Traved In The Void

Fragments of dreams and the past

I walked alone in an endless tunnel, as far as the eye could see all I could see was a long hallway. Puddles of water filled my ankles, but I don't think this is water because the sensation is thick.

"Where is this . . . and what is this fishy smell?"

Curious about what was pooling this, I then squatted down and looked at him clearly 'eh is this blood?'

Suddenly someone appeared lying from the pool of blood, when I looked again wasn't it 'Mother?' I see a scar on my mother's stomach.

"Mom... hey mom why are you here?"

I immediately ran to my mother, but I fell. Then one by one the paper fell from above on my back, there was a disdainful laugh filling this empty tunnel, I was familiar with these voices, these were the voices of stupid pigs all over the school.

I caught one of the papers, and when I opened it it said 'you'd rather die, crook'.

"What the hell is this bastard!" I tore it up then threw the paper away, the laughter suddenly disappeared.

I saw that my mother had disappeared from my sight, then what I saw there was none other than myself.

He looked at me and said "Don't forget your past... Rey!"

The person who looked like me then disappeared like sand in the wind.

"Hahaha, isn't this a dream?"

In this empty tunnel, now I just lower my head, reflect, and surrender. Hope this nightmare ends soon.

Suddenly someone's voice came from behind me, "Rey!"

I immediately turned around and saw in front of me a woman waving and smiling brightly. 'Hey isn't that Mrs. Rika? What is she doing here? Then who is the woman beside Mrs. Rika?'

The woman I saw was squatting and crying with her hands wiping the tears that flowed down her cheeks. After I looked again wasn't that Katia?

"H-hey Katia? Why are you crying?"

I ran towards them, but I felt them getting farther away.

"why can't I reach it? H-hey, hey anyone... help me, what's this!"

I kept running, screaming their names but they were getting further and further out of my reach and sight.

"Haaaaaaa!" I screamed and opened my eyes from sleep.

"Damn it... what another dream was that!"

My left hand held my chest because I was short of breath and gasping for air. Then my right hand held my head because I felt very dizzy. Without realizing it, sweat also wet my clothes.

"H-hey Rey, what happened?" Katia asked with a surprised and worried tone.

"Ah...it's nothing, by the way you've been awake since earlier huh?"

"Yeah... I woke up first, then heard you scream."

"Sorry."

"No Rey, I'm the one apologizing, you must have carried me last night ... sorry for bothering you."

"It's okay, it's natural."

I immediately got up, looked at the clock and saw that it was 03:14, 'it's still dawn huh?'

Then I walked to the thermos near the entrance of the room, poured hot water into a glass of cold water and then served it to Katia.

"Please!"

"Ah...thank you Rey."

Katia drank it slowly, she looks better than yesterday and I can tell her face looks fresher.

Because my clothes were soaked with sweat, I rushed to the closet looking for clothes that fit me well, 'the best cotton material' I thought, because the sensation it gave was a cool feeling. I thoughtlessly undressed in front of Katia, I didn't forget to glance at her and I saw she turned her face away, 'what a sensitive girl'. After putting on a change of clothes, I rushed over to where Katia was.

When I was in front of her, Katia took a deep breath and then asked, "Rey... what did you dream about just now?"

"Sounds like you really want to know, don't you?"

"Yes, I'm very curious."

"About that .... " I then sat in my study chair and told the dream I had just had.

Hearing my story, Katia just listened with a serious face. Then after I told her, Katia gave a response.

"What a terrible dream, what the hell was that dream... and also why was I crying there?"

"When it comes to my mother, she died from being shot by a robber-"

"Sorry!" Katia cut me off.

"It's okay, if it's about that I can still talk about it, but about the paper and the laughter I still find it hard to tell," I said in a low tone.

"Okay, don't tell me if it's heavy, but what about me? What does that mean?"

"If it's about you crying in my dreams, maybe it's because I heard you delirious?"

"Am I delirious?" she asked in a surprised tone.

"Yes, last night when you fell asleep you were delirious 'dad...mom...don't go' in a tone like you wanted to cry, and sorry...when I heard it I thought about various possibilities".

"Ah ... so it seems, you heard it and that's the reason why I was in your dream."

"Sorry if it's presumptuous, Katia, what happened to your parents?" I asked Katia, then her eyelids narrowed.

Katia was silent for a moment and averted her eyes from me, she seemed to be contemplating what to say.

After a while Katia spoke while faking a smile, "Looks like I can't hide it from you ...."

"Two years ago ... both my parents died in an accident," said Katia in a heavy tone.

So that was the reason she was delirious, they must be very precious to her. Losing one precious parent is so hard, I know how it feels because I've been through it.

But what she feels must be much heavier, I don't know how it feels to lose two very precious people and think about life after their funeral, but she is really a strong girl because she can endure.

"Then, I was adopted by my uncle...but," Katia stopped talking and bit her lower lip.

I saw Katia's face became somber, Katia's hands were crossed holding her shoulders, her body was shaking and her breath was panting.

