Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56I see.
Miyamoto Sota.
He knew me.
I didn’t know him.
He went to the same school I went to. I went to the same school he did. But I didn’t know him. Though he knew me.
That means.
That meant.
That could only mean.
He knew about my past.
My past. My dark past. My twisted past. A past I have left behind. A past that still haunts me. A past that is a part of me. A past that tells who I am. A past that shows what I am. A past where I ruined lives. My own life. Those girls’ lives. Everyone’s lives. I ruined. I destroyed. I broke. I sinned. I regretted. I didn’t regret it at all. Those girls. Those people. I don’t care about them. But, they care about me.
Miyamoto said.
“I hate you.”
Yes.
They hate me.
I am indifferent but not them.
They are human. Unlike me.
Previous Chapter
Related Chapters
How My Life Was Ruined 058: Questions and Answers
What had transpired in the classroom had reached far and wide.The students in the whole school started hating me. Whenever I passed by, they will give me disgusted looks and say mean things to my face. They cursed me on my face.Some even threatened me. Some beat me up to. I didn’t retaliate. I just faced that one-sided beating without uttering a single word. I can't even remember the number of times I have passed out. It was my punishment. For having hope. For trying to divert from my original goal. This made me realize that I was a bad person. Which I was aware of already.The case had reached far enough that the old hag had called me to her office.Without knocking, I went inside the big wooden door.The director was not in her seat. She was resting her upper body on the large, wooden table facing the door as if she had been waiting for me.“Sorry for making you wait.”“What’s this ruckus with Shizuku
How My Life Was Ruined 059: I Wasn't Running Away
The light from the street lamps faintly illuminated my face. There were some small creatures flying around that light for whatever reason.“She hasn’t called me for a while now, has she?”The last time we talked was about two weeks ago. After that, she hadn’t contacted me and I, because of things happening here and there, didn’t have time to think about calling her.I pulled out my phone and dialed the only eleven-digit number that I had memorized.Two rings later, she picked up.“Yo.”“Oh, it’s Kageyama. How are you doing?”“If you really wanted to know how I was doing maybe you should have called me?”“Aah, sorry, sorry. I have been busy lately with all this work and don’t even have the time to rest properly.”I heard the sound of a yawn from the other side.“Were you sleeping, perhaps?”
How My Life Was Ruined 060: The Sky Is Scary
Why was Tanaka here? In front of my house? And why did he look so angry?“What’s wrong, Tanaka?” I tried to sound normal.“Don’t give me that crap!” He shouted.It looked like he didn’t want to hear me say anything. He was clearly upset with me. But, I don’t know why. I don’t remember doing anything that will warrant his anger toward me. In the first place, I didn’t have much contact with him after I left the student council.“You…Who the hell do you think you are!?” He yelled. “Always doing whatever you want, always saying whatever you think, without any constraint, without thinking about others. You always keep bossing others around and not to mention butting in when you have absolutely no place and no right!”“Ah, you mean, the student council?”Ever since I first came, I knew that Tanaka didn’t like me. He had made that f
How My Life Was Ruined 061: In Common
When I opened my eyes, I saw a cute face. A cute face with big round eyes and short black hair was peering at my face. She was so close to my face that even her short hair was grazing my cheeks gently. “Umm…” With my eyes half-open, I spoke. My voice came out hoarser than I expected. “Oh? You awake?” She said, blinking her eyes in surprise. But, she didn’t move an inch. Her face was still over my face. I could see her big round eyes and my face reflected in those eyes. “It’s pretty bad, eh?” I brought my hand closer to my face. Instead of the usual soft touch, I felt a rough and porous sensation on touching my face. “Yes. It is pretty bad.” There was a bit of force in her voice. She was smiling though her eyes weren’t. “Why are you getting angry?” “I am not.” “Yes, you are.” “No.” “Yes.” “Stop pouting.” “I am not.” “Yes. You are.” “No.” “Listen here, first get your face off me. You are close. Like, uncomfortably so.” She suddenly held my head with her hands and brough
How My Life Was Ruined 062: Idolizing
When I went to the classroom, I attracted the looks of my classmates. Trying my best to ignore them, I got through the day.I was walking home. Even while walking, I attracted the attention of the passerby. I touched the bandage on my face.- Suddenly, the hair on my neck stood on end.“The pain has subsided,” I muttered to myself.It will probably heal within a week though I am worried about whether it would leave a scar or not. The wound wasn’t that deep but it wasn’t that light as well. I ended up losing consciousness after all.After Tanaka flew from the scene, the guards who came running after hearing the commotion took me to a nearby clinic where my wounds were treated.They asked me how I got those injuries and about the commotion they heard. But, I lied and said that I was feeling dizzy and when I fell down face-first after losing my consciousness, I got the injury. The guards looked doubtful of my ex
How My Life Was Ruined 063: Broken
