An angel’s road to hell

7. Of fears, intentions and a little bit of hope

Mordred Pendragon

I watched silently while my parents carried Cassandra towards Boseiju. The calm night air smelled of cherries and herbs. Moon and starlight painted the world in soft, silvery colours. I heard the rustling of leaves as a raven took off from one of the upper branches of the mighty tree. This was my home, the place I cherished the most. But yet… it wasn’t supposed to be mine. Not now, not ever. At least if things remained the way they were.

Born as the younger son, I had lived my whole life in Arthur’s shadow, always the second, always just a step behind. Everything I accomplished, he had already done. My prowess with the sword? Easily eclipsed by his lightning-fast daggers and perfect foot-work. My dreams of grand, new architecture and social reforms? Blunted by concise and practical arguments and a reliable vision of the future. Even my first love, lost to my oh-so-perfect brother. Did I mention that they already had been blessed with two kids? I had even been forced to take on the role of godfather for two brats, that should actually have been my own. Talk about degradation…..

But I had managed. I wasn’t naive, I had always known that life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, so I had bit my tongue and tried to live a full life. Be the change you want to see in others and that whole shebang. And it had worked, at least to some degree. I had focused on my own development, relishing the fact that my second tail sprouted sooner than my brother’s had. I had delved deep into philosophy, magic and martial arts, hoping to find a purpose in foreign teachings. Mother had been a huge help, always supportive and understanding of my plight. I wouldn’t say that I had been completely happy but rather… content.

And then, she had been born. A beautiful little kitsune, born with magic in her veins and two tails on her back. I freely admit that I had been charmed as well as everyone else when I first had laid my eyes on her. I hadn’t even particularly disliked her, at first, but that soon had changed. The more time everybody had spent fawning over that little vixen, the more I had realised that she had taken away all the little things I had previously conquered for myself. Every talk about magic or philosophy soon had revolved solely around her: “Interesting spell, Mordred, but have you seen the changes in colour to your sister’s birthmark? What could they mean?…. What do you mean development can only happen after you become self-aware? Your sister has been born with two tails after all….” It had been infuriating and to top it all off, my mother had spent nearly every single waking-hour with her newborn princess. I had been shoved aside, left and forgotten. I had needed to leave, at least for some time, to find my own purpose, my own goals, not marred by someone else’s dreams and ambitions. If they all didn’t want me, I would carve my own way. The strong always stand alone.

So, only a few weeks after my little sister had been brought to this world, I commandeered, well…stole, an airship from the mooring and set off into a brave new world. It had been hard. People are cruel and selfish and I had learned first hand that my family maybe hadn’t been that bad after all. I had been forced to accept the harsh truth: the strong ruled and the weak were eaten. Slavery and theft, murder and rape had been present, people praying on people. Only fear of someone more powerful had been able to enforce any form of civilisation. I had been disillusioned.

I also had become painfully aware that the meaning of live hadn’t been lying around somewhere, waiting to be picked up by the first disillusioned moron tumbling along. I had realised that it was up to me to forge my own goals. Meaning would come if I pursued them, no matter the cost. Ethics and morals didn’t add much to the equation for me, if you wanted to achieve your dreams you wouldn’t be able to afford them. The world had been a brilliant teacher and I had learned that lesson well.

Long story short, I had travelled around the isles for months and had been ready to return home and start anew, albeit I hadn’t gone far, from a philosophical point of view. I still hadn’t decided on what I or who I wanted to become.

During one of the last longer patches of nothingness in between islands, I had been caught in a storm that blew from the east. The sky had darkened, the winds had picked up and I had already been able to make out the tortured screeches  of my rigging. There had been no place to land and let the fury of nature pass. I had only been able to sit it out. Drenched to the bones, I had secured every moving part on my vessel and tucked in for a long night. The winds had tossed my ship around and I hadn’t been able to even guess where this blasted storm would take me. When the cacophony of noises had finally died down, I had been greeted by a dulled world, suffocating in thick swaths of fog, hiding my own hands from my sight. Even the slapping sounds of ropes and low crackling of the fire used to heat the eleven-ore had been smothered. I had felt truly lost. Panicked I had tried to find anything in the fog that could have helped me discern my location. After minutes a looming shadow just to my right had caught my attention. Land! Maybe I would have been able to touch down, repair the most essential parts and get back home when the sun came out? Desperately I had quenched the fire, losing altitude quickly. The lower I had dropped, the more silhouettes had appeared from the grey world. I had been nearing a barren plain with hundreds and hundreds of skeletons littering the dark stone. In the middle, a black arch, shimmering like obsidian, rose 13 meters into the sky. I had tried to land without reducing someone’s remains to dust but that had been impossible. I had come down close to the arch, pulverising the remains of two humanoid figures, locked in eternal embrace until my clumsiness had put an end to their resting place. Carefully I had looked around and prepared to disembark. Nothing had caught my attention, the only thing around had been corpses, veiled in grey fog. No sounds had reached my ears, but a faint smell of bone dust and ozone had tickled my nose. I had taken my first steps towards the arch, when a faint glow had highlighted the dark gate. Like the fingers of doom, energies had crept along the black stone, touching, connecting, building. A portal had formed, maybe through coincidence, maybe I had triggered a long forgotten trap, in its midst a dark shadow with a crown on its brow, seated on a burning throne, had gestured domineeringly. From the tips of its fingers red lines of energy had crashed into the portal, forcing it open. I hadn’t been able to see its face, but I immediately had felt it’s focus settling on me. I had been driven to my knees, a foreign entity had tried to take control of my mind. I had fought valiantly, clinging to my sanity like a drowning man to a plank of wood. But it hadn’t mattered. My defences had been swept away and all that I was had been laid bare. And I had rejoice for I had finally found a teacher who could guide me, give me purpose. He had had much to teach and I had been willing to listen. The core of his lessons: It doesn’t matter how you do it, to lead a fulfilled life, you need to reach for the stars. And burn everything that stands in your way.

