Sheer Improbability

The Denial

After I finish my nachos, I order a third strawberry daiquiri. Beau orders another dark beer at the same time, trying to smear his masculinity in my face, but no one else notices that.

Samantha and Cain are too busy chatting about something in hushed tones.

"How long will you reside here?" I ask just to avoid being in awkward silence. Beau turns to look at me with surprised eyes, as if he didn't expect to hear my voice at all.

God, what an asshole. We're at a table together.

"I don't know. A couple of years, I guess," he answers in a distracted tone and squeezes his hand, making a fist. Again. Fuck, he really wants to hit me. Beau is a little taller than Cain and looks like he has muscles, which makes him bigger and stronger than me. If he decides to hit me, I think I could defend myself for a while, but in the end he'd win, "Are you guys close, you and Cain?"

"Yes, very. We don't see each other very often now that we're adults, but I've known his family and he's known mine since we were born. We used to be neighbors. Now our parents travel together, when they're not busy.”

"Oh," he replies, nodding and swallowing as if he's suddenly nervous. This time I can't help the confused face I make at his sudden mood swings, "Sorry if I'm acting weird, I have migraines."

Oh.

My hostility drops a little at the thought that he's not preparing his fist to punch me but is instead fighting through the pain.

Maybe I'm the one judging him?

"Cain, Sam... my head is killing me," he says loudly, catching their attention and getting up from his chair, "I think I'm still tired from the trip and the move, but thanks for inviting me."

"Don't worry, I understand," Cain says getting up to say goodbye, while Beau takes a bill out of his wallet and leaves it on the table, "Go rest, see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, thanks again. And... nice to meet you, Timothy," he says before leaving, as if on second thought, leaving me more confused than before.

{ Beau }

I text Samuel and while I wait for him to arrive, I pace back and forth on the sidewalk trying not to hyperventilate.

I know I said I loved surprises, but not this one.

It doesn't make sense, no... no. I don't want it.

And the worst part is that regardless of my reaction, the future is still immovable, which means that at some point I'm going to change my mind and I'm going to fall in love with Pinky.

With a fucking man they call Pinky, with pink hair, tattoos and a beard, a lover of pink drinks.

No. Fuck no.

What the hell happened to Genova? Where did she go? Why did she disappear from my future, leaving no trace? Why do I now see myself at Pinky's side? I can't believe this shit.

I want to reset my brain because it surely made a mistake, but I know it's not possible. It doesn't work like that.

I get in the car as soon as it arrives and try to hide what I feel when Samuel asks me questions. I lie to him too, saying I have a migraine.

It's a lie, I'm just suffocated and confused. Disturbed, too. Disgusted, even.

Once I get to the house, I lean against the closed door and drop to the floor, looking for Genova's face again.

It's impossible, I can't find her anywhere.

Now it's Pinky I see next to me in this house, next to me with my friends Cain and Sam. Next to me at... our wedding.

"What the fuck!" I complain out loud, "Why? Why?"

I don't like men. I've never liked any man. In fact, I've never even had to wonder if maybe I'm attracted to them because I haven't had any need. I have always seen women in my near or distant future. Never a man, until I saw Pinky in that bar and I couldn't ignore the future.

I'm trying to find different paths now, one where I end up with a woman in the end, whoever it is, but I don't see any.

They're all with him or no one, at least at the moment.

But I force myself to calm down because I know everything can change. As soon as tomorrow someone could appear and catch Pinky's eye and take him away from me. So I take a breath and calm down.

I don't have to marry a man if I don't want to.

The future is improbable and changeable, as proved by this mess. I just need a little time and a little bit of making decisions that will change that bitter ending I see, unhappy and unsatisfying for me.

At least that's what I think, since I can't even focus for long on anything we do without being disgusted by it. Pinky's naked body is on my mind quite often, but I do my best to toss those future memories aside, not daring to ask why the fuck we spend so much fucking time naked.

➿➿➿➿

I start the day with new enthusiasm and motivation, doing the complete opposite of what I would normally do to create new scenarios. I get ready much slower than usual to delay my arrival at Lambert to give myself a chance to crash with some woman who is in the same hurry as me, creating a new path.

"Are you feeling better, Beau?"

"Yes, I just needed a pill and to sleep for ten hours straight," I admit, because that's what I did. We keep neutral chatter until we get to the building, "See you later, Samuel."