I took the stairs and reached my floor. I inserted the key card and opened the door. I looked around inside the room. There was no one inside. I slowly walked to the sofa. There was no one sitting on the sofa. I placed my bag there. I was feeling thirsty. Taking stairs to reach the fourteenth floor in this heat had drained me of water and energy. I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and took out a canned drink. The can was cold to the touch. I placed the can against my neck and the coldness cooled off my brain and body. I pried open the can with a plop sound and gulped it down entirely. “Kage.” Did I just hear someone call my name? Inside my room? There was no one inside this room so no way anyone will call my name. “Auditory hallucinations.” Maybe the scorching heat was the reason for this. I need to be careful and not let the heat affect me. Someone poked my shoulders from behind. Did I just feel someone touching me? Inside my room? There was no one inside this room
How My Life Was Ruined 064: Past The Turning Point
“Kageyama-kun?”Her eyes wandered wildly inside her socket as if she were a skeleton. She looked at me, my hand, and the room again and again, frequently and rapidly.“What is this…?”Even though the scene was laid right in front of her, she wasn’t able to comprehend it. She couldn’t understand what could have caused such havoc, such destruction. It could only have been a monster.I – the monster who had ravaged this room – smiled at the unexpected visitor. “Oh, Nakamura. Did you have dinner? If not, how about eating together with me?”I jumped a little to clear the broken furniture in front. As I landed safely, Nakamura took two steps back. Did I do something? Puzzled, I looked at her. She was like a frightened little kitten. Shrinking away in fear while her eyes were fixed on my right hand. I followed her eyes and looked at my right hand as well.“Ah.”Then, I realized.“Sorry.”I threw the broken glass I had in my hand. As it made contact with the floor, it shattered into pieces a
How My Life Was Ruined 065: Pain, pain, go away
“I don’t like this.”This place that reeks of that woman and her deeds. This place. Full of nothing but whites. I don’t like this. It is in stark contrast to what I am; full of darkness. Pitch black. Being in the hospital makes me realize the difference between me and the world. And although we are complete opposites, I always find myself in this room.“Opposites attract, huh?”I slowly got up from the bed, supporting my weight with my hand.As I tried to sit upright, a pain shot up from my lower abdomen region. I raised the somewhat blue and somewhat green-looking hospital dress for the patients and looked at the source of the pain.“This looks bad.”There was a thick layer of bandage wrapped all over and traces of numerous cuts could be seen here and there. I looked around my body and found that many places in my body were wrapped in bandages. “This is worsening.”After every visit to the hospital, the graveness of my wounds and injuries keeps on getting worse. “Maybe I will die i
Latest Chapter
- How My Life Was Ruined
Afterword
If you are reading this afterword instead of reading the story, then, please go and read the story first! However, if you are here after following the gruesome journey and the end of Kageyama Kage, then, I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart to have given this novel a chance. Now, then, about this story. You know, we humans, are contradictory in nature. In the little things we do and speak, there is always a small contradiction there. We might fail to notice them, but it doesn't mean we don't contradict ourselves. Similarly, we humans, also go through our fair share of hardships and pain. It is inevitable. I have had my fair share of them and you all have too. This story, 'How My Life Was Ruined', is a story where the contradiction is exaggerated - no - overexaggerated and at the same time, I (being the overthinker I am) took the various problems people around me faced and converted it into a story. A story where we don't see a redemption arc. A story where all that await
- How My Life Was Ruined
130: The End And The Beginning
Furukawa Maya and Maki were in the Director’s room.The atmosphere was gloomy and heavy.No one said a word but they both knew what was on their minds.“So we failed to save him.” Maki was the one to say that sentence. She clenched her fists and bit her lips. She had failed to save the person her dear sister had been trying to protect. As a sister, she had failed to fulfill her duties and that realization left a bitter taste in her mouth.“No point in beating yourself over that. The moment Kaya died, everything was as good as hopeless.”That had been the last straw.Kaya had been the one to have held Kageyama down to this world. She had cast chains on him and shackled him. But when she died, the chains came off and he plunged to his doom.No, even after that, there was still a chance to save him. If not for the girl, Hayami. The girl that didn’t exist. The girl that never existed in the first place.“Hallucination, was it?” Maki spoke.After Kageyama’s death, the Director told her abo
- How My Life Was Ruined
129: After The End - III
Aina had been hurt by the news of Kageyama Kage's death.The shock was so much that when she first learned of the truth she ended up fainting on the spot.Even after regaining her consciousness, she hadn’t been able to stomach the truth. The fact that the one she had loved was no more in this world had left her unable to think of anything for a long while.She continued to think. Day and night without an ounce of sleep.Why? Why did Kageyama end his life? She knew why he did. She knew of his whole story. Any normal person would have ended his life long ago if they had had to go through such hardships and pain. The fact that Kage had managed to act like a normal person when he had such a heavy history dragging him down was nothing sort of miracle.But, still, there were many questions she wanted to know the answers to.Like, why did they allow Kageyama the opportunity to end his life?Hadn’t the Director assured her that they were trying to prevent that from happening? She had seen tha
- How My Life Was Ruined
128: After The End - II
