The Space Spoon

20. Up for Promotion

The conference room on the 777th floor didn’t impress Tejeda. It wasn’t his first time being there. Even though the white minimalist decor with a long and narrow table and chairs on each side had an interesting ramification pattern etched on its surface that he loved to explore, nothing could change that the humans there soiled the room with their presence.

Grand Admiral Darren Kyel presided over the meeting as usual. He left his spot at the head of the table and extended a hand to Tejeda. The Nubilae looked at it for a few moments before reluctantly shaking it.

When the admiral’s other arm stretched and wrapped around Tejeda’s shoulders, the first instinct the Nubilae had was to step back, but the handshake kept him in place. Darren Kyel smiled and turned to the five Interplanetary Police admirals.

“For those of you who haven’t met him yet, let me introduce you to Colonel Tejeda Hajar from the Surveillance Unit.”

“Colonel?” whispered Tejeda more for himself.

The Grand Admiral grinned, showing off his perfect white teeth. "Sure thing. You got a promotion for multiple mission objectives taken in a short span. I knew you could retrieve Oculus Grandi. But you... " Darren Kyel took out his hand from Tejeda’s and slapped him hard onto the chest. "You took over the Syndicate of Cosmic Freedom’s flagship all by yourself and thwarted Kalden Deltak’s plan of neutralizing the starbase O11 in the Black Directorate’s territory. That means more than a few million lives were saved. It sure does sound like a promotion is at hand, son."

Tejeda gnashed his teeth at the last word and barely got a grip over his urges to snap Kyel’s neck. He decided to let it pass and not consider the millennia in age difference that made his suggestion more than inappropriate.

"Oh, and I nearly forgot." Darren Kyel went on as if he hadn't noticed Tejeda's face, or, better yet, as if he didn't care. He even shook the Nubilae's shoulders as if they were the closest of friends. "This mad lad came to us today wearing the terrorist Kalden Deltak's body as his outfit. I mean, isn't he incredible?"

"It is only civilized to turn madness into magic," Tejeda replied quickly, stepping away from Darren Kyel and sitting in the only vacant chair other than the one the admiral had just risen on.

C1313 walked behind Tejeda's chair, her feet squeaking on the glossy floor. That raised a few eyebrows from the admirals, but the Nubilae gave a dismissive gesture. “Don’t mind her. She is with me. I hope this doesn’t bother you. I want to have someone with whom to share the happiness of my new promotion. Are there any perks I should know about?”

The change of subject worked wonders. A superficial grin lighted Kyel’s face as he sat down on his chair. "Of course! You will have a ship and a skeleton crew. We can’t afford extra expenditure on salaries, so you will have to make do with an impounded vessel and wages for you and six other crewmen."

They were standing inside a sumptuous room, one of many similar ones on the 777th floor of a one thousand story building. Luxury screamed at every corner, but they couldn’t afford a ship or salaries. Tejeda's face cracked a smirk.

‘Can you honestly call yourself a leader if you believe reality is simply living comfortably and fulfilling your every whim? All while the universe crumbles down at your feet. But it doesn’t matter if you can walk over the debris and see only the elegant things that surround you.’

Tejeda kept his thoughts to himself, knowing that someday the time would come when he would show these admirals the truth about themselves and the real world outside the headquarters. Therefore, he pressed on more urgent matters. “C1313 here doesn’t require any salary and wants to join my crew. I will sign her up.”

Darren Kyel outlined everyone's concerns. "This is a driving robot with no further features or uses. It would be completely worthless aboard a spacecraft. Consider that as you meet the six crew members we hand-picked for you. They are all outstanding officers who have recently graduated from the academy."

The Grand Admiral pressed a button on the screen on his right and the door opened. Six men neatly dressed in their blue uniforms entered, keeping a stiff posture after their salute. They were all humans, showing again the organization’s tendency to favor their preferred race.

Tejeda walked in front of them, carefully inspecting each one before taking a seat with his ass on the table and his back to the admirals. "May I put them to a test?"

“Sure.” Darren Kyel nodded.

But Tejeda wanted more. “If they fail, can I pick my own crew?”

“Yes, but you should test them now so we can agree if they meet the requirements.”

Without further notice, Tejeda took a knife from one of the officers and cut off his own right arm. The moment when his limb touched the floor, a purple tentacle slithered outside from the stump of his arm, streams of blood pouring down.

Three officers fainted, another one grabbed his chest in pain, his heart failing. Another two peed themselves, a darker blue shade staining their pants. A single officer, the shortest one, kept looking mesmerized at the purple tentacle, curiosity and fascination in his eyes.

“Well then,” Tejeda laughed, “one of them has passed the test.”

As he turned to face the admirals, he saw that they were all slumped over and that the Grand Admiral had spewed all over the table. That made Tejeda laugh even harder. “Now I like this room better. It has color, music and everyone feels exactly how they should.”