Aliena Numina

1 - Forest

South Island of New Zealand 

Kaherekoau Mountains

                                                                                                45° 52' 49" South

                                                                                                167° 38'16" East

Present day

                                                                                                        Evening 

There was thick snow everywhere. On a twilight evening, snowflakes descended mushily to the top of this quiet forest, where the gray tones changed to gray-blue hues, spreading around like fireflies on summer evenings. When you looked up, you would feel like you were rising into the sky. Soft, cold snowflakes were melting on your face turning into water droplets and were coming down all the way.

The snow accumulated on the centuries-old trees of this charming forest, which retained its wild beauty in its naturalness, made them look like ghostly surrogates staring at you in the dark. A horror scenario would take place in silence and stagnation, as if something terrible was about to happen. This dark evening, which spread fear in one’s soul could cause tremors in hearts, bring closer to death in fearful dreams.

The river that flowed a little lower, however, would take you on another journey of wandering and clean all this fear and anxiety was a different mystery on a completely different level. On the other side of the river, giant trees rising like walls gave the air like the gates of a huge palace that opened to a hidden world. If you would look carefully, you could get the impression there were creatures across the distance.

A quiet and moving mosaic…

A dark gray evening…

                                                         -----

                                                                                                                                                                 

Simon and Jason weren't back yet. Their trail-searching journey, which they've been on for almost an hour, hasn't found an answer yet even though we all met at the located coordinates. There was no way they could have lost their way. They both took their geo-location set GPS with them. As usual, Marcus was again carefully evaluating.

A little above, Roder, Kate and Nina set up a tent next to a giant tree root, trying to place the backpacks and equipment. I knew no one liked to have dinner with cans. So, everyone had to choose to wait for Jason and Simon somehow if somehow, they had something to eat. Besides, when having a meal with them, everyone had an appetite. So, we seemed to be decided to wait here for a while even though we didn’t talk about it. If nothing came of it, we'd move on later. Maybe that's why everyone chose to wait.

"Careful, ladies, these are very important. You don't want to stay here and die of starvation and cold." Roder said after a long silence. He took a few cans out of the box and looked at everyone. The forest must have been boring for him after a while because obviously he seemed to lose his joy.

"Open your mouth for good. No one has desires to die on this mountainside," Esme replied, trying to increase the fire she lit in a dry place under a tree.

"So, you were listening to us after all?" asked Roder. Previously, she told that she wasn’t listening to anyone while working on something. It seemed Roder wanted to get her angry. He could do this sometimes.

"Stop acting like everyone's talking and I'm just trying to listen to you!" Esme raised her voice. She didn't seem to like what he said. She wouldn't like to ghost listening to anyone in general, and she'd narrow down the toleratement of those who make such accusations. But of course, it was a joke what Roder said.

"Oh, come on! You were listening to us." said Nina with a smile on her face. She seemed to be in mood.

"Okay! I was. Because no one was talking, and you were the first to start babbling!"

"Someone is not in the mood!" intervened Kate with a joyous voice.

"Guys!" Marcus interrupted by adjusting his voice as if he were going to say something important. Everyone stopped talking and started looking at him. He was always like this every time he talked.

"Aren't J and Sime back yet?" he asked as everyone looked at him. In fact, he already knew the answer.

"I bet they have forgotten to come back!" I said as I turned my head from the darkened sky towards them.

"Don't worry about it. They'll be here soon." Roder replied.

“I think so.” Said Esme feeding the fire more. “They’re probably enjoying being kids again.” It was exactly that moment we heart them singing the poem from Garrison Keiler’s book named Lake Wobegon Days.     

                                                                                              

                                O blessed Muse grant us ere long

                                The gift of glorious word and song

                                That we may sing, ere breath is gone

                                The praises of New Albion.

As Kate heard this verse, she said, "Okay. Oh, here they are. Now J will sing the rest." She complained. Kate looked towards the direction of their singing as if she were tired of those two fantastic dui who constantly read the same poem as a song. Simon had just finished when Jason started singing the rest.                                                  

                                What dazzling sights mine eyes behold,

                                So beautieous, bountiful and bold,

                                Where blessing are made thousand fold-

                                Our noble home New Albion

                                                      

"What's wrong with these boys?" asked Esme curiously.

"Oh! Every time they think they do something good; they sing this poem." I said reminding her that what they did was normal.

"So?" asked Kate.

"Although they don't always do good things, maybe they found something useful this time. Or sometimes-" Simon's voice came before I finished my sentence.

