An angel’s road to hell

30. Of the past, the present and a little bit of symbiosis (2)

Ahri Arete

I enjoyed the warmth for a while before I pulled back to answer their questions, as well as I could. I didn’t get far though, as soon as my parents saw my face up close they seemed taken back: “Ahri, what happened to your eyes? They are green!” My mother took my face into her hands. “Wow, they are beautiful. That must have been one amazing hunt.” So, there I stood in the middle of a burned part of the forest, dagger and fang in hand, my clothes torn and dirty and apparently my eyes had changed colour. By the great fox, what was going on?

“I… I don’t know. I can’t remember much, I hid myself in a tree and waited for the wolf”, I pointed to the remains, charred and burned as they were, “to pass close by on its way to the river. I jumped it but then… I just can’t say, the next thing I knew was when I woke up over there and heard you shouting my name.” I pointed to the spot where I had regained consciousness and my father and his friend, Wilbert, strode over to investigate. My other and Anna, Wilbert’s wife were more interested in me, my second tail and my changed eye colour. I was bursting with curiosity myself but I simply had no clue what it could mean. We talked for a bit before the others joined us again, they hadn’t found much, but the place where my dagger had been buried in the earth and they became quite sure the flames that had ravaged the forest had originated form the very same spot. The fire had consumed every other trace.

Since nothing seemed amiss and I was apparently fine except for the change to my eyes, the adults soon stopped their search and congratulated me wholeheartedly on my second tale. It felt somehow shallow because I couldn’t remember how I had gotten it, but I still relished in their approval.

“We should head back to the village”, my father said after a while, “I think I remember stories about physical changes during the first hunt, you know, the kind Nana always tells around the campfire at night. You have to visit her anyways, Ahri, you successfully completed your task after all.” He smiled a little when he surveyed the destruction around, “even though not in the most conventional fashion. Can you walk, little one?”

“I’m feeling great, honestly. More shaken than anything else.” To prove it I jumped up and down for a moment before I turned towards our home. “Shall we? I’m itching to know if Nana can shed some light on what I did.”

Our small procession reached our valley quickly, no animal was stupid enough to challenge four adult kitsune. The forest around us grew thicker and the snow in the treetops became thinner the nearer we came. The magic imbued into our homes, especially the great oak at the centre, provided for us. The cold and dark winter forest slowly changed until it resembled a lush, green glen in early spring. No blossoms covered the ground but birds and little animals still scattered around the underbrush despite the season. The trees remained in full colour all year long and small ponds and tiny creeks, their surfaces steaming in the crisp air, made me feel like I was walking through an enchanted world. Which wasn’t too far from the truth.

When we passed the last trees, a verdant valley sprawled before us. A river ran through, watering the trees in the middle. They were set in a circle around the oak, which rose into the sky with its impressive height of over 100 meters. The trees around it were a mixture of pine and fir, each one carrying a house on its large branches. It was long past midday and the valley was bustling with subdued activity. My initiation called for a feast and most of our community were busy preparing food and beverages, setting tables and chairs or finishing one piece of artwork or the other, all of which would be presented during tonight’s ceremony. The kitsune went about their tasks anxiously but that changed as soon as we exited the forest. They had, of course, heard that my parents and their closest friends had gone looking for me when I hadn’t returned after 4 hours and everybody was worried something might have happened to me.

While we walked towards the oak, grandmother, as the matriarch of our clan, lived in a treehouse hidden in the canopy, the other kitsune dropped whatever they were doing and greeted me exuberantly, my little sister Emilia was the first to reach us and threw her hands around me in an impressively fierce hug for someone so small. “Ahri, I was so worried! Where have you been? Wow you changed your eye colour, can I do that, too? And you have a second tail?! When did that happen?” I had to reiterate the story, twice, until every last one present had heard enough to satisfy their curiosity.

