Chapter Eleven

"Eleonora are you all right?" Gregory asks rubbing my back and wiping my tears.

    Gregory touch startles me back to reality, “Y-Yes I am alright,” I rush out.

    What am I even saying I have not been alright for a long time. But I do not know if I have the courage to tell him.

    "Are you sure my dear, you spaced out for quite some time,” Gregory asks worriedly.

    "Yes, I am fine, what were we talking about?" I assure him.

      Gregory’s large hand cups my shoulder as he replies, "I was asking about your brother. But if you do not wish to tell me I understand."

    A few more tears slip from my eyes but I am quick to wipe them away, "My brother was killed eight summers ago,” I tell him.

    His eyes cast down hanging low with sorrow.

    "I am sorry to hear that. losing family members is difficult,” he replies.

    "I just cannot help but blame myself. If... If I had been stronger then he would still be with me," I choke out, no longer able to hold back my heartbreak. I fall back into the chair, a disheveled heap as my grief pours out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

    My throat is tight, and my eyes burn, as my tears continue to pour down at lightning speed. Gregory kneels in front of me pulling me into a hug, he rubs my back. I rest my head on his shoulder, as my body is wracked with an onslaught of gut-wrenching sobs that burst from my chest.

    "I-I apologize... I apologize." I continue to say over and over feeling ashamed to have allowed myself to show such weakness. I hate being seen like this but the tears that I have held back for so long just will not stop.

     "Hush child... calm down, you are fine. There is nothing to apologize for,” he says holding me in his arms. His sweet voice surrounding me like a warm blanket coaxing me to calm down.

    After a few minutes I find myself calming down in his embrace. He has a fatherly touch that I have never felt but have always yearned for. He pulls me from him wiping my blotchy, tear-stained face.

    "Feel better?" He murmurs his brown eyes gleaming with the faintest of smiles on his face.

    "Yes," I whisper.

    Gregory sits back in his chair.  He gazes at me, his intense brown eyes holding mine captive. I find it hard to look away from him. My heart slowly begins to settle, as I lean back in my seat.

    "You never got the chance to properly grieve for your brother, did you?" He inquires.

    "No, I did not have the time,” I croak.

My father never allowed for me to grieve, not that I deserved to.

    "I suppose this is for the best then,” he sighs running a hand through his silvery hair.

    "I just cannot believe that your family left you in such a state for so long,” Gregory rants, his brows furrowed together in slight anger.

    I cast my eyes down, “My father told me the day that Fafnir died that it was my fault. No one comforted me on the worst day of my life, not even my own mother. I was completely and utterly alone,” I wobble out with a quiet sniffle.

    I feel Gregory's large hand on my shoulder, warmth radiating from him, "You are no longer alone. I am certain whatever happened to your brother was not your fault,” he assures me.

    "If I had not been there distracting him, then he could have focused on the fight. He could have dealt with those humans," I murmur the last part my voice low and menacing.

    Surprise engulfs his face, "Humans... humans killed your brother?" Worry sounds in his voice as his face scrunches in concern.

    "Yes," I seethe, "We were leaving for Mimmgar when humans attacked us. We had not even left our own land when it happened."

    Gregory's features are swallowed by shame his eyes downcast. His hair hangs like a curtain around his face.

    "I had no idea, I am sorry,” he apologizes.

    He lifts his eyes staring into mine determination swirling in them. I once again find comfort in his strong, yet gentle eyes.

    "I will do everything within my power to find whoever it was that killed your brother,” Gregory vows.

    His eyes burn with such pure honesty, I can hardly bring myself to doubt him. However, there is a part of me that burns with doubt. He is human, so can I ever truly trust him?

I take in a deep breath. I could come to regret this, but I think, for now I can trust him.

    "When my brother was first killed, I blamed you, but now I can see that I was wrong," I say smiling up at him sorrowfully.

    "While I may not be responsible for your brother's death, I do feel that I am partly to blame. There is something that I should tell you," The seriousness of his words have me cringing and my heart pounding.

