesn't bore me horribly, like Julie.

That is why yesterday I made an impulsive decision for the first time in almost 10 years.

And, just 24 hours after making it, I can already feel that everything has completely changed.

I literally saw my former future vanish and start from scratch.

So, in a way, it's like I've been born again today. And I love the way that feels.