Wilbert and Anna left us soon after to join their own children and the rest went back to preparing the feast. Our family headed for the oak but before we reached its gnarled roots, grandmother already came towards us, apparently alarmed by the hustle our arrival had instigated. She struck an imposing figure, her five tails fanning out behind her as she walked and the grey highlights in her fur reflected the light, making it look like she wore bands of molten silver. As was custom my family stayed back while I approached her and lowered my head:

“Matriarch, I have returned and fulfilled my task. I bring you the fangs of a forest wolf which I slew with my own hands. Please accept this token as a sign of my commitment to our clan.” I offered the fangs to her on my outstretched palms, but she didn’t take them. Instead she pulled me into her embrace and whispered into my ear: “I am glad to see you again kiddo, I have been worried sick when you didn’t return in time.” She released me, took the fangs and said to all of us: “ I can see your hunt was eventful, but you succeeded none the less. I accept your gift. Welcome to your new life, Ahri Arete. Join me now, there is much to talk about.” At first I had been surprised she hadn’t commented on my second tail or my eyes, but when she turned around and headed back towards the oak I felt certain I had seen a shimmer of moisture in her eyes and her mouth had been drawn into a tight line. Something wasn’t right but I imagined I’d hear all about it in a moment.

I waved my family off, they were staring after Nana with incredulous faces, they hadn’t missed her reaction either. “I’ll see you later. I should better hurry and find out why she’s so upset.” I rushed after her into the shadows below the oak. Steps circled the trunk and we soon found ourselves far above the trees. The view was stunning. To the south the island soon dropped away and my gaze could wander to the endless horizon. To the north the forest sprawled as far as I could see, slowly rising along the mountain ridges and dropping into deep crevices. To the east I could faintly see smoke coming form the distant mine, the dark clouds above the only sign I could discern. To the west, the river that ran through our village fed into a lake, steely blue under the winter sky.

We reached the top of the trunk and came to a small, flat space where the branches fanned off into the crown. A sleek, two story structure of wood and clay laid in the shadows beneath rustling leafs. A faint wisp of smoke curled from the chimney and I could smell different herbs that had been burned in the fire. Out of breath and sweating I hurried after Nana who had taken the steep ascent in stride. She reached the door and placed her hand on an intricately designed enchantment, carved into the middle. Two concentric circles were aligned around a set of stars and rectangles, each drawn in a different colour with gems adorning the points. Soundlessly the signs lit up and the door opened inwards. Without missing a beat Nana strode through and I followed into her realm of herbs, crystals and dreams.

The ground floor of her hut consisted of a single room, rectangular with huge windows on two sides. In front of the third wall a huge fire place with cushions around it provided warmth and a steady stream of fragrant smoke that curled up into the chimney. Every spare centimetre was crammed with cupboards, chests and small tables covered in scrolls, herbs and shimmering crystals. I could smell rosemary, thyme and something earthy, my eyes began to water and I became slightly lightheaded, breathing in he thick air. Besides the fireplace a ladder led up to the first floor. I had never been up there but I thought I’d find a small bedroom, a bathroom, a library and a studio if I snooped around.

With a heavy sigh Nana pushed herself into a huge cushion close to the fire. I closed the door and joined her, sitting down opposite from her. Silence stretched between us while she scrutinised me. I started to feel uncomfortable and squirmed a little. Her stare became warm and full of compassion which made the situation even worse.

“Little one, can you tell me what happened? Leave nothing out, even the smallest detail is important.” I didn’t hesitate, glad that I didn’t have to endure the silence any longer and told her what she wanted to know. I spoke about the old wolf and how I had decided to ambush it on the way to the river. How I had snuck into a tree and waited and how I couldn’t remember anything of the fight. I described the aftermath, the burned trees and the charred corpse and how I had been found by my parents. I ended with:

“There is something else, I didn’t tell anyone about it yet, not even my parents. My memory isn’t completely blank, there is an image, clear as day. If I close my eyes I’ll see a small kitsune, a babe even, but she is different. She has glowing silver eyes, they don’t reflect the light, they shimmer from within and two silvery tails. I can see her face as clearly as I see you in front of me now. She’s beautiful, with raven black hair and large ears, covered in silver fur. I… I feel like I know her but yet I don’t. I can’t say who she is, only that she is important to me and that I have to find her. Find and protect her. I don’t even now from what or whom,” I finished with a self-reprimanding  chuckle.