"Hey guys, here comes the festival!" he shouted.

"Yes, babies!" said Jason trying to catch up with him. His excitement was peaked with two wild geese he held with one hand. Both of the geese were already dead and seemed to be hunted by those two guys. Both were excited for that event.

"That's great!" shouted Roder cheerfully. "So, there's a feast for dinner! A healthy and yummy feast?"

"I think so!" Marcus nodded smiling at Roder.

"Hey, guys, you did a good job! The fire is almost ready." Esme said. She looked like she finally had found her mood. She looked at the cans with the expression of goodbye.

"I think I'd better find something to keep them on fire." Nina suggested to herself. I knew she liked to be helpful. She was someone who always wanted to contribute something, and now she was happy to get a chance to help. So, she acted as if she read my mind by looking for something for the geese.

"We couldn't clean them up though." Simon said sighing. Roder spoke with joy in his voice as they got closer.

"Okay, guys! You did well anyway. Now let us take care of the rest," he said, "And the smell of blood attracts wild animals. Remember this. So, let's clean them up down the river so their blood gets in the water and go away." He was a meat lover and had skills to do such things. It was because of that long time ago he spent his early years as a soldier. He always knew how to get food and prepare it.

When Marcus looked at all of us and nodded positively, Roder continued again. "Ed, do you want to help me?" His long hair and brunette face always made him look friendly. In reality, he was actually friendlier than he seemed. He had that Kurdish look all over his face and he had warm eyes that somehow would cause you to make a bond with him. He was charming in a friendly way. But he rarely would express his feelings even though it was all over in his behaviors. He couldn’t hide his hate or love but he would show as behaviors not as words. I think it was probably for being a soldier back when he was growing up. His past was written in sadness but later, he found a way out and joined our group and soon we all loved him the way he was.

"Are you sure?" I was a little surprised and he asked me. I wasn’t that kind of guy who would clean up a dead animal. And besides, he usually liked to do these things on his own and by his own. But when he picked me this time, I responded positively with my head and kept going. "Of course! Why not!" I said. Actually, I liked that because he was fun to be with. My mind was in kind of timeless motion at the time and a good distraction would do. Roder seemed a good choice. That's why I walked with him without waiting more. We walked together and went down to the water.

"What else did you find?" Marcus asked Jason and Simon as we walked away.

"Well... And some fruit!" Jason answered.

"All right," Kate said. "Give them to me. I'll go and wash them."

"Was the hunt easy?" asked Marcus again as Roder and I went down the water together. Because of the snowfall, it was actually warm and we both seemed to like it. Roder had a childhood in a mountain village and he had many memories with snow. I think he kind of liked it here even though he didn’t speak about it.

Soon, their conversation turned into a whisper and faded as we got closer to the water. Roder also tried to his knife from the side of his right leg as he kept walking on the accumulated snow on the surface. So, I took the geese from him to give him some help for preparing. Their gray colors and heavy bodies showed they were fat even though I was sad that they were dead now.

After cutting and washing the geese, Roder went upside of the river with the goose in his hand. That's when Kate came and looked at us with a smile. I was washing my hands at the moment. Roder smiled for me, too. Kate was carefully walking down and trying not to spill the fruit at the time.

"I think you'd better hurry up." She said looking at us.

"We're done!" said Roder, looking at her with admiration. There was a smiling expression in his eyes as he saw the woman. I think he might have a crush on her but I wasn’t really good at reading hidden romantic feelings. I could easily mix them.

"I think J and Sime have found something cave-like." She said with an excited voice. I wasn't sure why she was excited. But I felt that same feeling in Roder as well. It was actually nice and I liked it there.

"Oh, good lord! Let's go and find out." I said trying to seem excited. Then I started feeling excited because I always had that curiosity about caves.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Kate said as she leaned into the water and began washing the fruit.

"A cave, huh?" Roder asked in a statement of surprise. He acted like he was trying to get my attention there. He's already done it to be honest.          

"What do you think?" I asked with the same expression.

"Actually, it would be nicer if we could spend the night there than being here."

"I think it's a little late for that, but I'd still like to try.” I said.

When we got back there, the fire was bigger and steady, and it was brightening the darkness as the evening was still in progress. The white snowflakes were like butterflies descending in the glory of fire. Nina, Esme and Marcus were sitting on a tree stump, laughing at the jokes of Jason and Simon standing in front of them.

