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The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI
By: ParekiaaOngoing
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Chapters: 40
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Ever wondered why isekai protagonists always wake up comfortably in bed, complete with their predecessor's memories and a tearful sister/maid at their side? Well, our hero isn't so lucky. No convenient memory inheritance. No peaceful awakening. No helpful NPC guide. Instead, Kyle opens his eyes to find himself bound and at the mercy of a ruthless sorceress wielding a whip, demanding answers he doesn't have. Zero tutorial, straight to the boss fight. "Talk! Or else…" "Lady, I don't even know who I am!" Trapped in a medieval fantasy world where magic is heresy and the Church hunts practitioners without mercy, Kyle must navigate political intrigue, dodge religious persecution, and somehow survive the schemes of a dangerous sorceress - all while armed with nothing but his wits and a mysteriously acquired AI companion with a talent for unhelpful commentary. Welcome to a fantasy world where: Your enemies are smarter than you Your allies might kill you tomorrow The Church wants you dead And your snarky AI buddy won't stop critiquing your life choices
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Chapter 1: The Unluckiest Transmigrator
Kyle felt that something was off.Waking from a dazed and muddled state, his head throbbed with pain, as if needles were piercing his brain, making it impossible to think straight. He didn't know what had happened or where he was. The groggy feeling was incredibly uncomfortable.However, even in his hazy state, one thing was clear - this was not his familiar, cozy bed.What was going on?The surrounding environment felt oppressive, the space even more cramped than his rented studio apartment. The dim light flickered, teasing his heavy eyelids. Not far behind him, the muffled sound of dripping water echoed, making his chest feel tight…Along with hushed voices."He really seems to be dead. Annie, you went too far!"A female voice, laced with accusation."I didn't do it on purpose. How was I supposed to know he was so fragile? Besides, I barely did anything."The woman called Annie replied, sounding flustered."Enough, we need to figure out how to explain this to Michelle.""Michelle… N
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The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 40: The Silver Pistol
Hearing this, Benjamin hesitated for a moment before replying, "But I haven't bought a gun yet."He wasn't planning on heading home just like that.The other knight immediately tried to persuade him: "Lord Lither, you've seen the chaos of the outer city for yourself. What if the heretic who abducted you shows up again? Please, it's best if you return home for now."Benjamin thought for a moment, and suddenly hatched a plan.Whether or not he bought a gun was beside the point now. He could milk a bit more out of these knights.Putting on a stubborn, resolute air, he declared firmly, "No can do! These heretics are so powerful, without the means to fight back, what's the difference between the inner and outer city? You saw it yourselves - if I hadn't opened fire, today's heretic wouldn't have even fled. Soon enough, my father will take this pistol back, and then if the heretics slip past your watch and come for me, what am I to do?""This is…"The knights weren't as silver-tongued as the
Last Updated : 2024-12-26The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 39: The Academy of Silence
Before long, Benjamin left the warehouse where they'd been lying low.On his way out, he gleaned some intel about this"Academy of Silence"from the two young mages.When the Kingdom of Horia was first established, the Church cemented its position and began hunting down mages with a vengeance, forcing them to take their activities underground. The surviving mages banded together, trading spells and know-how, helping each other evade the Church's pursuit - and thus, the Academy of Silence was born.Later, as the Church's power grew, eclipsing even the monarchy, they only intensified their mage-hunting efforts. At the time, a handful of the strongest mages joined forces to ensure their survival, founding the Academy of Silence with the goal of keeping the magical arts alive and the dream of building a brand new mage-ruled nation.The Academy's headquarters lay hidden in the mountains to the west of the kingdom. The terrain there was treache
Last Updated : 2024-12-25The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 38: When Mages Have to Perform Surgery
The elder mage had been stashed by his two students in a sack, shoved into a corner of the warehouse.When Benjamin watched Stumpy brusquely hauling their teacher out of the burlap, the first thought that popped into his head was that if this mage knew what his disciples had done, he'd be pissed enough to rise from the grave - even if he was already six feet under.But he wasn't dead yet, so he probably wouldn't find out what had transpired.At least, not dead yet."What cosmic crime did your teacher commit to deserve students like you…"Benjamin couldn't help but marvel."Teacher's said stuff like that too!" There was a bizarre note of glee in Stumpy's voice. "He's always saying if we didn't have crazy good elemental affinity, enough to cast spells even when we botch the chant, he wouldn't have taken us on in a million years!""…"Benjamin had decidedly mixed feelings about Stumpy's little speech. He opted not to comment.Better to focus on saving a life. Right, saving a life, that was
Last Updated : 2024-12-25The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 37: What's More Terrifying Than One Idiot?
