How My Life Was Ruined

010: Sasaki Maki - A Ticking Timebomb

***Note: Sasaki Maki is the homeroom teacher of Kageyamas' class and the one taking him to tour different clubs.***

I remember what my little sister used to say. That the boy, who she was so fond of, was a sweet and charming person. He always used to smile and was well-liked by people all around him. My little sister was no exception. And I knew deep down that she had already fallen in love with him. She might not have realized it herself though. Thinking about that, I thought how cute it was.

I hadn't met him. But she had shown me a photo of him and told me his name. Kageyama Kage. I had wanted to meet him once. I wanted to know for myself what kind of person he was. I wanted to know what kind of person he was to have made my sister fall in love with him.

I got my chance to meet him but in the most unexpected and worst circumstance possible. When I met him at that facility, there was not a bit left of the Kageyama Kage that my sister used to talk about. He was living just for the sake of living. His eyes looked like he wanted to die. And I had heard from the Director that he indeed had tried to end his life countless times.

I wouldn't be surprised if he were to be dead any moment, I thought to myself. That was the sort of impression I had of him.

My sister's behaviour changed as well. She, who was so cheerful and energetic, just holed herself up in her room. She barely ate anything. I was worried for her. I knew that it was definitely because of that boy.

I mustered up my courage and one day decided to confront her.

I knocked on the door. But there was no response.

Without the owner's permission, I turned the knob and entered her room. Her room which used to brim with vitality now had a gloomy atmosphere same as the owner of the room who was hugging her knees and sitting at a cold corner of the room. Her face was covered by the hair hanging in front.

Seeing her like that ached my heart. It almost made me want to go back to my room right that moment. It was unbearable for me. But I was determined. So, with great effort, I pushed myself forward.

I squatted and then asked her a question, "Did something happen with Kageyama?"

I would never in my life forget the face that she made when I said that. Her face looked sad, so sad. I had no words to describe the pain that I felt just by looking at her expression. Just how much pain then was the person suffering from, who had such an expression on her face? I couldn't even imagine.

I didn't say anything after that. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her. Silently, I left her room.

One day, she, fortunately, came out of her room.

I called out to her. But she didn't respond. She wordlessly went to the washroom and washed her face.

She then wordlessly came and sat down on the sofa next to me. What should I say to her? She had finally come out of her room after so long. I felt relieved. But I didn't know what to say to her. Just as I was thinking that, she opened her mouth, "Nee-chan(sis)."

Her voice was hoarse and it sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't believe that my sister was capable of talking in such a voice.

"Take me there."

I immediately understood where she meant by that. I suppressed my urge to ask her why she wanted to go there. I had her change her clothes, put her in the car and drove to that facility.

I met the Director there. When I told her that she wanted to meet him, she without asking any questions let her in and had me wait in the reception. She came back after about half an hour. But for me, that lasted for an eternity. I was worried about what would happen afterwards. The cause for her current condition was that boy. What if her condition worsens after meeting him? A certain feeling of dread assaulted me.

But when she came out, I was shocked and betrayed.

The gloomy look that she had had all this time was gone. It was like a miracle. She walked towards me. She was even smiling at me.

The first thing that she then said to me was, "Sorry for making you worry, nee-chan."

I hugged her immediately and tear started running down my cheeks. In between my sobs, in a muffled voice, I spoke, "Idiot! Don't make me worry like that!"

"Yeah. I know. Sorry."

I then continued crying. I don't know the exact time but it was the first time that I had cried for that long.

When we returned home, she apologized to mom and dad as well. They were happy that their daughter had returned to a portion of her previous self. That day we had dinner with the four of us for the first time in months.

After finishing dinner, she went straight to her room. After I helped mom with the dishes, I went to her room and knocked on the door.

"You don't need to knock to come in my room, nee-chan." She said. She was sitting on her bed holding a pillow close to her. The two of us talked about inane things. But even then I enjoyed myself. I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to her like this for so long. I was enjoying every bit of it as nonsensical as it was. Then I finally asked her.

"What happened there?" When I asked her that question, she gave me a smile and hugged the pillow with more force as if she will never let it go.

"He promised me." She said. "What?" I asked.

"He promised that he will tell me everything. He promised that he will not die before telling me everything. Not that I will let him die even after that."

I was thinking. Just what sort of person Kageyama Kage was?

He was the reason why she had become depressed. No matter how much we talked to her, how much we tried, we were not able to help her in any way. I resented him for reducing my sister to this state.

But, after talking with him just for half an hour, she had been healed. As if she was made to drink a healing potion made by the Saint. I couldn't believe it.

The very person who had reduced her into such a pathetic state returned her to her previous state in just half an hour. I was curious to know how that was possible. What was this promise that she talked about?

*****

And then I witnessed it for myself.

We were walking in the passageway. When I mentioned my sister, his face was pale. Deathly pale. He was trembling. But immediately afterwards he returned to normal as if a switch had been flipped.

That made me think how dangerous this boy was. Someone who can control their emotions perfectly is the most dangerous of it all.

I have been observing him in the class and I have gone to report it to the Director countless times. She shared the findings of her own observation with me as well.

From what I had seen and from what the Director said I arrived at one conclusion about Kageyama Kage. His mental condition was very unstable.

At one time, he would think about committing suicide then at the other, he would go to the cafeteria to eat lunch. Will a normal person, who has such a strong desire to kill himself, go to eat lunch like it was the most obvious thing to do? He will try to kill someone but the next moment he will try to save that very person. It was like his every action was born from a paradox.

Like a pendulum that has been left to swing in a vacuum, his mood swung continuously, perenially and dangerously.

He was like a person with a split personality out of which one had a strong desire to kill himself. But I knew that wasn't the case. He had no such disorder which made it all the more unsettling. He was like a dangerous ticking time bomb that might explode at any moment and we had no means of diffusing it.

I couldn't help but wonder.

What would happen when he explodes?

And I couldn't stop trembling because of the dread that would follow if he were to explode.