My Struggle: The Love Story of a CEO

Not good enough

Jay's POV

I struggled to maintain my composure in the room and was breathing heavily. The air was thick with silence and the tension of my uncertain future clouded my mind. I just watched as they exchanged glances at each other, whispering into their ears and murmuring softly. They were x-raying the proposal I just delivered and seeing their faces alone scared me to the marrow.

The way they looked at me was puzzling and sent shivers down my spine. Everytime any of them raise their heads, I'll join them, anticipating a reply in my mind with the possibility of me getting my dream.

I didn't even know what to think. I'm confused. I really need this to work. Brian had made it clear that this was my last chance and I don't want to fuck it up. It's so frustrating here. I feel hot inside, even though the room was well ventilated and full of strong air conditioning systems, I still somehow felt sweat drops trickling down my cheek.

That annoying call from Brian was so cruel and interrupted the verdict, just by one inch. Fuck!

Now he's left me all riled up and increasingly growing in anxiety as I'm uncertain about the future of my precarious situation. It all lies here, whatever happens here decides my fate. I just hate this whole shit. It's too stressful, damn.

So after struggling with this project, I'll just stand here and watch it go down the drain. My head is aching badly. It feels like my thoughts are pounding heavily inside there and having a nice juicy party. It's so fucking annoying man.

The tension in the room thickens as I watch them deliberate on the matter with their heads together. My heart endlessly pounding inside my chest and my mind reeling with thoughts.

Please, just help me with this project. I need it, I really do. I'm tired of being Brian's laughing stock. He takes me as a loser and I'm fucking tired. So after all my years of experience, years of learning, I'll just watch my ideas go down the drain.

Oh bloody hell, for goodness sake, help me this time, at least just this once. Come-on guys, just help me.

The growing silence felt like forever. I was already tired of waiting as my clothes were already soaked with sweat.

Finally, I heard the creaking sound of a chair moving and sharply jerked my head in its direction. One of the senior board members, Mr. Collins stood up and decided to break the silence and douse the tension.

I let out a deep breath and stood composed, my eyes fixed on him.

"Jay, I must say, this idea is very brilliant. I mean, you were smart enough to think outside the box and thought of expansion. It shows you're quite ambitious young man. Bravo." He smiled, his eyes narrowing. I knew that's not all. As a matter of fact, that was not what I wanted to even hear.

What is the final verdict?

He continued again.

"However, there are many flaws in this proposal of yours. You should know that thinking of this means looking for trouble. You should know the market structure, you know very well. Going ahead with such a proposal would only land us in severe trouble, especially because you would be the one fronting it, not us. You can't endanger the life of each and every one of us, because of some silly dreams of yours. You have to do better than that." He concluded, his voice already told me the answer I needed.

A capital NO!!

I was boiling inside already, but I tried to maintain my composure, the frustration was too much.

It did not end with him. Another person was already fired up and lambasted me. This one felt personal. It was like a physical blow to my face, a punch directly aimed to the gut.

"Jay, yes, your plan seems good, but it's too risky. This is a gamble. We can't afford to risk everything on something as dangerous as this. How do you just come into the market and topple everything, hoping to gain international recognition? No, it doesn't work that way son." She said, her voice harsh and stern.

"Your plan is too ambitious. You don't have to prove anything to us by coming up with such a risky plan. Look at it, the market is not a perfect place where you just walk in to get what you want. You face competition, a serious one. The odds are too high and I'm sorry, we can't afford to take such gambles right now." She concluded, her voice raw and the words stung my heart, shattering it to pieces. I was already losing it, so to avoid any drama, I just pushed such thoughts aside and waited for more feedback, hoping maybe the next one might be better.

In the end, they were all saying the same thing. In fact, each one is worse than the last. But one thing is clear, they appreciate the plan, thinking of expansion and the rest, but are wary about the consequences that would follow. They suggest revisions and a more cautious approach which is a complete contrast to my original idea.

I ain't gonna buy that. Never!

Listening to their criticisms only increased my frustration. My heart raced endlessly as I tried to process the whole thing, my mind struggling with the rejection.

I wanted to argue back, I wanted to clarify them on the whole thing. They did not understand what I meant in that proposal, they're just looking at it from another perspective and forgot the whole point of it all. They're so fucking annoying. Damn it man! Fuck!!!

However, I knew that arguing and ranting back at them would only worsen the whole thing so I fought back hard to maintain my composure and remain calm. It was so very difficult. My whole body was vibrating like an engine, a volcano about to erupt.

I felt the sting of their doubts, the injury it left in my heart, extremely painful.

Each criticism from them felt like a direct attack to my ego. They're undermining my abilities and underestimate me. They just think I'm bringing up all these things because of the pressure I get from Brian, but deep down, I know fully well. All I've ever wanted is for BBK to grow. All I've done is aimed at the growth of the company, but the doubt they're casting on my plan is suffocating. Most times, when I think of all these things they say to me in my quiet moment, I just lose hope.

Brian on the other hand is not helping matters. He's the cause of my problems right now. If he doubts me and doesn't believe in me, how does he expect any other person to see any potential in me?

Everytime he compares me to the legacy he has built and the whole empire, so fucking what?

Of all the people I have in my life, he should be the supportive one, but his case is different. Instead, he's the one that taunts me before them and constantly accuses me of incompetence.

I start to lose focus momentarily. The whole thing was fucking difficult. The ranting in my head and the ranting from them. Damn, too hard for only one person to deal with.

"You're just not cut out for this, Jay. You'll never have what it takes."

His words have remained glued to my mind and endlessly reminded me of my problems. Everyday, they keep singing in my ears and it pains me a lot because this actually came from my own father.

Well, I've been dealing with it all while, I can't suddenly allow it to distract me. I shoved it aside, forcing myself to pay attention to what the board had to say. I can't let these doubts consume me, it's already too much here, I can't allow this one to add to it. Not now.

The meeting came to an end and I was told to go work on my project again. Fuck you guys!

Still pondering on what they said, the annoying bitch called me again. I knew he just wanted to mock me again.

I wanted to ignore the call, I wanted to smash the phone to the ground, but I couldn't. That will only make things worse for me.

With a steady breath, I reluctantly answered the call, putting the phone away from my ears, knowing his words would only cut through me like a blade.

As usual, his voice is cold and scornful. He doesn't even ask about how the meeting went, he just went directly and dropped a shitty message.

"I hope you've learned something today. The board's reaction speaks a lot. You need to rethink your strategy young man, you're just not ready for this." He scorned, his voice stoic and he dropped the call, leaving me to enjoy the beeping sounds on my end.

His words felt like a slap to my face. I frowned, and everyone around me knew I was frustrated. I can't hide it any longer.

So Brian just called me and couldn't even offer any piece of advice or words of encouragement? Fuck him.

He's nothing but a bitch.

His words left me on fire. I still can't believe that after all the work, after all the hours I've put into this company, it's still not enough for them.

His words re-echoed in my head.

"You'll never be good enough."

I wanted to scream, but who would I direct them to? I just stood there speechless and defeated.

My phone slipped from my hand and landed on the table as I fought back the powerful emotions inside. My pride, my confidence, my ego, it's wounded. It's not just about the board's criticism, but it's about Brian's complete lack of faith in me.

I took a deep breath, struggling to hold back my hands from pounding the table, my anger and frustration threatening to burst.

However, I know this is just the beginning. If I want to take control of the BBK, I need to fight for it. I can't let Brian or anyone else define my worth.

A strong sense of determination filled me as I settled to carry out my new resolution.

"Nothing's gonna stop me." I muttered.