I get out of the car looking around for someone, but there's no one on the street. Not a single woman in a hurry.

Whatever, she'll come to me one day.

As soon as I enter the building, I run into Sam, who apparently was waiting for me because she approaches me in a hurry.

Oh, shit, here it is.

When I connect my eyes with hers, a new path opens.

A path where I decide to pursue Samantha, treating her exactly how she wants to be treated and earning Cain's absolute hatred forever. My future at the company gets rocky and Sam never manages to be happy by my side, giving me yet another unhappy marriage.

"Hey, I'm talking to you," she says, snapping me out of my thoughts. I shake my head and push that fucked up future I'd never pursue to the back burner. I'd rather fuck a man until the day I die.

"I'm sorry, I'm still half asleep," I apologize and take in her image. Yesterday she looked casual, but today she's wearing a knee-length dress and high heels. Her hair is perfectly slicked back, "No one told me I had to look good today."

Sam laughs and shakes a little, looking nervous.

"There's a meeting with the board of directors, your suit is perfect for the occasion," she comforts me and gestures for me to follow her.

"Hi, Victor," I say when I see the receptionist, straightening his desk. Victor returns my greeting and looks like he's about to ask something, but I raise my temporary pass and he shuts his mouth again, "Uh, what should I expect with this meeting? No one told me about it."

"It's just your presentation to the board. And I was in charge of telling you, but I forgot," she says, turning to give me a regretful look with those incredible eyes, "Can you forgive me?"

"Of course," I reply, shrugging my shoulders. There's no catastrophe pushing in my mind, so I guess everything will be fine.

It may seem otherwise, but I usually don't let my mind wander to probabilities. I've only done so lately because I'm in a new place and because of last night's terror, as you may recall. But there are times when I go several days without even thinking about my ability.

When we get to the top floor, Cain meets our eyes and approaches us as if we were his lifeline.

"Beau, prepare for the worst. There's a guy here who's willing to do anything to ruin everything for us," he warns as soon as he arrives and then his eyes move to Sam with annoyance, "You didn't tell me he was here!"

"I didn't know I was supposed to," she defends herself, frowning, and then turns to me, "He means Dylan. He's the youngest member of the board and he's trouble, but you have nothing to worry about."

"Beau, Cain, Samantha!" Charlie calls to us from his office and the three of us move immediately. We approach the long table where everyone is seated and Charlie beckons me with his hand to come over to him, "Now that we are all here, I want to introduce you to the man of the hour, Beau Claude. Tell them about yourself, Beau."

"Ah, there's not much to tell," I mumble, starting to sweat a little. Samantha moves around the office to give each of the members a folder and I manage to identify the troublemaker. My mind starts to cloud with secondary noise, but I keep talking waiting for it to shut up, "I graduated in Business from the University of Toronto a year ago and started at Lambert as an intern, in customer service. Uhm, working there I noticed that customer problems tended to be the same and quite often, or that most of them had the same queries. So it occurred to me that we could create a smart device, a tool that they could carry with them all the time, ensure their security and connect them with someone from our team so that they could immediately track them, go and cease the situation. That would mean we would have to open up various security centers around the country."

"I guess you've already contemplated the prices?" Dylan asks, flipping through the papers as if he's bored, "Hmm, I see. Honestly, it sounds cute but..."

"It doesn't sound cute," Cain interrupts, causing Dylan to clench his jaw and lose his bored posture, "It sounds smart and profitable. And visionary. As you can see, we're aware of the few risks this would entail but even with them, it's worth it."

One by one, the rest of the members give their opinion of my super original idea and they all approve. Even Dylan has to bite his balls and agree that it's a great idea.

"Okay, you have the green light to start with a prototype," Micah says a few minutes later, the most intimidating member of all, "Good luck. We expect to see results in a month."

"Sounds perfect," Charlie nods, getting up from his seat to go to Micah and they get to talking about other things.

I let out a breath and try to approach Cain, but Dylan starts walking straight towards me.

Dylan's presence makes me feel like yesterday when I saw Pinky, so I probe my mind in fear that he's another man I'm going to marry, but thankfully not.

Dylan will be in my life, too. And it looks like he'll become a good friend, though his presence is less certain than Cain's. There's an equal chance he'll become my friend or my enemy.

God, what a mess.