The situation had reached a bit of a stalemate.Every time the knights shattered a Water Barrier, the elder mage would just conjure up another one. Their longswords couldn't lay a scratch on their foes. But it was much the same on the other side - the two younger mages were too dense, so the trio couldn't do much against the holy knights either.However, Benjamin knew this gridlock wouldn't last long.Judging by the elder mage's easy, unconcerned demeanor, it was clear he still had tricks up his sleeve. Right now, he was just trying to show these newbies the ropes, sticking purely to defensive magic. The moment he busted out some attack spells, these two holy knights would likely be toast.And if they couldn't hold the line, Benjamin would be in deep trouble too.Sure, he was starting to feel a little bad for the elder mage, but right from the jump, the guy had declared his intent to silence them all for good. Benjamin didn't dare gamble on whether
Last Updated : 2024-12-24The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 36: Adventures in the Outer City
Unlike the inner city, Havenlet's outer city remained bustling even as night fell.Although this world had yet to invent electric lights, the glow of oil lamps still illuminated the streets, with plenty of residents out and about. Most shops were still open for business, with a steady stream of customers coming and going, showing no signs of closing up. And that was to say nothing of the taverns, where the raucous din of patrons could be heard from a dozen meters away.But that was to be expected. The Church's curfew only applied to the inner city. The outer city was simply too vast, and enforcing a curfew would require a staggering amount of manpower. The Church couldn't be bothered, so they simply let it develop as it would.The Fur family, for instance, derived most of their income from the outer city's entertainment industry. With such intricate ties binding them, the outer city's nights were even less pious. Devout folks who enjoyed their peace and quiet either became priests and
Last Updated : 2024-12-23The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 35: Lend Me That Gun
In the military, under any circumstances, strength is king.After experiencing it firsthand, Benjamin's understanding of this point deepened.Thanks to the shooting interface that had somehow popped up from the AI, he had stunned the entire marksmanship camp with a single shot. The attitudes of these new recruits towards him had taken a rollercoaster ride. There was no longer any mockery in their eyes, replaced by a fair amount of respect and admiration, and occasionally even a hint of envy.Benjamin felt a bit guilty about this.Unlike these people who had trained hard, he had relied entirely on external help, which wasn't exactly honorable. If it hadn't been for the sudden appearance of the shooting interface, he would have made a fool of himself. It was just that when he had the gun in his hand, his mind had gotten hot and he really wanted to fire a shot to test it out. Once the muzzle was raised, there was no backing out, he could only go with the flow.Therefore, after flexing a
Last Updated : 2024-12-23The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 34: Coach, I Wanna Flex Too!
Around the middle-aged man, a group of young recruits turned their heads in unison, staring at Benjamin with less than friendly eyes.Benjamin immediately sensed trouble brewing.Those scenes from the novels weren't really about to play out, were they?Taking a deep breath, Benjamin had no choice but to steel himself and walk over."What's your name?" the middle-aged man asked.Benjamin pondered for a moment, deliberately omitting his surname, and answered, "I'm Benjamin."The middle-aged man, however, had no tact. He curled his lip and said, "You're the Lither family's kid, the useless one, right?"A burst of laughter instantly erupted from the crowd.Benjamin could feel that when the word "Lither" was uttered, the eyes of those around him changed again, becoming a mix of envy and disdain.He could only sigh inwardly.The military held a unique position in the Kingdom of Horia. They didn't fear the nobles, not even the royals. Although they claimed to be loyal to the nation, in reali
Last Updated : 2024-12-22The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 33: Military Training?
Over the next few days, Benjamin enjoyed a rare stretch of peace and quiet.He got up on time, ate on time, ordered Jeremy around on time, and didn't set foot outside again. The relentless barrage of shenanigans seemed to have died down all at once. His father Claude was away on a tour of the domain, and the handful of people left in the house kept to themselves, exchanging little more than daily greetings.After finishing "The Beginner's Guide to Thaumaturgy", Benjamin had long since returned the book to Grantt's desk. The little episode in Grantt's bedroom that night was treated as if it had never happened, a tacit understanding between the two.Every day, Benjamin would hole up in his room pretending to sleep, then cultivate in his inner world. Sometimes he'd "meditate" to strengthen his triangular sigil, other times he'd speed up the condensation of his new sigils, encountering no further issues along the way.But he knew this peaceful training routine couldn't last long.What he
Last Updated : 2024-12-22The Church, the Mage, and the Snarky AI Chapter 32: Choosing Skills
Benjamin had to admit, he was a total skill junkie.Just like when he used to game back in his old world, he couldn't care less about graphics or story - all that mattered was the skills. As long as a game had a wild, wacky, endlessly inventive set of abilities to play with, he was hooked. Leveling up barely registered as a blip on his radar, existing solely as a means to score more skill points. Every time he unlocked some shiny new technique, his sense of achievement went through the roof.And yet…Here he was, finally spirited away to a realm of magic, only to be told he could only have THREE measly skill points to his name?And one of them had already been wasted on freakin' Aqua Sphere?"This build is borked, I wanna reroll," he groaned, glancing skyward as if pleading with the cosmos."You do realize talking to yourself like that just makes you seem chuuni as all get-out, right?" the AI chimed in, its tone bone-dry. "It's not li
Last Updated : 2024-12-21
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