chapter 138

It felt like ages since I saw Darwin, if I could place how old it felt like, I would say fifty years. Fifty years since I read that note on my bed, fifty years since I smelt the flowers, fifty years since I last spoke to him. But it hasn't been fifty years. It's been about a week.

I didn't know how else to cope without him. I felt empty.

I walked to the swimming pool and I went in. It enveloped me and I like the feeling of being swept away. Maybe I would like drowning.

Late evening, I went into the house and I got my red dress out. One I had thought would make Darwinson get an rejection while staring at me walk, but shamefully I would wear it without him watching.

I preferred to go to a bar. Going to a bar gave a frienfly feeling, always as if someone was hosting a party all the time and you were always invited.

I went to the bar and I promised myself to pretend I was happy.

“Hey, what would you like the have?." The bar man asked me. I stared at him for a wh
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