The Space Spoon
10

6 ratings

The Space Spoon

By: Helen B. CompletedSci-Fi

Language: English
16

Chapters: 104 views: 5.9K

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Humans, robots, aliens, and energy life forms, all tend to like Tejeda for his easy-going personality, not knowing what lies beneath his ever-changing face. He is a Nubilae, a shapeshifting race known for their insanity. But Tejeda appears carefree and often amused even in the most perilous situations. His one-of-a-kind weapon of choice is a spoon, an old utensil that no one remembers anymore ever since eating has become obsolete. You will laugh at him. You will be scared by him. You will enjoy every step of his journey if you are a bit as crazy as he is. P.S. Full disclosure: Tejeda's character and plot revolve a lot around his immortality shenanigans. Join me on Discord: https://discord.gg/QNZtVmVWc5 My website: https://helenbold.com

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  • Kabirat Aleem

    10

    Yeah, right. Your modesty shines through. I love your humor, Helen B.

    2023-04-10 01:01:31
    6
  • Gem

    10

    A frenzied, fun-filled fiction. If you're looking for a fast-paced chaos of humor and science, then you've found it! A fair amount of slapstick comedy, but there are plenty of dark moments as well, just as there's a blend of exaggerated silly psuedo-science mixed w/ carefully considered accuracies

    2022-02-19 15:02:02
    9
  • Naughty Snail

    10

    Second number one fan here, to get things straight. Even when things get out of hand, you can't help but laugh. Tajeda's twisted personality is an absolute magic. Keep 'em coming!

    2022-02-18 03:22:04
    9
  • Helen B.

    10

    Shameless and crazy, maybe even crazier than Tejeda, I give myself a straight 5 stars review. Why? I am glad you asked :) I laugh every time I write this. Ok, ok, I admit it, I am my number one fan because I am a genius. Have I told you that I am modest too?

    2022-02-17 19:59:55
    10
  • Original Sin

    10

    Truly funny and an unique comedic space opera with a unique main character

    2023-09-30 02:07:24
    5
  • Jarom Collins

    10

    There's never a dull point in The Space Spoon. Interesting worlds and characters with interstellar travel. Humourous but littered with mysteries, horrors and altercations.

