Traved In The Void

Stuck in hell days and encounters

I will repeat again. There's one thing I've always believed in.

"If you make the wrong choice, your life will be filled with dark clouds."

Yes... just from a wrong choice, it can turn into a 'vicious' circle.

Words are "killing machines", and many people don't know that.

"One word can destroy a person's life and one word can change a person."

They don't know... if the words they spoke to me, would echo in their heads when they closed their eyes to sleep.

I've come to think that "sleeping is torture" and "waking up is the worst."

Before going to sleep, the words 'they' always stabbed into my head and when I fell asleep, the nightmares of my past always haunted me.

It's all I go through every night, and honestly... I can't get used to it, because... I'm just

ordinary people.

If we consider the nightmare "rice", I have eaten it every day and lived it with resignation.

Until one day I met ....

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My eyes opened and looked up at the ceiling of the house that I was used to seeing, this morning the sunlight really gave me a warm feeling, like giving me encouragement to face the world today.

"Ahhh… good morning, bitter truth."

I threw those words at myself aimlessly, and immediately got up.

After I was fully aware and looked at the clock showing 06.31, I rushed to take a shower and then immediately put on my school clothes to go to school.

My name is Rey, I'm 18 years old, sitting in the second grade of high school in the second semester. The distance to school is quite far, about five kilometers. I travel by motorbike and in the morning I usually deviate first to the mini market that I often go to to buy cigarettes.

Entering the minimarket, "One pack of 'M' filter black cigarettes."

I asked an employee for a pack of cigarettes with his face turned to the side as if he was used to it.

"Ok, wait a minute!"

The female employee swiftly took a pack of cigarettes and then gave it to me, I didn't see her face clearly but at a glance for some reason I thought she smiled a little at me. It didn't take long for me to pay for the cigarettes and get out.

After leaving the mini market, I immediately rushed to the usual smoking area in the morning, the place was on the edge of the mini market.

Here you can see only stretched walls, piles of trash and dead ends.

"This atmosphere... is indeed the best."

I leaned my body against the wall, took a cigarette and soon after I realized that there was no lighter in my pocket.

"Oh shit!"

After complaining about the loss of my lighter, suddenly heard

the door beside me opened.

Out of curiosity... I also saw the origin of the voice, soon after saw a minimarket employee carrying a plastic bag full of garbage in both hands, she then threw the garbage into the pile of garbage in front of the door, and was silent for a moment.

The woman seemed to be sighing as if she was letting out a load, then she was fumbling in her pocket like she was looking for something… and sure enough, it looked like she was taking the same 'M' filter black cigarette as me. Calmly, the employee took a cigarette and then burned it, smoked it with her eyes closed, and let the smoke out of her mouth with a gesture of enjoyment.

When I looked again, it turned out that she was the employee who had served me buying cigarettes, when I looked again I gasped and realized how charming she was. The employee was wearing a shop uniform, an employee hat, hair tied in a pony tail, and a very beautiful face that made me dumbfounded when I looked at her.

From my point of view, it's like seeing a film actress with the atmosphere described as enjoying a cigarette smoke, followed by a calm mood.

When I bought cigarettes just now I didn't see what her face looked like because at that time I was daydreaming and relaxed. Then all of a sudden she looked at me which surprised me.

"What's wrong?" asked the clerk.

"Emmmm... no, it's just that I lost my match," I replied with a sour face.

"Hmmm."

She was silent for a moment, looked at me while tilting her face, then walked towards me with calm footsteps.

When she was in front of me she suddenly... 'H-hey, what the hell! I said those words in my heart because the atmosphere I was feeling right now made me both shocked and fluttered. The woman approached me then slowly her right hand touched the back of my head, pulled it closer to her face, then followed by her left hand joining our cigarettes so that the cigarette in my mouth burned.

"Suck it," said the officer.

I was lost in thought because this atmosphere was a dream, immediately pulled back to reality and realized, then sucked it slowly. After my cigarette burned, I smoked again seriously until I felt calm and warmth inside my body thanks to this cigarette.

"You surprised me!" I threw a small sentence.

"Really?

"Yeah, why did you do that?"

Emmm… somehow I want to do it, like I want you to give me a good first impression." He said while leaning his body against the wall.

"Huh? someone else will run away like a rat if it's not me!"

"Hahaha, you like joking huh?"

She laughed lightly then continued, " ... maybe you're right, if it was someone else maybe that person would run away or get nervous. But strangely you keep calm hahaha! ... ummm forget about that, by the way has smoking here become a your habit?"

She spoke and asked as if we were meeting for the first time, come to think of it actually it's my first time seeing her, could she be a new employee? Yes ... looks like a new employee.

"Erm, yes, this has been my habit since the first grade of high school, you know... like I want to forget for a moment the burden of schoolwork and prepare myself mentally to face the harshness of the social world." I answered and also leaned against the wall.

"Hmmm I understand, those times are tough and every thing you do will determine the response of the people around you."

I was suddenly shocked to hear her words, she spoke as if she was telling her past, right now I think whatever I talk about her she will respond as an adult, well ... after looking around again she is a mature girl and a lot of experience, although I rather worried about the condition of her face which is a bit 'pale'.

"That's right... for example if there is an ordinary student and there is also a 'super student', where he has a circle and then gets along well with all the students in his class. One time the ordinary student did something but was hated by the super student... so if you have hatred, in the future whatever the ordinary student does will look wrong in the eyes of the super student," I said.

The woman just listened with a serious face as I explained my argument.

I continued my argument, "Then ironically, in the future it is certain that ... his school life will be unlucky, bullied, and talked about behind the back of a normal student by all his classmates."

