I didn't want to lose track of him, so I tried to chase after him with everything I had. I believed that he was different from everyone. He was someone who could save me from this loneliness!
I immediately got out of the place where we used to worship Adonis before. I turned my head left and right to look for him, and finally, I found him running into the crowd.
I had to hurry. He could be the answer to all the questions swirling in my head. I hastily chased after him in the crowd.
But because I was too focused on him, I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. As a result, I suddenly bumped into someone.
I fell, but the person that I bumped into didn't. He just looked at me for a while and continued his journey back. I didn't really mind the pain, because right now my priority was chasing him.
But then, he was no longer to be found.
After I stood back up to look for his whereabouts, I no longer saw his figure. Maybe he blended into the crowd to hide from me.
I didn't remember it very clearly because I only saw him for a moment. However, I could tell that his eyes were observing me from afar.
What did he see in me? What made him attracted to me?
It was such a shame, but it was impossible to find him when he was hiding inside the crowd.
I could only hope that he would come back to stalk me, and then I could take the opportunity to catch him.
The existence of Adonis and the person following me. These two things gave me hope that I could find the information I needed.
But I felt something odd. How could that person not be affected by Adonis' orders, when I and the others submit to everything that He said instanly?
He was an anomaly, an oddity, an impossibility that somehow became possible.
He was different from the others and might be different from me as well.
I hope that we would meet again someday.
-
I then decided to explore this place. The large hall that had previously been very crowded, had now decreased in number.
Some passed by, but it wasn't so crowded to the point where it would block my way. This was an opportunity for me to gather information from this place.
I decided to retrace the watery path that lead me to where I fell back then. But of course, I couldn't go there without anything, because of how dark the place was.
Luckily, I found an object that I could use as a torch—the glowing stones that stuck to the cave walls. The stone wasn't that tough, so I could pull it out pretty easily.
The stone was not that bright. But it was better than no lighting at all, I thought.
I saw some of those who did not yet have a ring of light use this stone to light their way. So I thought that this was the best alternative at the moment.
Carrying the glowing stone, I walked along the watery path.
The path was located downhill from the Great Cave. Not only that, but the ceiling of the cave was also relatively low, to the point that it was only slightly above my head.
The more I descended, I could feel that the water that was pooling my feet was getting deeper and deeper. Even at one point, I had difficulties moving my feet forward, because they were blocked by a fairly large volume of water.
Narrow and wet. This place was completely different from the Great Cave. This reminded me more of the cave above, which was just as narrow and dark as this. The only difference was that there wasn't any water up there.
I finally got to that place. A hole in the cave ceiling was faintly visible. I wasn't mistaken. This was the hole I fell into.
Just imagining the painful sensation made me shudder. The memory of that torturous hole made my legs feel weak. If what was at the bottom of this hole wasn't water, I couldn't imagine what would happen back then.
I wondered again. Was this the only entrance to the bottom cave? If it was, then it was safe for me to assume that everyone here also arrived at this place in the same way.
But, it was possible that my assumption was wrong and there was another way to this place. I was able to think this way because there was still a path in front of me that I had yet to explore.
I decided to continue walking through that path, even though I knew very well that the risk was high. After all, I didn't know what I was going to do other than explore and gather information.
I moved forward, walking through the water that was getting deeper. Not only that, but the more I went deep, the current was becoming stronger.
Cold.
This cave was indeed cold overall, but this place was much colder compared to most parts of the cave.
I kept walking forward until something stopped me. The water level was no longer above my feet or knees, but was almost reaching my chest!
In addition to the super low ceiling, I felt that my movements were severely restricted. Therefore, I decided to retreat and decided to return to the Great Cave.
Unfortunately, when I tried to turn around, my foot slipped due to the unusually slippery surface. Because I lost my footing, I was then dragged by a fairly swift water current.
"Aaahhhhh!"
My body sank, and I was dragged deeper and deeper by the water current. I could feel that the speed of the current was increasing. So that I could do nothing but drown in the water.
It was not only the narrowness of the cave and the cold temperature that overpowered me but the immense pressure that made it impossible for me to see and breathe clearly.
