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Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 20th July
I'm a self-employed builder and drug dealer. my name is sid. I went out last night and I have the mother of all hangovers. my mouth is like Gandhi's flip flop. Today is Sunday and have a day of nothing planned the perks of being single I suppose. Know one to think about and no one to tell me what to do. I slowly and carefully swing my legs out of the bed gently putting my feet down. one hit the carpet and the other hit what I will describe as cold and slimy with a crunch to it. I look down to see that I have literally put my foot in it. when I say it I don't mean shit but a kebab from last night. there was Donna meat poking up between my toes, and chilli sauce up the side of my foot. with a sigh I put my head in my hands, this is too much for a man in my condition. I lift my head and look for something to clean up with and see that this is not my bedroom. I turn and see the outline of something under the duvet. "fuck." I whisper. think who
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide July 21st
I woke up feeling OK a bit hungry and thirsty, but OK. I went downstairs and put the kettle and TV on. The news again so I change the channel news again after flicking through eight channels. I decided that it must be on every channel. Start to watch it while eating my cereal.Doctors are calling the epidemic more flu. It is spreading out of control and hospitals can not take in any more patients, in most parts of the country. The advice at the moment is to call one one one if you need medical advice.The reporter on the news was in London outside the doors to a hospital. It looks like a war zone. I see people start to fight to get in the entrance. A security guard tried to break it up and got knocked out. The symptoms so far have been sour throat coughing aching all over then nose bleeding. After twenty-four hours. Apparently, the nose bleed is the last symptom before death. There have been no reports of survivors after the nose bleeds.Words
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 22nd July
When I opened my eyes I was utterly confused. I tried to sit up but my arms were like jelly. A hand landed on my shoulder. It was Earl."stay laid down for a few minutes."My mouth was dry and my head had a heart beat like a base. So I let myself stay down. Earl passed me a glass of water and some pills."take thease your going to feel like shit for a bit.""what happened.""I'm not sure you went into the shop and I was keeping an eye out outside. When I heard a load of noise. So I came in and saw you out cold and the other guy had a till sticking out of his head. So I picked you up on my shoulder and brought you back here.""thanks I can't remember everything properly.""it will come back to you."He lit a cig and put it in my mouth. It was dark outside. My house looked clean as well."I have a couple of questions what time is it, and what happened to my house.""it's o
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 23rd July
We got up early that morning around nine and sat down to breakfast. This time the food wasn't made by Earl's mum. It was cereal and coffee. We had everything packed up but we seemed to have a lot to carry down to the car."is there a rubbish shoot near." I asked."yeah just like a door away why?""we are going to send your stuff down. I'm fucked if I'm doing three trips up and down that lift. It is too risky.""would you send your stuff into a skip full of rotten food.""OK look we will double bag then.""I don't know.""you can use my washing machine if it gets on your clothes OK.""OK ok."So we agreed I was starting to get the feeling Earl is a clean freak. I'll work on that. I smile to myself I think this is going to be fun.We got all the bags down the shoot in about fifteen minutes. We started walking back to the lift the same noises came from the doors. We got to the lift. While we were waiting I noticed th
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 24th July
I woke up like a man coming up from a deep dive with no oxygen. What had woken me up. Then my answer came loud knocking on the door."SID OPEN UP PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE"I got to my feet the knocking constant and impatient. I unlocked the door. A man pushed past me knocking my back. It was Earl he sat on my sofa breathing heavy."it's OK man I'm hear." I put a hand on his shoulder and he started to wail tear streamed down his face."put your head between your legs and breath slow in through your nose and out of your mouth. In and out. In and out."he did as he was told I got him a drink of water. He sat back and drank like he hadn't drunk for a week. He threw his arms around me. I rubbed his back like you would a child that had skinned a knee." your OK now buddy. "" don't let me do anything so stupid again please promise me. Slap me if anything so stupid comes out of my mouth again."