    "What do you need to tell me?" I question with a raised brow.

    "The killer we are looking for is most certainly part of the royal family, I am just not sure who would have done such a thing,” Gregory affirms.

    "Suspecting your own kin, never thought I would see that. What makes you think the killer is a royal?" I say this my voice full of false humor to lighten the mood.

But I see that I failed when he sighs, "It has to be a member of the royal family, because we come from a magical blood line..." he pauses for a moment. "We are a family of dragons slayers, myself included."

    My muscles go rigid as my heart catches in my chest. I am frozen to the chair.

    Dragon slayers. The royal family is a bunch of dragon slayers. Just when I thought nothing else in my life could go wrong. It makes sense as to how my brother was killed so easily, and why my father is so wary of them. Dragon slayers much like other humans from magical blood lines, like sorcerers can wield magic where regular humans cannot.

     I toss my head back, my hair falling behind me, a roar of laughter erupting from deep within me. I am clutching my stomach and gasping for air with tears brimming my eyes. I am laughing so hard that my stomach is clenching in pain, but I just cannot seem to stop.

    By the time I come down from my laughing fit, I slump in my chair my head hanging back as my lungs fight for air. I bring my head forward my lungs no longer burning, and I wipe the tears from my eyes.

    Gregory is staring at me his eyes gaping, his face contorted in shock and confusion. His brows furrow like he is trying to solve an impossible puzzle.

    "Nora, are you, all right?" He inquires.

     "Actually, I am doing more than all right, nothing has ever been so clear in my entire life,” I sing.

    He looks at me concern apparent in his warm brown eyes. Gregory drags a hand through his white hair.

     "This was not the reaction I was expecting,” he tells me.

    I lazily smile at him., my body reclined in my chair.

     "This was exactly what I needed to hear. Now I know just how much of a lying bastard my father is. This also makes it easier to find my brother's killer. We just need to start investigating everyone with royal blood that lives in the capital,” I state.

     "I suppose you are right, but let us hold off our investigation for now. Whether you realize it or not you need time to come to terms with things. You seem a little shaken, just take a break,” he offers.

    He is right, I need time to allow this new information to sink in, I should not go rushing into things. Rubbing my hands together briskly, I give a throaty groan shoving my right hand through my hair.

     "Yes, I know, I... I will try?" I say but the words come out awkward, as I feel unsure of how to respond to him. I am not even sure if I am ready to come to terms with my feelings. What do I even feel? Anger, hatred, sadness? Everything feels so blurred together, my mind surging with perplexity.

    My words and actions are divergent, they pull in opposite directions as if my mind's narrator and navigator have entirely different ideas about the situation. To the casual glancer, I am just like a ball bouncing appearing to be free. Yet in reality, I am restrained by a rope. A rope I created and willingly tied myself to. The last eight years of my life I have been trapped by Fafnir's death, never grieving nor finding the peace I have been so desperately searching for. But now I can finally lay this all to rest, I can be free, I will no longer have to be haunted by him.

     "Gregory, I realize that since my brother's death I have frozen myself, I have never truly left that day, the day he died. I thought for so long that I made myself stronger, but the only strength I have gained is physical,” I admit.

    He places a hand on his chin, thinking for a moment.

     "When a person does not allow themself to move on as you have done, they feel trapped. You are not, you just need to let go, stop blaming yourself and find closure, then you can move on, which is easier said than done. But I truly believe you can do it,” he tells me.

    As difficult as it is to admit, his words make sense. I have to let go of my brother and allow him to rest in peace.

    "We can begin searching for your brother's killer tomorrow, for now, I will have some maids bring us supper,” Gregory offers.

    Supper? It is supper time?

    Gregory leaves his chair going to the door, he cracks it open only sticking his head through. A few minutes later maids come in with carts of food. We eat in comfortable silence. I am thankful that I did not have to eat in the dining hall, Gregory has already seen me like this I do not need anyone else to as well.

    My mind is still muddled but I think in time I will be able to feel some semblance of normalcy again.