Cultivator Battle Royale

Chapter 1

Xing Wenghu turned to his training regime with a fervor. He could not shake the feeling that out there was someone who, through her unrelenting efforts, would soon come to beat him as bad as a young master in an average cultivation novel.

In the front of his mind, he recalled every moment with his previous love and the vile jade beauty who had betrayed him. These memories kept him from giving his all in his training.

Every day he kept saying "Tommorow...I'll just train tomorrow" and not doing anything relevant with himself.

A sea of guilt raged within Xing Wenghu, encroaching on him with each passing day. But despite the gnawing guilt that tugged at him constantly, he remained determined to stay lazy. He laid around all day, watching TV and endlessly scrolling through social media feeds on his phone.

No matter how hard he tried, Xing could never seem to find the motivation to train. His attempts would always end in failure as he struggled to lift even a single weight or do a single pushup.

 

Frustrated and dejected, Xing gave up completely. He wallowed in defeat as his body grew flabby and soft from all the hours of slothful inaction.

"My body is weak! I must do something, or else I shall surely court death!!"

One day, he stood outside. This would be a famous event in the mind of Xing Wenghu. The famous touching of the grass! One that many internal cultivators, who had failed the tribulation of moving out of the parents house could rarely achieve!

Xing Wenghu took a deep breath of awe and wonder, before getting to work immediately. He prepared to train intensely outside ,despite his struggles with motivation.

Xing Wenghu's mother on the other hand was ecstatic to see her son had been entered successfully into the Cultivator Battle Royale.

Finally this useless fuck was going to do something with his life!

Xing Wenghu's mother despised how lazy her son had been. She had showered him with money, all the foods and gifts he wanted and everything a young man could possibly desire.

Yet he had done nothing aside from lazing around and partying. But now it seemed like her son had finally grown up, and was ready to take on the world. As she watched Wenghu try to train for the upcoming competition, she saw that he had no idea what he was doing.

He kept tripping over his own feet, or falling down at random intervals in the middle of his training.

His mother laughed gleefully as she secretly cheered him on, loving the sight of her goofy son struggling to do something with his life for once.

Perhaps this competition would help him find himself and do something truly meaningful with his life, she thought to herself.

But despite all his efforts, Wenghu could never seem to get it right. Through sheer determination and practice, he slowly but surely started to improve.

As time went on, he became faster, stronger, and more coordinated than ever. His mother watched in amazement as her son grew into a skilled martial artist before her very eyes, finally accomplishing something of worth in the world.

At least, that was what she wanted to believe.

In reality, Xing was bumbling around horribly. Every form he conjured an insult to every martial artist in existence!

"My son tries so hard, but he cultivates the Dao of the Dumbass!" Xing Wenghus mother cried to herself, unable to stand much more of Xing Wenghu's stupidity.

One particular day during his training, Xing really screwed up. He was supposed to be practicing his forms, but he instead slapped at the air like a wild orangutan. He stopped midway, attempting to think of what to do next.

"Hm...Should I do the Nine Yang Ultimate Formation? Or the Seven Kun Lin KamehameNah?" Xing Wenghu concentrated deep in his thoughts, something only a immortal sage of himself was capable of.

His mother could not take the sight any longer, she was so embarassed and ashamed she began to cry. "Oh Celestial Deities, please cure my son of being a dumbass! Please! I'll do anything! Anything!" Manhua was like a plague on Xing Wenghu's mind, she regretted deeply letting him read those damned internet comics.

Xing Wenghu heard his mother cry, and tried to ignore her. "Hmph. What a useless woman! She is only wasting my time while I am thinking!" The loud wailing of his mother however, caused Xing Wenghu to feel guilt inside. He immediately began to speak to here in an apologetic tone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he repeated over and over again like a mantra. Nothing could guilt a son worse than the crying of his mother, even an immortal like Xing!

"Shut up!" his mother screamed at him. "Just shut up! You're nothing but a disappointment! You'll never amount to anything!" Xing Wenghu's mother shouted, crying and running back to the house. She felt like a fool for believing in Xing Wenghu learning his lesson.

Xing Wenghu clenched his fist, "How shameless am I! I have to change! A man doesn't make his mother cry like that!!!" Xing Wenghu prepared a dramatic declaration to the sky, as if rising in power from merely screaming the words like a true protagonist.

