CHAPTER 4
Author: I am Rohi
last update2025-03-24 08:51:56

The night stretched long in the Santoso home, filled only with the distant hum of the Jakarta streets and the ticking of the old wall clock. The air was thick, suffocating, yet not from heat or humidity—this was the weight of something unspoken, something that had been festering between them for months.

Raka sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, fingers clasped together as if he were gathering courage. His body still ached from the warehouse, every muscle sore from the relentless demands of his job. But tonight, it wasn’t exhaustion that troubled him the most.

It was the space between him and his wife.

Nadine lay beside him, turned away, scrolling through her phone. The blue glow illuminated her delicate features, highlighting the sharp contrast between what she had once been to him and what she was now—a woman slipping further and further away.

She had barely spoken to him all evening. He had tried to start a conversation over dinner, but all he received in return were nods, brief hums of acknowledgment, and the occasional sigh.

He had tried to ignore it, but it gnawed at him.

Tonight, he wasn’t going to ignore it.

Raka turned slightly, hesitating before reaching out. His fingers brushed against her waist, light and uncertain. A silent request. A small gesture.

Nadine didn’t react immediately.

She didn’t flinch, didn’t tense up, didn’t push him away.

But she also didn’t turn toward him.

Her phone screen continued to glow, the scrolling sound still audible, as if she hadn’t noticed his touch at all. But Raka knew she had.

She was choosing not to acknowledge it.

Swallowing, he tried again, letting his fingers press just a little firmer against her waist. It wasn’t forceful, nor demanding. Just a reminder.

"I'm here," his touch seemed to say.

Still, she remained silent.

Raka exhaled slowly, steadying his voice. "Nadine."

She didn't respond.

He tried again, his voice barely above a whisper. “Nadine.”

This time, she paused. Just for a second.

Then, with practiced indifference, she locked her phone, placed it on the nightstand, and finally spoke.

“I’m tired, Raka.”

Her tone was soft, almost gentle, but it carried a finality that felt like a locked door.

Raka hesitated. He wasn’t a fool—he knew things had changed between them. He had felt it in the way she barely met his eyes, in how her conversations with him had become shorter, in how the warmth in her voice had faded, little by little, day by day.

But to hear her say it—to hear her reject him so effortlessly—it stung in a way he hadn’t prepared for.

“You’re always tired,” he said, forcing a chuckle, trying to lighten the moment. "I don't even remember the last time we—"

Nadine shifted suddenly, cutting him off.

"I'm tired, Raka," she repeated, firmer this time.

There was something cold in the way she said it, something that left no room for further discussion.

Raka clenched his jaw. He wasn’t naive—he knew when a woman simply wasn’t interested. But this was his wife. The woman he had vowed to spend his life with. The woman who had once smiled at him with something close to admiration.

She had never been deeply in love with him—he knew that. Their marriage had been built on something more practical, something less romantic. But they had been partners. There had been a time when she looked at him and saw a man she could rely on.

Now?

She wouldn't even look at him.

A bitter taste formed in his mouth. He withdrew his hand, staring at the ceiling for a long moment, listening to the silence between them.

Then, finally, he spoke.

“Nadine,” he murmured, voice steadier than he expected. “Do you even want this anymore?”

She didn’t answer right away.

The pause stretched, filling the room like an unspoken confession.

Then, finally, she sighed. “I just want to sleep, Raka.”

Not yes.

Not no.

Just avoidance.

A quiet rejection.

And somehow, that hurt more than outright hatred ever could.

Raka exhaled through his nose, running a hand through his hair. His chest felt heavy, weighed down by a loneliness that had been growing for months.

He turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling, and willed himself to ignore the ache in his heart.

Tonight, like every other night before it, he would sleep beside a woman who was no longer truly his.

And she would sleep beside a man she had already let go of.

Even if neither of them said it out loud.

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