Outside the known world, experiencing winter in the summer months that we were accustomed to, and in this place where no one has been yet, the elegance of fire, which was an element of civilization, undoubtedly led us to our thoughts that we were proud of being human. Fire was the first power we discovered as a species and it was never the same after we found it. Though, I tried not to think about fire as we walked there.

There could surely be something worth being happy about by remembering every tedious mission. Maybe we would make something good to remember for this one as well. Besides, New Zealand was a beautiful place to remember at first place. The nature was clean, and we were actually having a nice vacation by this special mission. It was almost like a camping trip and when we approached them.

Our mission to find a team of scientists who were considered lost a while ago. A few scientists and their associates had disappeared in these mountains a while ago and they might not be alive anymore. On progress of searching for these people, we were asked to scan this location and if possible, to locate them. Because we were also the best with what we were doing. Yet, we haven’t achieved to find them. Even though we put life and movement detectors everywhere we passed that indicated the next place, there was no sign of them. There was no response to the gunshots Marcus fired every hour just as a visual sign to them. We had tried every way to get a sing but we still didn’t have anything even though we were supposed to be the best in our work. It seemed these lost people were vanished in the thin air. When we got to the foothills, we could only throw flares in case of avalanches. Maybe a few of the flares could light up the sky in the evening and increase our chances of finding them. at this level, we couldn’t rely on their actions because they could be anywhere. It was best we use the old fashion ways like scanning with normal gear and by searching the ground because nothing had come up with searching from the sky.

"Here they are!" said Jason with the look of happiness on his face as we appeared. He looked directly at the prepared and ready to go geese. His eyes were open with an appetite.

"Wow! I didn't know they were so meaty!" replied Simon.

"What do you know dude? Of course they're meaty. Maybe they haven’t been scared in their entire lives before meeting us." Jason concluded. Esme picked them up from us and put them through the tree branches to barbeque them.

After a while, the meat started to burn well in the fire, and they were releasing a delicious smell.

"Guys! Would you like wolves to surround us?" joked Simon.

"Actually," Roder said. "If there are wild animals around here, it will attract them here as soon as possible."

"So, you’re telling me that we can't we sleep well?" complained Jason.

"Don't worry about it!” Marcus said. “We'll have a safe night by watching in pairs."

"Well, I can go with that." Jason said.

As the meat was barbequed, we prepared the dinner and ate together. It was actually a nice time we had as a team. In a way, it was our last uneventful moment in that normal evening. Later, what we were going to experience was going to be something we had never imagined. Something that was going to chance the future.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             -----

                                   

                                                                                                                       19.32       

       

"Okay!” said Simon. “Everybody, get away! That's it, that's it! Come on, baby!" he shouted later.

About three seconds later, a giant light in the sky lit up the night like a giant lamp among the snowflakes falling. It was like a mini atomic bomb, flooding the whole place with spectacular beams of light. All of a sudden, all the birds flew away. Snow began to fall from many tree branches because of the sudden light and sounds. Terrified birds would soon have to descend into the dark forest but that still upset me because we scared them a lot.

"Marcus, I wish we didn't have to do this." Esme said sadly.

"I wouldn't want to either, but there's nothing else to do." He replied.

"All right, guys!" he said, turning to us then. “Does everyone know their turn? Me and Esme, Roder, You and Kate, Jason, you and Simon, Ed, you and Nina." He repeated. It was our pairing reminder that he pointed once again.

"J, we're sleepy, aren't we?" asked Simon sneakily. His hand was still patting his belly. His stomach was full because he ate more than anyone else and couldn't help himself for that.

"Oh, yeas baby! Absolutely!” laughed Jason. “We're going to sleep now. So that those delicious geese we ate can begin to lay eggs within us. Then we'll graze their chicks." He kept laughing. All of a sudden, he was in a jolly mood. When everyone finished laughing, he continued and completed his sentence. "We'll be the last pair for the watch."

"Okay, we'll take the first watch." Nina said, looking me in the eye.

"Sure." I said with my head nodding as well. There came a moment of excitement in my soul. I didn't know why this happened every time she looked at me like that but it was also intriguing. It was more intense since we got this part of the world.

"Wake me up two and a half hours later, okay?" asked Marcus. I nodded positively.

"All right, everybody! It's bedtime!" called Jason. He had a big smile on his face.

Many times, I envied Jason and Simon the way they were. They lived the life the way they wanted to. For them, it wasn't hard to find something to enjoy all the time. Either way, they could find something that would be funny. They'd do things we didn't try just for fun. When we weren't on any mission, they'd make us laugh at the office. Maybe they were hoping to keep their spirits alive by doing it this way. Life for them was different than for us. In a way, maybe that was the point. We mostly would forget to enjoy what we had but those two were always in the moment and would find a way to take the most of it.