However, all Xing Wenghu kept doing was being a lazy motherfucker, refusing to actually dedicate time to any form of cultivation or meaningful achievements in his life.

As Xing Wenghu lay on his bed, munching on a piece of hard candy and enjoying the sweet, sugary taste, his mother decided to have some words with him. She was not happy with her son's progress.

While everyone else's children moved on to achieve grander things, or to join a sect of some kind or to do just about anything with their lives.. Xing Wenghu's mother was truly in a hell of her own!

However, Xing Wenghu only shoo'd her away. He immediately went back to reading his Manhua's instead of doing anything productive. She sighed, losing any sense of hope for her son.

Xing Wenghu's mother had to deal with seeing her annoying son all day, lazing around the house and deciding not to cultivate. Even worse than this was that Xing Wenghu had no idea what he wanted his future to look like. She strongly believed that he would go forth in life and be a great failure at everything due to his lack of drive, ambition, or sense.

Her only remaining hope was that Xing would still get his ass kicked in the Cultivator Battle Royale. She knew that he had been becoming more and more of a lazy, pathetic, delusional loser as the years had gone by, and she hoped that a good ass kicking would knock him down a peg and get him to finally mature.

Xing had not even been given a choice in the matter. He needed to win the tournament, because he was the worst fighter in his family besides his grandfather. Him being so trash, only made him the most qualified!. But now? Only the beating of the ass could save him. His fate would be decided in the Cultivator Battle Royale.

Where he would either get his ass beat hard enough to make him stop being delusional. Or he would get rich, successful and make his mother proud. Xing Wenghu's mother decided to be extra nice to him in the time that she had left with him before he was taken away by the Cultivation Battle Royale officials.

She had to leave a great impression on him, so he wouldn't forget her if he won.

It was only a few days left before then. "Oh joy, the Heaven's will take that stupid boy away from me!"

Xing Wenghu's mother was in such a good mood, finally he would be gone. She could enjoy all the time away from him to herself for once.

Right now she was preparing his favorite chicken tenders to take up to his room, Xing Wenghu excitedly ran downstairs to retrieve them instead. "Thank you mother, I shall eat this well!"

Just as quickly as he had come down, Xing Wenghu ran up with his food. "Just a few more days... Just a few more days..." Xing Wenghu's mother whispered to herself. Xing Wenghu ate his meal at the speed of sound. He was going to need to recover the power and experience he had in his former life.

Luckily, Manhua were written based on real people, just not Xing Wenghu.

He had read enough of them to know all of the techniques he needed to bring to the Cultivator Battle Royale. Taking more than a few hours of his day, Xing Wenghu had mastered all of the techniques he needed to bring to the Cultivator Battle Royale.

He stood in front of his mirror, facing it and practicing his dramatic catch phrases and techniques. "Courting Death!?!?!?!" Xing Wenghu shouted, before preforming a precisely aggressive finger poke against his mirror. This in turn would cause a great tragedy from within his soul.

As Xing Wenghu broke his finger from the force he used to press it against the mirror. He twisted it, looking down at his finger with sadness and pain.

"AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He screamed, his mother taking a deep breath. "Not again..." Xing Wenghu clutched his finger in pain, trying to use his ancient twenty bone technique to resettle the finger back to normal.

"This daoist must burn atleast five years of his internal energy to set it right! But I must recover, for the battle royale!"

Xing Wenghu concentrated his "Qi" and aggressively shoved his finger back into place. However, in the process he broke another finger which elicited a second loud scream.

"I hate this fucking kid..."

Meanwhile, in a land far far away. A mysterious figure was training in the forest.

Several wooden dummies were laid around him. He brandished his blade, concentrating on the sheer edge of his soul and projecting it outward. All of the dummies one by one began to split in half, as if slashed perfectly by the sword.

Yet the figure had not made a single movement, nay it was by pure edginess that he slashed everything around him. Even the blades of grass were neatly trimmed by his edge.

"Hmph. This will do. I swear by my honor, I will avenge the Yubiha Clan in the Cultivator Battle Royale as Nakuke!!!!" He shouted to the woods, having to finish at-least 1 dramatic scream in solitude before resuming his training again.