The news of Kageyama’s death had saddened both Yamamoto and Ito.For Yamamoto, Kageyama had been a good friend. He even considered him his best friend. That was how much he trusted and not to mention admired him.Kageyama had been his savior. Crushed by the guilt that he hadn’t been able to save Yua back then and unable to take any action, he had already given up. The one who gave him the push to take action and make things right was none other than Kageyama. If he hadn’t come into his life, then he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. He would have most definitely remained frozen as always while he watched Yua suffer more and more every day and he kept lamenting. Kageyama was his hero. And so he was for Yua as well.Yamamoto knew that Yua was in love with Kageyama. Although he was hurt, he didn’t hate him. In fact, he thought it was inevitable that she falls in love with him. He had saved her from what seemed like an impossible situation. He had dragged her out of that muddy world
- How My Life Was Ruined
127: After The End - I
The news had made headlines across the country.No matter which channel Nakamura switched to, everywhere, it was the same news, the same grisly spectacle and the same pain of having lost someone important assaulted her.She shouldn’t have been surprised. He had tried to end his life once. It shouldn’t have been surprising that he would try to do the same. What was surprising was how short the interval between his attempted suicide and death was. She had expected the authorities to take some action to prevent that from happening and they did take action and kept him under surveillance but he had somehow managed to escape and end his life.She turned off the TV and sat on the floor facing the veranda.A cold wind blew and sent her hair flying. She looked to her right. There was no one.If he had been alive, he would probably be outside on the veranda.If he had been alive. But the fact was that he wasn’t.Nakamura knew that Kageyama had wanted to end his life. She always had thought tha
- How My Life Was Ruined
126: The End Of The Story
“Finally.”I muttered as I stood on the edge of the rooftop holding hands with Hayami.The cold wind ruffled our hairs.I was battered. Bruise covered my body here and there and there was also a gun wound on my lower leg. Hayami had ripped her skirt to tie it around my leg to prevent blood loss. Although I found it hilarious that she was trying to prevent the blood loss of someone who was going to die soon, I didn’t speak a word and let her do her work.“We can finally die.”Although I had wanted to go in a grand way, this was good in its own way. It gave me the adrenaline rush that made my spirit pump even more.Suicide?No.Don’t term what we are about to do with something as petty and cowardly as suicide.It was the only good thing that I was going to do ever in my life. Everyone should be overjoyed that I was about to remove a corrupt and wretched existence from this world.My life, not only was it meaningless, it was sought with suffering, pain, chaos, betrayal, deceit, and every
- How My Life Was Ruined
125: The Escape
I went back and sat down on my earlier seat.My mom came out of the bathroom after a few minutes.Her face was wet. She probably washed her face so that she could hide the fact that she was crying. But her red eyes gave it away. The pain was still there in her face.I handed her the towel lying on the sofa. She dried her face with that and shortly after the old hag came in.I took out my phone and started scrolling through the feed on social media. Though I was still paying keen attention to the old hag.Hmm.Just then I noticed the two of them make eye contact. It was nothing unusual but it definitely caught my attention.The time was 3 in the morning. I ended up staying awake all night today.“Furukawa-san, why don’t you stay till morning? You probably are hungry with all the speaking and work. I will whip up something quickly and you can take a short nap to give some rest to your body till the morning.”“Hmm.” The old hag seemed to be thinking about her proposal and eventually, she
- How My Life Was Ruined
124: I Have Never Hated you
For the next five minutes after my mom dashed to the bathroom, no one spoke. I feel like these long and short stretches of silence in the middle of conversations were happening a lot to me. Was it a meaningful silence or a meaningless one? Did the silence speak louder than the words or was it just and merely silence? I don’t know.“She sure is taking long. What must she be doing?” The old hag broke the silence with a meaningful question.“Yeah, I wonder what.”Although I knew what she wanted to hear from me, I played the fool. I knew what she was doing in the bathroom. She was without a doubt crying her eyes out hurt by the scathing words of her own son.The old hag gave me a smile as if she had seen that coming.“Putting aside your words that you being born itself was the root of it all, don’t you feel angry?”“Angry? Why?”“If you hadn’t learned what your mom had been doing, things wouldn’t have gone that out of hand. Let’s say if your mom hadn’t been cheating on your dad, if Nakamu
- How My Life Was Ruined
123: The One Grave Mistake
After calming down a bit, I looked down to the dining area from the stairs. The old hag was sitting there waiting for someone. And I knew that someone was me.“Hayami, you go wait for a little longer.”“Hmm. Okay~” Although, she seemed reluctant after I gave her a kiss, she went back to the room. After hearing the click of the door locking, I made my way downstairs and sat in an empty chair facing the old hag.“Why are you here?” I asked.“We heard from Aina's parents that she had run away from home and would like our help to search for her. That’s why I am here.”So I was right that she had run away from home without telling anyone.“But, why are you here? How did you know Aina would be here?” Did she know beforehand that the only place Aina will head to after running from her home under the current circumstances will be my house? I could think of the old hag arriving to that conclusion. She was quick-witted after all.“No. We just followed her path.” She continued. “We checked the C
