A mermaid in the herd

Unknown ecstasy

Children running and soaked in mud; girls crying, their hair dishevelled and their skirts in tatters. I was in front of a huge group of children I hated without even knowing them.

But none of that took away the sighs I was getting from the boy with the pale skin and freckles on his cheeks. I didn't even know his name, and I already felt like I had loved him all my life.

He was like a bright light after the darkness my mother had decided to leave me in.

In front of me stood the woman in the short skirt, and she bent a little to my height. She had a fatal breath and a frightening look in her eyes. Her lips were poorly lined and she had huge black spots under her eyes that made her look like a grandmother.

—Little Melani, welcome to the playground,— she said in a strange, uninviting tone.

I really didn't want to be there, but I wasn't about to walk away from the child who had brightened my morning for hours. The woman straightened her body and turned her back to me, but first she patted my shoulder and made a connection with her gaze fixed on my face.

The children who shared the four walls with me ran to a small park a few metres away. Meanwhile, the boy who enraptured my moments walked softly towards a deserted bench.

I had only two options in front of me, go after the pale—skinned, dimpled-cheeked boy or go back to the small room and see what the world was preparing for me inside that prison.

I trusted my childlike instinct and walked after the child who brought the day to life.

—Hi, my name is Melani, and what's yours? —I asked her, as I sat down next to her, right on the abandoned bench.

The boy turned his face and stared into my eyes. I could swear it was the first time my heart started beating so fast. It was as if it was going to burst out of my chest.

I waited for his response, but I couldn't help but stare into his beautiful eyes. It was a visual marvel before me. The boy, flattered, took my hand and politely introduced himself.

Timothy, the nicest name I had ever heard in my life. Yes, thought a girl who was only a couple of years old. The rest of the afternoon was spent talking and laughing at meaningless jokes. We walked hand in hand through that small, smelly part of town, full of children.

My eyes were focused solely on Timothy. To me he was a little angel fallen from heaven to serve his death sentence with me in that prison my mother had decided to send me to.

The sultry sound of the doorbell rang again over the loudspeakers and I watched as each child ran to the door of a room. Timothy took my command again and led me to the same door we had come out of.

When his hands touched mine I felt a perfect fucking tingle, as if my world had stopped. It was murky, I was just a child. The bare-legged woman opened the door and invited us to sit down, to waste the next few hours, talking about things I wasn't excited about.

There was only one thing on my mind. Timothy. As I leaned my elbows on the table in front of me, I heard the front door open, at which point I saw my mother walk in.

Damn, she came back for me. Maybe she regretted leaving me. I got up from my chair and ran to her. She completely ignored me and went straight to the desk where the unknown woman was sitting.

She spent a few minutes talking to her. When she finished, she turned to me, grabbed my hand and rushed me out of the room. I didn't have time to say goodbye to Timothy. But I could hear the woman shouting —See you tomorrow, Melani— in the background.

That told me that my mother would be taking me back to Timothy in just 24 hours. It was fascinating news. Little things that brightened my life.

However, it would take me a whole day away from the boy who was eating away at my senses. My mother put me in her car and drove me home. There, in front of our street, was a huge car with dozens of boxes inside. I didn't understand what was going on.

—Mum, what's with those boxes?— I asked my mother innocently, as I grabbed her shirt to get her attention.

She looked at me, leaned over and answered me with just four words: —They're your grandmother's— and then offered me a small kiss on the forehead. I was left intrigued, but, not caring, I went off to play with my dog. Happiness came to an end the moment my father sent me to my room.

The day was advancing, the windows were illuminated by the sun's rays. My eyes widened with excitement. I was going straight to see Timothy, that made me flood with my own excitement.

Without prompting from my parents, I went to take my first shower alone. I lathered my whole body senselessly, following the same steps my mother used to do when it was time to take a shower. I stayed under the shower for a long time. I felt every drop of water running down my face, sliding down my small body.

