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SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Why Being Jealous?
It’s because you are human and you have the freedom to make good and bad decisions. But don’t be overwhelmed by the fear of the unknown or the burden of the past. It is one of the things that make you powerful.” After a slow nod, Phoebe tried to absorb what Sarah said.Phoebe gasped for air when she realized the implication of what Sarah was saying. She had been a prisoner of her own thoughts regarding the wrong decision and now she realized that there would be no right decision. Life was complex, chaotic and full of the unknown. But Sarah was right. The only real error would be to let herself stagnate, to be afraid to take that leap, to do something different, to be confident in herself.Phoebe sank back into the couch, her limbs growing even more leaden than they had been before, as if the burden of the decision she had yet to make was weighing her down. She looked out the window, at the orange, warm light of the evening that painted the world in peaceful color so unlike the storm t
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD What is Holding You Back
However, even with all that Emma did for him, with all her tenderness and love, he still thought of Phoebe. He blew out air, and with a negative nod, he responded. He had to stop torturing himself like this. Phoebe had her decision to make and he had to let go of that and accept what she had chosen. Seth took his phone and went through the contact list and clicked on Emma. His thumb was placed over the call button. He should call her, he thought. He should go over to her place, spend the evening with her. She would listen, make him understand that things were going to be fine. But his hand came down and the phone fell back on the table.*No,* he thought bitterly. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to feel anything right now.*With a heavy breath he rose from the chair, picked up his jacket and threw it carelessly over his back. There was only one way to shut out his thoughts tonight. He needed a drink.The bar Seth entered was poorly lit, people were engaged in low conversat
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD It's Time
Seth leaned on the bar, how the statement made by her weighed on her. He realized the truth was more painful than the whiskey. He had been attempting to suppress the fact that even though Emma was trying to fix him, she was never what he desired. She was a bandage on an open sore that could never be healed.He massaged his temples, the pain of his ideas blending with the ethanol. Instead, Seth commented: “She doesn’t deserve that”. "She deserves better."The woman beside him paused for some time to allow him to fully comprehend what he had said. “Then perhaps,” she whispered, “it is time to let go of what is no longer yours.” You are so attached to something that happened in the past that you are causing harm to everyone around you including yourself.Seth leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, a heavy breath escaping him. He knew she was right. He had been holding on to the memory of Phoebe, to a life they used to have, although that life was no longer a reality. Although in h
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD The Lady
Don’t forget that occasionally, letting go is the best strategy to make some room for what’s better ahead.”Seth sipped his whiskey, although the taste was lost. It felt lifeless, just as the emptiness inside him felt.The buzz from his phone in his pocket broke the haze in his brain. He took it out, taking a quick glance at the screen. It was Emma.He looked at her name and felt the effects of his conscience. For what length of time could he keep up the charade? How much time would he be able to maintain her interest when his heart was staying committed to the past? He kept asking himself lots of unanswered questions.Seth let out a heavy breath. “Can we see?”In that moment of excitement, his stomach churned with both feelings of dread and relief as he pressed the send button. He had ambiguous thoughts about what the future might indicate, yet he understood that he couldn’t sustain his current way of life.Seth left the bar, placing some bills on the counter and then launched himsel
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD "I Loved You"
"You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, and I… I can't do that right now." Emma said nothing and Seth could feel the effect of his words hit her hard. He prepared for the pain he knew he was going to feel, the let down he had been trying to prevent for so long.‘You know,’ Emma whispered at last, her voice trembling, ‘I always thought that one day I would have to run from you.’ I knew you weren't over her. I just hoped... I could be the one to change that.Seth’s chest became constricted, the guilt washing over him. "I'm sorry, Emma. This isn't about you. You are so much more than what I can offer you. I thought I could just get over it, but…“But you can’t,” she repeated the words for him, her tone rancid. “Because you’re still in love with Phoebe.”Seth’s throat tightened as he forced the food down his throat. It may not be love and it may just be the memory that I have clung to for so long but either way it is not right for you. And I can not continue to pretend t
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD “What Do You Want”
Seth was also speechless, and he could not believe he had just done that. His phone lay on the table in front of him with the light still on, but it appeared that the lights in the room had been turned off. He had closed a chapter of a real and meaningful relationship with Emma. He’d thought of her perhaps loved her in some measure but it was not sufficient. He tried to avoid her image but his mind persisted to bring him back to her, no matter how much he tried to resist.Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It made Seth come out of his reverie. He got up from his seat, walked to the door and wiped his face.When he opened it, he saw Christian standing right in front of him with no clear emotion on his face.“What do you want?” Seth asked, and the tone he used was a lot more severe than he had wanted it to sound.Christian raised an eyebrow. “Is this a bad time? You look like hell.”Seth let out a bitter laugh. “Couldn’t be a better time. What do