                                                      

                                                                  -----                                                   

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Everyone was sleeping soundly in their sleeping bags while Nina and I were standing for the watch.

"The night is just beginning?" asked Nina.

"It's only 7:57," I replied, looking at her. Her face was glowing peacefully in front of the fire. It was always like this actually. Every time I saw her, she had a sweet look on her face. Somehow Nina was always good to me, and I was good to her. Our friendship was so deep, and I always loved every moment of it.

When she turned her head and looked at the wood that was stacked, I brought myself back to this reality from those random memories of our past. So, I looked where she was looking.

We had collected a pile of tree branches and wood. The fire had to burn all the time. It would scare off dangerous animals and keep us warm. Besides, if anyone noticed the light, they could come here. Either way, it was good to have the fire till morning.

She tried to keep the fire alive by mixing the woods in her sleeping bag and I kept watching her movements and the glows of fire flying in sparks. It was like watching a peaceful story in this way and I loved how her face looked so sweet in the orange light. She had a serenity full of wisdom in her soul. She was always more than she looked.

We kept in silence for a while and we both actually liked the night as it was under a dark motion of falling snowflakes.

"What if we don't find them?" she asked after a long time. I couldn’t decide if it was anxiety or sadness in her voice. It was like she was just talking.

"We'll find them.” I said. “That's where their signal was last detected. They can't be anywhere else. Maybe they ran out of batteries. Maybe there was a malfunction. Maybe some kind of accident. I mean, they're alive somehow. It's normal to be cut off when things don't go the way they should be up here." It wasn’t actually what I believe but I didn’t want to bring my thought on the table about them being dead and I certainly didn’t want to upset that nice woman.

"I still don't understand.” She said. “Why would they send us when there are so many better teams than us? Like military etc. Besides, we don't even work in this country. Wouldn't domestic resources be better?" This time, her voice was in a tone of curiosity. She talked like there was something else involved in this.

"What's not to understand?” I asked. “The government doesn't officially want to get involved. These people live in the shade. Every time they find something significant, they like to sneak it out. So, when something bad happens, they will deny it. Besides, we're a private organization, we never reveal anyone's secrets and we have gained a lot of trust unlike many others. It's a contract we give in writing, and we've done a lot of things abroad before. We'll finish this without being seen. As usual. This is what our team is about."

"Why would they come here? I mean, there must be something very important."

"Yes, there is. But they didn't say what it was. They mostly don’t. Remember?"          

"I just hope we find them.” It seemed she didn’t get from me what she was seeking and to be honest, I wasn’t sure what she actually meant. “I think I better listen to some music." She smiled quietly and opened her screen and kept scrolling. Although she was very protective when it came to me at times, Nina was actually a way of free acting. She loved to give space and not bother and she was good at it.

"As you wish." I whispered.

Once again, I turned to my own inner world. Hot summer evenings, mountain trips, the Amazons flew in front of my eyes as memories. Canada, France, Indonesia, Philippines, Turkey, Iraq, Italy and most recently Spain were the countries we had missions in. How time passed was really a mystery. Within a few years, we were trusted everywhere. Apart from all this, we had become a family together. Bittersweet times had followed each other one by one like days and nights. Over time, we had learned a lot about each other and this was how we knew how any of our team member would act. It was that moment I knew Nina wanted to spend her time alone so I gave her that time by keeping in silence.

It is said that when a person is alone, he starts to know himself better. Now here, in this dark, cold, rainy land of loneliness and forest where no one but us was, I had become a man who had made his way through life by breathing in every moment as time passed slowly. The pages of the past started opening and closing one by one. I was in moments of uncertain shape in the distant memories of the paths I had crossed through my life. It was like I was in a dream where I didn't have wings but I could fly anyway. It was as if I was watching my absence in my own existence. I was as far away from myself as a forgotten moment in an uninhabited life in a world that didn't exist. But I was also with myself. It was such a thing that it was like the values of a binary equation that both self-refused and verified itself, giving different results at different times. It was both right and wrong. It was right because the timing was right, it was wrong because it was in a place where it shouldn't be.