The cold was agonizing on my skin, so I got out of the shower. Then I put on the same horrible clothes I had worn the day before. My mother came into my room and found me just as she had left me the morning before.

She smiled and offered me breakfast. Once I finished my ham and cheese sandwich, she put me on the same bus driven by the obese man who offered me candy.

When I looked up, there she was in the front seats of the bus, Laleska. But before I could walk towards her, the fat man grabbed my hand tightly and put a piece of candy in my hand again.

I took the candy and immediately imagined that I should kiss his cheek. However, this time I didn't, I just smiled and slipped out of his hands and went to sit next to Laleska.

She looked at the man angrily and came over to me, offering me the seat by the window. Being a little girl, I noticed her as normal as children always act at that age.

The journey that morning became tedious, as the children around me sang a really embarrassing song together. The bus stopped and we arrived back in front of the huge prison.

Getting off, I ran to the same room where I had spent the afternoon the day before. I couldn't wait to see Timothy and tell him what I had done the night before. I placed my body on the seat I used to sit next to him, and waited.

With each person who came through the door, I looked up to greet Timothy, but he still didn't appear. I remained motionless without taking my eyes off the door. Hours passed and I was still waiting.

The bell rang again and it was my turn to go to the courtyard. I sat on the abandoned benches, waiting for the miracle of Timothy's arrival. To my delirium Timothy never arrived. The day ended and I returned home. The next day I followed exactly the same process, woke up, showered, dressed and went to the stall.

There I sat in the same place and waited for a boy with beautiful eyes. Again he didn't show up. That's how the first days passed in those 4 walls that surrounded me.

My desperation led me to lose some of my shyness and ask the woman who always arrived with her legs uncovered and showing half of her breasts to everyone present.

—Melani, Timothy left the country,— she mentioned.

Wow, I felt my little heart break into a thousand pieces. My first love lasted only 6 hours.

Time did not reward me. I reached pre-adolescence. Yes, that time when all the things that usually happen to us are 100% amplified, acne is all over your face and bipolarity is your best friend.

By then I had realised that the prison where my mother used to leave me as a child was nothing more than a primary school. I spent the first years of my life there and never gave up hope of ever seeing Timothy walk through that door again.

I lived my childhood waiting for that little boy with the beautiful cheeks and eyes. Every night when I came home, I would plan my reaction to him when I saw him again. I was totally enchanted by this boy I had only known for 6 hours. But, unfortunately for me, Timothy never came back .....

When I entered high school, things changed completely. My experience took an unexpected turn, I was a very slim girl, I was 1.57 centimetres tall. She had bushy eyebrows, huge eyes and a very small mouth. To many she was considered —the ugly girl in the group—.

I always believed that the beauty spirits didn't want to settle on me, giving me only the leftovers of those girls with shiny hair and beautiful skin.

Half of my adolescence was spent between solitude and my poetry books. Friendships were not my source, I always saw them as a waste of time.

I was at a useless stage, I didn't have enough knowledge of adult life, but I didn't consider myself a child either. My interest in boys had not blossomed beyond that small sigh I felt on the first day of school, when I saw Timothy sitting in the back of that classroom.

From then on, my eyes were only focused on observing bland things. But I didn't count on what the future had in store for me.

One morning I woke up with happiness on my face, my first holiday after having started a new school year in another school.

I went from school to school so many times that I lost count seven times. I was going through my last year and I still had that thin cloth that covered my virginity.

Still, I wasn't willing to throw my feelings at any boy I liked even a little bit. Timothy was completely out of my mind, and I never remembered him again after I entered my junior year.

I started everything very carefully that day, my body felt strange. My thoughts wandered. I felt a mental block that lasted the rest of the morning. Something in me felt very strange.

I got out of bed, perhaps with my left foot. I put my feet on the floor and went to the shower, undressed my body and went to take a bath. I felt every drop run down my head. The cold made my skin bristle and my breasts jumped in reaction to the freezing cold.