Chapter 15: Nightly Misery

Vana's POV

I rolled over my bed as I numerously tried to doze off to sleep. Its dead in the night, possibly past 12 midnight. I couldn’t sleep, my mind wandering off in many different thoughts throughout the past hours.

Master’s words continued to echo in my head, like a siren telling me that what I have been doing is wrong. No, what I’m doing is the right thing for me. I can’t keep obeying him like before.

It’s been three years since I entered the academy. And throughout my years in the academy, I had realized many things that I should have done before it was too late.

I rolled on the side again, giving up on myself as I am fully awake. I won’t sleep at this rate. I should get a snack and a drink and do something that can exhaust me and make me fall asleep. It turns out the eventful day I have is not enough to exhaust me to sleep.

I sighed, standing up from my bed with an annoyed expression. I let the drowsiness dissipate for a moment, before walking out of the room to head downstairs. My room was pitch-black that I nearly tripped as I walk, the moonlight serving as my only guide.

We’ve arrived at our house after a few meters of walking from the guild hall. It was two streets across from the guild hall. When we arrived, we chose to head to bed straight away, skipping dinner as our conversation at the guild ruined our appetites.

I made my way out of my room, grazing the wall as I guide myself out with the little light I had in the room. I went down the stairs, creating as little noise as I can to prevent waking my brother up from sleep. I paused halfway down the stairs, finding a candlelight lit in the living room.

Never mind, my brother is not yet asleep. But I still need to keep my footsteps as low as I can to prevent him from knowing I am still awake.

The living room and the kitchen are divided by a wall on the ground floor, with the stairs located at the kitchen aisle. A doorframe served as the path between the two rooms, where the candle’s glow radiated.

I made my way across the aisle, scooting straight to the kitchen. I slowly opened the top drawer in search for snacks, grabbing a bag of chips as silently as I can. I set the chips on top of the counter, leaving it there as I grab a can of soda from the fridge.

Unhealthy, I know, but its what’s available in the house. Neither I nor my brother did have a healthy lifestyle. I took a deep breath, heading out to the living room to join my dear brother’s self-comforting, brooding time.

“Have a spare seat for another?” I wondered, greeting him with a small smile.

He tilted his head at me with a surprised look, unexpected of me to show up this late at night. He set the glass of wine in his hand down on the coffee table, moving as he gives me room to sit on the couch. I sat next to him, setting the soda can and the chips on the table.

“The hell are you eating this late in the night? You didn’t even had dinner,” Storm grumbled, crunching his brows at me.

“Says the person drinking wine instead of beer,” I retorted, eyeing his drink.

If he wants to be drunk, he should drink beer and not wine. I know he’s not a fan favorite of beer, but wine won’t get him drunk. And it certainly won’t make him forget about his miseries and regrets in life.

There was a candlelight that sat on top of the table, the flames whirling in a small circle. A bottle of wine sat next to it, half of the bottle empty. Did he just drink half a bottle of wine on his own? Storm has a habit of drinking wine excessively, if he’s reminiscing of his regrets and sorrows.

He has a weird taste in drinks when he’s grieving and contemplating his life. It makes me wonder what he achieves in drinking wine when he can’t get drunk in it and fall asleep. This habit of his started after the Dark War, after he lost someone precious to him.

And where all his nightmares came into life.

“Let me guess, you can’t sleep because you’re thinking of her,” I said, striking a conversation with him.

“It’s not only that… I can’t seem to protect the people around me,” brother mumbled, staring at the wall. “And before I know it, they don’t even need me to protect them.”

“You’re talking about me, don’t you?” I said, glancing at him.

“Yeah… three years ago, you look helpless in front of me, even when I am offering you help. And now, it seems as though you don’t need me. You have grown up so much before I know it,” he stated, a wry smile prickling over his shadowed face.

“But I still need you brother,” I argued, tilting my head at him as I assure of that. I do need him. There’s never a time where I don’t need him. He’s my brother, after all.

“Even if I was unable to protect you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I failed to save dad and protect you from your own magic. I failed to protect you from humiliation and blame,” he said, lowering his head down as he sips his wine. “I also failed to protect her—failed to protect Mai. I failed to be by her side.”

Mai is the woman he fell in love with since he was in Junior High. Because of his cold nature and blank personality, he failed to confess his feelings to her many times, leading to a one-sided love. And at the end of the Dark War, she died protecting the Queen of North, Queen Hyacinth.

I clenched my fist, thinking about my brother’s regrets and sorrows. He never did anything wrong, and yet he blames himself for every bad thing that happened to his life. To me, to father, and to the woman he loves…

“Brother… its not your fault. You never did anything wrong,” I said, giving him an assuring look. “Don’t blame yourself, please…”

“I should be saying the same to you, Vana. You shouldn’t blame yourself for father’s death. You did nothing wrong. It was an accident,” Storm stated, finally turning his eyes at me as he gazes at me with longing and dread.

I have always blamed myself for father’s death. If not for my magic, dad would have not died that day. Blaming myself has become my rationale, and until now, it is what haunts me in my dreams. The constant blaming of the people around me made it intact in my mind.

It may not show in my expression, it was because I’ve been good at hiding my emotions ever since I started to control my magic. It may not show, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

“Storm… you’re not mad that I don’t want to become a wizard, right?” I asked, wanting to hear his thoughts on the decision I made to myself.

“I’m not. You hated magic. It’s only right that you don’t become one,” brother scoffed. “And… being a detective sound like you.”

Storm gazed at me for a moment, averting his eyes away out of shyness. My lips perked up into a small smile, thankful that my brother accepts me for who I am. He always does. He was always there next to me.

“I promise… once I become a detective, I’ll be leaving the guild. We’ll leave the guild.”

Related Chapters

Latest Chapter