22Louise was sat on my sofa giving the baby a bottle of milk. I guess I should find out its name I can’t or shouldn’t keep calling it the baby. For now, I will as I’m in the kitchen cooking a roast dinner. Beef is my pea personal favourite and it goes best with Yorkshire puddings. This girl had been through a tough time she got pregnant at seventeen and was promptly kicked out by her mum and dad. The man that helped create the child was a waste of space and refused to acknowledge that he was the father. Subsequently, he refused to help her and called her a slag that had been sleeping around. She had a job until the pregnancy got too much for her and she had to quit it wasn’t a great job she worked in a clothing shop but it meant she was on her feet all day. As I pulled the Yorkshires out to finish dishing up I called into Louise.“Do you want gravy poured on or do you want to do your own?”“You do it. Thank you.”<

24Don’t get me wrong I liked Adam and Louise but they were everywhere I went. I went to work she walked down to meet me when I finished. I get back from the shop they are in my house. They have nowhere else to go and yes I took them in but I have been on my own forever. My mum topped herself on my sixteenth birthday just short of a year after my dad died of a heart attack. Friends are none existent so I’m happy with what I had now. Not many people are mortgage-free by twenty-one. What the fuck was I thinking promising myself that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt them. Breaking a promise to yourself is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Once a promise was broken that makes you a liar. If you can’t be honest with yourself how can you look yourself in the eye when looking in the mirror.I took what was a well-deserved break from my guests to have a look around for a new plaything. I made up my mind that I was going to the coast for a couple of nights to make a good solid pl

26It was early in the morning now and Tim was in my mind. I had driven straight back after pushing Tim. When he was falling he looked a little bit like Hans Gruber from the die-hard film. The part where he was tossed off the roof of a skyscraper. That film will never be the same for me again. Forevermore it will bring back the face of a sad man I met on a bench who plummeted to his death.My drive home was excellent no traffic at all to speak of and I made good time. Louise was obviously not expecting me home because I had told her not to. When I unlocked the door to my house my eyes nearly popped out. Louise was having a one-woman party. She was playing my tapes in the hi-fi and dancing around in one of my shirts with a glimpse of her knickers every now and again when she moved. The song that was playing was psycho killer by talking heads it amused me that it was kind I appropriate apart from the psych part.“Hi morning Loubuy Lou.”I kept back by now I had

28Louise had only been gone for about five minutes but the screaming baby made it feel like a lot longer. As soon as she walked in he saw her and stopped. The relief was bliss. I handed him over to Lou and took the pack of beer and the bag of booze from her.“The second you left he started to cry. You walk back in and he stopped I don’t get it.”“No, neither do I he has never done that with anyone bbefore.”Did this boy know what I was doing and didn’t feel safe around me? Is it possible that he could sense the bad things I have done? I’m being stupid he can’t know or understand he isn’t even a year old yet. Lou put Adam to bed and I picked some music and poured her vodka and coke.  I thought I would play it safe and put on a completion album. My music selection is a wide and varied range from the doors to the Beatles to Metallica to Dolly Parton to iron maiden to Phill Collins I. It

30My coat was on car keys in hand and shoes on. Louise was going to come back if she wanted to. Which I wanted her to do. With her by my side, I could keep them safe. I was in my crappie little read car and moving driving up and down streets searching for them. They couldn’t have gone far I had only been gone. I checked my watch it read ten forty. So that meant they could have an hours head start on me. To my advantage, they were on foot and had nowhere to go. They could have caught a bus she probably had enough money to get to town but. But nothing that’s what she has most likely done. I abandoned the side streets and went looking for busses. If she had caught a bus then she could already be in town. I went straight down the road of the nearest bus route and raced as fast as my car could handle watching for police speed traps.I had unfortunately made it to the bus station without seeing a bus. The one time I wanted to see a bus on the road and didn’t. I parked up