"H-hey katia, what are you doing?" I asked in a panicked tone.

I think I've read a book while in the library, in that book it describes a "panic attack", it is a condition of sudden excessive fear or anxiety, and it usually occurs due to trauma in the past. And now that Katia is experiencing it, it must have something to do with her uncle.

"Katia... calm your mind, don't think about anything for now!"

I grabbed her shoulders and tried to calm her down. 'Damn I stepped on a mine instead, looks like I have to make up for it'.

After a few minutes, Katia is breathing normally again but her face is still in a gloomy state, I think I should apologize to her.

"Sorry Katia, I've asked a very sensitive thing!" I said with a guilty face.

"If you want me to forgive you ... you have to sleep beside me until morning comes".

"Okay!"

"Eh ... I thought you would panic, get nervous or refuse!"

"I think I have to make up for what I've said, is it possible that now you are feeling nervous?" I teased her.

"N-no, come here." Katia shifted slightly, pulled the blanket over her stomach and then fell asleep lying on her back.

I immediately got into bed, pulled the blanket and immediately lay down with a position looking up at the roof of the house. Right now, I don't know what to say, I'm just following what Katia wants because I feel bad for her.

Then suddenly Katia started a conversation, "Rey... are you used to sleeping with girls?"

I was shocked ... she suddenly threw a strange question, 'why did she ask that?'

"Huh ... what do you mean?" I said in a surprised tone.

"You look calm when you sleep with me, I think you've slept with girls a lot."

"No... I've never slept with a girl, it's my first time, don't think it's weird!"

"Is that so? That's good then... this is my first time too." He suddenly slowly turned to face me.

I glanced at her for a while and I could see a charming face like an actress. When I saw his face I felt a strange feeling in my body, I immediately turned my face and looked back at the sky of the house.

She then threw another question, "Then... who is Mrs. Rika? It seems she has a relationship with you."

"When it comes to Mrs. Rika, she used to be my helper, you could say she's like an 'older sister' watching over me!"

"I see... so she's like a big brother protecting you, as expected of a Rey, when I thought you'd think of her as the opposite sex."

"Speaking of such things, I've already closed my heart...."

"I see, didn't I tell you when on the hill? That look of yours is that of a 'one who doesn't expect anything from others', it's the same as mine," she said in a low voice.

"I became afraid of your instincts for some reason...."

"Hahaha, relax Rey I won't bite you or anything like that."

Katia continued her words, "Then ... since we didn't expect each other, I want you to hug me now, Rey!"

"Hah?"

I was shocked and swallowed hard, my mind was now processing the words katia said. In this situation most guys would probably just attack her and then do other crazy things, but this is me... I've given up and closed my heart to relationships or anything like that.

Even if one day I have that kind of relationship with someone, I want that person to be the only one and special to me. I really don't want to be in a fake relationship again.

"Don't think about it too much Rey, just think of me as your mother and I will think of you as my father, if we think and imagine like that, isn't that okay?"

Katia continued, "I just want to feel the warmth of being hugged again by someone, and if it's with you I don't mind, Rey."

'Ah I see' I think if it's like that I don't mind, I really love my mother, if now I hug a woman while imagining it, I hope I can feel the warm feeling of being hugged by a mother again like in the past. And don't forget, now I'm going to do what Katia wants because I'm apologizing to her.

"Okay," I said.

I immediately faced Katia, our eyes met, I saw her eyes seemed to emit a feeling, 'yes ... maybe now she is imagining her father's face to me'. Then my left hand is now slowly touching her cheek, I can feel the smooth texture of her charming face with a few strands of hair covering her cheeks.

"I think we should both close our eyes," I insisted

"Okay, but first hug me like you would hug a child", she replied while closing her eyes.

"Okay."

After we closed our eyes, my left and right hands slowly touched Katia's back, then I slowly pulled Katia's body to me to hug her. There was the sound of his breath echoing in my ears, as well as the scent of his body which made me calm and addicted.

Katia's head is now on my chest, her hands are also now embracing my back, I hug her tightly like a father hugging his child on a cold night, I feel warmth seep into my chest and soul.

"Warm!", said Katia.

"Yeah... warm!"

At this moment we seemed to give our bodies to share warmth, but our hearts both closed a feeling for each other for some reason.

I used to be dating Marie, but we've never had such intimate physical contact like this, it was just holding hands, the culmination of our physical contact. But now I don't think, I will hug a girl for the first time in my life even without any special feelings between us.

Suddenly, without realizing it, my hand gently stroked Katia's hair.

"Hah! "

"Why?" I asked.

"N-nothing", Katia replied with a heavy breath.

I was a little worried about her, because her breath seemed to be panting again. I let go of my hug, then my hand immediately touched Katia's face to confirm it and 'uh... she's crying?' There were tears flowing from her eyes with a half-smiling face. 'Why is she crying? Did I do something wrong?'.

Katia then spoke in a panicked tone, " hahaha ... sorry Rey, I am really weak ... suddenly my tears flowed when you rubbed my head, I don't know why myself."

