Logan wasn’t sure how, but apparently, he was wiping the smile off that smug asshole’s face.“Bro, you must be a grower, not a shower,” Rafe’s voice sprang up beside him as he reappeared. “Those things must be at least two feet long!”“Huh?” Logan asked as he crushed another demon with a prison of magical purple flames.“Your horns, bro,” Rafe explained. “They’re almost as big as my schlong.”“Somehow, I don’t believe you.” Logan ducked out of the way of an attack and blasted back at the assailant.“You wanna bet?” the goblin argued. “I could whip it out right here and show you, but that’d nearly double my surface area. Can’t have that in the middle of a fight.”“Sure, Rafe,” Logan humored the goblin.A couple more demons fell under their combined fire, and Logan realized that, slowly but surely, the army was thinning out.The problem? They were nowhere close to victory. At this rate, the four of them were going to die from exhaustion before they could wipe out the rest of their force
"Furcas is already dead," Logan confirmed. "He has no idea where the fuck Ira ran off to.""You killed Furcas?" Oliver sounded impressed. "No mortal has ever--""You should know by now that Logan is much more than a mere mortal, Brother Oliver," Jane clicked her tongue.Suddenly, from off in the distance, there was a deep, guttural growl that shook the entire forest and caused everyone to stop fighting. Without warning, the head of a towering shadow rose up above the treeline and blocked out the rising sun. The figure had three massive canine heads attached to its mountain-like body, and it felt like there was a miniature earthquake with every step it took. Within seconds, the creature was on them.Though they all shared the same body, each of the creature’s heads looked like they belonged to a different type of dog. The center appeared more like a Doberman, with pointy ears and an elongated snout. On the right was the head of a pit bull, and on the left was a rottweiler. All three of
“Why the fuck isn’t it working?” Logan couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “That’s ancient Vatican magic. It’s supposed to banish any demon back to Hell!”“Sister Ira’s creation isn’t from Hell, Logan,” Beth explained as her eyes lit up with understanding. “The spell cannot work on something that isn’t Demonic in the first place.”“So you’re saying that Jakey’s spell is glitching out because it can’t identify Satanic Scooby-Doo’s genetic makeup?” Rafe asked curiously.“More or less.” The redhead sighed.“Delicious,” Ira cackled from above, and then she darted over toward her pet on her bat-like wings. She glided down onto the nape of the Cerberus clone’s neck and then nestled herself into his fur playfully. The elves cockily shook her shoulders and cleared her throat.“Oh, Doggie!” she cooed. “Let’s have some fun, shall we?” The evil elves whistled, and the massive dog’s ears perked up. Ira gave another silent command to her creation as he pulled himself to his feet.“Well,
Of course, there was still the matter of the evil elves and the giant demonic beast. One thing at a time, Logan guessed.“Sisters!” Ira called out happily when she finally noticed their approach. “Welcome! It’s beautiful, isn’t it? We can finally write our own destiny. No more bowing down to a master, no more following the rules of Lucifer or the Divine, and no more sitting at the bottom of the food chain!”Abina corkscrewed her body to avoid a blast of red Magicfire, and for a moment Logan felt like he was gonna be sick. The elves and him continued to twist through the air until they were right above Ira.“We’ve already broken our bonds, sister,” Abina proclaimed firmly. “We are with Logan because we want to be, not because he is our ‘master.’”From above, there was the sound of beating wings. Kelda landed beside them on the back of the beast with Beth still in tow.“I was skeptical at first too, Ira,” Beth added, “but he is a kind and gentle soul who truly cares for us.”“We love hi
“Ira,” Logan said as he tried to bring them back to the task at hand, “the Seventy-Two Servants and their minions are all but wiped out. It doesn’t look like we’ve suffered any casualties, but if this continues this little doggie’s gonna run out of bad guys to chew up. How can we stop this thing?”“You already know the way.” The elves sighed in defeat. “Take out the main head, and the body will die. But I don’t know how that’s possible, only a--”“Leave it to me,” Logan interrupted.He walked over to the base of the beast’s neck and closed his eyes. The first Divine blast already missed, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to summon up enough energy to do a second. He thought about all the things that were at stake. If he couldn’t do this, the best-case scenario would be a bunch of his allies and followers would die. The worst-case scenario was that Azar would return and wreak havoc on the universe.Neither of those options sounded particularly good.He could feel the power of the
Logan really hoped Elmer wasn’t going to have another heart attack when he saw their motley crew.They got to the massive door of the barn, and the door was slowly pushed open. The cock of a shotgun told him that Elmer and Betty were still safe and sound.“Who’s there?” the old man demanded. “I’ve got a weapon, and I ain’t afraid to use it!”Logan held up his hands as the flanneled man appeared from the shadows, gun at the ready. “It’s just me, Elmer,” he said as he tried to calm the man down. “We won.”“How do I know you aren’t another one of those little demons, trying to trick me?” Elmer demanded.“Elmer, it’s me,” Logan explained. “Logan Ralston. My redheaded friend saved you from having a heart attack, remember?”Elmer was visibly sweating and trembling. The poor guy must have been terrified. “Elmer Edison,” Uriel’s calm-but-booming voice called out from behind. “Hello, my friend.”The old man’s eyes widened in disbelief, and he lowered the gun.“Are you-- Are you what I
This had to be their most insane idea yet. Logan and his friends had slain demon after countless demon in the last few months. They’d been all across the country, traveling to cool locations, investigating cases of the demonic, taking down Azar and his Seventy-Two Servants, and having a fucking blast doing so. But this? This one was definitely not that.Before them, in a wheelchair, sat an elderly man with leathery, wrinkled skin. He was wearing a button-up red flannel shirt along with dollar-store sweatpants, and atop his head sat nothing but a horseshoe pattern of gray hair and some unhealthy-looking moles. What the man lacked in hair on his head, he made up for with a bushy peppered mustache on his upper lip that he kept twitching sporadically. This man was their goblin.“Hurry up and get me to bingo,” Rafe demanded as he rolled out into the hallway. “These Depends ain’t gonna hold up all day, sonny.”“You look fine, Rafe,” Abina reassured.All four of the elves stood next to Logan
“There’s a silver lining for everything,” Logan admitted as they entered the main recreation area of the nursing home. Brown rectangular card tables were set up all throughout the massive room and surrounded by elderly people in wheelchairs and walkers. At the front of the grand hall, next to the makeshift PA system and large bingo cage, stood a scrawny man in a mustard-yellow plaid suit. Even from a distance, Logan could tell this guy was slimy. His brown hair was formed into a messy comb-over, and there was so much product slicked into his ‘do his head gleamed like a disco ball with each move he made. The mustard-plaid suited man was holding a slender portable microphone in his hand as he paced back and forth in front of the poorly-made “Bingo Night” banner hung up behind him. It was Naberius. Without warning, there was the distinct sound of a slap in front of them. A young blonde employee was now staring at the “elderly man” intensely with a look of murder in her eyes. She stuck ou