Chapter: 9

We were walking on an island, in-between the shelves of Spar, a shopping center. I was still dirstubed from what I had seen on that bus. Father had placed me inside the trolley and he was driving it, he picked up some different items on the shelves and he placed them around me. I had refrained to talk to him since he scolded me on the bus. I thought that he was still upset with what I had said because he was quiet too.

I thought that it was strange and ironic that my brothers felt that I was his favorite child, whereas I felt that it was all out of convenience. If he really loved me more than them, why did I still have to be the only one with a different surname? It was was on my brain and it saddened me. I saw some people approaching us, they distracted me from thinking because they seemed to know us or my father.

"Mr Janas Sithole, son of God, it has been a long time and we missed you so much in church. How have you been?" One lady asked. It became clear that they knew him, but they did not know me. "Who is this, we haven't seen him around?" The lady pryed.

"H-hi, Sandra and ma-Willy! Yeah is has been... Well this is the youngest child of mine, Clearance. Ough!" My father coughed awkwardly.

"Really? I thought your late wife's last born child was Simon Sithole? Did you cheat on your wife again? Men are dooooogs! Is that what killed my friend, you getting another woman pregnant?!" That Sandra lady was blunt as hell, I could not believe her! I got a little self-conscious as well, seating uncomfortably on the trolley.

"N-no, no, no! It was not like that, Clearance was born after the passing of my late wife." My father responded ineptly. It was like he had never lied before, to save his life. It felt embarrassing witnessing him act that way.

"Okay, so when are you coming back to church? We missed the kids, even Sunday school misses them..." She added. "You should bring even this one, with his mother and you know church rules? Both of you are supposed to be married or it will be another Ganuku saga. You remember how embarrassing it was for your late wife to report you in church for cheating?"

"Yeah it was, we will come soo-"

"In front of the whole entire church, she was preaching about how you were swimming in sin. Change your ways son of God! Cheating is not godliness, child of God, ha-ha!" The lady said, cutting my father off and laughing at her own jokes.

Cough!* Cough!*My father coughed loudly and I looked at him to see if he was okay, these ladies seemed to be stressing him out.

"Are you okay son of God or is the truth purging your sins?" The lady, Sandra asked laughing. It was weird how she talked laughing while being brutally judgemental.

"No, it's not like that. I woke up with a cold this morning, that's why I came here to buy some essentials. I need to make myself some soup." Father said, clearly lying.

I was on the urge to roll my eyes, but I held myself.

"Why did you not send your new wife? Is she one of those slothful women that refuse to do anything, those slay queens types?" She asked.

"No, she is also working. Today she went to work. She comes at night." Dad explained, continously lying. I did not know why that I saddened me? When he said that, but it made me feel like crying. I did not know if it was him lying or the fact that he was inconsiderate of me. He did not know how much I felt void at home being constantly neglected and not having a mother. On the other hand I felt that I was his shame, a constant reminder of why he was miserable. He made a lot of mistakes in his life and I was one of them. Everything about that situation saddened me.

"I should get going." He said. "It was nice to see you again ladies." He finished.

"Not so fast so of God, we are not letting you go that easily. Put in your number, we need to remind you of church services." Sandra said, whiles handing him a phone.

"Okay." My father took the phone and he gave Sandra his number. She took the phone with a smug face, seemingly excited. They waved their awkward goodbyes and they went about their way, leaving me timid with the whole situation.

"Do you want an ice cream?" He asked. I nodded. I did not want him to know how what had happened affected me.

"Clearance, sometimes you will meet people in life who will try to break you down, but do not let any situation to affect you. In life people make mistakes, but it is our responsibility to learn from those mistakes." He explained.

"Can I ask you something father?" I asked, not looking at him but facing down the entire time.

"Ask? Do you want to pee?!" He asked me.

"No! Do you love me more than my brothers?" I asked him and it caught him off guard, it was like he did not know how he was going to respond to that.

"Why do you ask such a question, all of you are my sons?" He explained.

"Well, they were talking the other night about you loving me more than them. They feel that I am the reason why their mother died. Simon tells me all the time. They're even planning to kill me." I explained.

"Clearance?! You must be hallucinating, do you want me to kill my own children? What kind of a child are you?" He asked. "Samson and Abraham should stop smoking when you are around. What is the meaning of this? Do not speak such lies ever again. You were seeing a couple killing that lady child, on the bus, now it is this? Stop it!" He reprimanded me.

I think in that moment I knew that I could never tell him anything, he did not believe anything I said.