Spacewalkers

44

They say: “If I think, then I exist”, but it seems to me that this is not particularly true. The first thing I felt was pain. Penetrating the whole body, forcing the legs to stretch, and the arms to twist in a spasmodic attack. It was as if I was being devoured by the agony of death, trying to convince me that I was still alive. It was as if the old woman herself whispered death in my ear, “As long as you feel, you exist.” And I believed her, not doubting for a second. For how can one believe otherwise when the whole body burns with pain? How can you resist this primordial feeling, which is inherent in all life on our planet?

My own stomach became a hotbed of pain. It was as if a red-hot rod had been thrust into it and twisted from side to side, sometimes allowing it to be pulled out and driven back into the wound again. My eyes see nothing, I spin in the dark. Hands and feet do not obey me. I'm scared. Tears run down the cheeks. I would have been ready to scream, to beg for mercy, to