It was much worse than being in that narrow hole. At least I could still breathe normally there. I'd even prefer to be dropped from that hole ten times than to be tossed around in this water current for once.
The water then brought me to a new place. I was still adrift in the water, but the low ceiling of the cave was gone. It seemed the narrow watery path was connecting the Great Cave with this open water.
I saw a solid ground that I could use to stand on, and I saw a fairly large mound of rock lying beside it.
I held on to the rock so I wouldn't get carried away by the current and go further than I should.
I then saw something in my eyes. Someone was standing alone on the ground, looking at me being swept away by the current.
It was an oddity however you might like to think about it.
First, he was alone here.
Second, access to this place was really difficult to reach.
Third, how could he stand calmly in a terrifying place like this?
But I didn't have time to think about that. I just thought of asking for his help to lift me from being drowned.
"Help me!" I screamed for his help. But I didn't expect much from him, because almost everyone I met ignored my words.
To my surprise, he extended his hand to me.
"Take my hand," said him, in a slightly shrill voice compared to mine.
Without any second thought, I immediately used my other hand to reach his hand. He then pulled me up and saved me from the swift current.
“Huft, th-thank you.” I was still gathering my exhausted strength and trying to catch my breath. My vision was still blurry, and so was my hearing.
When my vision started to recover, I tried to see the person who saved me.
"Wait, aren't you!?" I screamed in disbelief. The person who saved me, as well as who was standing in front of me, was a mysterious figure who was watching me in the great cave!
"Nice to meet you," he greeted me politely, "And you're right, I was the one who followed you in that cave," He added.
I didn't think that I would meet him again so soon.
His body was slimmer than mine. So were his thin hands and Slender feet. His hair was longer than mine, and a ring of light was floating above his head.
From his voice and posture, I think he was a feminine figure—a female. It was not a he, but a she.
I did see a difference between the creatures I met in the Great Cave back then. Some were masculine like me, and some were feminine like her.
"You… who exactly are you? And what are you doing in this place?" I asked her. Because I don't think there was anything you could do here.
"What do you think I'm doing in this place?" Instead of answering, she replied to my question with another question.
"I don't know. That's why I asked you."
"Is that so?"
What kind of answer is that? Not only did she reply to my question with another question, but she also ignored my first question!
"Wait, you haven't answered—"
"Take a look at the view behind you," she cut me off before I could even finish my words.
I turned my body and saw the scene that lay in front of me.
A wide lake.
So this was behind that dreadful watery path. This place was as vast as the Great Cave, but there was only water as far as my eye could see.
Beautiful, but terrifying at the same time, considering I was almost drowned in it.
"A beautiful place, isn't it?" she asked me.
I just nodded. Actually, if you looked at it, this place was pretty beautiful. The sound of the water flowing continuously was also soothing to my ears.
"I like being here. To me, it's a place that can keep me calm in this mad world," she added.
"Mad?" I asked her, not understanding what she meant by that.
"What part of it do you not understand?" asked her, as if wondering why I couldn't understand such simple words.
"I think that although this place has many scary things, it also has beautiful things. Like that big bright cave, or the warm light emitted by Adonis. Hasn't Adonis explained the purpose for which we were created by him?"
"Huft." She turned her face away from me as if disappointed by my answer. She then looked back at me and spoke, "people you can't talk to, super boring place, you think that doesn't sound mad for you?"
"But Adonis has explained our purpose to—"
"I am disappointed. You were no different from them," she cut me words, again. She then added, "you are Adonis' puppet, just like the others. Bewitched by his words with such ease, and obeying his orders like a puppet,"
I was a bit offended by her words. So I rebutted her argument in a somewhat jerky tone, "If I were the same as them, then you wouldn't be able to talk to me."
"Indeed. Right now you can still talk to me. But one day you will be no different from them. An Adonis doll who has lost his soul, refuses to speak to anyone but Adonis," she refuted my argument.
Still offended, I snapped at her, "you don't know anything!"
"I know more than you think."
"??" her short answer left me confused and irritated at the same time. It was the first time she met me, but she already acting as if she knew me.
"Because I saw it with my own eyes and head. Those who I could talk to before slowly turned into heartless puppets."
