Fuck me. What was I thinking?Sean rounded the turn and almost clipped a vintage Datsun convertible driven by a blonde in a sun visor.Fucking hate this part of town. Rich people are useless. Clueless.He looked upon row after row of professionally landscaped front yards, lawns looking like they were trimmed with scissors, blooming plants framing arched windows in courtyards behind stucco-fenced walls. Just about every home had some variety of bisque-colored tiled roofs. Lots of BMWs, Mercedes, Jags and even Bentleys.Don’t belong here. Never did. Don’t want to come back. Ever.Sean decided he’d just tell Timmons the family had refused all contact. It was partially true, after all. The ladies would have gone along with his visit, but Dr. Hoades, no, he would forever be on the wrong side of anything to do with the military and the special forces in particular.That man doesn’t deserve the sacrifice hi
* * *The bar attendance was slow tonight, since it wasn’t a weekend. Above the bar were pictures of fallen soldiers, the dates and locations of their demise. When he was first on the Teams, he didn’t like to look at them. He was surprised when, like most the other Team guys who hung out there, he got so that he liked looking at them, paying his respects. God willing, if he should have to pay that ultimate sacrifice, there would be some young newbie Team guy staring up at his picture, toasting him with a beer, or, as in his case, a mineral water.Sean’s eyes stung. Maybe there was too much cigarette smoke tonight. He winced and looked over the sparse crowd. No sign of Alex and the others yet, so he ordered his regular mineral water with lots of ice and lime and leaned against the bar. A big screen TV was tuned to a basketball game he had no interest in watching.He fished a couple sugar packets from the counter, along with a small
* * *Tori couldn’t believe what they’d just done. On a public beach, in front of God-knew-anyone-who-happened-to-walk-by. Would she have noticed? Would he?Where the heck is your pride, your common sense? You don’t even know this guy.She’d never done this before, and recognized the risky behavior as a warning. But, in spite of her training, now she wanted more. He’d come into her, thrilling her insides with danger. She’d been sure she wouldn’t let a man touch her for months after her near-rape at the University. And now she came begging for it. Literally hanging all over him.What were you thinking? She counted the months; no, it had been a couple of years since she’d had any kind of sexual relationship. She had friends, but casual sex wasn’t part of her DNA. Somehow, she felt he might feel the same way.Not smart. He could be an axe murderer for all you know. A little voice in her chest told her
Dr. Hoades sorted through the previous day’s mail in the shower of morning sunlight coming through their kitchen window. The coffee was strong this morning because he made it that way. Tori hadn’t come home last night and he was stewing about it. He heard the familiar footsteps of his wife coming down the stairs.“You’re up early,” Rachel Hoades said. She grabbed a mug from the cupboard, pouring herself a cup of the dark brew.“Um.” Dr. Hoades was engrossed in his sorting, trying to concentrate, hoping there weren’t another one of those disturbing letters. He didn’t want his wife to find it, if there was. Phone bill and gas bill to the right, a magazine to the left. Two catalogues in the front for his wife to grab. A couple of handwritten letters from someone unknown, both with hand-drawn smiley faces where the return address should be.Oh fuck, another two.“You have trouble sleeping last night?” she asked him.<
The next day, Dr. Hoades knew Detective Ryan Dole was not happy about his call, and had probably spent the morning cleaning up his office in preparation for their meeting. It was Sunday, after all, and Hoades had insisted they meet at the detective’s office, not the Hoades home. That made it more official. And meant he didn’t yet have to tell his wife and daughter about the letters.The surface of Dole’s dented metal desk was hardly ever exposed, not like today. The detective’s man-cave was a perpetual cleanup in process, one never completed. The desk’s soft plastic top was perfect for pressing hard when filling out quadruplicate forms for the Department. Over the years he’d seen the man grip his medium point blue pens and press so hard, as if to savor making indentations in the soft grey surface beneath. After coming back from an interview or profile meeting, Hoades would watch the detective rummage for a patch of desk surface, and fill out those reports. It
Tori noted the grim expressions on the faces of both Sean and her father as they entered the house. Sean’s eyes softened as he gave her a slight nod, not to worry. She was so glad he’d called and that he had been available to come over. She blushed when she thought about their night of sex. The blush must have shown, because her father’s expression had gone dark, and it frightened her. He was angry. She knew he was the loose cannon in the room.Her mother arrived from the kitchen with a glass of ice water and offered it to Dr. Hoades, who winced, but took it anyway. Sean had his arm around Tori, rubbing her shoulder gently. It calmed her. She felt the delicious ripple down her spine as her body responded to his touch.God, I need him.“I’ve asked Sean to stay for dinner tonight, Aaron,” Mrs. Hoades said.“Great. Just great,” her father answered, without looking at the soldier. “I’m going upstairs to change. Don’t let
Tori’s heart felt like lead as she heard the sputter of Sean’s scooter fade down the tree-lined street. Her soul was bleeding from the inside out. She wondered if she would ever see the soldier again.And then the horrible thought hit her. Was this just an elaborate way to get into her pants? Could this man be trusted?She thought about how quickly he’d had his way with her. This had never happened before. Here she was, having sex with a virtual stranger. For all she knew, he wasn’t a soldier at all, but a wannabe. She’d heard they were out there. But then she wondered how he would know about her uncle Will.Was she substituting the loss of her mentor’s care for something else? Reminding herself that she was the world’s worst when it came to reading people correctly, she decided to err on the side of caution. After all, she’d decided to study psychology partly to learn about her own hangups. It was easier studying others than study
Part of him wanted to spend the night with Tori again. He couldn’t get their lovemaking out of his mind. How her body responded to his, how he felt like part of his hard shell was cracking, softening to her touch. And he was filled with the growing need to protect her, like she belonged to him already.But that was a stupid thought for a guy in his position. He couldn’t offer any chance of a long-term relationship. All he could do was become a wedge between a father and his daughter. And for what?He knew relationships were detrimental to his occupation. He needed his focus. The Navy was his life now, even more so since the loss of his family. He suddenly wanted to go back to work in the worst way. He didn’t need to be reminded of what he no longer had.But he knew Marshall wouldn’t allow it.How would he spend the next few days without her? Even surfing, lying around on the beach, or working out at Gunny’s, weren’t a