    2023-08-23 18:34:35
    5
Latest Chapter
104 chapters
1. Prologue
Floating through the vacuum of space wasn’t Tejeda’s thing. Not knowing which way was up or down made him want to puke his guts out. But he couldn’t. Not in that spacesuit. That would have meant staying in his own puke indefinitely. The image made him want to vomit even harder.What was the point anyway? Weeks, months, or even years could pass till a spaceship would drop out of hyperspace in this god-forsaken part of the universe. It would have been best to take out his helmet and breathe in the void. But the cold touch of the spoon that hung on his neck strengthened him. Tejeda’s resolve was mightier than ever. He wasn’t about to let his poor lovely Carmen float in space forever.The Nubilae slowed down his breathing to preserve the oxygen and entered a peaceful state of meditation. His plan to pass as a human hadn’t worked out too well for him and led him into this predicament. Tejeda sighed. He should have known better than that a
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2. Hidden Traits
The muscle man looked at Carmen and laughed. Tejeda holding out the spoon in a melee stance was also pretty amusing. The crowd created an echo like pieces of dominoes falling. Everyone laughed, Tejeda included. He had learned long ago that laughing when everyone else did was good, even if he didn't understand why the amusement.Suddenly, the blonde pack of muscles stopped, his blue eyes shooting Tejeda. “Why are you laughing?”That question put the Nubilae in a really tough spot. He had felt this way only once before when one of his tentacles emerged during a conclave of the Universal Consensus. Their Grand Admiral was an important man. It was well known that he didn’t possess tentacles or other appendages.All things considered, Tejeda gave the same answer as back then. “It is one of my hidden abilities. That is how I stretch my face muscles. Do you like it?”His opponent wasn’t impressed or amused by the response
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3. Tejeda Hajar
Tejeda was heading towards somewhere, and by saying 'somewhere', that is the most accurate way to put it. Simply strolling through an unknown ship with an unknown name. Unknown faces passed by him, most of them not even noticing his current persona.“Hey, Karl, weren’t you supposed to be on duty today?”The voice came from a short olive-skinned man with small, apricot-shaped eyes who stopped right in front of him. Paying more attention to this man, Tejeda realized that he wasn’t so short; Tejeda was too tall. Oh, right, he was Karl now!The Nubilae giggled with a sheepish smile on his face. That face had such an easy way to make a fool's appearance, and those muscles looked like they were accustomed to make him look like that.“I,” he coughed softly, trying to alter his voice and tonality. Tejeda wasn’t used to that low pitch. “It seems like that spoon hit me harder than I thought.”The unknown
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4. The Purple Alien
The green sky of Nubilonia, his homeworld, was a sight for sore eyes. As usual, the red dwarf star shone in the sky. Tejeda lived on the side of the planet that faced the sun all the time. The scorching heat was something he was accustomed to as evolution was extremely generous with his species.Nubilonia was tidal locked to its star, meaning that the planet revolved around its axis once every revolution around its sun. Thus, it was forever facing the red dwarf with the same part. The planet was a perpetual desert on one side and a never-ending glacier on the other side.Both parts of Tejeda's planet were dear to him. He was a Nubilae after all, so he could adapt to any extreme temperatures. It was the simultaneous exposure of his body to different extreme temperatures that posed the problem. As it was happening now when Tejeda awakened from his sweet dream regarding his homeworld.Stretched upon a table, the muscular man was gripped by strong chains that pulled
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5. A New Body
The darkness inside the air duct wasn’t a problem for Tejeda. Once his eyes returned to their usual purple hue, he was able to see extremely well even at night, as well as through objects if there were any signs of life he was able to lock onto. In the end, the Nubilae were predators, and hunting provided them with camouflage and vice versa. Evolution was what threw Tejeda’s race into this unending circle of transformation.After crawling through the vent for a couple of minutes, Tejeda spotted the wall panel he was looking for. The subspace communication network had a ramification node there. It was one of the things he searched for while doing the calculations for the carrots disease. Hiding information in plain sight was another one of his skills. Even if he resented technology, he was rather good at it.Once his message passed through the communication array and was successfully streamed into the subspace, Tejeda sighed, taking a well-deserved break bef
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6. Yet Another Body
Tejeda’s vision blurred on her face. He raised a hand and rubbed his eyes. A gentle hand caressed his cheek. When he could finally open his eyes, he saw Shayla’s jade glare. His head was on her lap. His body felt different and a weird metallic taste fouled his mouth. The Nubilae clicked his tongue in displeasure. “Shayla, have you given me to drink blood? I am not a vampire, for fucking out loud!”Her gaze hardened. “This is what I get for saving your life? Would you prefer a dead man’s saliva?”As Shayla leaned over him, Carmen fluttered above Tejeda’s nose. He turned it to look at himself in its reflection. His bald head was shining, enhancing his high cheekbones and amber eyes. He had a short beard that had not been shaved in a few days, which gave him a distinct masculine look while letting his strong jaw stand out. That was the face of Kalden Deltak, the leader of the Syndicate of Cosmic Freedom.Still watchin
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7. E00
Kalden Deltak’s shiny head leaned over technician Trong Kell's desk. The captain circled his fingers in the air above a tiny device. “Oh, what does this do?” Kalden’s fingers went straight for an even tinier red button in which all the circuits converged.At the last second, the technician grabbed his wrist. His index finger was grazing the top of the button. “Captain, that is the self-destruct button. It will blow us to bits, and it will take half of the ship with us too.”“Aha, so this is a bomb!” Tejeda grinned as if he was the smartest being in the universe. “Why do we have this here?”Trong Kell moved his glare toward Shayla, who was standing a bit further away near the door. Following his gaze, Tejeda understood its meaning. “Don’t worry, Kell. Shayla is on board with everything. Now, answer my question.”“Well,” the technician mumbled, “it's one of the b
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8. Oculus Grandi
Tejeda thought he would have difficulty figuring out where the meeting between the Universal Consensus and the Alpha Pirates was about to occur. Fortunately, the Syndicate of Cosmic Freedom was in possession not only of the Interstellar Police’s database but those of both the Universal Consensus and the Alpha Pirates.Reading the quantum-zip files, Tejeda scratched his beard that was starting to itch him badly. But Shayla told him that Kalden Deltak would have never shaved it clean. It was sort of a trademark, showing everyone that he had the capability of growing hair. Just not on his head.Shayla was next to him, reading the QZs and leaning forward at the desk. Oh, QZs is the short form for the quantum-zip files. Try to keep up.Carmen was still hung around her neck. Tejeda simply couldn’t ask Shayla to give it back. It looked too good the way it was. The two were gorgeous together.Realizing that he was staring at her chest, Tejeda coughed.
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9. Universal Consensus
Kalden Deltak was wearing the best uniform he could find. He straightened his back so he would have a more imposing stature on the uncomfortable chair. Raising his hand to check if his hair was neatly arranged, he instead ended up fondling his skull. That was the moment when he realized he should have polished his head for extra shininess. Why didn’t he think of that before now?Because now was way too late for touch-ups. The screen in front of him glitched and then the image of a member of the Universal Consensus appeared. Kalden Deltak clicked his tongue in displeasure. That alien was almost radiating light from his bright baldness. The Nubilae felt utterly defeated from the very start.The screen was barely long enough to be able to show the long egg-shaped head of the member of the Universal Consensus. His ears were large and glued to his head while going down to his chin, where the lobes converged in a single one, left hanging from there.“State
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10. Welcome to Uthion
SCF1 was heading toward the Universal Consensus coordinates. Uthion, a class H stony planet with a perfect atmosphere for human existence, was their goal. It was mostly desolate, with just a few scattered tiny villages. The majority of Uthionians fled to other worlds as soon as they could. Many individuals would find it difficult to live with the continual danger of corrosive rain above their heads.In the past, nefarious groups from this region of the galaxy collaborated to build a dome in the northern hemisphere of Uthion, which was immune to the planet's weather conditions. The planet's tiny population and corrosive rain made it ideal for shady enterprises, illicit auctions, and trade.Tejeda and Shayla took a shuttle to the planet. After inserting the exact coordinates for the dome, he set the computer AI for automatic descent. The Nubilae turned around to admire Shayla’s outfit. After requisitioning several sheets, Tejeda asked Harland King and his team to b
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