Hating myself...

I was dying to see who the hell was that boy who hit me for no reason,

a boy came in from the door, I knew it, that was Jack, I was amazed to see him,

"Hi, Jack," I said feeling so good seeing myself, but his glance was emitting disgust, anger, and hate,

For some time I was swayed by the feeling but I got it back when I remembered how much I hate this boy, Bob.

"Are you here to get my money again?"

he said resenting me but, it hurts...

I wanted to tell him the whole story, but my mouth was glued, I can't say a word about it... I understood that the system doesn't support,

"No, I am here, just to see you, I am sorry for what I did", I said that to mend the unnecessary hatred between us, but he disgustingly answered,

'no need, your sorry won't do good"

he ran away and I thought to myself,

"was I this hateful?"

So I understood that I can't help it,

Mother Sabrina brought some food and gave it to me,

" I know my child, it must be so hard for you to survive, on your own, I can take care of you, if you want, you can come here anytime."

she said opening her heart and the doors of the orphanage for me,

" but what about my grandmother? she is very sick to be alone"

she smiled,

"you are not a bad boy as you seem to be, you can bring her along if you want"

That was a relief for me, if that's the case, I won't have to worry about anything, and definitely, I won't be stealing anything.

I was satisfied this time, now I can rest assured,

" ok mother Sabrina, I'll be back here, with my grandmother",

everything seems to be sorted out, I have to bring Bob's grandmother here and these people will be safe, he won't do. anything wrong, my trial will be successful this time...

I went back to the cottage, but what I saw there change everything,

his grandmother fell unconscious,

I went to check on her she had a high fever and I was shocked what to do, I ran back to Mother Sabrina,

She helped me find a doctor instantly, the doctor came to check on her but said,

" oh... it's her, I know her, she was my patient, but I told her before that she needs surgery, and after that, I never saw her"

I was shocked,

"what surgery doctor?" I asked,

" she has lung cancer, a part of her lung was infected, I suggested she go for surgery, I am sure it might have turned worse"

I sighed,

"how much will the surgery cost, sir?" I asked,

"It's quite expensive, nearly, 5-6 thousand dollars,"

That amount was impossible amount for me to handle, the doctor looked at me and continued,

"I know it's a huge amount for a family like this, but there are options that can help you"

a little of my hope came back to me and

he added,

"There are some hospitals that help helpless patients, but the minimum fare of at least fifteen hundred dollars, you have to arrange it,"

A mere amount of fifteen hundred dollars which I get by selling just one program was a huge burden for me now, I never thought it could save a life when I spent it on pubs and drinks, but where could I get that money? I was helpless,

Mother Sabrina stood next to me, and patted my shoulders,

"I know some people who often give charity my son, let me try it" well that was a relief, I always know that Mother Sabrina was good at talking to people,

"Thank you, Mother Sabrina," I said,

we went out and tried for money from every source that she could think of, while that doctor helped me by shifting grandma to one of that hospitals.

We went house to house, door to door but everyone was ready with a reason rather than money,

Those good for nothing, they were ready to show off but for real help, they have various types of reasons...

I was worried sick, I almost forgot about her daughter, Mrs. Elsa, as a daughter, she can at least help her maybe their relationship will get better.

I ran to her to get some help, but her husband stared at me as if I was asking for his kidney,

"May I meet Mrs. Elsa?" I asked him in a very polite voice,

"get the hell out of here, you bastard..." he yelled with cruelty,

I stepped back that word scraped my ear walls, and made my mind blocked,

Mrs. Elsa just returned from the market and the moment she saw me she came running,

"Bob, why are you here?" her husband stared at her with anger and dragged her with her hair, it was horrible, I never saw someone like this before, and that make me understand, how her life was, with him,

My head was bursting with agony, I was frustrated, he was hitting her with a pan in his hands, and she was pleading,

"Please let me go to him once.... please... I just want to know why he is here"... her cry was making me uneasy, I wasn't able to control myself, and took a rock and hit that bastard straight on the head, not even thinking about my trail, why I was here...

He fell screaming with pain, blood flowing from his head like water and that made me aghast...

" is he dead?" I was wondering, "Did I just kill someone" I was shocked...

She was shocked too, she came crawling to me with her purse,

"Bob, what did you do? take this money and run away, don't ever come back, they'll put you behind the bars, I'll take care of the rest, just run...." she urged me, I was out of my mind I couldn't understand what to do... I stood there like a stone, she pushed me,

"Run... Bob run, go to your grandma go... she needs you...go, I'll take care of the rest"

In an instant I snatched the bag and ran away, Jack was behind me he watched me, snatching the bag from her...

That was the scene I remember, I saw Bob snatching the bag from her and it was me who reported to the principal that Bob took the fees many, she collected...

The trial was done, my second failure was standing in front of me, ...Jack, ....that's me myself...

I didn't have time to explain, I ran to my grandma, I don't know what happened to Bob's mother, or maybe I know what happened to her,

I remember that I heard the next day in the school, that she took all the blame on her and was detained,

That is why I hated him the most but now I understand that in this whole thing he was a victim too...

I spent my next eighteen days in the hospital taking care of grandma...

When she opened her eyes, I confessed about her daughter, but I was shocked to hear what she said,

"Why did you go to her? I know she was living in hell, why did you do that? why? I was glad at least she has a home, but you spoiled it,"

I was confused,

"but you hated her, didn't you?"

She was crying badly,

"I had to... or will she be willing to leave us... her life will become more painful if she is with us..."

That made me think again... so it was my thinking alone...

my eyes were filled with sorrow... I closed my eyes hanging my head down with guilt...

"What did you understand this time, my child?"

A bold voice startled me... and I opened my eye in.....

..............

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