I fell silent. It was a little hard for me to believe her words. But her serious tone made me want to listen to her explanation more.
"Adonis is the cause of all this. The more you submit to Adonis, the more you lose control of yourself," she continued.
If indeed what she said was true, then all the people I went through… were the doings of Adonis?
"H-how could our God do such a heinous thing… it's impossible," I kept rejecting her words, as I still couldn't believe her explanation. I then continued my words, "I mean, it was Adonis who made us live! She created us from nothing! She gave me, you, and all of us a reason to live!"
"Then what about the dead?"
That one question left me speechless.
Dead.
That word reminded me of the poor creature I met at the mouth of the cave. I didn't know his fate after that, but it didn't seem possible for it to continue living.
"You know how many of our friends died to reach this place?" she asked me again, but I couldn't answer. She then continued her words, "much more than those who live," she answered her own question.
I fell silent again. I didn't dare to look at her face and could only stare down.
She grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the cave wall. She asked me in a more high voice, half-shouting, "answer me. Are those who died, a form of affection from your beloved Adonis?!"
"S-stop," I said, unable to hear any more of her words. I didn't know if what she said was true or not, but since I couldn't refute it, I was afraid that what she said was the truth.
"If you were in their shoes, would you still be able to worship Adonis?" She stared intensely at my face.
I gave up. I then tried to look back at her face. Her face was much slimmer than mine. But her eyes stared intensely at me as if to confirm that she wasn't joking with what she had said.
"No..." I replied.
She sighed in relief when she knew that I finally understood her, then let go of his grip on me and turned her back to me. Looking at the lake in front of her, she said, "the world we living in right now is not a place of happiness, but suffering.
"I'm the only one who can go against Adonis' orders. I'm the one who 'doubts' him," said her, "and I see that in you. I see the same sliver of 'doubt' in you."
I didn't know what she meant by doubt at the time.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I've been watching you since the first time you arrived at this lower cave."
"I don't understand what are you trying to say..."
That was what I said. However, I suddenly remembered something vague. Her stature is quite familiar in my memory. Unsure, I let my voice out in shock, "you don't say…"
"It seems now you have realized it," she replied, "I am the one who guided you to get to the Great Cave."
"!?" I was surprised.
Everything she said brought me to one memory. But I still couldn't believe it. The figure who guided me and watched over me was the same person!
"I'm impressed by your unwillingness to give up. Yet I decided not to help you, for fear that you would end up like everyone else in this place," said her.
"..." I couldn't do anything but listen to her explanation further.
She then continued explaining, "I sensed a slight hesitation that arose after you stopped asking for my help, and decided to stand up, following me by your own feet.
"What made you change your mind? I thought. Whatever made you do that, it must be something 'terrible'. Something that made you feel like you didn't deserve my help.
"And I can guess what "terrible" things you have found on your journey."
She read me like a book. Again and again, I couldn't help but be silent. Everything she said was the truth. The truth that I couldn't escape. What she meant by terrible must be something like that 'poor creature'.
"Believe me. That 'terrible' things, I've seen it hundreds of times with my own eyes," she continued, still standing with her back to me.
She took a deep breath before continuing her words, "At that moment, I could feel the doubt in you. You doubted that what you were doing was the right thing.
"If you can doubt yourself, then you can doubt Adonis."
"Doubt… Adonis?"
"Yes, doubting Adonis. To go against Adonis' orders, you need to doubt him. You need to doubt his truth," she kept persuading me.
"Uh… I don't know. Doubting Adonis for me is too…"
"Adonis brought more suffering than happiness. Can't you see it? You saw what I saw. Isn't that enough to prove the suffering Adonis has caused?"
Those horrible memories came back to me.
She was right. If Adonis was the one who created it all, then so is every suffering I feel and every horrible thing I have seen.
"Hey, I do see the doubt in you. But can you not show it now?" She sighed. Seems like she was tired of dealing with my stubbornness.
"I'm not asking for your answer now. But plant this in your mind carefully: the more you trust and submit to Adonis, the more he will take over your soul.
"To fight him, you need to do the opposite. Doubt Adonis. Doubt his truth. Doubt his words. Doubt his affection. Doubt his power."