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD I Need Closure
Seth rose from bed, bath and put on his clothes with a clear intention. But even as he stood before the mirror trying to tie the tie around his neck, he felt this coming over him, this doubt.What if she didn’t care for what he had to tell her? What if she had already made up her mind about Christian? The fact that she could belong to another man impressed him, but at the same time, a thought that this conversation could take place today seemed overdue regardless of the result.He was halfway out the door when his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a message from Phoebe: *"Let’s meet at noon. At the café near the park."*Seth sat in front of the screen, his stomach tightening into a hard ball. The café near the park had been one of their favorite places when they still were friends. That she had decided to meet him there felt somehow fateful, though whether that fatefulness was a good or bad thing he could not say.With her phone in her hands, she walked back and forth in the living
SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD Drunken Mistake 1
Phoebe gazed at him, her eyes begging his face to tell her the truth in what he said. But she didn’t withdraw her hand and she also did not surrender to him just yet.“I don’t know, Seth,” she whispered. “I just… I need time.”Seth nodded, his heart heavy but he knew that she was right. “You can take as much time as you want, Phoebe.” I’m not going anywhere.”It was the first time that Phoebe smiled after she sat down and the smile was a tiny and feeble one, but at least she smiled.“Thank you,” she said softly.They remained there is silence for quite some time now, the air wiped clean of tension and any doubts that were present before. This is where there are so many things yet to be discussed, so many things that have to be solved. But for the first time in a long time, there was hope.It was therefore after the conversation with Seth that Phoebe left the café with her mind made up and her heart in such a mess. It has shaken her to the core because it was stating something sincere,
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- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
"What Regret"
“Regret,” she said with a sneer. Regret is just a euphemism for guilt. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t wipe the slate clean, and it definitely does not heal the mess that you made.‘Christian,’ she said softly, ‘don’t come any closer.’ He stopped, as she decided to step back from him.Phoebe flared up again and asked him: “You said you came for the truth?” “Fine. Here’s the truth, Christian. I loved you. With everything I had. And you destroyed me. You were able to make me question myself in ways that I never knew existed. And now you stand here, asking me for what? Closure? Redemption? Forgiveness?”“No,” he said firmly. All I am demanding is an opportunity to prove that I can improve.” That I am better.”She scoffed. “And you believe that one conversation is going to make a difference?” You think I can just what? Stare at you and forget the years I struggled to climb up the ladder and get a life again?“No,” he repeated again, and there was no quiver in his voice. “But I can’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Need You
Christian did not answer this for a while. He looked down, his hands were tightly bunched into fists at his sides. “I know it caused pain,” he said, his voice rising in a hoarse whisper. “I know I can’t undo that. But I can’t just let things be this way. Not anymore. If that means living with your hatred then let it be so.Phoebe only chuckled bitterly and began to pace in front of the fire. ‘Christian, you keep saying all the right things.’ Saying sorry, admitting my mistake, promising to take my anger on myself. But you don’t seem to understand. It’s not about you. Not anymore.”He stared at her with a frown on his face. “Then what is it about?”“It’s about me,” she said angrily, turning to him. ‘That’s about the years I’ve spent struggling to climb out of the pit you dug for me to fall into.’ It is about finding out how to be independent, how to live without the feeling that my chest is going to collapse. It’s about healing, or at least, about trying to put myself back together aft
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Believe inYou
Phoebe shook her head, her arms wrapped around herself. “You don’t get it, Christian. Other people also had the same feeling as you; they were scared. I was terrified too. Of losing you, of not being good enough. But I stayed. I fought. And you didn’t.”“I know,” he said and his eyes welled up with tears. “And I hate myself for that. I wish I could have been stronger and did not leave when I did. But I’m here now, Phoebe. And I’m not running this time.”She glared at him and her eyes were red with rage, hurt and something else which she could not describe. “You say that now,” she whispered. But what happens when things get hard again? This begs the question, what happens when the cracks start to show?“They won’t,” he said firmly. “Because I’ve come to realize that running in particular does not solve anything. It just leaves a trail of broken pieces behind.”Phoebe only shook her head and a tear rolled down her face. She gently removed it as if she was embarrassed to show her weaknes
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
“I’m confused”