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 25th July
We got up around nine and ate breakfast a bacon sandwich with ketchup for me brown sauce for Earl. "We have a new companion as well as more supplies." "what do you mean we have a new companion. The supplies I can understand straight away. But companion what." "come with me. You need to meet her." "ooh her what's her name." "Jessie" "sounds cute." "she is very." I knew I was getting him excited for the wrong reason. But it was too easy. We went out to the kennels. "what's she doing in there." Then the penny dropped. "she is a dog." I couldn't help myself I started laughing. His face was a picture. "sorry mate it was too easy. JESSIE COME ON GIRL." Jessie came bouncing out of her shelter and up to the gates of the kennel. Earl stepped back away from the metal gate. Jessie was jumping around in circles barking happily. "SID how do we know that she is safe." "seriously look at
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 26th July
Know one was feeling great this morning. We all held our heads at the table. Gaz got up and went to a cupboard in the kitchen. I watched to see what he was doing. He got a box of pain killers out. "I don't think any of us should do that." "Why" A rough one-word answer it annoyed me but I swallowed it down. We were in his house after all. "Do you have an unlimited supply?" "No." Again with the one-word answer. At least this time he sounded like he was thinking. "So do you know how long it will take before life gets back to normal?" "No, you don't have to go on about it. I get it we might run out if we don't start rationing." He put the box of pills back. How do we get rid of this hand over then? I got up and poured a jug of water and put four glasses on the table. Everyone was looking at me expectedly. " Let's have a bacon butty and make a plan." Lucy was the first to speak.
Sid's Zombie Survival Guide 27th July
It was five in the morning and the sun was coming up. It was still dark but getting lighter. I was absolutely knackered. A few hours sleep would not go a miss but I needed to keep going. I went to my supply of speed I had hidden it away alongside my other drugs. I didn't tell anyone I had them. Looking around to make sure no one was watching I took a small amount to keep me going. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down outside and had a fag. I was shocked to see a zombie walking through a field about one hundred metres away. I was concerned about seeing one so far away from any other houses. I saw an axe at the end of the house next to a pile of wood. I picked it up and walked to a metal gate that led into the field. The zombie didn't appear to have noticed me at this point. So I got the axe and banged on the gate softly. It stopped moving I was shocked at how sensitive its hearing was. I tapped again no louder than the first time. It looked to be sniffing the air. So tapped aga
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- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
The night has come
The night has comeWe were making our way into this tiny village of the dammed. I wanted to leave Bob behind but he started spouting a load of shit about you dot tell me what to do and I can keep up with the best of you. Blah blah blah. We were using parked cars for cover and so far so good. We hadn’t seen a zombie or a person yet but we can’t start counting chickens yet.Colin came up behind me and whispered in my ear.“You see that house there. The one with the black door.”I looked over to where he was pointing and had described. From what I could see it looked empty and unremarkable.“Yeah what about it?”“I saw something move.”“Something? Like what?”“Not sure could have been a Z.”“Ok keep your keen eyes peeled. Let the others know when you can.”That pissed on my bonfire. We had only just come into this place of death and decay. Already the dead had ben seen. The shop was close. Maybe only two-fifty. Three hundred meters away. It could still be empty when we get there if we ge
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
Night of the 1st
Night of the 1stIf I’m to be honest I didn’t think about the time when we set off to find Sid. In my head, we might find him on our way to here. Unfortunately, we didn’t. Now the light of day is going to soon fade and night is now a dangerous time for the living. Wright and the others were getting out of their vehicles and coming towards me and Bob. I climbed out.“Look we are going to have to camp here in our cars tonight unless you guys have a better idea. You know we can’t go running around in the dark anymore.”Red spoke first in his fucking posh voice that went through me like a hot knife through butter.“Yes, we agree with you on the fact that we can’t go out at night but. We have very little in the way of food and drink.”He was right. When he said we had very little he meant we had fuck all. James might have a chocolate bar in his pocket but that wouldn’t even see him through the night.Earl stepped forward.“We passed a small village back there. I know from back when I was a
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
November 1st
1st November“Bob where the fuck is Sid. I don’t give a shit about your rules about swearing now. You had best get talking or I’m letting April loose.”“Gaz? That’s you right?”“Yes now get on with it I need to help my friend.”Bob was a scary motherfucker and I hated him with a passion but right now he was my only way of helping Sid. All the others got out safe and we are now in an empty school. We worked together to clear it of the dead over the last two days after two days of travel. On the way we kept leaving markers hoping Sid would spot them. Lucy wasn’t taking it anywhere near as easy as she should have been but what do I know as she keeps telling me? Bob was talking and looking at me like that was where he fired his knives from.“He ran and I was under the car where he shoved me. I closed my eyes and prayed that I wouldn’t be seen. It felt like a lifetime under there trying not to breathe or make a sound. The zombies just kept suffering along. Could I get a drink of water plea
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
27th part 5