"Super disciple? Hahahaha!"

She laughed again then continued, "I'm sorry I know you didn't mean to be joking and actually meant it, but for some reason I wanted to laugh when I heard the word 'super student' earlier."

"Relax, if you think about it, it seems that the phrase 'super student' sounded very strange," I replied with a sour face.

This moment, this second, this moment, somehow feels very comfortable to me, I find myself enjoying a relaxing moment with this female employee beside me.

"Is that what you're going through?"

He asked and I immediately gulped, I was silent for a moment trying to keep my composure.

"No, you know... that's a classmate's story!" I threw in the classic excuse.

"Hmmm?"

She let out a doubtful tone and briefly looked into my eyes.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, by the way why is your face pale? And your eyes are like someone who's been up all night." I calmly changed the subject.

"Owh ... yes you're right, I didn't stay up late, but rather I couldn't sleep and I didn't even sleep last night."

"Why!?" I asked in a serious tone.

"I've had a lot of trouble and umm, have you ever heard of overthingking? It's a common thing that people experience in their 20s. When you try to close your eyes to sleep and want to rest, all that comes to mind is-"

Before she could continue her words, there was the sound of the door next to us opening, from the door a man of average height, serious face with tan skin ... who seemed to be the manager of the convenience store. The person turned to look at us, but before he could look the female employee quickly stubbed out her cigarette.

"Oi, what are you doing, the new employee?"

I don't know how I feel or what, but it seems like he's angry to see this woman with me.

"Oh manager, no... I'm just answering this kid's question about the store discount this afternoon."

Hey... you easily diverted the problem and brought me into it. But, I guess I don't mind because at first it was my fault that I lost the match.

"Oh I see ... hurry in, you came out to pile up the garbage right? It's been 15 minutes, come in and serve customers again," said the manager.

The manager with an annoyed face came in again after saying that, then suddenly the employee approached and whispered in my ear.

"It will be continued later~."

Ehhh? I don't know what the meaning and purpose of her words were, I tried to be calm when she did that, my heart said 'damn, what the hell is she!.'

"Ok, we'll continue," I answered briefly without knowing what he meant.

The woman then turned and walked towards the entrance, but she stopped in the middle of the road and turned back to me.

"Take this!", she threw his lighter at me.

I just caught him.

She continued, "give it to me when we meet again, I'll be waiting for you here at 18:00."

I nodded and reflexively said the words I wanted to say.

"Anu...."

"Hmm?" she tilted his face

"What's your name?"

She smiled warmly and chanted his name in a gentle voice.

"Katia."

It's a very beautiful name to hear, from his name and attitude to me, I can feel the warmth.

After saying her name, she asked back, "Then your name?"

I also feel like for some reason smile a little and say my name.

"My name is Rey, nice to meet you Katia."

"Yeah... nice to meet you Rey and see you later."

She turned towards the door of the convenience store and disappeared after entering it.

Now, I'm just speechless over what just happened, I didn't expect this morning I'd meet someone that caught my eye, my instincts were like telling Katia to have "something", and it really made me curious about her for some reason.

Then, realizing that the cigarette I was smoking was almost finished, I immediately looked at my watch, the time showed 07:16. After that I got ready and went to my motorbike to continue the journey to school.

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Arriving at school, I put my motorcycle where I usually park, 'the end is the best place'. The students were seen one by one entering the school gates with various expressions as far as the eye could see.

I rushed to class with a relaxed foot rhythm. You know? When it comes to school, there is a rumor at this school about a boy trying to "rape" a school idol, it's a rumor that really makes people angry, right? It said the rumor was like 'a student's girlfriend named Marie tried to rape her' something like that, and somehow I wanted to erase that rumor from my memory for some reason.

When I arrived in class the atmosphere was a little hot and I saw the confused looks of some students like trying not to look at me, it was also seen that the students formed circles as usual, there were women who formed circles with other women, or mixed circles of men and women, well.. This is the usual class scene for me, not caring and not thinking about the hot atmosphere earlier I rushed to my desk.

When I walked in the classroom to my desk, there were three men who approached me, I know one of them, his name is 'Rein'. Rein who led the group of three people approached me followed by his two friends and suddenly the whole class noticed him, when Rein was in front of me he immediately lifted my collar.

"Oiii... trash like you just makes our class dirty!" said Rein while looking into my eyes.

He said that with a defiant tone and face, I who looked calm on the outside but hot on the inside replied.

"Haaa ... what do you mean!?" I replied with a challenging tone as well.

This situation made the atmosphere of the class even more heated, and silence filled the whole class, if you want a clear picture, a student named Rein lifted my collar and threw mocking words in a defiant tone like a lion ready to eat its prey, he has the posture who is the same as me and well...you could say he's a thug in this class.

"This morning, when my two friends bought books at the mini market, they said they saw you buy a pack of cigarettes and then went to the side of the mini market, I already guessed that if you must smoke there, do you want to be a champion and be considered cool huh? Trash!"

He said that while maintaining a defiant tone, anyway he said 'want to be considered cool?' 'Hey... what's so cool? I just smoke there, are you jealous? Or maybe there is another reason? I thought, processing Rein's words.

"Then, is that your business... I've been smoking cigarettes for almost two years beside the convenience store?"

Rein's eyes opened wide, silent for a moment and I think he was looking for words to reply to my sentence.

"Obviously you bastard, you ruined our class's reputation and you-"

Before Rein could continue, a girl's voice filled the class.

"Enough!"

The one who got into the bickering between two men and stopped them was the class president named Marie, or should I call it my "ex" whom I was rumored to have tried to rape her in the first place.

< to be continued >