It’s convenient. You were waiting until you felt I was ready and powerful enough to take the news. Until you thought I didn’t need you anymore.”“That is not true,” Christian said quickly, getting up, his voice a high pitched note. “I have been taking this guilt with me every day since I left.” I did not return because of convenience. I returned because I could not continue living such a life knowing that I destroyed something that was wonderful.Phoebe whirled on her toes, glaring. “And what about me? Have you ever thought what it feels like to wake up every day with the marks you have made on others? To have to break yourself down and begin to build yourself up again from scratch just to have the one who was responsible for tearing you down appear with an apology?”“I do now,” he said quietly. “Because I do, I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. And I hate myself for being the reason it’s there.”She was breathing raggedly, her hands were balled up at her sides. “You don’t
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Either you believe or not
Christian sighed deeply and rested his hands on the table. “I am a man who wants to know how to accept what I have done. To challenge it, rather than avoiding it. To be able to admit that I can change the future but I can’t change the present and I can’t change the past.”Phoebe scoffed. ‘You really believe that taking responsibility is sufficient?’ You really believe that saying you were wrong in any of this makes it alright?”“No,” Christian said quickly. “It doesn’t make it okay. Nothing can make it okay. But it’s a start, isn’t it? A step toward being better. Towards becoming a person who does not destroy things.”Phoebe looked at her sister with her face impassive and then shook her head. “You want to be better? Good for you. But you don’t get to use me as your redemption arc. I am not some check-point on your way to self-improvement.”“I’m not asking you to be,” Christian said, his voice quiet, but commanding. I don’t need your forgiveness or your approval for anything I am doin
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Lingering pain
“Phoebe,” he started cautiously, “I’m not here to put more load on you regarding this.” I know you didn’t want any of this and I’m not going to say that I’m so great for coming here now. But I’ve been attempting to take responsibility for my actions. And part of that means realizing how much I caused you pain.”Phoebe’s lips formed, her arms drawn tightly around her in the manner of a shield. “It does not heal the wound, Christian.” Oh do you think that knowing you regret it will give me back the time I lost? The trust I lost? The parts of me that had to be reconstructed?”“No,” replied Christian, who now looked ashamed. “I don’t. And I’m not asking you to forget what I did or even forgive me. I just had to tell you that… I can see it now. I can now understand how self-centered I was and how unable to notice your suffering.She tilted her head to the side, her mouth tightening as she looked out the window and saw the rain running down the glass. “Blind, huh?” she said with much bitter
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
All about Phoebe
Phoebe went back to the fire, her hands folding over her chest. For what seemed like a long time she did not respond. The fire crackled in the background, and its heat was the only thing that made the atmosphere between them warm.“What do you want from me, Christian?” she asked after a long time her voice was so low that it was barely audible.“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just… I had to share it with you because it is the truth. To say sorry and let you understand that I noticed your suffering. That I see you.”Phoebe only managed to stifle a sarcastic laugh. “You see me now? That’s rich. Where was this clarity two years ago?”Christian moved a little closer and spoke slowly and calmly as if he was pleading with her. I was blind back then Phoebe.” As if the rest of the world does not exist, or, at least, I don’t exist to the rest of the world. But now… now I see everything I should have seen before. I understand how powerful you are, how much you inv
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Get rewarded
“Sorry isn’t enough,” said Phoebe, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They think they can just come out and apologize and that’s the end of it.”“I’m not expecting that,” Christian said quickly. I know that I can never reverse the wrong I have done. But I had to tell you. I had to stop bringing this with me without doing something about it.”Phoebe exhaled hard and then rested her weight against the windowsill. “Well, did you even know what you left behind?” “How much I had to tidy up after you?”“I’ve thought about it,” Christian said, softly. “But I know that thinking about it isn’t the same as living it. I still can’t fathom how difficult it must have been for you.”Phoebe looked at her and shook her head, fuming again. “And you didn’t just hurt me, Christian.” You made me doubt, everything, including us, including myself. I used so much time thinking why am I not enough. Why I couldn’t repair whatever was ailing you.”Christian cringed as if the words that came out of her mouth had h
- SETH RIVERA AND THE ULTIMATE BLACK CARD
Another Game
One part of him wanted to kick Christian out, shut the door and never see him again. But there was another part, a lesser, more contemplative part of him that was interesting. What if Christian really had transformed? What if this wasn’t just another one of his games?“Alright,” Phoebe said in the end, the word coming out sounding more like a bitter grumble. “You want to talk? Talk. ‘I’m not making any guarantees here,’ I tell him.Christian nodded and his shoulders dropped down as well. He looked around the room, and then looked at the couch. “Do you mind if we sit?”Phoebe frowned, then reluctantly gestured at the couch with a nod. He stayed on his feet, leaning with his arms folded against the wall, a defensive air about him.Christian leaned back on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees and his hands on top of each other. He looked at the floor for a moment with a blank face, then he said something.“I know I hurt you. And not just once—repeatedly. You wanted to help me and I