She was silent for a moment and than fumbled an ancient looking pendant from the depth of her robes. It was a carved ruby, exquisitely formed into a double set of wings. Wordlessly she gestured for me to hold it and as soon as it touched my hand the ruby started to glow in a flickering light. Nana’s response, when it finally came, wiped the lingering mirth off my face faster than a punch to the kidneys:

“Oh kiddo, I’m so sorry, you have been touched.” She looked upon me kindly but I could see a spark of grief dancing in the depth of her gaze. “I always thought I’d go to my grave having told this story to no one but my successor, but alas, the Nornir say different. Listen closely little one, for what happened to you is the highest honour any one of us could receive. But,” she reached for me and put her hand on my shoulder: “it comes at a price. And now it’s time for me to tell you the biggest secret of the Arete family.” I would have thought she was joking if I hadn’t known her better. What was she on about? She retraced her hand and entwined it with the other in front of her stomach, her typical story teller pose.

“Long, Long ago, before the sun and the moon and the stars there was only darkness. But from the darkness rose light and life, as this is the natural state of the universe: chaos and creation in all its glory. In the beginning life was free and unbound, ever changing it filled the cosmos and brought meaning to an otherwise empty place.

But than they came, gods, older than life, maybe even older than chaos itself, they saw what the universe had created and they became envious for the one thing they couldn’t do was breath life into existence. Their envy made them petty and from pettiness came the urge to meddle, to change, to impose their will onto the newborn beings.

They tempered with different species, gruesome abominations and broken shells were their only reward until they dug deeper. ‘Life comes from the universe itself so the universe is what we must change’ they reasoned. And thus they started to bend and change the inner most laws that govern our existence. Failure was guaranteed and they left a sea of corpses in their wake but still they persisted and after aeons, success came to nine of them.

9 progenitors, who were anchored in the very essence of the universe, opened their eyes. Each one represented a different aspect of the mortal realm, from greed to valour but they couldn’t coexist. A terrible war, the first war, broke out and ravaged the universe. Every single one of the nine clans perished, but the youngest. Created with the strive for perfection in mind, we, the Arete family, didn’t participate. War, our ancestors said, is an expression of inferiority, fearing one’s own ideals wouldn’t stand up to comparison and vanish over time in peaceful coexistence. They tried to flee but wherever they turned, soon the drums of battle and the banners of the 8 other armies would overtake them. In the end they were tired and lost, prepared to finally make a stand and die alongside their ill guided cousins. And that was when she found them, the lady Aurora came to our ancestors and offered salvation. ‘I’ll take you from this place, I’ll see to it that you will spread across the cosmos and that you can live out your dreams. But as always kindness comes at a price. I want your word, your very binding oath, that when the time comes and I shall call upon one of your clan, you will surrender them willingly. They will no longer be yours but mine, bound to whatever task I might see fit to charge them with. They will no longer be part of your family but exiles, bound to my will by your oath until I should release them.” With a flash of pain in my lower back images flooded my mind and I toppled over. I saw a blurry figure, 4 fiery wings behind her and I heard a silky voice: “you’re not mine but me, always remember that!”

Numb and withdrawn I sat near the prow of a trader’s airship, staring onto the ocean far below. I saw the back of a giant whale pierce the surface and return to the depth without a trace. I had lost my home, my family, everything I knew but I wouldn’t cry. I felt detached from all that had happened, only my continuously growing desire to head south towards someone I had never met before was left. Who was that little fox I had seen? A toddler, similar to Emilia but with glowing silvery eyes which reminded me so much of… I couldn’t say. I was sure I knew her better than everyone else but it felt like I had only met her in my dreams, the recollections hazy and scattered, all I knew was that I had to reach her, to protect her, that was my task, the role I had to play. For whatever reason, she felt more important to me than even my little sister Emilia.

With a sigh I pulled out my dagger and stared into the unfamiliar green eyes of my reflection and the three tails wagging behind me. Whom had I become?

7 years later

After Cassy had come to my rescue during the trial, I passed out. But it wasn’t a peaceful darkness that awaited me but a myriad of fractured memories that assaulted my senses and threw me into a whirlwind of disconnected scenes, emotions and guilt. For the first time in seven years I remembered what had happened before my initiation. I remembered the wolf and my death and also the ghostly figure that had visited me. I remembered her… my name: Aurora. And I relived parts of my former life.