Euforia

01. Step Taking

Maybe I've forgotten how to eat. The food that goes into my mouth doesn't even taste like anything anymore. The last time I ate, it was probably when I let that piece of raw meat into my mouth.

"You should eat. Haven't you noticed that your body is getting thinner?" The girl thrust a brown piece of meat into my mouth.

I closed my mouth tightly, looking at her with a look of dislike on my face. "How can you even think of eating at a time like this?"

The girl raised her eyebrows. "We're fed; we should eat. What's so hard about filling your stomach? You barely even ate for three days. I wonder what's keeping you going this far?" The girl's words even sounded like an insult to me.

If the person I was facing right now wasn't a girl, I would have kicked her.

***

"If your sins can't be paid, then pay with your money." Those words rang in my ears. The man in the distinctive judge's robe looked at me with pity. Getting a look like that made me feel uncomfortable. I felt looked down upon, even though he could have been pitying me.

My inner war began; my anxiety had peaked, and even my tears were struggling to be released. It felt like I was about to be judged by the grim reaper.

If left any longer, I would go mad. I couldn't stand the sharp gazes of the witnesses. I was fed up with being watched like an animal in a zoo. How could my dignity as a human being be abused?

Run away when you feel mocked. I always fall into the same hole. As if the world has ended. I, who was always centered on this tiredness, forgot what happiness meant. To the point that I thought the road was a dead end.

Here, I couldn't see anyone anymore. I wondered to God, "Where was the way out? Can everything never end? It always grows, even when one dies.

The fiesta for the angel of death has arrived. I, who could neither fight nor run, decided to stop there. I want to give up...

"Surrender?"

I heard the girl's voice and also saw the helping hand she gave me. I didn't understand what she meant by that. Did she want to tease me this time, like she usually does?

A slap shot across my cheek, and I could feel the pain running through my cheek.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

I nodded. Looking at the girl's beautiful pale-skinned face From the start, and from the first time I met her, I felt like she didn't have what most normal people have. I had trouble describing her with words; it felt as if words were never enough to be able to express what I wanted.

The girl smiled in pleasure. "If you can still feel the pain, then you're still normal. Let's get out of here; you wouldn't be a fool to let yourself linger in a place that makes you continue to suffer and be in pain," she said lightly.

Again and again, I didn't understand what she meant by that. I often had trouble deciphering every word that came out of his mouth.

"Hey, if you want to leave, let's grab my hand and run away from here together. If not, then I'll leave here, leaving you alone. It's up to you which one you choose," he offered. Although it sounded like he didn't care, it was still a rational choice without involving matters of the heart.

I looked around me, trying to find a sight that I hoped would give me support. There weren't any. I just kept getting endless hateful looks. Alright, I want to admit it now: I feel scared right now.

Without hesitation, I took the girl's hand. Fleeing the courtroom. Leaving everything that smelled of that room. Especially that bastard judge. He is the scum of this mortal world.

"I know, you must hate that cheap judge, right?" the girl whispered.

"I hate him, but I have trouble expressing it clearly," I replied.

The girl smiled widely. "Then, when we've recovered everything," Let's come here together once again and kill that prosecutor and everyone else in this room," she said cheerfully.

Those words sounded horrible, but for some reason, I felt very relieved when I heard them.

***

I also don't know why I've made it this far. There have been too many horrible things that have happened in my life. I am at a loss to find the answer.

So did you find the answer?" The brown-haired man asked me

I looked down. I don't know what to say to myself. It was very difficult to find the answer.

Seeing me confused, the man smiled slightly. He patted my head lightly. "You've found the answer; it's just that you're still confused about how to determine the answer," he said.

I didn't understand what he meant by that. His words were very difficult for me to understand.

"How did you find out?" "Even I haven't found it yet," I replied desperately.

"I figured it out out of a sense of empathy. Because you are also me, I can also feel what you feel."

"Where did you find the answer?" I asked.

The man pointed towards his chest. "Here... I found it here too..." He then moved his index finger toward his head. "I found the answer through my heart to try to understand the feeling itself, and I also tried to think about it with my mind as best I could."

I was stunned at the answer she gave me. "Can I also feel what you feel?" I doubt I can feel the same way. I wasn't sure if I could be like her, even though she told me that she was also me.

"A human will never be a human if his heart and mind are not in line. Not everyone will understand it. But I believe in you—that you have found the answer through your heart and mind. You may not understand it now, but I believe that when you truly believe in yourself, then the answers you are looking for will be visible before your eyes," the man told me.

I doubted his words. I even started to doubt myself. From the beginning, we both lived in different worlds, different situations, and very different times. The only thing that allowed us to connect was that we were both the same person. Where we lived in very different ways from each other.