"....."
Her hands went up to my cheeks, forcing me to look into her eyes and listen carefully. While staring intensely at my eyes, she said, "doubt Adonis, Jehovah."
"To fight him, you need to do the opposite. Doubt Adonis. Doubt his truth. Doubt his words. Doubt his affection. Doubt his power."Her hands went up to my cheeks, forcing me to look into her eyes and listen carefully. While staring intensely at my eyes, she said, "doubt Adonis, Jehova."My body fell silent as if I was petrified by her words. She kept trying to persuade me to rebel against Adonis.Everything she said sounded believable, but her "aggressive" methods made me feel a little bit hesitant to comply.However, despite her orders, there was one thing that distracted me for a while."J-Jehova? What do you mean by that?"She removed her hand from my face and took a few steps back from me. Still, in the same tone, she replied, "it's nothing, it's just a name I made for you.""A name?""Mhm, a name."I never thought about it.Name. I knew that "Adonis" was also a name. But I thought He deserved a name because He was different from me and the others.Adonis was one almighty figure.
All this time, I had been huddled alone in this damp, cramped, dark prison.This place didn’t even deserve to be called a prison. The 'prison' that surrounded me, is no less than a shabby eggshell that could only fit me inside.Therefore, it never occurred to me that one day, I would be released from the prison that had confined me from the outside world since the very beginning of my life.It was weird.This place had never changed before, even though time seemed to have passed by forever. Inside this “prison”, I didn't feel conscious, nor that I was fully aware either.It was as if this prison was forcing me to stay asleep, constantly dreaming in a deep long slumber without any need to be sentient.Then, slowly but surely, the layer of the shell that had been preventing me from being free began to crumble. I couldn't hear it clearly, but I could feel the cracking sound slowly starting to crawl, finding its way to my ears.As the crack grew bigger, the light that had been halted for
“Where am I now?”That question kept echoing in my head.This horrific sight was something I never thought I'd see after so much pain I’ve been enduring, just to get up here.Watching this horror, my hope of seeing a new, bigger, and more beautiful world was shattered instantly. Even if I found the most beautiful place I could imagine, I would not be able to shake off my fear of this terror that lay before me.In short, this horror would be etched in my memory forever.But of course, I couldn't just stay there. To distract myself from that terror, I tried to gather my motivation back.Right, I still didn't know where the light up there came from. I still believe that I could find the place that I was aching to look for, if I continued my journey, following that trace of light.I didn't know if I tried too hard to push myself or not. But I knew that I was trying my very best just to forget the nightmare-like sight I have just seen.With that, I turned my face away, refusing to accept
After my mind was recovered, I immediately got up and decided to continue exploring this cave.I can't say that I've been able to forget that incident completely. The guilt and fear still haunted me.I couldn't deny that I was a selfish coward who only thought about myself. I wanted to be safe, I wanted to be able to leave that place unharmed. My survival instinct overwhelmed any remaining empathy within me.All sorts of wild guesses that came to my mind were quietly eating away at my sanity one after another. It felt like my mind was poisoning myself.However, I couldn't stop here.It was too late to turn back, and the only option was to keep moving forward. From the first time I decided to leave, I should have realized that there wouldn't be any way to turn back.That was what made me finally decide to continue my journey.By now, I was quite far from the cave entrance. Since the light source was too far from here, it was completely pitch black inside this cave.With that, I decided
I couldn't take my eyes off my reflection. It was the first and the only time I saw what my face and body looked like in person.A pair of eyes and a pair of ears were attached to my face.The absence of a mouth seemed to explain the way our species communicated.A short hair was spread on my half-wet head. Every part of my face and my body was bleached in white.No more mistakes. I and everyone here, belong to the same species.I continued my steps and looked around. I have to be extremely careful due to how crowded this place was. There was hardly any space that was not occupied by them—both above and below. Be careless for a second, I might bump into someone’s body.I had already decided what I should do next, to gather information. Unfortunately, the information must have either come from my observation or someone's explanation. The first option was not possible due to how crowded this place was, and neither was the first option. I was already skeptical that I would get any answe