It wasn't disturbing myself. It was just a self-evaluation like exploring the land of your own world. And somehow it was full of good feelings deep down. It was as meaningful as the touch of leaves rustling with light breezes in the tranquility of a yellow afternoon. And it wasn't just about the world I was in right now. It was also about the visible and invisible bonds of the whole and the existing. It was nice. It was fresh. It was old, but it was new as well. It was sweet and familiar. With all the unknowns, it was like something I belonged to. And it was drawing me into its own eternity. Here, in this dark night when this desolate snow descended like butterflies, in the face of the flames that sent its light into my eyes, all this seemed so simple in its own depth. And it was also someone else who kept doing this away from me. It united me in the realms of timelessness, where all that existed was gathered into a whole. It was both making me exist and realizing that I existed. And it was whispering that I was whole. It was coming from a time when my presence reached out in a soothing voice. Even though I couldn't see it, it was calling out to me. That being and I were the two faces of our own realities and had created a common point right at that moment. We were the two poles of an unknown singularity that orbited each other in different versions of existence and created a balance by doing this. It was peaceful and meaningful in every way and I wasn’t aware of the outer environment when I was with that unity. But then it all ended. It all ended so quickly.

When the voices grew in themselves and eventually became mechanical, I knew something had brought me back.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock…

I jumped out of nowhere. The whole thing changed like I woke up from a dream. When I found out where I was, I tried to figure out how long I was like this. I quickly looked at the clock. Nina looked at me like she wanted to know what was going on. She talked while trying to control her voice.        

"Ed? Are you okay?”

"Ugh... I think. It's just…  I was daydreaming. I mean, I guess. So, when suddenly the alarm went off and caught me unaware in between two realities, I was spooked."

"Is the time up?" She asked. It was obvious she was also out of reality.

"Yes," I answered because it was the sounds of my own alarm that spooked me and this was how I knew it was up.

I pulled myself together in that short moment. Time seemed to bend in itself. It felt like I was traveling at another time during that shift. It was interesting, but it was kind of nice. Somehow it seemed familiar and caused an unspecified peace inside of me.

"Okay, then. I'm going to sleep." She said calmly as she got up and exited her sleeping bag. Not wanting to lose the heat inside, she quickly folded it and then she turned around and looked at me for a moment. But then she continued right after. "Sweet dreams to you. And don't forget to wake Marcus up!" In a mood that didn't want to leave, she smiled quietly and walked away. Her actions were too gentle to match what she was doing as a job.

"Okay, you too. Enjoy your sweet dreams!" I said smiling. Sometimes I didn't know how to talk to her even though we were so close. Words were missing in those moments. Nina was someone who made me think about how to use words when I talked to her. I always wanted to choose the best and most beautiful one for her. It was as if she listened carefully to every word of mine and kept them in her memory. I've felt it many times as a deep respect for me or maybe something else. But I never felt the need to look beyond. It was just as good as being in her presence.

I got up as is to forget about this after she left to the tent of Kate and Esme.

After I woke Marcus up, I got into an empty place in the tent and closed my already closing eyelids. It was 10:43 p.m. Everything was completely silent. Soon the whispers and Esme's sleepy voice became increasingly muted as both of them got ready for their watch. Slowly, everything turned into a complete blackness for me. Time once again moved away from my presence and left me in my own world. I disappeared like a feeling thrown into silence in an infinite space.                                                                                                                                                                 

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                                                             -----

"Come on, people! Come on! Come on!” Shouted Simon. “You got enough sleep, babies! Get your asses up! It's not a beauty sleep! Come on! Isn't that right, J?"

"Yes, baby! This is the mountainside! This is the end times!" Said Jason.

"Hey! Was it your turn?" I asked in a sleepy voice when I suddenly woke up. I didn't even know how the morning came. It was like time had just passed and somehow it was morning.

"What did you think, Ed? We've got your back all night!"

"I see you're in a good mood, J." Roder said in a happy voice. I didn't remember when he and Kate were on watch.

"Ahhh! Yes. I was milk-fed until I was seven."

"What's that got to do with your mood?" Kate asked in confusion.

"Never mind, people! Let's get this over with and get out of here. I want to see some human faces." Jason said. “Enough for those idiots that got lost in this damn place!”

"Yes!” Simon said. “I want to see as many faces as I can remember." He smiled cheerfully like a child with his hands wide open. All his teeth were visible at the time. Looking like this, he resembled a kid seeing ice cream. And he was absolutely happy.

Because at that moment and place, there was no reason not to be hopeful and happy. It was a beautiful morning over a white winter with snows falling in large flakes and the forest was silent and promising us that it was the day we were going home.

We had spent a lot of time in this side of the world but we hadn’t found those who were missing. We were going to tag them as dead and go home.

But we were so mistaken.