27th part 5As predicted we broke through the last few walls and we’re now stood in the last house. This house had not been loved by the previous occupants or the looters. It was a proper shit tip. Rubbish covered the floors. Wall paper was black with mold and peeling. In one room the ceiling had come down. My first impression was that this place had been abandoned for decades. There was a calendar on the wall that was from this year blowing my theory out of the water. Bob took great pleasure in pointing out my failings in deductions.“Yeah Sid it must have been empty since the fifties at least. Look at the LCD. Must be at least one maybe two years, old.”This pleasure went on for several minutes. As Bob spoke his tone changed into a higher pitch than normal just to show me how sarcastic he was being. At one point he started valuing things like an auctioneer. Looking at labels and sell-by dates on food and appraising it like it was an antique. By this point, I was getting ready to wal
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
27th part 4
27th part 4It didn’t take long to find a claw hammer. Not the best tool for the job but it will do for now. I crouched next to the deciding wall in the loft and laid my hand flat on it.“You see this wall Bob. It’s out way out.”“Catch me up lad I'm lost.”“These houses were built in the sixties. These blocks are very weak breeze blocks. On top of this bonus the wall is only one skin up here. When I say one skin. I mean that this is all that stands between us and next door. With this hammer I can make a hole big enough to fit through in about fifteen minutes. There is going to be five more until the end of the terrace. By the time we get there I reckon that the zombies will be far enough away for us to make our escape and we will be on the opposite side of the building to the dogs and five doors away. What do you think?”“I think you should shut up and start making a hole.”So I did. As I thought the blocks were weak and once I had made a small hole it was easy. The whole got bigger
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
27th part 3
27th part 3Before I could react Bob had one of the beasts flying through the air towards his face. In the blink of an eye, he had skillfully put a knife through its temple. The dog dropped to the floor limp and lifeless. The dark brown almost black blood trickled from its new wound.Now wasn’t the time for me to admire Bob's handy work. He had a dog bounding towards him and I had one flying through the air like a bad superhero. It would have amused me if it was wearing a mask and cape. It wasn’t it was covered in blood mattered hair dirt of all kinds and was like all other things that were dead rotting.With a powerful blow the thing hit me and hard. As I was going down the weight of it shifted to my left. One knife handle sticking out of it’s eye. Bob's hands were empty and there was another dog on his way and more we’re coming from other directions. There was nothing for it. I had to carry Bob and run. I doubt he is going to like this but tough shit if he wants to live.“Bob hand n
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
27th part 2
27th part 2The sound was getting louder and louder. The moans and groans. Shuffling sounds of the dead coming. This was the sound and smell of death walking and I didn’t need to experience this again. Not now. My radio crackles to life and the voice of Write comes through.“Sid this is bad. Huge conga line of zombies coming your way and they look like they are tied together.”“Ok get yourselves out of here spread the word. I will get Bob and meet you.”“No that’s suicide. There are hundreds of the things coming your way.”“You haven’t seen Bob in action. I think. No I know we can do this.”I lied. I was no way I was as confident as I was trying to show. There was a definite chance I was going to die. Had I just had enough and this was my way of going without a bye. My hand clicked off my radio.The herd wasn’t in sight yet but this looked like my only chance to leave this house. The place looked deserted. Normal people had vanished almost completely but zombies were coming on mass no
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
27th October
27th OctoberPositions were taken. We had walkie talkies to communicate with each other. I was the one nearest to where Mr Stainburn was going to be meeting me. Gaz Earl and Write had taken up sniper positions giving me a bit of protection. Itchy was parked close by in his tank waiting for a signal off anyone to drive in and pick me up if it all went to shit. The girls and kids were in two cars parked about ten miles away hopefully out of harms way. Colin was acting like a messenger to run between us if anything went wrong with our radios. Red was holding back with rounds of ammunition so that if the others got caught they would only lose limited supplies. If Red was caught as well then we were fucked. Now Bob was missing. He told me he would do what was needed and that I didnt tell him. The grumpy old cunt just got in his car last night and fucked off.I was in a house opposite where I was meant to meet the biggest prick on the planet. It wasn’t an easy mission to accomplish. To get
- Sid's Zombie Survival Guide
26th part 2
26th part 2The plan was sort of in my head now and while everyone was here I thought it was a good time to start saying it out loud.“Colin. I have a little job for you. Make some drinks. I’m going to get water-hungry. The word escapes me right now. You know when you need a drink?”“Thirsty?”Colin answered me looking unsure of what I was talking about.“Yeah, that’s the word. Now everyone listen up get a pen and paper if you need. Are you all ready?”They all nodded except the old guy. He put his hand up.“Yes errr…. What’s your name? I haven’t asked yet.”“I'm Bob. Can I go to the toilet before you start?”“Fuck me Bob. Yes go be as quick as you can though.”“I asked you not to swear around me and told you you don’t tell me I tell you. That’s my last warning to you all.”He left after his few words. Gaz got really angry again.“Who the fuck is this old guy to talk to any of us like that. He has no say in what happens. We don’t know him or fuck all. He has only just told you his fuc