A sad smile formed on my face as I remembered those lessons, so long ago. Fate was a fickle beast, but I thanked her for that meeting. I would still be wandering aimlessly through my life, a passenger on a train to nowhere, if the emperor hadn’t shown me the way forwards. He was from a far away land, somewhere over the seas. By fate or chance he had become interested in our continent. After weeks of research, one of his magi-scientists had been able to form a connection with an old artefact on the most western island of our little world. It couldn’t sustain enough energy to form a portal, but with huge amounts of energy, the emperor could squeeze his mind through and even place a small glyph that would alert him as soon as someone touched foot near it. And then he waited until a storm blew me right into his clutches. As if preordained, teacher and disciple had met through the winds of fate. And now I was contemplating to betray him.

I turned away from the window through which I had watched my family enter Boseiju. I quickly crossed through the library, descended a flight of stairs and left the royal wing. The enchantments against clairvoyance in the walls were simply too strong, I had to get outside. Our palace was located on one of the five main-branches, facing Boseiju’s trunk. Behind the palace, the branch continued on but no one was permitted residence behind one of the royal abodes. I could freely move towards the greenery and hide myself in a cozy alcove of cherry blossoms and glow worms. I marked the bark in front of me with a series of runes the emperor had taught me. Using a drop of blood I activated the array. It pulled energy from the life force it was applied to, to facilitate long range communication. I wouldn’t have been able to cover the kind of distance needed, but to Boseiju’s vitality so much was just a drop of water in the ocean. With a sizzling sound and the coppery smell of blood, the runes started spinning, faster and faster, until they formed a mirror-like disc. I put my hand to it:

“Master, my family left for the testing. If Lord Amazeroth is right, the ritual will reveal my sister’s origins. If they know, it will complicate our plans.”

“Mordred”, I heard his voice in my mind, as though he was standing right besides me, he chuckled softly, “that is what we are hoping for. We can’t get to her as long as she is surrounded by faithful servants and a whole castle of soldiers. If they know what she is, they will sooner or later send her to one of the kingdoms where any knowledge about the primordial races might have survived. My bet, from you descriptions, would be on the elves or dwarfs. They are both long-lived and survived the cataclysm in fairly large numbers. You have to accompany her on that journey and lead her to me. As long as you stay in everyone’s good graces, there should be nothing to worry about. Let her grow up a little, let her powers blossom, the harvest will be all the sweeter.

We will only be in trouble if she finds a teacher and stays in your kingdom for the foreseeable future. In that case you have to somehow make her leave. Wether for good or just on a trip doesn’t really matter, as long as we get her to my island. I can use her transcendent energies to open the portal for good. I will get her and you will get my armies.

That will be your first step towards the throne.

As long as your siblings live, you will never reign, middle-son.”

“Yes, master. I will make sure to gain my family’s trust and Cassandra’s affection. Sooner or later I will lead her to the island.”

“Keep me informed.” The connection severed with a slight pop. The runes slowed down and died out, leaving behind a circular and burned patch of withered bark and a distinct, burnt smell. I drew my knife and scraped away any signs of my magic, even adding some embellishments to the bark-free wood, making it look like a carving exercise.

I didn’t walk back to the palace immediately. My family would probably be gone for at least another hour and even if I was missed, I could easily explain why I wasn’t around. I was a loner after all. Instead I leaned back into the soft leaves and fragrant blossoms and mulled over the last couple of days. The emperor had guessed my sister’s identity from my memories, so I hadn’t been terribly surprised when I had watched her annihilate the Furglows. I had followed the scene, hidden behind a statue on the second floor. But I hadn’t been prepared for what had happened. The sheer amount of power little Cassandra had emitted was frightening. I had felt small and insignificant, like an ant in front of an army. Silvery blue flames had consumed everything and I had been sure to die an inglorious death, hidden and unrecognised even during my final moments. But then that little girl had scream and stemmed the flood. Bleeding and crying she had fought for our lives, fought against herself. She had saved us all and nobody had been the wiser.

That was it. That was the thing I had been looking for for so long. Not the fleeting promise of an empty throne, uttered by a degenerate ruler from a far away land, nor the simple magic tricks that he would teach me. No, I wanted real power, power beyond morality, maybe even beyond mortality. I wanted to make other people feel how I had felt in front of that little monster. Only then would I be able to reach for the stars, to truly live the life I dreamed about. Unchallenged and free. I would compete for the price, I would try to gain Cassandra’s powers for myself or die trying. And the emperor be damned, I would use him, just like he had intended to use me.

As soon as I had made my decision, a tingly feeling spread down my spine and into my lower back. I knew that rush, that sense of wholeness and understanding, as my third tail slowly sprouted. It was as if the universe itself wanted to congratulate me for finally growing a spine and fighting for what was mine. Slowly I got up, brushing off crushed cherry blossoms. Their sweet smell still lingered around me for another second, but a cold breeze from the west carried it away. Turning towards the palace, an honest smile spread my lips for the first time in ages. I was looking towards the future, wether dark or bright, I had a goal and a plan to get there.

First, I had to get Cassandra on my side and then…