Katia said it while wiping away tears and turning her face away like she was trying to maintain her mature attitude, 'ah...she must have been alone for a long time', I thought. Katia's words just now made a feeling inside me explode and excite.

I don't know what this feeling is, 'what is pity? Or empathy?' I don't know, but for sure now I want to treat the feeling of loneliness even a little. Then my body unconsciously moved on its own and hugged Katia back.

"Eh ... Rey?" said Katia in a surprised tone.

"Didn't you say you wanted the warmth of a father?" I said as I hugged Katia.

"Haha, like you're not the only one Rey!"

"Yes, indeed ... I don't know why myself, my body seems to move on its own, let's just say this is the last hug from me."

"Okay," said Katie.

After that no words came out of our mouths, we hugged each other sharing the warmth of the cold blind morning stinging the skin. From the beginning what we did was not out of a romantic feeling, but a desire from the bottom of Katia's heart, and I obeyed for various reasons. I don't know what Katia has been through and what she's been through before she worked at the convenience store at the moment, but I hope ... what I'm doing now can make her better, even if it's just a little.

Then… as we were both swept away in the warmth, I slowly closed my eyes. Because of this atmosphere now my consciousness is slowly fading, without me realizing it ... I fell fast asleep in Katia's arms with serenity filling my body and soul.

️

A new morning has begun. I opened my eyes and I saw a girl in front of me.

"Eh!"

Yes, I'm hugging a girl. 'Calm down me' ... try to remember what happened last night, if I'm not mistaken ... we hugged each other for some reason, yes ... that's what happened. But now, what should I do? I'm really confused about the current situation. Should I wake her up and act like nothing happened? Hmm... no-no, that's clearly disrespectful. But seriously what should I do?

I was thinking about what to do when suddenly Katia's voice called out to me, "Rey, are you awake?"

"Y-yes, I just woke up." I answered and immediately released my hug.

When I let go of my embrace, Katia's face was smiling gracefully. Now I'm thinking, did I manage to make her mood better?

"Ray...."

"Yes?"

"Thank you, for everything," Katia said with her hand gently touching my head.

"Yeah...you're welcome, by the way why are you touching my head?"

"Hmm... I just realized, didn't I say 'think of me as your mother' last night?, but in fact I'm the one you hugged... isn't that unfair?"

"So you mean you want to hug me now?"

"Yes, so that everything is fair," said Katia and her hand quickly pulled me to her chest.

"K-katia! What are you doing...."

I was shocked with wide eyes, I could hear Katia's heartbeat, and more than that 'what is this damn soft sensation!'. At first I thought she would hug me like usual, so I could imagine her as my mother, but if she hugs me to a pile of 'soft mountains' like this isn't that overkill and crosses a line? I really don't understand, if it's like this how can I imagine her like my mother.

Then when I was shocked and was in a situation that I couldn't control, suddenly my bedroom door opened.

Seen a woman came into my room and called me, "Hello ... Rey, are you ... awake? ... eh!"

I know that voice, it is the voice of a neighbor who has helped me a lot, her name is Maya. Now Maya's eyes were wide open, she was silent and surprised by what she saw.

"Ah... hello, from the sound of it... is this Sis maya?" I replied in a relaxed tone while being hugged by Katia.

I'm not surprised by this kind of thing, anyone will be surprised and will think that we have done taboo things, but come on ... we actually just did hugs, and of course we didn't do anything forbidden.

"S-sorry Rey... I heard someone fainted, but I think I'm interrupting."

Maya then immediately backed away and closed the door to my room.

After that, Katia let go of her hug and asked, "Rey... who was that woman from earlier?"

"Ah ... that woman's name is Maya, she is my neighbor".

"I see... seems like you two are close, does she have a relationship with you?" Katia asked in a serious tone.

"Emmm no no... if talking about her being close to me maybe it's because of her friendly nature, she is a person who has helped me a lot, in the past Maya changed my father during difficult times and also seems to have special feelings for my father," I answered.

"Is that so? Thank goodness!" said Katia with a relieved face.

"Eh... what do you mean?"

What does the word 'thank goodness' mean? Damn, my brain now thinking of various possibilities because she seems to be interrogating me, I also just realized that last night he also interrogated me about Mrs. Rika.

"I mean, thank goodness the woman who helped your father was a good woman," she replied.

So I see, now I feel guilty for thinking something wrong.

Katia then continued, "By the way, it's noon, I have to go to work."

"Okay, I'll take you!"

Katia immediately got up from my bed and got ready to go to work, I also immediately got up and got ready. Because Sis Maya came to my house today, it means that she came to prepare breakfast. I really thank her, I think now I should treat her like a mother, considering the many things she has done for me and dad.

And now, on this peaceful sunny morning I feel like I've been born again. I who have considered sleeping as a routine of torture because I always have nightmares, now I feel as if my weight has been reduced, because I didn't experience the nightmare when I hugged Katia.

< to be continued >